How do you stay strong when he ignores my texts then comes back?

[enchanted771]

I am clearly a back up plan/ego boost..when he isn’t doing anything on the weekend, he talks to me a lot but when he’s busy he ignores me completely then will reach out after 2 days or so like nothing happened...pretending like he cares and that it is nothing personal about my texts being ignored..clearly he’s full of it and will just keep up this behavior because I forgive him and allow it..I keep entertaining it so he clearly doesn’t respect me or my feelings nor does he value me, because if he did he wouldn’t do this.

[beentheredonethat77]

This is SO hard so i feel you. I was once in this position and really didn't want to delete/block because i knew him through friends and didn't want him to think i was angry/tantrum/in a huff. So i changed his name to "MassiveDouch" in my phone -- and i kept a list handy on notes in my phone of points like

- ignored me my birthday weekend

- Only wants ego stroke/supply

- doesn't respect me

- will respect me so much more if i dont answer him back

 

 

Etc this helped a lot. Also, ive been on other side (but wasn't rude about it) but just when someone is not my priority and im just not into them as much as they are into me. I might feel lonely or bored and hit them up from time to time.. i know when they dont answer me for days or at all.. i cant help but elevate them in my head and wonder if i made a mistake -- (human nature -- i didn't as we werent suited and fair play to him for moving on) -- SO IGNORE.. !!)) or take days to respond with something easy and clearly indifferent like "hope you're well, have a great week X" -- But no question, text back like you're trying to not continue the conversation.

 

Of course best option is to block and move on -- but i couldn't do that but if you can, you certainly should.

Edited September 15, 2019 by beentheredonethat77

[justwhoiam]

I am clearly a back up plan/ego boost..when he isn’t doing anything on the weekend, he talks to me a lot but when he’s busy he ignores me completely then will reach out after 2 days

If he's available mainly weekdays and when he's at work, he might just be married. So his interest might be genuine, but he didn't come clean about his situation. This is a possibility.

Second guess, he has a girlfriend.

[Beendaredonedat]

.....clearly he’s full of it and will just keep up this behavior because I forgive him and allow it..I keep entertaining it so he clearly doesn’t respect me or my feelings nor does he value me, because if he did he wouldn’t do this.

 

So my question to you is: Why do you allow him to do it? He's your drug of choice and the only way to rehab from a drug is to go ZERO contact. If you're to addicted to block and delete so he can't get through to you, then get the professional help you need to get that strength.

 

Please do not allow yourself to make any excuses not to block and delete (such as mutual friends and what they might think) because that is just your ego talking and you hoping you will be able to see it if he reaches out to you again.

 

There is no respect for you from him.

There is no show that he actually values you past sex (or whatever else you have been offering him)

There is no "tell" that he wants anything other than a casual relationship with you.

 

What other reasons can I give you that will help you to forget he exists?

Edited September 15, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[stillafool]

Why do you continue to allow this? I don't understand women who put up with this type of behavior from a man. There are too many of them out there to accept the ones who clearly show you that you have no value in their life. Block him and move on.

[enchanted771]

....Of course best option is to block and move on -- but i couldn't do that but if you can, you certainly should.

he’s clearly keeping me around as an option so best to ignore him..his behavior is disrespectful but I did tolerate it Edited September 15, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[enchanted771]

.....What other reasons can I give you that will help you to forget he exists?

We have no mutual friends or any kids so no reason..he clearly enjoys the ego and ignore me without a second thought..so no point in talking to him anymore Edited September 15, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[stillafool]

Don't "ignore" him, "BLOCK HIM". You will not ignore him if he reaches out.

[Beendaredonedat]

so no point in talking to him anymore

So how are you going to handle that?

[Watercolors]

@enchanted771;

 

These men are like flies but the only difference is, they live longer than 24 hours. They are everywhere, online and offline.

 

I fell victim to the same type of egotistical douchery this spring with a guy I met through mutual friends online. His g/f of 5 years had dumped him, and so he lovebombed me with attention online meanwhile refusing to meet in person b/c that would have meant he'd have to own up to all his online promises. I allowed this nonsense to go on for about 6 weeks before I wised up and decided to block him. I blocked his cell number -- so he called me from a LAN line. I blocked his FB account, so he FB messaged me from the FB group he was a co-admin for.

 

I blocked him a few more times from new phone numbers and online accounts until he ceased. I'm sure he found a new source of attention for his ego. I'm just relieved to be rid of him.

 

It's easy to fall into the attention trap with men online when they bombard you with attention. But that attention is just a way to emotionally hook you -- it's not real.

 

You'll only block him once you're ready to. Until then, you need to figure out how to value yourself internally, without needing it externally from men like this guy. But yeah, blocking him is the best way to cease this toxic connection. You know you're his back up plan.

[The Outlaw]

Since he only messages you when it's convenient for him, show him the door. it's ridiculous that people do this.

[enchanted771]

Since he only messages you when it's convenient for him, show him the door. it's ridiculous that people do this.

Agree 100%

[Beendaredonedat]

Then how are you going to handle getting yourself out of your addiction to him?

