Sweet&Sensitive Posted September 29, 2005 Posted September 29, 2005 Okay, about a month ago I posted a thread about this guy I've been involved with FWB-wise for about four months. I really like him and we fit together perfectly, and there are times when I think he feels it too because he'll say things like, "You and me are a lot alike", or like once I told him a joke and he thought it was weird so I teased saying, "You just don't get my sense of humor" and he said "I'd like to think that I do", stuff like that. We have been intimate several times without actually having sex because he wants to wait until he's married. He's that kind of guy. I have no problem with this. Every time we are together it is INCREDIBLE. There is so much passion and feeling there when we are fooling around, and after he'll wrap his arms around me and fall asleep, or lay there and place little kisses on my forehead, neck, or any skin he can get to. Then he'll go for so long without talking to me. I'll invite him to do something and he always has something else he has to do. Every single time. It's almost like when we're together, we're TOGETHER, but when we're apart he has nothing with me except a complicated but amazing friendship. I confessed to him that I wanted to date him and he said that he had thought of asking me out but that he wouldn't feel right since I'm his friend's ex. I only dated the guy for two weeks and he cheated on me during that time. The guy I like knows all this, so I think he's using it as an excuse. And yet he still flirts with me, still wants to be intimate with me, and seems genuinely disturbed when I have dates with other guys. He's asked me before who I've been intimate with since the last time I was with him. I try so hard to not call him or IM him and hope he'll contact me first. But he doesn't. My friend knows this guy really well and seems to think that if I back off completely that he'll come around and talk to me. He hasn't had any real relationships with girls since he and I got involved but he says he just wants to be friends. He's very cautious about relationships because he doesn't want to get hurt. He is slowly beginning to open up to me and tell me about himself so I sometimes wonder if he's just stalling so he has more time to get to know me and assess the situation. Or maybe he likes me as much as I like him and it scares him ****less cause he's never really felt like that before, or has and was hurt, so he goes cold. I want to give up on him, but my heart won't let me. I am making an effort to date other guys and get over him. But just when I think I'm ready to cut him off, he says or does something to me that makes me linger longer. I want to be with this guy more than anything. I feel like I belong with him. I have never pressured him about a relationship. I have been his friend and given him relationship advice and never acted jealous in front of him though I clearly feel it every time he "expresses interest" in another girl. It never goes anywhere though. He leads a busy life so I know I shouldn't assume he's avoiding me just because he doesn't contact me. We definitely share a strong connection with each other and I know he feels it to a certain extent. What I want to know is, does it sound like he really likes me or is he jerking me along? Do my theories about him seem logical? Should I give up on him or just keep him on the back burner for now and concentrate on dating other guys and meeting new people, while giving the guy I really like time to process his feelings? Or is it a lost cause? I am so confused and hurt and I need to resolve this somehow and move on, but I want to move on with him. My friend seems confident that the feelings are definitely there on his part and she can read this guy like a book (it's creepy) but the one thing she can't seem to figure out about him is exactly HOW he feels about me. Please give me some input. I need to move on...with or without him.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 29, 2005 Posted September 29, 2005 I need to move on...with or without him. In that case, its time to end the wishful thinking/guesswork. Time to sit him down, and let him know that you love him and want a monogamous, committed relationship with him. You will really have to think hard about what it is you are willing to go for and what you are willing to settle for. He may very well say "that is not what I want" and then what will you do? That is the decision you need to think about - not about how he feels, but how you feel and what decisions you will make after you lay your heart out to him.
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