winny Posted September 21, 2019 Posted September 21, 2019 A month is nothing. I spoke to someone online for around 10 months back in 2014. We started off as just chat buddies but slowly he started talking about falling for me and wanting to meet me in person. Although we never spoke on Skype or phone (he would always make some excuse) and when he started to ignore me, I discovered on that same website that he was talking to at least 5 other women and telling them the same thing - he will come and visit them and he wants to date them. There was another guy who also started off as a friend (we met in person a few times) and then he moved to a different country for 8 months and during that time he would chat with me almost daily. He would ask me to wait for him and that he likes me a lot. We would flirt and he would post on social media that he misses me. So I waited. But when he actually returned he ignored me and then told me that all that meant nothing. I concluded that he was just using me because he was lonely in that new country. That's it. Talking to someone for a month and making some phone calls, video calls and texts is really nothing..! No one owes anyone anything here. We cannot even call him a bad guy for deciding to move on from you and not wanting to visit you. We cannot also call him a bad guy because he said he met someone else. I learned a lesson to never believe anyone is truly into me unless they prove it by consistent actions for a period of a few months till I can trust them. No one gains my trust by flirting with me and telling me sweet nothings.
winny Posted September 21, 2019 Posted September 21, 2019 He didnt suddenly find anyone as it was close to the date he was supposed to come so yes he was lieing and didnt have the balls to tell me this is not going to work. Why do you keep repeating this? Why would he not have the balls to tell you? Like.. what the heck can you do anyway? Send a few angry texts? :lmao::lmao: Yeah he is sooooooo scared of that As someone said before, you are unable to deal with rejection. It's okay though, few experiences like this and you will learn.
Maggiemay1 Posted September 21, 2019 Posted September 21, 2019 Why do you keep repeating this? Why would he not have the balls to tell you? Like.. what the heck can you do anyway? As someone said before, you are unable to deal with rejection. It's okay though, few experiences like this and you will learn. She keeps repeating that he didn’t suddenly meet someone else. And that statement is correct. What she fails to believe is that he DID meet someone else. It just wasn’t sudden and likely someone he was chatting to for at least the same amount of time as her and promising the same thing. He didn’t put all his eggs in one basket , which is a smart move. The OP should learn to do the same.
salparadise Posted September 21, 2019 Posted September 21, 2019 (edited) I think it's interesting how she talks about having all of these other men messaging and chasing, but since they don't pique her interest she blows them off easily as if they're zeros and doesn't even acknowledge them as human beings with feelings, just men. Yet when she decides to bestow her valuable attention on someone and invests a bit in messaging with him, she suddenly has huge expectations with respect to how she should be treated (loyalty, respect, consistency, vigorous pursuit, etc.) and is literally outraged to discover that he doesn't see this as the opportunity of a lifetime! Then, when he loses interest we get this earful of denigration and declarations about how unfair it is that he didn't fulfill the expectation. This is not really unique to the OP, it's just that she expresses it so eloquently due to her naiveté, and apparently being so accustomed to issuing rejection such that it seems like the natural order has gone awry. Always interesting to see an honest portrayal of how differently things can be perceived. I had men that I had no interest in whatsoever text me non stop! They were chasing me. And this guy after everyday constant contact suddenly drops silent? Edited September 21, 2019 by salparadise 3
Maddie82 Posted September 21, 2019 Posted September 21, 2019 (edited) I swear you are something else Why are you so butter? Is this what hes going to do with the next chick? He didnt suddenly find anyone as it was close to the date he was supposed to come so yes he was lieing and didnt have the balls to tell me this is not going to work. He kept leading me on. So no I'm not in the wrong Yeah, sorry but you are wrong. You have no idea when he met this other girl, only he knows, so you don't really have any right to accuse him of anything. You just simply can't handle being rejected and you snap at people who point this out to you. I'm not the only one telling you how it is here. The only one who is bitter here is you by having a go at people who tell you the truth. Edited September 21, 2019 by Maddie82 1
Maggiemay1 Posted September 21, 2019 Posted September 21, 2019 I think it's interesting how she talks about having all of these other men messaging and chasing, but since they don't pique her interest she blows them off easily as if they're zeros and doesn't even acknowledge them as human beings with feelings, just men. Yet when she decides to bestow her valuable attention on someone and invests a bit in messaging with him, she suddenly has huge expectations with respect to how she should be treated (loyalty, respect, consistency, vigorous pursuit, etc.) and is literally outraged to discover that he doesn't see this as the opportunity of a lifetime! Then, when he loses interest we get this earful of denigration and declarations about how unfair it is that he didn't fulfill the expectation. This is not really unique to the OP, it's just that she expresses it so eloquently due to her naiveté, and apparently being so accustomed to issuing rejection such that it seems like the natural order has gone awry. Always interesting to see an honest portrayal of how differently things can be perceived. Thread closed? on that note and very well perceived and articulated. !!! 1
Maddie82 Posted September 21, 2019 Posted September 21, 2019 Yeah I'm starting to think he only he only wanted sex I dont know. No one is going to take a 6 hour flight just for sex. That's just utterly rediculous. 1
Author Britney25 Posted September 21, 2019 Author Posted September 21, 2019 You know what I noticed? Everyone attacks the OP if things dont go right then obviously it's their fault. You guys are very biased. I came here on an opinion because I was confused with this whole situation but all of you are just attacking me. Last time I'm coming on here this is a waste of my energy to be honest. There was only one of you who actually made sense thank you. You guys dont know the conversations I had with him. The things he would tell me. He always asked about my day and he always told me thinking of you. He set a date to come September 19th but when September came he never spoke about coming. Whenever I asked him he said he is waiting on work as he works in TV. My intuition was right but I brushed it off and wanted to give him a chance. He goes on a trip to France and kept messaging me and sending photos from the trip. After he came back he told me he missed me and that I drive him crazy. Then 4 days silence until I messaged him on the date he was supposed to fly and he replied in a hr just being formal, didn't even state the fact he supposedly met someone until I texted him asking why is he Mia and if hes ok. So yes to me that was a lame BS excuse that he met someone. I mean it seems odd that he met someone around the date he was supposed to fly to me so I know Men BS a lot and this screams that hes full of ****. I would of respected him more if you would of told me listen this isnt going to work just because talking to a stranger, skyping and dedicating our time to each other is really emotional intimacy to me.
