Do I have a chance?

[Tagalz]

Hello.

 

There is a girl on my workplace that I get along with very well. We were both working as the cashier in the cinema for 3 days in a row (that’s how we got to talk a little) We can call her for Maria

 

She is the only one from my workplace who has me on snapchat but we are not snapping much. She sends snaps only when she is at work.

 

There is also a guy (we can call him for Tom) who I envy alot. Talked about him in my previous thread named (I’m very lonely...) He’s easy to talk to and everybody cracks a joke with him. Like 70% of the time when he’s at work everybody follows him just to talk.

 

He has recently been working with Maria alot and will be doing that in the future as well. Meaning when I have a day off they are working together. Not only that but they are closing the cinema together which means that it will be just two of them together for 1 hour and 30 min. I’ve closed before and I can say that it’s alot of freetime to do basically nothing. Just wait a couple of minutes to let the last people out and then just clean things and done.

 

My point is: Tom and Maria have better chemistry than me. Tom has a better chance of getting a date with her than me. I really want to go on a date with Maria. Somehow I need to work with her alot and while we are at work together I need to do tasks with her. Like cleaning the room together, taking the trash out, take lunch at the same time or work with her at the cashier. This would be very difficult because I’m not the one who decides who’s going to work in which day

 

When I went home I saw Maria and Tom cleaning the theater room together and laughing.

 

Few days ago it was me, Tom and Maria. Maria followed Tom and were telling stories while I was scanning tickets. I came to them because my manager told me to refill product in the shelf. Maria suddendly stopped talking because I was refilling products. When I was done I went out to get some food. I noticed right away when I turned my back she started talking. I got back and she stopped.

 

That tells me she’s more comfortable with Tom and she might tell him something private and don’t want me to listen.

Edited September 14, 2019 by Tagalz

[alphamale]

why don't you ask Maria out on a date? maybe she likes you and is trying to hide it?

[schlumpy]

What makes you think Tom is interested in dating Maria? Telling funny stories is not the same things as flirting. Maria may have stopped talking because she was saying something that she didn't want to be common knowledge. Maybe it was something about the boss and she was unsure if you would repeat it.

 

I'm with Alpha. Get this over with and ask her out already!

[Tagalz]

why don't you ask Maria out on a date? maybe she likes you and is trying to hide it?

 

What if she rejects me and then she would tell everybody at work?

[Tagalz]

What makes you think Tom is interested in dating Maria? Telling funny stories is not the same things as flirting. Maria may have stopped talking because she was saying something that she didn't want to be common knowledge. Maybe it was something about the boss and she was unsure if you would repeat it.

 

I'm with Alpha. Get this over with and ask her out already!

 

Because when I see Tom and Maria together they really are laughing and enjoying each others company. It’s not like they are having a small talk. They work together too which means that Maria’s story telling would eventually evolve to flirting. You know the more time you spend with a person the more you feel comfortable and confident around that person

 

 

I’ve actually counted the days Tom will be working with her and it seems to be in he’s favour. From September to November Tom is working with Maria in a total of 10 times while I will be working with her 6 times

Edited September 14, 2019 by Tagalz

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Honestly, no I don't think you have a chance from what you have described.

 

However even if you did, I suspect you would find a way to sabotage it and cause drama at work because that is what you are already doing.

 

Your posts/threads regarding work come across as extremely insecure, so you would constantly be watching and questioning her behavior when she interacts with other male coworkers.

 

Also, your previous threads have indicated paranoia with your coworkers, believing they are conspiring and talking behind your back. Whether it is true or not, it shows how sensitive you are about every little thing they say and do.

 

Be honest with yourself. If she rejected you or broke up with you, would you be able to stop the thought that everyone was talking about you behind your back? Every time you heard people laugh or talk privately, you would assume they would be gossiping about you, right? You already do this.

 

For those reasons I would encourage you not to pursue dating anyone at your work. You need to keep those parts of your life separate for your own well being.

