Maddie82 Posted September 18, 2019 Posted September 18, 2019 Lower you expectations. Yours are too high.
elaine567 Posted September 18, 2019 Posted September 18, 2019 A Doctor who works with terminally ill kids in a Denver hospital is much more interesting to me than a 29yo au pair. This is probably because since forever people told me I couldn't do this and do that but mostly I proved them wrong so I can really admire someone who takes the difficult road instead of the easy one. Its not really about hard roads, the au pair may have had a tremendously hard road to walk to become an au pair, and the Doctor may have, through money, basic intelligence and nepotism, have sailed into her job, a job which is not hard for her as she loves it. It is all about at the end of the day "class". The doctor is well above the au pair in class, status, prestige. You could not show off the girl with the "bad accent" to your friends as she was "lower class", whereas a doctor would be seen as more apt. You might have got away with the "bad accent" girl if she was smoking hot but not otherwise... I get it. But "class" on Tinder is rare and when you identify it, it is not choosing you, (probability is low anyway no matter who you are), so what do you propose to do to increase your chances of meeting classier women? 2
Author ZA Dater Posted September 18, 2019 Author Posted September 18, 2019 (edited) It is all about at the end of the day "class". The doctor is well above the au pair in class, status, prestige. You could not show off the girl with the "bad accent" to your friends as she was "lower class", whereas a doctor would be seen as more apt. You might have got away with the "bad accent" girl if she was smoking hot but not otherwise... I get it. But "class" on Tinder is rare and when you identify it, it is not choosing you, (probability is low anyway no matter who you are), so what do you propose to do to increase your chances of meeting classier women? In SA, an au pair job usually requires no qualifications whatsoever. Its not about showing off, its about the person having an ambitious mind set. If you are going down this road, I once helped a student who was studying, she offered to go to a few dinners with me, she was gorgeous, had an amazing personality and it was easy to spend hours with her. Look I have no doubt Tinder isn't ideal but its the best of a bad bunch when it comes to OLD. It DOES work for some people, I have met guys who enjoy lots of casual success on Tinder so its not completely useless and they are dating the classy ladies. Where do I meet people, no idea really, definitely not car meets because there aren't any single ladies, definitely not at the office no single people here either, definitely not at the car club, again no single people. I simply don't ever meet single people. Or when I do its a case of she looks amazing but does magic mushrooms at trance parties or she is really nice but loves to party most weekends so there is always one huge deal killer from both sides. The yoga lady was very nice but not really into me but at least I did get some sort of attention from her, if I'd been more confident and less shy I could probably have got a lot more attention from her. It is about class to some extent but the reality is I can go on 200 dates and the outcome will be the same because I have no game, I don't go on dates with people I like because I cant actually get those people to go on dates with me, the outcome will always be the same because they expect me to have some experience. Edited September 18, 2019 by ZA Dater
normal person Posted September 18, 2019 Posted September 18, 2019 Or when I do its a case of she looks amazing but does magic mushrooms at trance parties or she is really nice but loves to party most weekends so there is always one huge deal killer from both sides. I'm not saying you should've dated either of these people, but for the bigger picture, it's almost certain that if you want to be with someone, you're going to have to compromise on something. A woman you like might drink alcohol casually. She might go to a party occasionally. She might have some debt. You get the idea. No one's ever going to be 100% perfect. Even you know you're not in a position to hold anyone to unreasonable scrutiny. Keep in mind she's going to compromise on things about you as well. It doesn't sound nice, but that's basically the way it is, no one's going to check all the good boxes and none of the bad ones.
elaine567 Posted September 18, 2019 Posted September 18, 2019 In SA, an au pair job usually requires no qualifications whatsoever. I wasn't talking about qualifications necessarily just the hard road of knocks some have to travel just to end up with a job.