Author Britney25 Posted September 21, 2019 Author Posted September 21, 2019 No one is going to take a 6 hour flight just for sex. That's just utterly rediculous. Really? I hear Men flying out women everywhere for sex. Dont be ignorant..anyway this wasnt about sex for me.
Author Britney25 Posted September 21, 2019 Author Posted September 21, 2019 Why do you keep repeating this? Why would he not have the balls to tell you? Like.. what the heck can you do anyway? Send a few angry texts? :lmao::lmao: Yeah he is sooooooo scared of that As someone said before, you are unable to deal with rejection. It's okay though, few experiences like this and you will learn. I didnt send angry messages to him I explained hes full of ****. And guess what? He kept on justifying himself which proves even more he was full of ****. I can take rejection it's not that, I'm not selfish and I'm not arrogant just I never talked with a man everyday for a month, video calling only for him to not tell me earlier he couldn't make or whatever else. That's why I dont have respect for him.
Maddie82 Posted September 21, 2019 Posted September 21, 2019 Really? I hear Men flying out women everywhere for sex. Dont be ignorant..anyway this wasnt about sex for me. Don't be rude. You are taking great offence to people who are simply stating the truth. He clearly had no intention of going that far just for sex. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 21, 2019 Posted September 21, 2019 OP, I think if you took the time to calm down a bit, absorb what people here are trying to tell you, and stepped outside yourself to gain some perspective...well, you wouldn't feel the need to create so many threads here asking for opinions on your dating issues in the first place. 1
Author Britney25 Posted September 21, 2019 Author Posted September 21, 2019 OP, I think if you took the time to calm down a bit, absorb what people here are trying to tell you, and stepped outside yourself to gain some perspective...well, you wouldn't feel the need to create so many threads here asking for opinions on your dating issues in the first place. You're right I made a huge mistake posting here
winny Posted September 21, 2019 Posted September 21, 2019 She keeps repeating that he didn’t suddenly meet someone else. And that statement is correct. What she fails to believe is that he DID meet someone else. It just wasn’t sudden and likely someone he was chatting to for at least the same amount of time as her and promising the same thing. He didn’t put all his eggs in one basket , which is a smart move. The OP should learn to do the same. Agree totally. Experience has taught me that it is very hard to know what another person is doing when they are not with you. It is very naive at early stages to assume you are the only one on their radar. Maybe you are... just do not assume it.
winny Posted September 21, 2019 Posted September 21, 2019 Because he made me believe that he really wants to see if anything will happen out of it.he was the one who said he wants to fly to me. He was really set on it. So yes I really started to believe him especially when he kept messaging me twice a day e en, Skype and phone calls. Sending me photos of his goddaughter. Wtf? So yes I am confused but whatever this has taught me to keep my guard as I kinda dropped it for him. Yes, he should not have led you on and made you feel like he is gonna come see you. But for future, unless the guy actually walks the talk (in this case flies to come visit you), do not take his promises very seriously. It does not matter how genuine he sounds. Talks are only talks the end of the day and unless proven by consistent actions... over and over again... do not give your trust to someone so easily. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 21, 2019 Posted September 21, 2019 You're right I made a huge mistake posting here That is not what I said at all. You missed the point of my post completely. However, I will concede that if you came here hoping to hear only opinions that supported your own, then yes, you're in the wrong place. It appears you already arrived at your own conclusions about him when you posted, and weren't really open to listening to anything else, so I am not sure what insight or ideas you hoped to glean from posters here. 2
stillafool Posted September 22, 2019 Posted September 22, 2019 I agree OP that if you know what you think about your situation is correct you don't need us or anybody else telling you different. Your mind is made up with your own conclusions as to what transpired so therefore we are irrelevant. If you just want to vent over your situation there is a thread on LS just for "venting" without getting responses. You may want to try that.
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