Another date to add to the list.

[ZA Dater]

That's funny. Some might be flaky, as they will cancel on you 1 hour before the date, but saying that all women will put up with any men available? Come on. How come the Eva Green lookalike is not going out with you anymore? Your theory just crumbled.

 

Why didn't he try, is that what you meant? Because we're all different, and what is good for you might not be good for him. Why do some people divorce and then remarry? Because they think it didn't work because of a wrong combination of factors, or that they were with the wrong person.

 

.

 

Ladies who look great have endless choice. The mother with two kids doesn't really, that's the reality of it. Far more guys will find a single no kids lady attractive than one with two kids, unless of course they like the idea of kids. I don't like the idea of dating someone with kids so perhaps 1/3 of my OLD pool is gone.

 

Reality is she is good enough looking to go a different date every night of the week if she wanted to, there are guys who can do the same. Why is this, because superficial does actually count for something. Unfortunately I cannot change what I look like so I'll have to live this vicariously though others who enjoy such benefits in life.

 

He didn't try because he wouldn't be seen around those people but they were good enough for me its a classic example of suggesting something lesser. The same person has suggested paying. Thankfully he no long interferes in my lack of dating, barring the odd 40yo virgin quip every so often.

 

I'll be upfront, looks do matter to me, they matter to some degree to everyone person walking the face of the earth. I'll go further and say at the moment they are mostly the only thing that interests me because its become too bothersome to try and get all these boxes ticket, put in the effort and get nowhere.

 

 

Guys that can go out and have ONS with people they find attractive, good for them, just wish I could do that but inevitably you need to be a top tier guy to get the attractive ladies. Used to think being relatively smart would help this but it does not.

Edited September 16, 2019 by ZA Dater

[jspice]

Ladies who look great have endless choice. The mother with two kids doesn't really, that's the reality of it. Far more guys will find a single no kids lady attractive than one with two kids, unless of course they like the idea of kids.

 

Will you stop with this crap? Did you ever consider that a single mother with two kids wouldn’t want to date you? She’d just be adding a third child to her brood. You’re petulant and judgemental and really immature. Your ID book says 35 but your emotional maturity is at maybe 15. Who hasn’t had a tough life? It’s a rare person who hasn’t experienced loss or hurt or despair or loneliness or abandonment.

We can sit on the sidelines and cry about it or we can not waste the chance to live a full life. Whatever your choice, at 35 you’re old enough to take responsibility for your choices and not blame others for your lack of personal development.

 

One minute you want to pay for a date, the next it’s below you. You’re too moral. Women don’t ask you the deep questions, then one does and her accent sucks. That’s really childish by the way. So her accent isn’t up to your standards. The White English South African accent is rather flat too if we’re going to talk accents and compare Englishes.

 

No matter who or what comes your way, you’re always going to stomp your foot indignantly and walk away and pretty soon even the people who so patiently try to help you here are going to throw their hands up and walk away.

 

Nobody has told you to go out with people you don’t find attractive. Everyone here says NOT to do that, yet you insist. Just realise that no woman with her act together is going to take you on as you are now. Do you have any idea how much hard work it would take to satisfy you? She’ll be your sole focus because you can’t and won’t make real friends. That will wear on anyone and you shouldn’t ask somebody to take you on as you are now.

 

Have enough self-awareness to realise that you are broken and you can’t expect a person who is whole to pick up the pieces of your life.

Instead of sitting on your Tinder all day, fix yourself.

[Maddie82]

Its considerably easier to pull dates apart than look at myself

 

This is why you are single. You blame your date if it's not what you expected and refuse to think for one second that you might be the problem. You only went out with this poor girl out of sheer boredom which is unfair in itself because she obviously made an effort. Then you completely tore her apart in your head. Not cool.

[ZA Dater]

This is why you are single. You blame your date if it's not what you expected and refuse to think for one second that you might be the problem. You only went out with this poor girl out of sheer boredom which is unfair in itself because she obviously made an effort. Then you completely tore her apart in your head. Not cool.

 

Sure but when nobody tells you what the problem is, am I supposed to sit around and guess?

 

Why not, she probably tore me apart to so what difference does it make really, none at all.

[Maddie82]

Sure but when nobody tells you what the problem is, am I supposed to sit around and guess?

 

Why not, she probably tore me apart to so what difference does it make really, none at all.

 

You just have a very shallow and judgmental attitude toward women. This will get you nowhere in life. It's very unattractive and again its why you are single.

[ZA Dater]

Nobody has told you to go out with people you don’t find attractive. Everyone here says NOT to do that, yet you insist. Just realise that no woman with her act together is going to take you on as you are now. Do you have any idea how much hard work it would take to satisfy you? She’ll be your sole focus because you can’t and won’t make real friends. That will wear on anyone and you shouldn’t ask somebody to take you on as you are now.

