Gold Pile Posted September 29, 2005 Posted September 29, 2005 Many of the women in my age range have kids. Early teen boys are very untrusting of me being with their mothers. I really don't know how to win over such creatures. Help. (ques #1) Girls and boys under 11 are easier, but advice is welcome. (Ques #2) If I win kids over, how much goodwill does that get me with mom? How powerful is it ?(does it overcome my ugly looks?) (ques #3, 3.5) What methods of winning over the kids do and do not sit well with mothers? (Ques #4) For the record: I'm not "working" any mothers now. It's just a situation I've run into a couple of times in my old wholesome love life.
littlekitty Posted September 29, 2005 Posted September 29, 2005 Winning over the children to get to the mother, doesn't work, and won't please any mother out there! 90% will most likely not even want you involved with the children until a little way into the relationship (or dating - whatever you wanna call it). Kids don't like people coming in and out of their lives and a good parent won't allow that. Judging by the rest of your posts so far GP, I'm guessing you aren't in for the long run... so your best bet? Do nothing, you probably won't get to meet them!
Author Gold Pile Posted September 29, 2005 Author Posted September 29, 2005 Winning over the children to get to the mother, doesn't work, and won't please any mother out there! 90% will most likely not even want you involved with the children until a little way into the relationship (or dating - whatever you wanna call it). Kids don't like people coming in and out of their lives and a good parent won't allow that. Judging by the rest of your posts so far GP, I'm guessing you aren't in for the long run... so your best bet? Do nothing, you probably won't get to meet them! My reputation again . Gold Pile has 3 conflicting goals. Short term scores with Gold Diggers, becoming a womanless moutain man, and stumbling apon a really nice lady. Most likely that lady will have kids. Yes she'll wait, but eventually (GP is always a keeper;) ) she'll get the kids involved.
littlekitty Posted September 29, 2005 Posted September 29, 2005 Ok, well I'm the gf of a guy with a child, so I can only give you that perspective. First, it's hard work. There'll be more than 2 of you in the relationship, and children being children - have to come first. How easy do you think you'll find it to put another man's children before your own desires? You'll no doubt have to at times - I have! My best recommendation is don't spoil them, buy them treats, or try to buy them. It doesn't work, and much like the guys who tried to buy me off to get to my Mum they'll just suss you out and take you for a ride while showing you up to their Mum. Be nice, be friendly and be patient. Talk to them, and make sure you're partner knows that you understand the importance of them in thier lives and that you are willing to put their children first when necessary. There is no easy way to win kids over. Just be patient and work hard at it. Oh and be fun.. that doesn't cost a thing!!!
Outcast Posted September 29, 2005 Posted September 29, 2005 Remember how it was when you were a kid. Remember what you liked and what you hated and how you felt.
housebaby Posted September 29, 2005 Posted September 29, 2005 I am a single mother of an 8 year old girl. I think that kids are very aware of a situation....I have only had my daughter meet one man as my "boyfriend" and that was after 6 year of dating....after her knowing he was my 'boyfriend' for another 6 months, he moved in with us for 1 year. It ended, and was traumatic for all of us. She didn't need that kind of pain...how guilty am I now???....LESSON LEARNED. Personally, I won't be introducing any new guys as my "boyfriend" - since I have no intention of getting too involved....especially at this point. Now, if the person you are with is always bringing different people in thier lives - the kids resent it. If they are only introducing one - the kids resent it. Nobody wants to know that their parents are "getting some" (think about your mother being romanced/having sex) and you may understand. Teenagers can see through your plays and attempts to "score points"...they know what's going on. Maybe it just creeps them out that their mother is in need, or is giving her attention to someone other than them (kids can be quite protective and selfish too). I would suggest not trying to be a "father figure" or a "replacement" since they probably realize that you aren't going to be around for long. Unless you want to marry the woman (and her kids along with her) then just keep it away from them. Just my opinion.
housebaby Posted September 29, 2005 Posted September 29, 2005 CORRECTION!! .I have only had my daughter meet one man as my "boyfriend" and that was after 6 year **SHOULD SAY MONTHS NOT YEARS!!!!*** of dating....after her knowing he was my 'boyfriend' for another 6 months, he moved in with us for 1 year
Author Gold Pile Posted September 30, 2005 Author Posted September 30, 2005 HouseB, You clearly understand the problems, any thoughts on a solution? Outcast, wise words, I'll have to strain to remember my youth. I wasn't even a gold pile back then, just 1 or 2 ingots.
benthar Posted September 30, 2005 Posted September 30, 2005 On the extreme positive, a child who likes the gentleman, might actually beg mother to pick him. Asking all Mothers, when a gentleman does meet your child (say a pre teen daughter) what efforts on his part would you consider nice, great, stupid, or sneaky.
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