Edited September 14, 2019 by Scarlett.O'hara

[schlumpy]

Because when I see Tom and Maria together they really are laughing and enjoying each others company. It’s not like they are having a small talk. They work together too which means that Maria’s story telling would eventually evolve to flirting.

 

I've talked with lots of women over the years and was on a first name basis with many of them. I never asked them out on dates. We did enjoy many entertaining conversations but nothing that led to anything romantic.

 

Unless you have evidence that it is more then just the usual workplace banter you should not think anything of it. How about joining in?

[The Outlaw]

I'm not trying to be harsh, but if you don't get your insecurities in check, you won't have a chance with her. And so what if you think she has better chemistry with the other guy? Make the time and talk to her. Make small talk. Take baby steps. It isn't hard. If you're nervous, practice with a friend until you've built confidence and shed the insecurity. You'll never know unless you try.

[alphamale]

What if she rejects me and then she would tell everybody at work?

 

well she may reject you but that's not the end of the world. I doubt she would tell everyone at work, you're just being paranoid. If you ask her nicely and discretely it will minimize any hard feelings between you two if she says no.

[basil67]

Given what you've written, I don't think you have a chance. However, if you can build a comfortable rapport with her, it may be worth a try.

 

Does she have a boyfriend?

[basil67]

I doubt she would tell everyone at work, you're just being paranoid.

 

I disagree alpha, I think there's a fair chance that she'd tell others what happened. Of course, it's unlikely they'd let on that they know....

[justwhoiam]

Do you have a chance? You might, if you try something. If you don't try any move whatsoever, then no.

 

She is the only one from my workplace who has me on snapchat but we are not snapping much. She sends snaps only when she is at work.

This tells me you only have work-related conversations. Is that correct?

Are you shy?

This Tom just seems to be outgoing. Maybe they have chemistry, but maybe she friendzoned him. Or he has a girlfriend. Who knows.

 

I suggest that:

1. You stop being envious. You're allowed to feel a bit jelous about the fact that they spend some more time together, but don't envy other guys, that's bad. You don't want to be in anyone else's shoes other than yours, if you want someone else to like/love you.

2. Don't be creepy. Don't give the impression you're trying to overhear.

3. You get creative. I guess the theater is closed on Monday? Or there'll be times when it's closed? If so, try to use that chance to spend time with her, outside work. Start talking to her and get to know what she likes. You can go two different ways. Like "Do you like (insert band name)? They're going to play next (insert date). A friend of mine saw them live and said the concert was great. I was thinking of getting tickets, but I don't know. He can't come because he just had a baby. Another friend of mine who also likes them will be abroad for work, and my best friend, Magnus (or whatever is name is, just make it credible), just moved to Bergen and he wouldn't be able to travel here back and forth just for that." Then you test the ground asking if she would like to go to the concert. If she says yes, you offer to buy the tickets and arrange everything.

As an alternative, after getting to know what she might like, you risk it. You buy two tickets to something she might like. Around 2 or 3 days before the event, while in person with her, you could tell her you were supposed to go to this event with a male friend of yours (concert, show, or whatever) but he got sick and can't come along anymore. And you ask her if she would join you, saying it'd be great if she could. And hope she'll say yes. This is just an example, but again, you need to be creative and make sense with what you come up with.

4. This goes without saying, but... make sure you always look good and presentable. Pay attention to what you wear. Do it in style.

5. Be friendly with the customers, smile and welcome the children. She might notice your good mood, and girls/women usually like to see that in a guy. It's positive and can be contagious.

 

There is also a guy (we can call him for Tom) who I envy alot. Talked about him in my previous thread named (I’m very lonely...) He’s easy to talk to and everybody cracks a joke with him.

Do. Not. Envy. Him. My ex acted liked the clown, socially. It's a trait I grew to dislike. While I was hoping to have some time to ourselves, on special occasions, like a birthday, he was more interested in having fun with people and being the center of attention. It's the kind of thing that makes you feel lonely, because you don't feel special and actually gives you the impression that being there or not wouldn't make any difference to him. He'd be having fun just as much. I'm not sure if he's like that, but it might be.