 

Have enough self-awareness to realise that you are broken and you can’t expect a person who is whole to pick up the pieces of your life.

Instead of sitting on your Tinder all day, fix yourself.

 

I am quite fine, nevertheless thanks for your concern. The inference here always seems to be when one dates for looks one is superficial but honestly what other reason is there to date? The large guy might have an amazing personality but miss blond blue eyes isn't going to give him a second look, this was the lesson I learnt, I grew up believing that not to be the case but actually is rather true, sure there are exceptions as there are with everything but its true most of the time.

 

Sure, in the dating context friends might be useful but I have friends, they vary between

 

1: not interested in dating

2: married

3: single but hugely desirable so dating isn't really work for them they can get whoever they want.

 

I wont walk away when for once I actually get what I like versus being told what I must take which some people on this forum seem to take great glee in doing.

 

Guess what, I don't have a white English south African accent. But that's largely irrelevant.

 

I live quite a full life thank you, spent the weekend with some driving friends doing a great road trip which I enjoyed, I get challenged most days by work, sure I don't go on holiday as such, I don't do a lot of things but I write that off as the price to pay for being single and you know when I hear ABC telling me about their bf's family, or so and so telling me about their gf"s friend, I get to live a bit vicariously for better and for worse.

 

You want to help me, tell me what to tell people when they ask why I am single, tell me what to tell them when guys are all talking about the latest conquest. It needs to be comprehensive and believable.

 

Yip I sit and work on how to best date, I try work out a strategy and an objective much like I do when I sit working on a M&A deal but it counts for nothing really at the end of the day. I put effort into this but zero return so when you keep doing this eventually I just ask myself why I even bother. More so when I go out and the a typical "jock" sits there making a huge amount of noise, over drinking, surrounded by guys like him, surrounded by the same ladies that, well I might as well not exist.

 

Then I get someone pretty close to me in personality and it still doesn't work.

 

You say I do nothing, all I have done it try improve, be it my approach, try drag some more confidence, work out different questions, different types of dates, different types of people and yet....

 

But yes I get why nobody would take me on, I take that on the chin to be honest and hey maybe there is some truth there so my strategy is one of well just keep going but when they doesn't work then just live vicariously through those who do actually get the great opportunities, meet the people they want to meet, get the dating experiences they want to get.

 

Just for a moment put yourself in my shoes and try imagine what its like.

Edited September 16, 2019 by ZA Dater

[ZA Dater]

You just have a very shallow and judgmental attitude toward women. This will get you nowhere in life. It's very unattractive and again its why you are single.

 

But is ok for them to judge? In years past I used to feel really terrible about being rejected, I don't anymore because I took a look at the person who rejected me and realised with a few exceptions I simply didn't really care.

[Maddie82]

But is ok for them to judge.

 

Didn't say that. We're talking about you, not them.

[ZA Dater]

Didn't say that. We're talking about you, not them.

 

 

 

I fail to see what is wrong with judging a persons manners based on their inability to say "thank you". I had an awful dinner the other day, I still thanked the waitress for bringing me the dinner.

 

 

Everyone judges all the time be it overtly or not. I sat having lunch today, its a trendy place so trendy people go there, well besides me of course who isn't trendy and there are usually what I'd call pretty people there. Super fit guy, model like ladies and I thought about greeting one or two while I stand in line to order but why (apart from the fact I walk in and the staff order for me because I have the same thing each day so I don't really ever need to stand in line) because I have never see any guy ever try "chat up" any lady here, in fact outside bars and clubs I have never seen it happen ever.

 

 

I use OLD because I have no choice really, there isn't any other alternative which is actually workable, irrespective of how flexible I choose to be. It took the infamous "you must evolve" one date to realise I had no experience, granted I actually saw her three time, including the movie we went to see.

 

 

That was a deal killer for her.

[Maddie82]

I fail to see what is wrong with judging.

 

Everyone judges all the time be it overtly or not.

 

But you do it in a very shallow and immature way. You go for the better looking women. What does that say about you? It says that you are very shallow and that is a very unattractive quality in a guy.

Edited September 16, 2019 by Maddie82

[mortensorchid]

@mortensorchid

 

My guess.

He somehow managed to upset her.

If she picked up on the obvious disdain he has for her that he shared here, she probably was in no mood to say Thank You

 

That is a possibility, to be sure. But I also have encountered people on OLDs (terrible ones, obviously) who didn't say thank you for the date whether or not they paid. Why? Because they have no courtesy for others. Some of them will make excuses, as discussed in the past as well as above, but consider yourself lucky that this happened because this person is not who you want either as a friend or as a gf. Period. She sounds like a user to me.

