Dating colleagues

[hulkabjorn]

Since of the job nature (long working hours in remote locations) plus personality issue (not an outgoing person very timid in front of strangers) so I have had dated 2 colleagues before. Those 2 times didn't work out coz of personality reasons (not really matching after sometime). The current bf also a colleague.

When he came to know about my past, he said he lost trust in me and feel I would flirt and go to others. So I pretty much have cut contacts with colleagues, minimising even contact in person at work, communications in WhatsApp, etc, yet I still find he's not trusting me. At the same time, he messages a lot of female colleagues and saying that's a way to make me feel how he feels...

Really confused what to do and how to get his trust back... And how to handle a relationship at work (despite I have read it's really advisable)

[schlumpy]

I think this will be the third time it doesn't work. I get the impression he is using your history as a reason to get of out the relationship except he wants you to bail first.

 

Doesn't want to be the bad guy but no trouble with the role of a martyr

[Maddie82]

He's insecure and has trust issues. Has he been cheated on before? You haven't given him any reason not to trust you so his behavior is very unreasonable.

[lana-banana]

At the same time, he messages a lot of female colleagues and saying that's a way to make me feel how he feels... Really confused what to do and how to get his trust back...

 

All else aside, this is so manipulative and dishonest you should have nothing to do with this guy. Anybody who tries to control who you see and what you do is a terrible person. It sounds like he wants to cheat while also guilting you for something that's extremely normal. Screw him, seriously. Delete his number.

 

And how to handle a relationship at work (despite I have read it's really advisable)

 

1) Never pursue someone you see every day. Wait until one of you has moved offices or changed assignments.

2) Anyone in your chain of command is off-limits.

3) No means no, period. Asking someone out once is fine, but beyond that it can be considered harassment.

4) Stick to work topics at work. If and when you do have an issue, simply make a note to discuss it later.

5) Disclose it when asked.

 

I know some people will tell you to never date someone at work, but that's not realistic advice for everyone. Hell, the office is many people's primary source of social interaction (which it shouldn't be, but it's increasingly common), and if you work in a very large organization then it's basically inevitable. The important part is doing it in a way that won't get anybody in trouble.

 

My husband and I used to work for an enormous government agency. About 55% of married people there had met their spouses at work. Not only was it normal but it ended up being a benefit for us; by the time we had our first fight, we already knew how to disagree with each other in a professional and respectful manner.

 

But more to the point, THIS particular guy is bad news. No one should treat you this way, particularly when you aren't even dating. I would cut all non-work contact and avoid him at all costs.

[d0nnivain]

Your behavior did not cause his problem. You could be shackled to him & he'd still find reasons not to trust you. It's his issue, not yours. Break things off with him. Anybody who expects you to cut contact w/ half the world's population (the opposite sex) is too traumatized to try to calm down.