Frustrated!!!!!!!

[IslandSanctuary]

I'm a New Zealand dairy farmer. I'm a total hermit. I have friends - but I hardly see them because they all drink/do drugs all day and don't pursue their careers.

I work alone and live alone. I get on well with my boss and my mother and I have a best friend from highschool I message a few times a week - but I really only ever go out with my partner. She couldn't care less. When I was dating none of the women could care less about my social circle. I have no desire to be talking with friends every day or even every week or even every month.

Be confident in yourself. Dont be too nice, dont be too much of an ******* - it's a spectrum and you have to lie in the healthy range.

Anger and neediness are two huge turn offs for anyone - men and women.

 

I find women that are always out socializing and drinking etc to be a turn off. I guess the social thing is a scale too.

 

You need to take responsibility for being walked over in your previous relationship. You need to wisen up to the fact that it was partly your fault and learn boundaries to prevent it happening again - it is the only way you will feel better about it. Self responsibility breeds attractiveness.

 

I've been with some horrible women when I was younger and put up with **** no one should put up with. If I could give my younger self any advice it would be "You owe it to yourself to walk away from bad relationships and bad people, or else you will never find the love you desire." If she doesn't measure up, NEXT her immediately. You are only wasting your time and making it even harder to find someone that will make you happy.

Edited September 12, 2019 by IslandSanctuary

[chillii]

Yeah l agree with a lot of that. Personally l can't stand these mega social types in women usually, can't be alone 5mins.

My woman couldn't care less and neither could l.lf we do mix it's when we feel like it which ain't too often. we both have one or two we keep in touch with or see every few weeks but that's all we need.

Ex w on the other hand was on the phone or out or having someone round all night all day every waking hour if she wasn't at work, drove me crazy,drove my daughter crazy,or trying to drag us off to someones place. No life , time, smelling the roses.

 

 

 

l suppose single though it does help in meeting people although goin back 25yrs to partying days there must admit. But those women can also be very handy to know too if your single none the less because you just never know just who walks through the door next.

[Maddie82]

You are not going to get anywhere with such a bitter and resentful attitude. You say others have it easy with no effort? You're wrong. Everything takes effort and nothing is ever easy when it comes to relationships. It's no use throwing tantrums all the time about it. This kind of immaturity is very unattractive to women.

[chillii]

Good point and very true Maddie.

[Redguitar35]

You are not going to get anywhere with such a bitter and resentful attitude. You say others have it easy with no effort? You're wrong. Everything takes effort and nothing is ever easy when it comes to relationships. It's no use throwing tantrums all the time about it. This kind of immaturity is very unattractive to women.

 

Now, why would I walk around grinning like an idiot when things aren’t going my way? Makes no sense.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Now, why would I walk around grinning like an idiot when things aren’t going my way? Makes no sense.

 

Because grimacing isn't attractive to anyone. And nobody said you have to "grin like an idiot."

 

But, by all means, bask in your miserable belief that life is so much harder for you than everyone else if that's what sustains you.

[basil67]

Now, why would I walk around grinning like an idiot when things aren’t going my way? Makes no sense.

 

Because how people react to adversity is a good character test. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. Adversity happens to everyone, so it makes sense to choose a partner who deals with it well.

[Poutrew]

Now, why would I walk around grinning like an idiot when things aren’t going my way? Makes no sense.

 

There's an old saying: "Never let them see you sweat." Don't grin like a damn idiot, just put out an air of cool non-complacency. Like it is a non event. Some call it a I don't give a damn attitude. It works wonders.

[SumGuy]

Because how people react to adversity is a good character test. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. Adversity happens to everyone, so it makes sense to choose a partner who deals with it well.

Agreed; also is this even adversity?

[LuckyM]

Sometimes you meet someone when you least expect it--or not.

 

Everyone on this forum has criticized online dating, it seems. It only frustrated me for years. Drop it then.

 

No one can tell you where to look...not knowing where you live.

 

You might want to restyle your clothes, perhaps, to be trendy and more conspicuous. Too much dark drab clothing is boring.

[basil67]

Agreed; also is this even adversity?

 

To the OP, it probably is adversity. To someone who copes with adversity well, they'd get over it and move on.

[winny]

dont compare yourself to others

[Maddie82]

Now, why would I walk around grinning like an idiot when things aren’t going my way? Makes no sense.

 

You're acting like a child. Most adults would take a few OLD setbacks as experience and learn from it. You just huff and puff and stomp your feet like a spoiled child.

[DrNo1962]

I can only go off your original post OP, but the sentiment I feel is that you place having a girlfriend at the centre of your universe when in fact it should be a compliment to your purpose in life (or at least pursuit of that purpose).

 

Women (generally speaking) are more attracted to a man who is on a mission, swimming across rivers, climbing mountains (metaphorically) and not someone who is desperate to escape bachelor status.

 

Perhaps it’s only a change of mindset that could be all it takes.

[elaine567]

Redguitar is really suffering from two things... the break up of his relationship and his inability to find a new gf...

[Maggiemay1]

My friend met his partner at work. It was easy as cake and he didn’t have to do any work at all. Ive read about others finding their partner through all sorts of low effort things. One guy said he met his girlfriend at his ACT test.

 

I’ve done online dating for YEARS

 

Why is it for some people finding a relationship is easy but for others it’s a struggle. It is frustrating to me that I have to do all this work but for others it was easy. Not a damn bit of it is fair and I am frustrated!!!!!!

 

Why are you focusing on people’s success stories and not their numerous failures that preceded them?

 

Online dating requires minimal effort. You simply create a profile and send off a few messages.

Online dating should only be supplementary . What effort are you putting in , in real life? It seems none?? You later said you had no social circle. Why would anyone online find that attractive?

 

The guy that met his gf at the ACT test , actually likely put more effort in than you. Prior to that he developed a social life , confidence etc so that when he did talk to her , he had interesting things to talk about.

 

Exactly what effort are you putting in to be happy while single and become attractive to another?? Do you ever make small talk in real life??

[Noproblem]

it is all about luck!

[Redhead14]

Luck is involved but my BF gave me a really nice electric staple gun. My daughter said "he gave you a staple gun?" I said sure, why not, I needed one. I love a man who buys me tools and isn't one"