MeadowFlower Posted September 12, 2019 Posted September 12, 2019 Which dating apps or websites are the best for proper dating (not hookups)? Any suggestions? (And no one say "it's best to date in real life". That's not the question.)
Sam2020 Posted September 12, 2019 Posted September 12, 2019 A guy friend has tried, PoF, Match, Zoosk, Our Time and e-Harmony. He said that the free ones tend to have more "low-rent" type characters. Most have many of the same people with e-Harmony having a bit more new faces. When asked which has been the best for him, he said Match. But it'll depend on where you live as well. We live on an island so less people online than say, L.A. area. 1
Cersei Posted September 12, 2019 Posted September 12, 2019 As bad of a reputation as Tinder has, for me it's going really well! I have met up with 5 different guys and they all seemed like decent guys. One has turned out to be a good friend. And this last one and I are having our 4th date tomorrow. Tinder has a great format because creepy pervs can't just randomly send you messages unless you have swiped right on them yourself. About the worst message I got was something about me having a great ass. No big deal.
Author MeadowFlower Posted September 12, 2019 Author Posted September 12, 2019 Thanks @Sam2020 and @Cersei I have tried Tinder, and others. I live in a small city, so there aren't as many guys on the apps as there would be in a bigger place. How do you weed out the guys that just want a hookup, short of saying, "No guys looking for hookups."? I'm also no model.... I do like the Tinder layout though.
chillii Posted September 12, 2019 Posted September 12, 2019 Hey Meadow f. l'm no online expert but back when l was on it for a bit , and most of the women said that or far far more. So l think why not just write that in right there. 1
Cersei Posted September 12, 2019 Posted September 12, 2019 The profiles that I took a bit more serious said something like "looking for someone to get to know and see where it goes." I mean they could be lying and just want sex but it's a start. Because on Tinder guys will put "not looking for anything serious" and I give those guys credit for being honest about that. Best of luck. It's a lot of fun.
SumGuy Posted September 12, 2019 Posted September 12, 2019 (edited) A guy friend has tried, PoF, Match, Zoosk, Our Time and e-Harmony. He said that the free ones tend to have more "low-rent" type characters. Most have many of the same people with e-Harmony having a bit more new faces. When asked which has been the best for him, he said Match. But it'll depend on where you live as well. We live on an island so less people online than say, L.A. area. Quoting because my experience as well. The free ones were a wastes of time for me. Match turned out to be the best, in both available people and quality. The women on E-harmony were generally good but it does the matching for you and presents you a dribble of matches. The matching algorithm is horrible and it ignores your preferences. I continually got matches with people over 100 miles away (like a good quarter) when my radius was 40 miles. Though did meet a great woman was together with for over a year on E-Harmony. I live in a metropolitan area with about 4 million people, though only about 1 million likely live in my preferred radius. I also live near well to do towns, so there are plenty of now single women in there 40s and 50s around me with their lives together who are looking for someone to share life with. Edited September 12, 2019 by SumGuy
SumGuy Posted September 12, 2019 Posted September 12, 2019 .... How do you weed out the guys that just want a hookup, short of saying, "No guys looking for hookups."? .... I'm a non-hook up guy but from my perspective most of the guys looking only for a hook up are going to ignore that and just lie about their intentions. There really is no substitute for looking at their actions.
kendahke Posted September 12, 2019 Posted September 12, 2019 Which dating apps or websites are the best for proper dating (not hookups)? Any suggestions? (And no one say "it's best to date in real life". That's not the question.) none. ten characters.
nospam99 Posted September 12, 2019 Posted September 12, 2019 Disclaimer - I've got to believe that gender, age, and population density all strongly affect results. And I must admit that I'm currently dateless for four months and only had 'meh' dates for six months before that That said, First choice: Match - and pay for it! I also pay for Email Read Notification Second choice: POF - I met a woman I was falling in love with on POF. But that was a year and a half ago and she was the only 'good' match I got there. Third choice: There didn't use to be a third choice. But I just tried one month on ourtime for the third time, each about a year apart. I don't like the relatively high cost and the relative lack of information people put in their profiles. But given how little time I've used it, I have to admit I've gotten good results. Worthless/totally suk: okcupid, zoosk, eharmony, elitesingles, bumble 1
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted September 13, 2019 Posted September 13, 2019 You can use any online dating service you like; as long as you set the expectations and do not provide suggestive pictures, you will get results. Example: Your bio says "No Hook Ups!" but in every picture, your tongue is out; if I am on an online dating site and I see that in every picture, your tongue is out, I am assuming you want to hook up, regardless of what your bio says. Women may respond in thought with "Well, that just means your thirsty!" well, yeah and now your giving those thirsty dudes a watering hole... Do not do that. For me, a woman who I respect is not a woman I am going to attempt to outright hook up with right away, so building that respect on your profile is going to be important... You want to give these dudes building blocks to relate with you, while not flooding your profile with 7 paragraphs of information... If you do this right, you won't even have to put "No Hook ups!" in your bio. Secondly, it is important to include your name or a name in your bio; do not let yourself be defined by whatever username you are confined to, but rather, provide that personal touch... Dudes who often look for hook ups online, do it in a very dis-associative way; you are an object to them. Third, set the limits. Right off the bat, set the expectation for how you expect to be treated... So many women craft their profiles in a way, so that what they want is largely undefined, because they are open to whatever they can get in terms of value and if you want somebody to treat you right, start off by outlining what values they should possess... Yes, this will weed out some potential candidates, no question, but it will also make every interaction you have a bit more realistic; Like, you want to find somebody to MATCH with, not just somebody, so outline how this person can match with you.
