Is he Interested?

[Abra]

So I know this guy very casually - he sold my house a couple of years ago and I bumped into him earlier this year when he told me he'd broken up with his partner. My friend said she thought he was emphasising that to me - I didn't get that vibe I thought it was just an update. Since then there has been casual email msg's every couple of months then a couple of weeks ago I sent him a msg saying my friend was single and he should give her a call, he replied that he would but then suggested we catch up for a drink. I said definitly then he contacted me a week later saying he wasn't going to contact her as he really just wanted to be on his own. Then he asked me if I wanted to go for a drink - I said yep but then dates didn't work as I was going away for a week. Anyway I mentioned it to a different friend and she was like 'he's into you'. (I haven't been dating as I'm just finishing study) also we are both in our 40's.

[Big Aus]

Then he asked me if I wanted to go for a drink

There are maybe 3 or 4 times a man asks a women for a drink:

1. You are related
   
2. you are very close friends or work colleagues and he views as "one of the guys"
   
3. It's professional and he has some business to discuss
   
4. He's IN to you.
   

Also keep in mind that guys are acutely aware of appearances. If it were any of the other 3, he would make that clear.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Yeah, he's interested. Are you?

[smackie9]

Oh god yes he's interested in you....pretty obvious.

[preraph]

If he said "partner," he's likely gay. It's not usually the first way to describe a girlfriend that comes to mind.

[stillafool]

Yes whenever I hear someone describe their SO as "partner" I always assume they are gay.

[LuckyM]

True...buy lately I have heard hetero ladies say partner, for their husband or BF.The meaning might be changing.

[divegrl]

Meh. I would not wait around for him.

 

Did he ask you out again, after you couldn’t meet up for drinks?

 

Have a beautiful day my friend!

[hippychick3]

If he said "partner," he's likely gay. It's not usually the first way to describe a girlfriend that comes to mind.

 

I frequently call my bf my partner. We’ve been together so long that we seem “past” the bf/gf stage but not yet married.

[Watercolors]

Meh. I don't think he's interested in you romantically. I'm in my late 40s, and you know men in our age range are quite capable of asking a woman out directly, rather than send her mixed messages.

 

He told you he wasn't interested in dating when you tried to set him up with your friend. If he was interested in dating you, I think you'd know it by now. When he asked you to get together and you were too busy, did he respond with alternative dates? If not, what's his excuse?

 

No one is too busy when we have access to instant messaging, texting, and email 24 hours, seven days a week. If dating is not his priority right now, then he may just see you as a platonic friend option. Nothing more. Hard to know what his thoughts are unless he tells you.

 

I won't get your hopes up just yet. Wait to see if he responds with alternative dates/times to meetup after you get back from your trip. If he doesn't, meh, meeting you is not high up on his priority list. When men get to their 40s, the good ones don't play games with women. They are just direct with everything and put it on the table.

[mortensorchid]

He sounds interested. But I just don't understand why it is that people don't have good communication skills. I have had a few men say to me in the past they thought we (as in me and him) were going to be an item. I would ask them point blank "If you are interested in me that way, why aren't you contacting me (as in a phone call, text, email, etc.)?" And if they do, they ask conversational questions (How's your day? What are you up to today? etc.). But that's just me I guess.

 

On your note, yes he sounds interested.

[spiderowl]

He is more interested in you than he is in your friend. It may be that he is romantically interested in you or it could be that he is gay and likes chatting to you. Either way, what have you got to lose? You could make a great friend here or more if he is not gay. He definitely wants one-to-one time with you.

[basil67]

Partner is frequently used to describe man and woman who are committed but unmarried. It's a bit more adult than bf and gf.

[Abra]

Thank you for your responses!

1. Partner was my term not his - he referred to his ex by name

2. I'm not sure if I'm into him - I'd definitly like to go for a drink, I don't know him that well but he's nice and good looking. I've been working and studying for 2years so I haven't even thought about anything else - I'd need to change out of sweats and have Princess Diaries style makeover before I could contemplate anything.

This has all given me something to think about so thank you!

[elaine567]

I'd need to change out of sweats and have Princess Diaries style makeover before I could contemplate anything.

 

Why?

If he is interested, he is interested in you the way you are... not some false version of yourself.

[Big Aus]

If he said "partner," he's likely gay. It's not usually the first way to describe a girlfriend that comes to mind.

Nope

Depends where you are.

Here, Partner is the common term for a spouse you're not actually married to.

[elaine567]

Same in UK, partner is a person you are dating/living with that you are not married to.

Some older people tend to feel the terms gf/bf are not really appropriate for them especially if it is a longer term arrangement and partner tends to sound more mature.

Nothing to do with being gay, but gay people can also use the term if it applies to them.

[schlumpy]

Sorry Abra, but you should say no.

 

When you talk about this guy you are in neutral and not in drive. Stay with your studies and where they will lead you. Wait until you actually have an interest. This is going nowhere for you and you won't be doing him a favor either.