My ex broke up with me out of the blue.....!!

[Rickale]

Hi Everyone,

 

Looking for peoples thoughts on my situation.

(Back Story)

I'm (M) 29 Ex is (F) 21, been together 2 1/2 years and lived together for 1 1/2 year.

 

My Ex was abandoned by her mother at 14 and has a very hard time expressing her emotions, even to me. She has always been very “touchy feely” with me though. She also is a very submissive person and is very indecisive.

 

My ex broke up with me out of the blue (for me) in June 2019, she said she wasn’t happy and has low self-esteem and not happy with herself also, she moved out the next day and never came back. When we split for the first week I did all the dumb moves like most people, crying and saying I’m sorry (she did also). She asked for a bit of space and said all the usual things like never say never and so on. I gave her some space and she rang me and we discussed catching up on the weekends, coffee, pizza at mine and so on. This lasted about a month (I think she was torn about coming back or not) and it was a bit too emotional for the both of us (we needed time to apart and to reflect IMO) so I decided to get together and told her I think we need to take some “real” time apart (including NC). She agreed but was adamant that after a bit of NC we don’t go and delete each other of social media and cut all lines of communication but “leave the door open”, I agreed nut followed by saying I’m not interested in the “Friend Zone”. She abruptly said no no no not Friend zone just keep in limited contact, I was happy with that, but tbh unsure of her intentions. I kept my word (to a degree) and she indirectly contacted me about a bill that wasn’t due for months 10 days into NC, I handled it well and sent a short but polite email.

 

After another 3 weeks I stuffed up and decided to send her an email, that was pretty good IMO. Just saying explaining about my reflection on MY actions/issues (working very hard on these and making great progress) leading to the breakup and that I did agree that it had to be done. I also said that I know it is a 2 way street (so wasn’t just blaming myself). I also said she owes me nothing and doesn’t have to respond. 1 Day later she rang and we spoke for an hour and after she txt saying it was really good to hear from me and she enjoyed the chat.

 

After this we went into (low contact), We txted from time to time 50/50 for initiating and she was even liking and commenting on some of my family’s FB posts. I even sent a msg to thank one of her sisters for inviting me to a wedding, but obviously I couldn’t go (I showed my ex before sending it to be respectful). Month or so passed and her txts were becoming shorter and sharper (less happy), though she was always polite and fast to respond. I also was initiating a lot more 80/20. I decided to give her a ring and said hey I don’t want you to feel obligate, she said no no I’m not at all but don’t think we should have to much small talk. I could see her point though the question in the back of my mind is always the why the hell are we talking at all!!! Anyways I just said listen If you want to talk to me then you ring me, I don’t want to txt anymore. She was a bit shocked but accepted and a 10 days past and magically I got another indirect email about a bill…I just said thank you that’s it. It’s been 1 week since then and I haven’t heard from her yet.

 

Things I have noticed that are interesting: (through a mutual close friend)

She has not been on any hook up apps, dated, slept around, partied so on at all since we split. She just works more and has movie nights and such with her friends. (she doesn’t event talk to them about us and what happened much).

 

Notes:

One major thing is she is trying to get into med school atm, she has 2 choices of university’s to go to but could only apply for one this year. One of them is in the middle of know where UNI (A) (the one she applied for and will find out at the end of OCT). The other UNI (B) is in another city (my home town and the easiest path for her degree), we were both going to move to mid this year before we split.

Due to my work though now I cant move there until DEC.. I feel (Only gut feeling and things she has said and done) that on one hand she still cares for me and wants it to work but doesn’t want to get to close and reattached in case she gets accepted into UNI (A) where I can’t go, this would be painful for us both. On the other hand she knows her chances are low and she may be rejected and have to apply to UNI (B) for next year and move, previously she told me if she had to go to UNI (B) that hopefully we could give it another go there. TBH this is one of the main reasons I think she wants to stay in contact but doesn’t want to get too close.

 

Sorry for the Novel but would love to hear peoples, thoughts, comments or even advice.

I know no one but her knows what she thinks, but tbh this helps me as I go on this emotional roller coaster.

 

Cheers.

 

FYI:She has expensive and some naughty clothes and a few other things at my place still,I told her she can pick them up at any time, but she just changes the topic.

Edited September 12, 2019 by Rickale
need to :)

[Marc878]

She's moved on and you're chasing which normally just pushes them farther away.

 

Sounds like she's took a good look at her future education and decided you aren't a part of it. Hence, the split but she didn't want to hurt your feelings and wanted to let you down easy.

 

At best you're in the friend zone.

 

Like most you're living on hopium which won't get you much

[Mrin]

Ya. You're not in her future. Let her go. Move along.

[Rickale]

Thanks for the reply's.

 

I have accepted its all over, just trying to understand her behavior.

As I said I'm the one who has decided to go with NC and put it back on her to do the chasing/initiating, but what makes me wonder is why she insists on remaining in Low contact, not moving on herself and continues to contact my family members via FB.

 

I have told her I never will be Friends with her, I can't as I have romantic feelings for her and that's I'm interested in.

 

I agree that her education played a part in her decision to split. But I also think it's also playing a part in her decision to keep lines of communication open, as she will very likely end up moving to the same town as me eventually. I don't believe there is anything wrong with hope, as long as you have realistic expectations.

[Marc878]

She keeps up the contact because you aren't NC.

 

Like most you talk it but aren't achieving it.

 

NC means no contact. None. Texts, emails, phone calls, social media.

 

So you'll live on hopium and breadcrumbs.

 

When they dump you and don't kid yourself this is where you are. NC is you're only good option.

 

A lot like you are hoping for a fairy tale ending. So you'll keep yourself tied up for awhile.

 

She moved on. You haven't.

[Marc878]

She's very young and I expect has outgrown this relationship but wants to keep a connection for whatever reason. Probably until she moves away or finds someone new. Which is going to happen. It always does.

 

Then you'll be all torn up because you never detached.

 

In essence you are keeping yourself bound. You should let her go fully. If she wanted back you'd know it.

 

Nothing uncommon. Most who get dumped play it wrong just like you.

 

The only chance in these situations is to give them exactly what they want. Like most you can't stop trying which is counter active. She knows you're there waiting so she isn't going to miss out. But that just lowers your status and makes you look less attractive.

[schlumpy]

There's nothing wrong with you hoping that in the future that she will change her mind but not if it controls your life and is.

 

You can think there is no one else but it only takes an internet connection for an EA to happen. You would never know.

 

If she's not talking to her girl friends about the breakup then in her mind it done. Take back control of your life and put her on a shelf. Don't waste anymore time.