Author TaintedLuv Posted September 17, 2019 Author Posted September 17, 2019 He definitely didn’t voice any concern for his attraction towards me. In fact, after he spoke to the alleged ex gf, he was still texting me explicit things and asking me for pictures and such. If he was done, why do that? If he’s in love with someone else (which again seems odd considering the things we discussed) it’s rather disgusting that he carries on with me about such things.
Allupinnit Posted September 17, 2019 Posted September 17, 2019 Wait - he's sending you explicit texts and asking for photos AFTER he dumped you? What kind of psychotic BS is THAT?
Author TaintedLuv Posted September 17, 2019 Author Posted September 17, 2019 Thursday things were fine, Friday he’s texting me these things and by Saturday he turned cold and Sunday he sent me the breakup text. I found out a week later that his ex contacted him Friday and they were on the phone for hours but he was texting me the entire time! So he realized he still loved her while he was telling me he couldn’t wait to sleep with me again? It is sick.
Lotsgoingon Posted September 17, 2019 Posted September 17, 2019 I never claimed to be faultless but if he cared and liked me as much as he claimed, I don’t see how he could drop me so coldly especially after talking everything through? Ok sure I freaked when I thought he ghosted me. I did explain why I reacted that way and he understood. Why not just end it then and there? Why make plans and string me along then end it via text? This is the same person that said he’d understand if I didn’t wanna deal with him being “f*cked up” and we could stay friends. TaintedLuv, you did nothing wrong that scared him away. This was NEVER about you. He didn't even see you as an individual, and he didn't let you really see him. There was nothing there--he performed, you guys spent lots of fun time together. To answer your quote above, he did NOT care for you as much as he claimed, because we cannot really get to know another person in less than a week. So his change is not a change, because there is no way someone can love us deeply in five days. You can get lost in infatuation days, sure. But you actually seemed to believe that there was some deep connection. Impossible. There is .001 percent of the population that falls in love instantly in a relationship that later lasts and is healthy. Sure, we can feel great about someone quickly, but mature people know that early intoxication and infatuation mean nothing. When in early infatuation, your brain is literally suppressing (with the help of chemicals and hormones) the ability to think clearly or critically of the other person. That's why we date over time ... and we want to see people in a wide range of contexts and settings ... and we want to learn about their activities and hobbies ... and we want to see how they respond when we're sick or going through a hard time ... how they act when they're sick ... how they treat their mother ... how they treat waiters and servers and uber drivers ... how they treated previous lovers ... how they handle stress ... how they are doing on their job ... their financial situation ... their ambitions. You skipped every step of this process ... You basically hired someone for the most important job in a company (that's what a lover is) based on feeling good about the way they texted, and now you're shocked and feeling betrayed when this new hire proves completely incompetent. I get your pain. Having someone pull away really hurts. But he's telling you now that he cannot sustain a relationship. This is the equivalent of someone telling you that he just finished ten years in prison for assault and battery. When people tell you they can't handle things, they truly mean they cannot handle things, and yet despite this, you're still acting like this guy was stable and healthy. He's basically telling you that the good times were a short-term performance for him that he could not keep up, because there is nothing there in him. This guy is an empty shell. You simply didn't allow yourself time to discover that. Here's another tip. The type of folks you really want to date ... are people who wouldn't need or even want to see you five days in a row (or however many) when you're starting. There is nothing good about that. You fell for the fairy-tale love fantasy. I've fallen for that before, but my God, not in five days. Let the other person EARN your trust over time. A mentor of mine once said people can fake it (pretend they're happier and more together than they are) for going on six months. Imagine how easy it is to put on a Academy-Award-winning performance for a long weekend. Figure out why you felt so willing to turn your heart over to someone you barely knew. And figure out a way to gradually and incrementally get closer to people. 1
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