 

What if she rejects me and then she would tell everybody at work?

With what I suggested above, you test the ground and it's not a real date. So you avoid the fear of rejection. The worst that can happen is being let down because it didn't go through.

[Tagalz]

Honestly, no I don't think you have a chance from what you have described.

 

However even if you did, I suspect you would find a way to sabotage it and cause drama at work because that is what you are already doing.

 

Your posts/threads regarding work come across as extremely insecure, so you would constantly be watching and questioning her behavior when she interacts with other male coworkers.

 

Also, your previous threads have indicated paranoia with your coworkers, believing they are conspiring and talking behind your back. Whether it is true or not, it shows how sensitive you are about every little thing they say and do.

 

Be honest with yourself. If she rejected you or broke up with you, would you be able to stop the thought that everyone was talking about you behind your back? Every time you heard people laugh or talk privately, you would assume they would be gossiping about you, right? You already do this.

 

For those reasons I would encourage you not to pursue dating anyone at your work. You need to keep those parts of your life separate for your own well being.

 

This is accurate but the reason why I’m paranoia at work is because I want to give them a good impression of me and don’t think I’m not serious or otherwise at work. At the same time I want good work enviroment cause I’ve been in a ****ty ones for 2 years

[Tagalz]

I'm not trying to be harsh, but if you don't get your insecurities in check, you won't have a chance with her. And so what if you think she has better chemistry with the other guy? Make the time and talk to her. Make small talk. Take baby steps. It isn't hard. If you're nervous, practice with a friend until you've built confidence and shed the insecurity. You'll never know unless you try.

 

I will try my best xD

[Maggiemay1]

No , sorry, you don’t have a chance.

You seem to think that hours spent with a certain person gives favour.

Quality over quantity.

It seems Tom and her spend quality time together and you merely quantity.

 

Stop comparing yourself to Tom. Tom is likeky not even interested in her but just has good banter. Because YOU are interested in her , you assume he is.

 

Work on your social skills. They only stopped talking in your presence because you didn’t interact. So interact!

 

What’s more important to you? A job at the cinema? Or a social life?

Is this your forever job or are you studying as well??

[schlumpy]

People like to talk about themselves. Ask questions about the people around you and listen to what they have to say. You don't have to be the wisest, wittiest, most charismatic person in the room. A good listener is valued also by many people.

[Tagalz]

I disagree alpha, I think there's a fair chance that she'd tell others what happened. Of course, it's unlikely they'd let on that they know....

 

That’s why I’m paranoia... just the thought of her telling others. I’ve already lost my dignity

[alphamale]

That’s why I’m paranoia... just the thought of her telling others. I’ve already lost my dignity

 

people are going to talk no matter what you do in life, you cannot use this as an excuse. live your life

[d0nnivain]

This is accurate but the reason why I’m paranoia at work is because I want to give them a good impression of me and don’t think I’m not serious or otherwise at work. At the same time I want good work enviroment cause I’ve been in a ****ty ones for 2 years

 

 

Then don't ask out Maria. Life will be better for you if you work with your colleagues & date people you don't work with.

 

What kind of horrible people do you work with that you think if you asked a woman out, even if she said no, that her next reaction would be to humiliate you by telling the whole staff? Seriously if you think that she is that rotten of a person why the <bleep> do you want to go out with her in the 1st place?

 

You have always tried to mix work & fun in a very unhealthy way. You have to stop. You need better boundaries. Seriously work is a no fly zone. At best you have collegial relationships with your workmates that involve being pleasant when you are on the clock & involve no interactions at other times.

 

If you are lonely, find friends other places, not at work. Join a group. Reconnect with childhood friends. See who is around in your neighborhood. Become a regular somewhere. But give up this idea that your work colleagues are your best hunting ground for friends.

