Calmandfocused Posted September 18, 2019 Posted September 18, 2019 $400!!! Op, please learn from this and never do this again. You must never lend money to anyone unless you know them well and trust them completely. You do not know this man and you’ve been very naive. But moving on .... You’re American right? How about dragging this Bugger onto Judge Judy and getting your money back?
Gretchen12 Posted September 18, 2019 Posted September 18, 2019 Definitely try to get your money back.
Gaeta Posted September 18, 2019 Posted September 18, 2019 Wow! well, sometimes we only learn our lesson when it cost us big $. Do not offer money to a man that is not at least a long term boyfriend that you trust.
BaileyB Posted September 18, 2019 Posted September 18, 2019 You know it's not that you aren't attractive to men it's just that you can't get the one you want. Not everyone we want wants us back but it doesn't negate our attractiveness to others. Therefore there should be no need for our self esteem to be lowered. Exactly. You have a good cry, feel bad for a few days, go out for drinks with your friends and then you move on with your life. Your self esteem should not suffer greatly because one guy who you barely know rejected you. This is totally about ego. Lesson learned, next time... chose wisely, take it slow and get to know the guy before you get emotionally involved, when you get a sense that he is not a good guy you dump him, and NEVER give money to guy you barely know.
Author Love2015 Posted September 19, 2019 Author Posted September 19, 2019 More frustration...so today he msgd saying we friends not together and he will return money as soon as he can and he should have never asked me money to me. The point here is not the money is his disrespect. To be honest I got so mad I cursed him and told him to f* off. It felt really good. Deleted all his info as well.
Maddie82 Posted September 19, 2019 Posted September 19, 2019 You should've kept it civil until you got that money back. It's allot of money. You may have just blown it over a moment of childishness. He wont be giving it back now. 1
Redhead14 Posted September 19, 2019 Posted September 19, 2019 Since you didn't block him prior and this text was about the money, I would have told him to mail it to my mom's or a friend's house (and give him the address) when he had it ready and text you when it's sent. (I'm not sure I would have given him my address if he'd never been there before in this situation). Standing your ground and enforcing boundaries doesn't mean shooting yourself in the foot with impulsiveness . . . it needs to be balanced by logic and composure.
BaileyB Posted September 19, 2019 Posted September 19, 2019 How exactly is that disrespectful? He told you that he didn’t want to date you and he said he would return the money. He was honest and he is perhaps, attempting to honour his debt. That’s actually fairly considerate and responsible, in my book. Assuming he sends the money... Redhead is right, your impulsivity and tendency to act based on emotion and not reason is going to cause you a lot of problems. 2
stillafool Posted September 19, 2019 Posted September 19, 2019 Why would you let your PRIDE keep you from getting your money back? You never answered me when I asked when did he tell you he would pay you back. I'm starting to wonder now. 2
BaileyB Posted September 19, 2019 Posted September 19, 2019 And to be clear, you let your pride keep you from getting your money because he hurt your ego when he decided that he didn’t want to date you... 1
Gaeta Posted September 19, 2019 Posted September 19, 2019 More frustration...so today he msgd saying we friends not together and he will return money as soon as he can and he should have never asked me money to me. The point here is not the money is his disrespect. To be honest I got so mad I cursed him and told him to f* off. It felt really good. Deleted all his info as well. You should be mad at yourself for letting him breadcrumb you. You let him disrespect you. He showed from the beginning he wasn't into you and you kept going back for more and on top of that gave him $400. It's all on you. Now you're gonna go around and tell people what a loser he is and that he didn't pay you back! Again, if he doesn't pay you back after this it's on you.
Author Love2015 Posted September 19, 2019 Author Posted September 19, 2019 (edited) The disrespect I see is from this: Asking me to wait 4 weeks for his return including asking me to not date anyone else and be his "gf". Having video and phone sex. Returning and asking me out and setting a day and after an amazing conversation not reaching out and not meeting up and not addressing it. All this time he was "into' me with words NOT actions and then with words saying we nothing but friends. I mean yeah I am mad and I wasted my time. That is all. So now he is poor guy because I cannot tolerate rejection? I did accept it all this time and yet he kept on hooking me up and now I got mad...money if he doesn't give it back it's his own karma. It's the disrespect ..the no communicating...the setting things up and nothing (did it several times) Gee I only want some empathy here. I am justified in my anger and yes NOW he is saying we nothing after dragging me for over two months.... Edited September 19, 2019 by Love2015
justicegrl Posted September 19, 2019 Posted September 19, 2019 Save that text he sent, do not delete! Its proof it was a loan and not a gift. Text back demanding money by certain date and if not received, you intend to file a claim in small claims court. The text he sent is proof he knows it was a loan so do not delete and take it with you to the claim hearing. Guy is toast! You an even charge interest!