NuevoYorko Posted September 18, 2019 Posted September 18, 2019 A woman you like might drink alcohol casually. She might go to a party occasionally. She might have some debt. You get the idea. No one's ever going to be 100% perfect. Really? I have the impression that ZA dislikes any woman whom he does not judge as perfect. Certainly there is an element of self protection here - he doesn't have to face rejection often because he has rarely encountered "perfect" women. 99.9% of them are beneath him, so they don't count. I still can't give a pass. Just because overweight single mothers who work as au pairs (or any combo of those things) "like" him on Tinder (or whatever you do on Tinder) does not mean that even those lesser beings would choose to spend time with him. ZA functions under the assumption that they would. This allows him to sit in judgement on every woman, feel unjustly deprived when the 6 that are perfect don't choose him, and be in the "power role" of rejecting all the rest. Sorry to talk about you in the 3rd person, ZA. 5
Author ZA Dater Posted September 18, 2019 Author Posted September 18, 2019 (edited) I'm not saying you should've dated either of these people, but for the bigger picture, it's almost certain that if you want to be with someone, you're going to have to compromise on something. A woman you like might drink alcohol casually. She might go to a party occasionally. She might have some debt. You get the idea. No one's ever going to be 100% perfect. Even you know you're not in a position to hold anyone to unreasonable scrutiny. Keep in mind she's going to compromise on things about you as well. It doesn't sound nice, but that's basically the way it is, no one's going to check all the good boxes and none of the bad ones. Agree completely. A lot of my viewpoint on this once again come from horrible experiences, I am happy to compromise if I feel the person is worth compromising for, I am sure many ladies do exactly the same. However, I simply never arrive at the point of either mutual attraction and the ability to mutually compromise. I am happy to be proven wrong about everything I type here but until that happens I am not really going to change my views because they are based on my own experiences thus far. That's the thing, none of us really have the same bad experiences because we are not the same people. Make no mistake I try and prove myself wrong when I go on dates but irrespective of how open minded I am when I arrive the outcome and the general date itself is mostly exactly how I envisage it to be. Again I have huge respect for ladies who can simply text "look I had a nice time but you are not the person for me". What gripes me beyond belief are ones who cannot do that for whatever reason, ghosting I think its called. The disconnect here centres around these issues 1: not meeting suitable people 2: massive pressure applied by people around me on me to date and the general expectation 3: the fact for whatever reason I like a very specific type of person 4: the internal battle I face, date or simply try and get laid. Or do I do the former to try do the latter, I can never really decide which. 5: I have very regimented thinking, however I have considered pay dates, I have been on one and it didn't really answer the question I had or provide me with the dating experience I wanted. Ultimately all I really want is one instance of mutual attraction. Edited September 18, 2019 by ZA Dater
basil67 Posted September 18, 2019 Posted September 18, 2019 Where I live I don't see any diversity, its like with like and nothing else. Unless of course there is vast wealth involved then sure I might see the opposite of that. So what's stopping you moving to somewhere where there is more diversity? A chance of a bond. Based on a picture? You apparently missed where I wrote that she may have liked what you wrote. I could never imagine thinking there's a chance of a bond based on a picture...that's just silly. Hence me saying that your physique isn't important. I agree its what's inside which counts but again I don't really find anyone that interesting. A Doctor who works with terminally ill kids in a Denver hospital is much more interesting to me than a 29yo au pair. And you said a few posts back that you didn't know what to change in yourself. Opening your mind to people's life experiences would be another thing to add to your list of things to change. That au pair may have some terrific stories and experiences. And the Doctor may skilled but a complete bore. 2
Author ZA Dater Posted September 20, 2019 Author Posted September 20, 2019 So what's stopping you moving to somewhere where there is more diversity? And you said a few posts back that you didn't know what to change in yourself. Opening your mind to people's life experiences would be another thing to add to your list of things to change. That au pair may have some terrific stories and experiences. And the Doctor may skilled but a complete bore. Life experiences? Please expand on this thought. I don't have many life experiences to be fair in the sense I have been focused on a handful of things but I can certainly talk about many subjects. With Tinder I tried writing a profile and found the results are no better so I deleted it so basically yes I am being judged purely on a picture. One person didn't like me because apparently my shoulders she didn't like , another wouldn't meet up because I don't to go church. My opinion is OLD has made people far more fussy. Moving, again there is plenty of diversity if I am prepared to lower my class expectation, which I did on this date actually. Moving is not a practical solution. I did start looking at arrangements again, they have some appeal because its business, however the amount of frauds and scams is mind boggling. At least with arrangements I have less to choose from by I am not rejected for not going to church. There is an irony there somewhere.
elaine567 Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 Prior to OLD people were always fussy, why wouldn't they be? Shoulder complaint - many women like broad shoulders, it is a sign of strength, power and even the sign of a guy that can protect her, make her feel safe and secure... I guess being of the the thinner body type, you don't have broad shoulders. Church is very important to some, not only due to personal faith but also due to the need for a partner to fit into her family and community. As a non-attender, you are not the man for her. What is wrong with that? There was no golden age when beautiful and desirable women were available to to any ordinary guy on the street who wanted them. Women may have had little choice but to marry for financial reasons, but they still no doubt went for the guy offering the most...
Author ZA Dater Posted September 20, 2019 Author Posted September 20, 2019 There was no golden age when beautiful and desirable women were available to to any ordinary guy on the street who wanted them. Women may have had little choice but to marry for financial reasons, but they still no doubt went for the guy offering the most... The difference is they actually had to go out an find them and not sit on a phone swiping away. I can sit and swipe in Stockholm or LA, that would not have been possible in the past. Logically I am thinking an arrangement is the way for me to go because I am just tired of OLD. If I had to list mistakes I made in life, OLD would rank up on that list. There are lots of great looking ladies around where I work but usually tied to the equivalent guy so not much scope for quiet me in that equation.
justwhoiam Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 Paid arrangements... read this article about sugar babies, it's quite interesting: https://www.knowledgeformen.com/undercover-sugar-daddy-on-seekingarrangement By the way, the classy women won't give you a chance if you ask them out for coffee... they're quite likely ruling out men who offer cheap dates. 1
NuevoYorko Posted September 20, 2019 Posted September 20, 2019 The difference is they actually had to go out an find them and not sit on a phone swiping away. Women? Hardly. Part of the "golden age of dating" was men doing ALL the pursuing and action taking. I'm somewhat older than most people on this site and my youthful dating experiences included zero women going out and finding anyone. Maybe that's a reason that I'm so befuddled and sometimes annoyed by this constant moaning of the "unfair" advantage women have in dating. At least now there is the potential for a woman to "swipe away" and give a man a clue that she is interested. 3
Author ZA Dater Posted September 21, 2019 Author Posted September 21, 2019 After this latest Tinder date, which was horrendous for a multitude of reasons I think I may take a very long sabbatical from dating. At least she talked all the time which was a change, however her side line business made me literally want to run for the hills. She was attractive enough but that side business, in fact this whole date would make for the plot of a movie or book.