[enchanted771]

Then how are you going to handle getting yourself out of your addiction to him?

im going to have to talk to a therapist so I stay away..I have tried so many times, and he reappears after a couple days of me not being in contact

[Beendaredonedat]

Good luck. I really hope that you do that for yourself so you can get off the merry-go-round he has you on. I don't even know you but I know you deserve more than what he give you.

[enchanted771]

Good luck. I really hope that you do that for yourself so you can get off the merry-go-round he has you on. I don't even know you but I know you deserve more than what he give you.

thank you...

[Redhead14]

You've been tolerating this for some time now so you are complicit in your own misery. Time to stop with the victim mentality, take your power back and stop letting this guy treat you like a door mat. Pick up the mat and slam the door in his face.

[Gretchen12]

As soon as you recognized the pattern you should have stopped texting him on weekdays. Your unanswered texts reassures him and it just sits there. Anyway he is weird. Women just want normal men. What he does is not normal social behaviour.

[DrNo1962]

Whenever I see topics like this I ask the same question...

 

Are his/her actions taking your focus away from pursuing your goals/purpose?

 

If so, then this person is not worthy of your time/attention.

 

Any person you are dating (this applies to both Men & Women) should not be the centre of your universe. They should be a compliment to your life, not a hurdle to overcome.

[CollinW]

I am clearly a back up plan/ego boost..when he isn’t doing anything on the weekend, he talks to me a lot but when he’s busy he ignores me completely then will reach out after 2 days or so like nothing happened...pretending like he cares and that it is nothing personal about my texts being ignored..clearly he’s full of it and will just keep up this behavior because I forgive him and allow it..I keep entertaining it so he clearly doesn’t respect me or my feelings nor does he value me, because if he did he wouldn’t do this.

What stage are you in your relationship? I'm not seeing where the problem is.

[MsJayne]

I wish all women would just shut down on these men. I know women behave badly too, but this is so common from men now because of the OLD phenomena and the fact that there's no social backlash for behaving badly because you're not part of their regular circle of friends. As far as making friends or getting into relationships goes, I'm learning to live by a Maya Angelou saying..."When someone first shows you who they are, believe them". So, that first time someone takes two days to answer your text they're letting you know that you mean zero to them, and you should respond accordingly, by completely ignoring them when they finally do text or ring back. That's the best way to get the last word in, and it's a very harsh last word because you're basically telling them they're not worth your time of day without saying a single word. I know it's really hard if you're attracted to the person, you have to fight off the idea that you might be wrong about them and you should give them a chance, but it's a very empowering feeling to be the one who calls the final shot, and you also might find that your self respect gets a big boost from it too.

[enchanted771]

I REALLY needed to hear this! He talks a good one, even goes as far as to tell me how much love he has for me,bla bla bla..his actions tell me otherwise. If he really valued me, he would not ignore me not even for one single day. It takes a few seconds to respond...does not matter what your doing, his phone never leaves his side. The fact that we talk almost every day during the week, and then when the weekend comes heÂ’s MIA half the time is a big red flag. The fact that I didnÂ’t cut him off the first time he disrespected me, is not sending a message that I even respect myself because I am basically rewarding bad behavior..so yes, he is being cut off. No texts, calls, etc..since he doesnÂ’t care enough to acknowledge me, I will do myself a favor, and kick him to the curb. There are plenty of men out there who actually know how to behave and treat people with respect-not like an afterthought

Edited September 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote removed

[Maggiemay1]

he’s clearly keeping me around as an option so best to ignore him..his behavior is disrespectful but I did tolerate it

 

He is not keeping you around as an option. People do that when they intend to choose. But he is not choosing you.

Instead you are choosing him. Why?

 

Your behaviour is more disrespectful to yourself than his is.

 

Its not up to him to decide what you deserve , that’s up to you.

 

Of course it only takes a minute to reply to a text and no one is too busy to do so , but he is choosing not to reply to you.

[Gaeta]

im going to have to talk to a therapist so I stay away..I have tried so many times, and he reappears after a couple days of me not being in contact

 

 

You do not need to shed 100s of dollars on a therapist, the block button on your phone is free. You block him on your phone and on all of your social media account. You MAKE, FORCE yourself to think of something else. It's not because a therapist will explain to you why you have low self-esteem that it will make it easier to get rid of him, you still will need to kick yourself and do it ! Stop being sad and get mad ! How many years of your life do you have to waste on losers! Do you want to turn 50 and still be used by these men?

[Gretchen12]

The fact that we talk almost every day during the week, and then when the weekend comes he’s MIA half the time is a big red flag.

 

Whoa! This new info is confusing with what you said earlier -

 

when he isn’t doing anything on the weekend, he talks to me a lot but when he’s busy he ignores me completely then will reach out after 2 days or so like nothing happened....

 

Talking almost everyday during the week and talks a lot when he's free on weekends, is a lot of talking. Maybe you should tell him what's bothering you? Give him rules to follow. Any relationship needs communication and compromise. (You communicate and he compromises, haha... ok I'm kidding) Maybe it can be fixed.