Author Love2015 Posted September 19, 2019 Author Posted September 19, 2019 Why would you let your PRIDE keep you from getting your money back? You never answered me when I asked when did he tell you he would pay you back. I'm starting to wonder now. He said two weeks initially and then he said I am not sure if I will be able to so will give you when I can. I accepted the terms. I actually think money is not the issue in terms of I accepted from the beginning he may not give me ..I took a chance. It's the whole no respect when it comes to the dating. I should have not entertained him from day 1. He showed disrespect on day 1 and I still gave it chances but it just didn't happen. It's like I wanted to believe in his goodness and allowed myself in this position. I wished he would have not given me hope.
Gaeta Posted September 19, 2019 Posted September 19, 2019 We gave you empathy till you hang up on him for wanting to arrange a repayment. He can't give you $400 right away then ok, ask him $50 or $100 each time he gets a paycheck. You are not doing anything to help yourself here. 1
justicegrl Posted September 19, 2019 Posted September 19, 2019 We gave you empathy till you hang up on him for wanting to arrange a repayment. He can't give you $400 right away then ok, ask him $50 or $100 each time he gets a paycheck. You are not doing anything to help yourself here. Agree with Gaeta. Save any and all texts you receive from him agreeing, so if he defaults you can file a claim and have proof it was a loan, not a gift. Its important,. Sorry this happened. Own your part and learn from it moving forward. 1
Author Love2015 Posted September 19, 2019 Author Posted September 19, 2019 And to be clear, you let your pride keep you from getting your money because he hurt your ego when he decided that he didn’t want to date you... I wish it was just plain rejection. I can deal with it. It was keeping me hopeful we will meet and then ditching me. Apologizing and asking me to believe in him and wait for him and then nothing. He played games. I have been rejected in past and now I am past feeling bad for dating rejection. It's beyond that. It's keeping me hooked up to a possibility I wanted which yes I do understand I need to work on my boundaries and self esteem and not allow external circumstances or people control it. You live and you learn!
Author Love2015 Posted September 19, 2019 Author Posted September 19, 2019 Agree with Gaeta. Save any and all texts you receive from him agreeing, so if he defaults you can file a claim and have proof it was a loan, not a gift. Its important,. Sorry this happened. Own your part and learn from it moving forward. This and Gaeta advice are really good. Thanks! Gaeta I understand. I will calm down and use logic when it comes down to the money portion. I think it's the other part that made me truly upset and I reacted and yes I see the point I may not get the money as result. It makes me even madder that he said something like I should have not asked you for money when I was upset about the whole "no dating after keeping me on the hook" thing. Like even after helping ..I get no appreciation for it. It's messed up. Like I do get relationship and money two different things but from there to no respect is making me really mad. He is messing up with my head. I am all emotions at present and I do need to see logic in this. Thanks again! 1
stillafool Posted September 19, 2019 Posted September 19, 2019 He isn't messing with your head, he's just being himself. You head is messed up because YOU are affected by the fact that you feel more for him than he does for you. I don't know why you thought giving him (and it doesn't sound like it was a loan) money would make him treat you differently.
