smackie9 Posted September 17, 2019 Posted September 17, 2019 Guys don't message you because they don't want to.
stillafool Posted September 17, 2019 Posted September 17, 2019 . After he told me we should be just friends, he said he changed his mind and wanted to meet with me soon to "apologise and have an important chat". I swear after he had thrown you the "let's just be friends", I would have been annoyed that he would want to meet with me "soon" to "apologize and have an important chat". Why is he keeping you waiting for a discussion? I would have told him to call me now if he has something important to say. Otherwise I'd be busy. Don't let him put you on hold for an apology. 2
beentheredonethat77 Posted September 17, 2019 Posted September 17, 2019 The not being willing to travel to see you says everything. I think all the 'we should meet to talk about being more than friends' was in a moment of weakness, maybe the ex was ghosting him or they had a spat and he needed to know his plan B was on call and waiting in the wings. As soon as you required him to actually put in effort (travel) -- he was out. Then, after lying to you to avoid said effort... he ghosted because he couldn't even be bothered to deal with apologizing and copping to lying. His verbal is that he wanted to just be friends and his action was ' i cant be bothered to travel to you, nor can i be bothered to explain/makes things right about my lie'... -- End result is.. this dude is one giant red flag with legs. What is there to be fond of? 1
elaine567 Posted September 18, 2019 Posted September 18, 2019 You should have dumped him the minute he refused to buy that single beer for you, when you travelled all the way across town to see him. He put in zero effort for you, the venue he chose was on his doorstep... It is no surprise he has now ghosted, it fits in with the lack of respect he had for you. 1
Author babybrowns Posted September 18, 2019 Author Posted September 18, 2019 (edited) Thank you so much to everyone for your replies so far. I definitely agree that if he was interested/cared enough, he could think of at least something to reply back to the "I thought you were sick today?" text. I know that ghosting happens quite often. But what I don't understand is, how quickly this man can change his mind about things. He went from being super keen and affectionate for a month, to suddenly keeping me at arm's length and "strictly friends, nothing more" after texting his ex Happy Bday. 2 days later, bam he changed his mind again and wanted to see me to talk about a relationship. And then 5 days later, during which I was patient and helped him get through his illness, suddenly ghosted. I understand guys who ghost women in order to *avoid* things progressing to the next level. But guys who ghost after initiating a "I actually do want to be more than friends, can we talk soon"? I should add here that when he did express that regret and wanted to see me, I said to him that when we meet, I would first need to hear what he has to say very carefully before making any decisions because he gave me a very clear message last time about being hung up on his ex. So yep, more effort for him to contend with there.. As some of you have suggested, he might indeed be back in touch with his ex. It would explain a lot. I'm not going to contact him, but I'm not going to block his number either. I know it's hard to grasp but I am fond of him and wouldn't mind seeing him again if he does make an effort. Edited September 18, 2019 by babybrowns
kendahke Posted September 18, 2019 Posted September 18, 2019 (edited) I met a guy a month ago. Through all the keenness that he portrayed, he would sometimes bring up his ex and did say that he wasn't quite healed yet. he still thinks about his ex and might still love her and doesn't want to hurt me. That is when you needed to grind this to a halt and let him go. You are not a priority to him if he's still dealing with feelings for his ex--and he still is because you go on to say: he was quite confused when he said he wanted to be just friends, ANYTIME ANYONE tells you they are "confused", it means there's someone else they're hoping will give them a chance and you're just here to mark time with and alleviate sexual tension until that person grants them an audience again--and they'll drop you on your head and run off to them. If they were all about you, there would be no confusion. He got sick last week and kept postponing the day of the meetup (Wednesday, Thursday, Friday). He said I should go round to his house at the weekend for us to have the chat. But since I was always the one doing the travelling, I suggested that we could wait until he is better. He didn't see why I couldn't come round his house. Last Friday night, one of the days that he cancelled with me due to 'still being sick', he accidentally told me that he was out with friends. ("How was your evening? I was in this park hanging out with friends") in a park that was far away from him but actually near to my area. I made a simple reply; "I thought you said you were too sick to see me today?" And that was that. He did not reply. It has now been 3 days, You weren't ghosted: you were summarily dismissed. You peeped his game and he had no where to hide from his lie, so out you go. Block him and move on. He was never going to be about you. The ex's tractor beam is waaaay too strong for him to resist. Edited September 18, 2019 by kendahke 1
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