Author MeadowFlower Posted September 13, 2019 Author Posted September 13, 2019 Thanks for the informative replies So I've just joined Match.... I have been on it before. Wish me luck!
Author MeadowFlower Posted September 13, 2019 Author Posted September 13, 2019 (edited) What the heck? There doesn't seem to be many guys on Match.. Does it show everyone, that you search for?? I did a search in New York, New York, for men aged 25 to 39 and got shown 271 results. That doesn't seem much?? Edited September 13, 2019 by MeadowFlower
Happy Lemming Posted September 13, 2019 Posted September 13, 2019 ...men aged 25 to 39 and got shown 271 results. You only need one. Surely, there must be 1 guy out of the 271 that will fit your criteria.
Rayce Posted September 13, 2019 Posted September 13, 2019 Thanks for the informative replies So I've just joined Match.... I have been on it before. Wish me luck! good luck! Your thread inspired me to join too... so I did too!
kendahke Posted September 13, 2019 Posted September 13, 2019 What the heck? There doesn't seem to be many guys on Match.. Does it show everyone, that you search for?? I did a search in New York, New York, for men aged 25 to 39 and got shown 271 results. That doesn't seem much?? That's why I said "none"... I seriously doubt any number over 50--the rest are either scammer accounts or accounts Match uses to keep the hook in people's cheeks.
Michelle ma Belle Posted September 13, 2019 Posted September 13, 2019 Online dating app preferences are very subjective. What works for one may not work for another. I've done them all at one point or another over the last 10 years that I've been back to dating and personally, they're all basically the same in that you will ALWAYS have flakes, liars, cheaters, scammers, time-wasters, players, bots and of course there are sincere people looking for real connections too. For me personally, POF has always been a great place for me to actually meet and date men. A lot of people hate POF. There are also many who swear by eHarmony because of how 'serious' it is about matching people. For me, this has been far and away the worst site with very little return on investment...and believe me, it was indeed a financial investment. Just pick one, give it 30 days and see how you do. If after 30 days you're not happy with it, delete and try another site. It's about trial and error until you figure out how to play the game. Good luck.
SumGuy Posted September 13, 2019 Posted September 13, 2019 What the heck? There doesn't seem to be many guys on Match.. Does it show everyone, that you search for?? I did a search in New York, New York, for men aged 25 to 39 and got shown 271 results. That doesn't seem much?? That seems really, really odd. Like a search engine or settings problem. Or just the first page of results. I've some pretty narrow age criteria (45-60) and radius (50 miles), live in a big city but smaller than NYC and get over 3000 hits. Not that I have ever looked at more than a 100 I believe. Is it the mobile app or on a computer? The mobile app has problems limits and behaves differently than when I search on the computer. One thing I find that works well is if you click on someone you like and then below in the "others like them" you often see others you like that may not be on your search results. Also the algorithms are wonky though. The people they send you via an e-mail don't necessarily show up when you search or in the matches they give you via the site. How many of those 271 to you find interesting though? 1
SumGuy Posted September 13, 2019 Posted September 13, 2019 That's why I said "none"... I seriously doubt any number over 50--the rest are either scammer accounts or accounts Match uses to keep the hook in people's cheeks. At least for women I've very rarely seen a fake/scammer account on match (certainly less than 1 in a hundred) and you can tell a dead account because it tells you the last time the person got on. I'm pretty sure if you stop paying that Match drops you. At least for the women who I know have stopped their account. It's not like a free site where you may unsubscribe but they keep you on to keep their numbers up.
Rayce Posted September 13, 2019 Posted September 13, 2019 I checked mine this morning and I had 311 matches for a 10 mile radius around my city and there were 3 messages in the inbox. I have followed up with all 3. I am not ruling anyone out based on their profile. Anyone who ask me out is going to get a date. 1
kendahke Posted September 13, 2019 Posted September 13, 2019 I've very rarely seen a fake/scammer account on match That's because you're not a woman of a certain age. Create an account of a middle aged woman and see what comes out of the woodwork after you. We are chum in the waters for these scamming sharks... and there are hundreds of fake profiles used to try to separate us from our retirement funds. Match is just as bad as POF, Tinder, etc.
Rayce Posted September 13, 2019 Posted September 13, 2019 That's because you're not a woman of a certain age. Create an account of a middle aged woman and see what comes out of the woodwork after you. We are chum in the waters for these scamming sharks... and there are hundreds of fake profiles used to try to separate us from our retirement funds. Match is just as bad as POF, Tinder, etc. I call them catfish... and I have had my share of them try to scam me but I won't waste my time on more than a few messages back and forth. If they aren't willing to meet up then next...
Author MeadowFlower Posted September 13, 2019 Author Posted September 13, 2019 That seems really, really odd. Like a search engine or settings problem. Or just the first page of results. I've some pretty narrow age criteria (45-60) and radius (50 miles), live in a big city but smaller than NYC and get over 3000 hits. Not that I have ever looked at more than a 100 I believe. Is it the mobile app or on a computer? The mobile app has problems limits and behaves differently than when I search on the computer. Thanks, that is helpful. I might give it a go on the computer. I was using Match on my phone, not an app but the mobile site. Match doesn't have an app, I think. I don't actually live in NYC, but did a search there.
Author MeadowFlower Posted September 13, 2019 Author Posted September 13, 2019 I checked mine this morning and I had 311 matches for a 10 mile radius around my city and there were 3 messages in the inbox. I have followed up with all 3. I am not ruling anyone out based on their profile. Anyone who ask me out is going to get a date. Did you write a profile?
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