mark clemson Posted September 19, 2019 Posted September 19, 2019 $400 is a pittance if it grants you the life lesson to not be taken in by a romantic scammer/catfishing type. There are women who have lost life savings, signed over wills then been murdered, etc. Yes this is exactly what I feel an unexplained "need" that it was not there before. And it's based on fake hopes. I will stay clear. Well money good bye. Respect myself . Can't force to do that for me...having said that is still makes me sad and angry and hurt. ...I do understand I need to work on my boundaries and self esteem and not allow external circumstances or people control it. You live and you learn! Most people can't flip a switch and change themselves overnight. Suggest you take a 1% improvement every day approach to this. Resolve to try to be 1% more emotionally secure, less dependent on others' approval, etc each day. Then continue this for as long as it takes. You might feel like you make a lot of progress at first, but don't fool yourself. "Rewiring your brain" takes time and effort. It sounds like you are the type who keeps some orbiter guys around. There's nothing actually wrong with that, just keep in mind that this sort of thing tends to "prop up" one's ego. After a while, we get used to the props, and "losing" one starts to actually hurt. Try to be in a place where any "hurt" is easily faced and overcome. This is not at all to say you should never allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable with someone. Just suggest you be pretty sure it's the right, genuinely trustworthy person for this.
Author Love2015 Posted September 19, 2019 Author Posted September 19, 2019 (edited) This is one of the best advices so far. I will work on myself and I didn't think of orbit guys as such until now so something to be aware of too. In total honesty, I did have high hopes for this guy and it did hurt when I didn't get reciprocated. Is he a scammer or not? He said he will give the money back....it's healing from lost hope. Was building castles in the he sand...hahaha well lesson learned. Will "try" not to date for a bit so I can focus on improving myself Edited September 20, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote removed 1
BaileyB Posted September 19, 2019 Posted September 19, 2019 The disrespect I see is from this: Asking me to wait 4 weeks for his return including asking me to not date anyone else and be his "gf". Having video and phone sex. Returning and asking me out and setting a day and after an amazing conversation not reaching out and not meeting up and not addressing it. All this time he was "into' me with words NOT actions and then with words saying we nothing but friends. I mean yeah I am mad and I wasted my time. It's the disrespect ..the no communicating...the setting things up and nothing (did it several times) Gee I only want some empathy here. I am justified in my anger and yes NOW he is saying we nothing after dragging me for over two months... If I may offer one piece of “advice,” dating is a time of discovery. You are leaning about the other person - day by day getting to know who they are, listening to their words and watching their actions in a verity of situations... Two months is NOTHING when you are establishing a new relationship - particularly if as I understand it, he is travelling for four weeks. That means, correct me if I’m wrong, you have known this man for one month. This relationship was fast-tracked by both of you if he has asked you to “wait for him as his girlfriend” and you have having video phone sex with guy - after a month, you barely know him. Next time, take it slower and do your due diligence - before you get emotionally involved, before you have video sex, before there is talk of being his “girlfriend, before you lend him money... I think a lot of the things you are feeling now would have been avoided if you would have taken things a little slower and done your due diligence before trusting this guy and getting involved with him. Best wishes to you! 1
Author Love2015 Posted September 19, 2019 Author Posted September 19, 2019 If I may offer one piece of “advice,” dating is a time of discovery. You are leaning about the other person - day by day getting to know who they are, listening to their words and watching their actions in a verity of situations... Two months is NOTHING when you are establishing a new relationship - particularly if as I understand it, he is travelling for four weeks. That means, correct me if I’m wrong, you have known this man for one month. This relationship was fast-tracked by both of you if he has asked you to “wait for him as his girlfriend” and you have having video phone sex with guy - after a month, you barely know him. Next time, take it slower and do your due diligence - before you get emotionally involved, before you have video sex, before there is talk of being his “girlfriend, before you lend him money... I think a lot of the things you are feeling now would have been avoided if you would have taken things a little slower and done your due diligence before trusting this guy and getting involved with him. Best wishes to you! Bailey, agreed slower is better..hence I realize I am still not ready. Ironically I may still be acting out from past hurt (ex husband cheatgin same year of marriage and he living with her, now married with kid with the other girl) ..with him everything was slow and what I thought was the "proper" way but didn't succeed and so I now act out. The other woman went from cero to living with him, marrying him immediately he and I had no ties and getting a baby. I was the idiotic one seems. So I think I am not healed and hence act out of what I would consider my normal. I agree. I even think maybe if we both would have done slower..we both would be different. Well lesson learned again . So much growth to do. 1
mark clemson Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 Ah, you were a betrayed spouse? That was probably quite traumatic. You might consider individual counseling/therapy if you are (understandably) having some issues stemming from it.
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