[alphamale]

I've always heard that people from the Nordic countries are the happiest and most well-adjusted people on the planet

[Tagalz]

I've always heard that people from the Nordic countries are the happiest and most well-adjusted people on the planet

 

Really? Where did you heard that from? Most people say that Norway is one of the richest country in the world as an first impression of the country.

[schlumpy]

Until the revenue from North Sea Oil runs out.

[justwhoiam]

I've always heard that people from the Nordic countries are the happiest and most well-adjusted people on the planet

:laugh:

 

Unfortunately, Norway ranks among the highest depression rates (top 10) in Western Europe. Suicide rates are high too. It's in the Western European top 10 countries for beer consumption. And according to Hofstede masculinity factor, Norway has one of the lowest scores in the world, being second only to Sweden, which means they don't have gender roles anymore. Could all of that be intertwined?

[preraph]

If she's stopping talking when you're around, she does not want to go on a date with you. Sorry. Wish I had better news. If she liked you, she'd be laughing and joking and talking to you. Sounds like she's uncomfortable. She may realize you're looking at her waiting for a chance or something. Women always know.

[Tagalz]

Do you have a chance?

 

This tells me you only have work-related conversations. Is that correct?

Are you shy?

 

I suggest that:

1. You stop being envious. You're allowed to feel a bit jelous about the fact that they spend some more time together, but don't envy other guys, that's bad. You don't want to be in anyone else's shoes other than yours, if you want someone else to like/love you.

2. Don't be creepy. Don't give the impression you're trying to overhear.

3. You get creative. I guess the theater is closed on Monday? Or there'll be times when it's closed? If so, try to use that chance to spend time with her, outside work. Start talking to her and get to know what she likes. You can go two different ways. Like "Do you like (insert band name)? They're going to play next (insert date). A friend of mine saw them live and said the concert was great. I was thinking of getting tickets, but I don't know. He can't come because he just had a baby. Another friend of mine who also likes them will be abroad for work, and my best friend, Magnus (or whatever is name is, just make it credible), just moved to Bergen and he wouldn't be able to travel here back and forth just for that." Then you test the ground asking if she would like to go to the concert. If she says yes, you offer to buy the tickets and arrange everything.

As an alternative, after getting to know what she might like, you risk it. You buy two tickets to something she might like. Around 2 or 3 days before the event, while in person with her, you could tell her you were supposed to go to this event with a male friend of yours (concert, show, or whatever) but he got sick and can't come along anymore. And you ask her if she would join you, saying it'd be great if she could. And hope she'll say yes. This is just an example, but again, you need to be creative and make sense with what you come up with.

4. This goes without saying, but... make sure you always look good and presentable. Pay attention to what you wear. Do it in style.

5. Be friendly with the customers, smile and welcome the children. She might notice your good mood, and girls/women usually like to see that in a guy. It's positive and can be contagious.

 

Do. Not. Envy. Him. My ex acted liked the clown, socially. It's a trait I grew to dislike. While I was hoping to have some time to ourselves, on special occasions, like a birthday, he was more interested in having fun with people and being the center of attention. It's the kind of thing that makes you feel lonely, because you don't feel special and actually gives you the impression that being there or not wouldn't make any difference to him. He'd be having fun just as much. I'm not sure if he's like that, but it might be.

 

With what I suggested above, you test the ground and it's not a real date. So you avoid the fear of rejection. The worst that can happen is being let down because it didn't go through.

 

Yes I’m very shy and I tend to back off in a social setting when there is many group of people. We do have 30 min to 1 hour of freetime to do whatever we want in the cinema because customers aren’t constantly coming. Meaning that it’s a break in between movies. Most of my co-worker talks about their experience, what they did on this x day or asks questions to get to know each other.

 

Meanwhile I talk about work related stuff because then my co-worker don’t get to know me so I’m hiding my personality. So yes I talk about work related stuff all the time.

 

For me to open up can take a while as I’m more reserved. The reason why I’m like that is because I have gone through alot of drama when I was younger and were more open. I have met people who used me, who were bullying me and who were a fake friend. All of that makes it hard for me to open up.

 

I think that’s selfish of you’re ex.