mortensorchid Posted September 17, 2019 Posted September 17, 2019 I reached out to a friend of mine who I hadn't seen in many years. He and I met over 20 years ago when I first came into the scene in my city - as in a twenty something coming into the city and discovering the whole heady world of rock and roll, clubbing, long nights of partying and staggering home at 5 am, etc. We were Facebook friends, I had seen him a handful of times here and there, when we first met it was quite ... Exciting. He and I felt an instant attraction to one another, but it was thwarted. I had a bf at the time, he (the bf) just happened to come in when this guy who I will call Rob had vanished. We would see each other here and there, the timing was bad. We nearly did IT once but I backed off (because I was on my period at the time). Eventually, we drifted. He got married, he had two children, and I was happy for him. Years went by and a lot of things happened to both me and him. THe other day it was his birthday and I posted a wish on his wall. He sent an IM and we started chatting, it had been many years. He and his wife got divorced last year (this is his 2nd marriage in the can BTW) after almost 20 years together, which I was surprised to hear. He gave me the Cliff Notes version of what happened - she started hitting the bottle and cheating, he was stuck at home with their three children and being her doormat. I said I was sorry. We are going to meet up on Thursday night. He could be in one of those rebound relationship feels, but I still want to see him, just because. I'm going to play it cool, I'm not 22 I'm 44 now, he's about 50. We're different people now but ... I wonder what will happen if we will feel the same fire for one another after all these years. 1
schlumpy Posted September 17, 2019 Posted September 17, 2019 I we didn't have our dreams - where would we be?
Cersei Posted September 17, 2019 Posted September 17, 2019 I had something similar happen to me. I am curious to hear how it goes. Keep us posted. 1
Author mortensorchid Posted September 17, 2019 Author Posted September 17, 2019 did he have 2 kids or 3? 3. I don't want to mislead anyone and made a mistake.
alphamale Posted September 17, 2019 Posted September 17, 2019 ... I wonder what will happen if we will feel the same fire for one another after all these years. you'll probably start dating and get married in a few years
nospam99 Posted September 17, 2019 Posted September 17, 2019 Best wishes, MO. You're more than 'due'.
Blind-Sided Posted September 17, 2019 Posted September 17, 2019 Good luck. And you are right... he will be someone totally different. Just remember... the "Spark" of all that partying will be gone since he will now be looking after some kids. Keep that in mind, and try not to force the "20 years ago" relationship. I've been thinking about this myself. I've had a few people from collage talk with me, and they remember me as the campus DJ, and at every party. But now... I'm happy to be home with my kids. (Not thinking about a bar/club)
Rayce Posted September 18, 2019 Posted September 18, 2019 ah... lost love... so sweet. I wish you success!
Author mortensorchid Posted September 20, 2019 Author Posted September 20, 2019 We met up tonight. He was older, grayer and fatter like everyone else is. We had a good time, we had a long talk and caught up on things. He told me how his marriage ended and he was officially divorced as of last year. He has three kids (11, 8 and 6 - two boys and a girl). I never married and have no children, I said I was okay with it that it never happened for me. I didn't mention anything about how we had sort of an unanswered passion way back when. We ended up leaving the place and we said our good-byes. We embraced and we kissed. He said let's meet up tomorrow. I said yes, let's. So ... It's still there. 3
FullWay Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 Have fun. You are rationalizing too much. Live fullest for the moment! If evolves then wonderful and if not, you got great memories!!!
FMW Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 Great! Just enjoy it, see how it unfolds and don't overthink it (says the Queen of overthinking!).
Blind-Sided Posted September 21, 2019 Posted September 21, 2019 ................. We ended up leaving the place and we said our good-byes. We embraced and we kissed. He said let's meet up tomorrow. I said yes, let's. So ... It's still there. Glad it was a good start. So... did you guys meet again?
Author mortensorchid Posted September 22, 2019 Author Posted September 22, 2019 Glad it was a good start. So... did you guys meet again? Yes we did. We had a lovely evening, then went back to his place and talked for a long time. He showed me his new house - but I am going to put off sex for a bit - We kissed good-bye. I texted him when I got home (I took a Lyft home) and said I had a wonderful time. He said he did as well and he was off to bed. He has his kids this weekend. I believe they have 50/50 custody but he predicts they will live with him someday. I didn't ask much about his ex wife, but he said she cheated on him and she's still with the guy she was cheating with. So ... Here's to hoping. 3
Author mortensorchid Posted September 22, 2019 Author Posted September 22, 2019 MO has a boyfriend Don't jinx it just yet. 1
alphamale Posted September 22, 2019 Posted September 22, 2019 well now that you are paired up I suppose we won't be seeing you around here much
Happy Lemming Posted September 22, 2019 Posted September 22, 2019 - but I am going to put off sex for a bit - Don't put it off for too long, at some point he might "throw in the towel" if he has to wait too long. Personally, I have my "drop dead" time frame for having sex and if I keep hearing "no" past that date, I'm gone. And yes, I have had to invoke my rule once. Enough was enough and I moved on to the "NEXT" woman.
Rayce Posted September 23, 2019 Posted September 23, 2019 The guy is not a stranger so I'm wondering why she would hold off anyway. Sure... maybe the 1st or 2nd date but by the 3rd???? If your not feeling it by then... well... maybe he isn't the right one. If you are feeling it and holding out... well... gosh... the guy is not a stranger so why play such games? 1
Timshel Posted September 23, 2019 Posted September 23, 2019 That the guy is recently divorced from a woman who was 'hitting the bottle and cheating on him' may be a fair reason to take time before sex. Unless a bit of fun with no worries of the outcome either way is something the OP is satisfied with. Mortensorchid knew the guy 20 yrs. ago.
Author mortensorchid Posted September 24, 2019 Author Posted September 24, 2019 I just started seeing someone in the last week or so. Long story short he and I met many years ago, nearly had a love affair,then we drifted... He got married and was with her for about 20 years,they got divorced about a year ago and we reconnected through Facebook. We got together twice so far, all is good. Problem? He has 3 kids ages 11, 8 and 5. (I didn't get to have kids but I am okay with that.) I have never dated a man with kids, at least those who are so young. What are the general tips for being with a man with kids? I want to be flexible to it but not a pushover.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 24, 2019 Posted September 24, 2019 #1 rule is being OK with the kids always being the priority, forever and always. That's good parenting. If you're cool with that, you'll be a good partner. #2 rule is waiting to meet them for a long, long while.
Artdeco Posted September 24, 2019 Posted September 24, 2019 It’ll take a while until you meet the kids, hopefully, and once you do, make sure they like you. If he’s a good dad, it will be one of his priorities that the kids like you.
Mr. Lucky Posted September 24, 2019 Posted September 24, 2019 What are the general tips for being with a man with kids? Boy, he doesn't just have "kids", he's got three young children. That's like the difference between going for a stroll and running a marathon. Do you know what his custody situation is? Big difference between visitation, joint and/or sole custody... Mr. Lucky
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