[justwhoiam]

Ladies who look great have endless choice.

Yeah, on paper. But have you ever heard any of them complaining about not being approached and pursued because guys think they're out of their league? Or just being used as trophies? If she wears too much make-up, many guys will steer clear. Many might think a woman is too high maintenance. In short, women can have different issues to deal with, but they all do. So yeah, pretty women might have more suitors, but it's no guarantee it'll go past a first date or a ONS.

 

The mother with two kids doesn't really, that's the reality of it.

I'm a mother, and I'm not dating. But I guess most moms would have interesting stories to tell... I surely do.

 

I don't like the idea of dating someone with kids so perhaps 1/3 of my OLD pool is gone.

Yep.

 

The more so, if you'll discard any woman who doesn't look like or as good-looking as actress X. That was our point. Not about wanting to be with someone you're attracted to. If I was attracted only to, say, George Clooney and anyone that doesn't look like him is not attractive to me, then I'd have a psychological problem seriously impacting my life and any potential relationship.

 

How do you answer the following questions?

 

1. What do you like doing in your spare time?

2. What do you usually do during the weekend?

3. Can you play any instrument?

4. Can you swim?

5. Have you ever been abroad? (If yes, what countries have you visited?)

6. Does your family spend the holidays together?

7. Do you believe in God? Are you a Christian? Or an atheist? Or..?

8. What's the longest relationship you've had?

9. What are you looking for in a woman? And what are the qualities you'd hope to find in your soulmate?

10. What do you do?

11. Have you ever done drugs?

12. What's your favorite movie?

13. Do you play videogames?

14. What's your relationship with money?

15. List your favorite color, favorite ice-cream flavor, favorite dessert, favorite dish.

16. What's the most embarassing thing ever happened to you?

 

Based on your answers, I might be able to help.

[normal person]

Sure but when nobody tells you what the problem is, am I supposed to sit around and guess?

 

Why not, she probably tore me apart to so what difference does it make really, none at all.

 

For what it's worth, people in this thread explained why it's a bad idea to discuss your lack of previous success with your date, and you assumed you knew better.

 

What if you got an honest answer from one of these women and it was something that didn't sit well with you, or something you had big reservations about compromising on?

[ZA Dater]

How do you answer the following questions?

 

1. What do you like doing in your spare time?

2. What do you usually do during the weekend?

3. Can you play any instrument?

4. Can you swim?

5. Have you ever been abroad? (If yes, what countries have you visited?)

6. Does your family spend the holidays together?

7. Do you believe in God? Are you a Christian? Or an atheist? Or..?

8. What's the longest relationship you've had?

9. What are you looking for in a woman? And what are the qualities you'd hope to find in your soulmate?

10. What do you do?

11. Have you ever done drugs?

12. What's your favorite movie?

13. Do you play videogames?

14. What's your relationship with money?

15. List your favorite color, favorite ice-cream flavor, favorite dessert, favorite dish.

16. What's the most embarassing thing ever happened to you?

 

Based on your answers, I might be able to help.

 

 

 

1: I cycle, work on my novel, drive my cars, go to he beach, walk in the forest, meet up with friends sometimes. The odd road trip, breakfast runs.

2: As per above but add arrange events for the car club I run.

3: No

4: Yes I enjoy and waves

5: No, more important priorities

6: Yes, not that I have a big family.

7: I believe in being a good person.

8: Not applicable

9: Ambition, intelligence, well spoken, confident, honest, good general knowledge, well spoken, classy, pretty to me, supportive.

10: M&A, Property Management/development, accounting.

11: No

12: Too many to mention, Unbroken, Hacksaw Ridge, Gone in 60 Seconds, Pretty Women.

13: No

14: I like money and the things it can buy.

15: Red, Green, Blue, Chocolate, Chocolate Cake, probably a very specific pizza.

16: Asking a girl out in front of about 30 people and being turned down, this was when I was 16yo. Never forgotten it.

[ZA Dater]

 

What if you got an honest answer from one of these women and it was something that didn't sit well with you, or something you had big reservations about compromising on?

 

I like honesty so I'd take it on the chin, for the level of stress I work I have I am actually quite calm. Cynically I don't believe those women were capable or had the backbone to give a honest answer.

 

Compromise, ironic really because too much is all relative, my approach now is going to be a greater degree of indifference to the idea of dating, unless by some miracle I meet someone who does tick me many of my boxes, why bother putting in effort if the person opposite isn't really what you want?