5x5 Posted September 22, 2019 Posted September 22, 2019 Okay then do tell, what is her side business? 2
justwhoiam Posted September 22, 2019 Posted September 22, 2019 her side line business made me literally want to run for the hills Mortuary makeup artist? Funeral home assistant/manager/undertaker? Hotline operator? Call girl? Burlesque girl? Stripteaser? Drug dealer???! Poo recycler?! 1
Rayce Posted September 22, 2019 Posted September 22, 2019 seriously… the suspense is killing us... what is the side buz? 1
chillii Posted September 22, 2019 Posted September 22, 2019 Ahh, probly nothin too serious , part time assassin maybe. Personally though l'd really have to draw the line at poo recycling . 1
Author ZA Dater Posted September 22, 2019 Author Posted September 22, 2019 Okay then do tell, what is her side business? "Professional High End Call Girl" with a business card and what I didn't know at the time, security monitoring her location. Needless to say as soon as I found this out the date couldn't end fast enough and I had a more than a casual look over my shoulder. Quite possibly this will be the last Tinder date I will ever go on. Positives with her was she insisted on hold my arm close to her and walking close to me which was actually quite nice. The she started recounting her life story and it was fairly horrendous, not much shocks me but this did rattle me a fair bit. She did virtually all the talking which was a refreshing change and I will say she was nice in the way most Tinder dates aren't, more engaging I would say. When she got to the point of telling me she had her drink spiked and "lost" 3 hours of her life I began to really wonder. Of course none of this was disclosed when the date was set up, much less what she did. I cut this date very short but sitting here now I guess I can understand why extremely wealthy guys would go for something like this because there was a greater degree of warmth than I have experienced on most dates I have been on.
Rayce Posted September 22, 2019 Posted September 22, 2019 "Professional High End Call Girl" with a business card wow they hand out business card? crazy! What does the card say? Does it say Professional High End Call Girl?
chillii Posted September 22, 2019 Posted September 22, 2019 Oh , well that explains a lot of things then.
NuevoYorko Posted September 22, 2019 Posted September 22, 2019 Why not call the "high end call girl" and give that route a chance. You've already made her acquaintance so that part's done. You seem to have an exclusively transactional concept of dating, so I sincerely think that buying companionship and sex will be a positive thing for you. If she is skilled at her work, she can learn, or you can outright teach her to talk about things you like, what to wear, how to interact with you. You'll love it.
justwhoiam Posted September 23, 2019 Posted September 23, 2019 "Professional High End Call Girl" with a business card and what I didn't know at the time, security monitoring her location. Needless to say as soon as I found this out the date couldn't end fast enough This is quite funny. If you let your thoughts flow so freely during dates, your partners would be rolling off the floor laughing. You were not surprised she was there to get a new client as a high-end prostitute, rather that she had security monitoring her location. Hilarious. Almost like: Hey, I don't care that you sleep around with whomever, what's beyond me is that you get regularly tested for STDs! Positives with her was she insisted on hold my arm close to her and walking close to me which was actually quite nice. Yeah, well, I guess she's well trained in customer experience. You might leave a good review (but not on tripdvisor or google, rather on some high-end call girl platform). No one feels like paying for bad service, and she was trying to give you a glimpse of that in the hope you'd buy the service (or the product). The she started recounting her life story and it was fairly horrendous, not much shocks me but this did rattle me a fair bit. Tale as old as time True as it can be... 1
elaine567 Posted September 23, 2019 Posted September 23, 2019 You were contemplating paying for it and "someone up there" sent you a "High End Call girl" as a date... coincidence? The reality did not actually match up to the romanticised version you had in your head... Was she actually looking for a date or a new client?
Author ZA Dater Posted September 23, 2019 Author Posted September 23, 2019 You were contemplating paying for it and "someone up there" sent you a "High End Call girl" as a date... coincidence? The reality did not actually match up to the romanticised version you had in your head... Was she actually looking for a date or a new client? If I had known the background I would never have agreed to the date. Must admit I didn't feel that safe with the spectre of security not too far away, sadly the country I live in isn't the one of the safest, this date could have gone very, very wrong. I suspect she was looking for a date but the whole story was so un-nerving because it hit very close to home, I have family member (sister) who took some very bad decisions in life. Honestly, I think I am cured from dating app's now because overall its been a pretty forgettable experience. I'd probably be better off trying to meet someone conventionally however impossible that will be. My plan is just to work out, get super fit and try to feel good about myself. I need to somehow forget the past bad dating experiences. I guess its ok to be alone.
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