 

I refuse to lower myself to the "beg and grovel" level whereby I allow women to exercise that level of "control" over me.

 

One thing I hear a lot from a close friend "be their friend they have friends" which doesn't really work either and I can understand why it doesn't work because people on dating sites aren't looking for friends.

 

Most of my life I focussed on a very small list of things, I am getting closer to those goals, the "mistake" is wondering what it would be like to date, have that closeness, the other "mistake" was meeting people who do "move" me in some intangible way, people who make me want to be better, people who make me feel good when I am in their company.

 

Look I know in some circumstances I simply got used but I didn't really mind because the intangible I got far exceeded whatever it was they wanted from me.

 

I can take heavy criticism and rejection ONLY bothers me if its someone I really liked, there are very few of those, perhaps maybe 6 or 7 people. The rest: too much compromise and few ticked enough of the boxes. Do I regret making a mess of most of the 7, yes, multiple times a day because its not like I am getting better choice with each passing year.

[NuevoYorko]

Going forward, maybe it will be helpful to you if, every time you are rejected, you say to yourself, "well, she probably did not like my accent." This is evidently a good solid reason for dismissing someone, in your opinion. It will be a comfort to you. And think of all the typing this could save you.

 

But for the love of God, stop complaining about the shallowness of other people! :lmao:

 

Also:

 

I refuse to lower myself to the "beg and grovel" level whereby I allow women to exercise that level of "control" over me.

Just so you know - all these women who aren't interested in you? They are not interested in controlling you, either. You are not significant to them. Edited September 16, 2019 by NuevoYorko

[basil67]

Cynically I don't believe those women were capable or had the backbone to give a honest answer.

 

First, remember that NT women are raised to try and not offend. To be Nice. Telling someone why you don't want to see them again is not what we are raised to do.

 

Second, those of us who have ignored these teachings and try honesty find ourselves being argued against buy who's a guy who says either "I'm NOT X, Y AND Z" or "I'll change!" Either way, we've learned to not be honest.

 

I can take heavy criticism and rejection ONLY bothers me if its someone I really liked, there are very few of those, perhaps maybe 6 or 7 people.

 

Liking only 6 or 7 people....do you refer to friendship or romance?

[Maddie82]

ZA Dater, answer me this, what if there was a woman you met who had an amazing personality, loyal, smart and a very good person, but didn't have the movie star looks that you require. Would you blow her off because of that?

[ZA Dater]

I would not provided she looked after herself and wasn't obese. And had a pretty face.

Edited September 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote removed

[Maddie82]

What if she wasn't obese, was an amazing person, but not that pretty?

Edited September 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
quote removed

[ZA Dater]

First, remember that NT women are raised to try and not offend. To be Nice. Telling someone why you don't want to see them again is not what we are raised to do.

 

Second, those of us who have ignored these teachings and try honesty find ourselves being argued against buy who's a guy who says either "I'm NOT X, Y AND Z" or "I'll change!" Either way, we've learned to not be honest.

 

Liking only 6 or 7 people....do you refer to friendship or romance?

 

I get that and understand that but I am not an aggressive type of person, calm would best describe me, calm and quiet. Look I think I may have won the "oh shame vote" on some of these dates, which isn't really very helpful.

 

Obviously I don't come across that well for most people, I can take that on the chin but I also need to assume it based on no real facts to support that. Again I am face with a choice, care enough to feel sorry for myself or simply not care at all, try and modify whatever it is people don't like but if I did that I'd need a reason to and currently I don't really have that reason. Its not like I am meeting lots of people and have any potential dates.

 

When I met K in 2015 I had a reason to change and I did fairly comprehensively because I wanted to try and win her over, ok I couldn't do that but I did win a friend I didn't have and yes there were benefits to those changes but I still had to have a reason for them.

 

Its not like I have a lot of reason to change now, change to what exactly?

[ZA Dater]

What if she wasn't obese, was an amazing person, but not that pretty?

 

 

 

She'd have to be pretty to me.

[Maddie82]

She'd have to be pretty to me.

 

You will never get a woman with this attitude. You need to change your way of thinking.

Edited September 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Maddie82]

Unfortunately I don't feel a women who cannot say thank you exudes much respect either.

 

You didn't deserve a thank you after the way you treated her. You said she stared and that was because you gave off such a disgusted vibe that she was in shock. You probably sat there grimacing the whole time without realizing it.

[ZA Dater]

You will never get a woman with this attitude. You need to change your way of thinking.

 

 

 

Change my way of thinking to what exactly? I have yet to meet any guy to whom physical attraction isn't important. Apparently according to you I should just discount physical attraction completely. Fine, in that instance I'd happily have the person as a friend.

Edited September 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator