Whirlwind romance and breakup in a week?

[I'veseenbetterlol]

 

A relationship with someone who does not have their bipolar disorder under control is nothing short of an emotional rollercoaster.

 

Also, read up on love bombing so you can recognize these red flags sooner

 

These 2 points are very good advice! I dated someone (not very long) who was bipolar. He told me he had this issue under control, but part of me thinks he lied. He was not ready for a relationship. There were episodes of him crying when I was w/him and I was at a total loss what to do. The guy was crazy controlling and always accused me of being unfaithful. I'm thankful I was able to have a clean break. Don't try to feel like savior because he is not your charge.

 

Love bombing is very real and isn't the road to a long term relationship.

[TaintedLuv]

Why does not that alarm you, coming from a virtual stranger?

 

I’m not sure. Maybe because every guy I meet seems to say things like this so I just chalk it upto future faking?

[rightondude]

wait he couldn't get it up the two occasions y'all tried to get it on, right? I bet he was just ashamed of that, has mental issues involved with that (and as a result of that), and fed you the lines about "not ready not good enough it's you it's me" and his "girlfriend in Canada" (do you have proof of this or was it just something he told you?) in order to escape that feeling of embarrassment. It is pretty much the most soul crushing, defeating thing that can happen to a man and when it does we pretty much just want to dig a hole and jump in it. When a woman tries to reassure us "it's cool" that almost pours salt on the wounds because we know it's not.

 

Maybe I'm projecting but it happened to me a few times and even though it wasn't the woman's fault I couldn't go further knowing that it had happened and how she likely perceived me after it had happened.

[justwhoiam]

wait he couldn't get it up the two occasions y'all tried to get it on, right? I bet he was just ashamed of that

That's exactly what I thought... and all that you said in your post. I couldn't have said it better. It's just a bunch of excuses to me...

I didn't understand if sex was involved at all. OP talked about "sleepovers", but then in a later post she talked about hooking up on 3rd date.

 

He sounds quite all over the place, deleting his profile less than a week after their first date.

[TaintedLuv]

wait he couldn't get it up the two occasions y'all tried to get it on, right? I bet he was just ashamed of that, has mental issues involved with that (and as a result of that), and fed you the lines about "not ready not good enough it's you it's me" and his "girlfriend in Canada" (do you have proof of this or was it just something he told you?) in order to escape that feeling of embarrassment. It is pretty much the most soul crushing, defeating thing that can happen to a man and when it does we pretty much just want to dig a hole and jump in it. When a woman tries to reassure us "it's cool" that almost pours salt on the wounds because we know it's not.

 

Maybe I'm projecting but it happened to me a few times and even though it wasn't the woman's fault I couldn't go further knowing that it had happened and how she likely perceived me after it had happened.

I mean it’s no big deal. It happens. Not every guy is a “stud”. He said he’s never had this issue before but then said he just started new medication a couple of weeks ago and I know those definitely affect performance. He also said he has zero issue getting some blue pills if need be.

 

As far as the ex GF, I have no idea. All he said was “I’m doing you a favor. I don’t care, now leave me alone”’. Complete 180 from the “please keep your arms around me all night and you’re everything I ever wanted in a partner”. His cruelty was not necessary.

[TaintedLuv]

That's exactly what I thought... and all that you said in your post. I couldn't have said it better. It's just a bunch of excuses to me...

I didn't understand if sex was involved at all. OP talked about "sleepovers", but then in a later post she talked about hooking up on 3rd date.

 

He sounds quite all over the place, deleting his profile less than a week after their first date.

 

Definitely seemed like he couldn’t make up his mind. Why else would he say “don’t call me or I’ll change my mind about us”? He couldn’t even look me in the eyes to tell me. Just a cold text and I was removed from his life. Nothing makes any sense. If I was this ultimate partner, timing shouldn’t be an issue- esp considering how hard he insisted this was going to last forever.

[alphamale]

...esp considering how hard he insisted this was going to last forever.

 

if I had a nickel for everytime I've said that to a girl i'd have $0.85

[TaintedLuv]

 

He sounds quite all over the place, deleting his profile less than a week after their first date.

 

(Couldn’t edit my earlier post) Well we spent like thirty hours together in that week span including five dates and two sleepovers.

[justwhoiam]

(Couldn’t edit my earlier post) Well we spent like thirty hours together in that week span including five dates and two sleepovers.

You're still beating around the bush. Did you have sex with him or not?

[TaintedLuv]

You're still beating around the bush. Did you have sex with him or not?

 

I already said I did in a previous post. He asked me to be his gf the next day.

[stillafool]

My brother used to be the same way when he was young. He was head over heels for a girl until he got laid and then his feelings would evaporate into thin air and not want to be bothered. I wouldn't be surprised if there is NO ex gf who came back into his life but he just used that excuse to rid himself of OP.

[TaintedLuv]

My brother used to be the same way when he was young. He was head over heels for a girl until he got laid and then his feelings would evaporate into thin air and not want to be bothered. I wouldn't be surprised if there is NO ex gf who came back into his life but he just used that excuse to rid himself of OP.

 

Except this guy is 40, divorced with two daughters. Men still do this? Seems like with all these apps, getting laid is pretty easy. Why practically plan our future (after sex)?

[TaintedLuv]

Yep, I’ve seen this before when I had a male room mate.

 

He’d be totally into a gal and ten minutes later decide he never wanted to see or hear from her again.

 

He never knew himself well enough to really know what he needed/wanted.

 

I watched him toss aside women all the time without any regard to hurting them.

 

Stop trying to understand him. He’s a douche bag.

 

The best part is he’s coming off this thinking he’s being a good guy and doing me a favor. I guess he did. I’m just incredibly hurt.

[justwhoiam]

I already said I did in a previous post. He asked me to be his gf the next day.

So he had no erection problems? You only did it once?

 

 

I guess you need to deal with the fact that you will never know what went wrong. But he sounds like a messa, and you probably dodged a bullet.

[TaintedLuv]

He did. We slept together a few times. It worked but he couldn’t sustain his erection after a couple of minutes. This happened every time we slept together. I know the psych meds have a big affect on sexual performance so I wasn’t too concerned in the long run.

Edited September 16, 2019 by TaintedLuv

[justwhoiam]

He did. We slept together a few times. It worked but he couldn’t sustain his erection after a couple of minutes. This happened every time we slept together. I know the psych meds have a big affect on sexual performance so I wasn’t too concerned in the long run.

Is it possible that he thought everything was good to then just feel like a failure? Something you said maybe? Or maybe he realized he couldn't keep it going as often as you would have needed? And out of shame he found a way out before you could shame him? It's all very possible.

I think the sexual side might have had an impact on the outcome/end.

[TaintedLuv]

I would never shame a man for that. Plus sex isn’t the end all. There are plenty of other things we could do in that department. He also totally hyped it up before. Saying how “active” he is etc and when the time came, he couldn’t perform and we discussed it and decided to table the physical stuff for now but that has nothing to do with the random ex gf reappearing. Seems silly to break off a relationship over sex. There are solutions for that.

[justwhoiam]

I would never shame a man for that.

I never meant to imply that. It's all in a man's head.

 

Plus sex isn’t the end all.

Most of us know. Though this was the very beginning of a potential relationship, not a long-term one where you would do anything to overcome obstacles.

 

and when the time came, he couldn’t perform and we discussed it and decided to table the physical stuff for now but that has nothing to do with the random ex gf reappearing.

That's what you think, but I guess everything is connected there.

 

Seems silly to break off a relationship over sex. There are solutions for that.

It's silly to you, but maybe it makes sense to him. Are you aware that certain patterns can be partner-related? And what happens or keeps happening with a partner might not happen with another? I'm not saying he did the right thing, and I'm not sure if he was totally transparent with you about his reasons. I sense his sexual problems impacted his decision.

 

Now it's time for you to move on. Without looking back.

[rightondude]

I agree with justwhoiam. Maybe it's not all men but for me, I know for a fact I have done similar to what this guy did when I couldn't perform. Yeah everything between me and the ladies was surfs up buttercups and then the humiliation of not rising to the occasion occurred...suddenly I just wanted a way out. I made all kinds of "I'm not ready its not you its me I'm no good I met somebody" or slow faded but in reality I just couldn't face the woman afterwards and think in any way she thought I was a man. And I was even more afraid it would happen again if I got another chance, what with all the additional pressure of the first time. Which is what sounds like happened with this guy. I am not justifying his or my actions. I am just telling you how it is (or was* rather) with me and it sounds very similar.

 

He told you he is on meds for some mental condition. He couldn't get it up; maybe related, maybe not, but likely so. You tried reassuring him that "sex isn't the end all! It's OK! I don't mind! Really! We can table the physical stuff!" ... that all fell on deaf, not wanting to believe it, ears. He felt like a shell of a man and couldn't face you again as a man. Thus he ran (like a b**** of a man).

 

The alternative is that the sex with you was really bad causing him to lose his boner (twice) and then he made up some lame excuses rather than hurt your feelings. I don't feel that's the case I'm just saying that would be the only other possibility I could see.

 

*to get over this, I had to get on some Viagra, get some confidence, and get my swagger back. It helped me more than any other medication, meditation, positive energy, whatever ever could. I had to prove to my stupid brain I had it in me; the meds helped, and now I'm happy to not need them.

[FMW]

30 hours together in less than one week when you've just met is excessive, and the love bombing was over the top. You said you've experienced the love bombing from other guys, and I assume since you're still single and meeting new men that you realize it's not going anywhere when it happens.

 

Sexual performance issues and being bi-polar aside, I'm not surprised that he blew out of your life as quickly as he blew in. I have a friend who has experienced the same thing a few times (and we're talking men over 50). As I told her, if you want to enjoy the exciting ride that's great, just realize that it is very likely to come to an abrupt halt sooner than later.

 

Men (and maybe some women) of all ages love to live in the moment. The problem is that moment often passes quickly never to be seen again.

[TaintedLuv]

I agree with justwhoiam. Maybe it's not all men but for me, I know for a fact I have done similar to what this guy did when I couldn't perform.

Well that’s quite unfortunate that he couldn’t face me. I did try to make it better but I did sense that after those three occasions that he didn’t want to be alone with me so perhaps you’re right. I can totally see it being even more stressful but he did say he’d just visit his dr. I honestly was okay with holding off until it was sorted. He was seriously everything I wanted and it really sucks that he felt that he couldn’t measure up and totally crushed me.

 

As far as it being me, let’s just say that’s highly unlikely.

Edited September 17, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[TaintedLuv]

30 hours together in less than one week when you've just met is excessive, and the love bombing was over the top. You said you've experienced the love bombing from other guys, and I assume since you're still single and meeting new men that you realize it's not going anywhere when it happens.

 

Sexual performance issues and being bi-polar aside, I'm not surprised that he blew out of your life as quickly as he blew in. I have a friend who has experienced the same thing a few times (and we're talking men over 50). As I told her, if you want to enjoy the exciting ride that's great, just realize that it is very likely to come to an abrupt halt sooner than later.

 

Men (and maybe some women) of all ages love to live in the moment. The problem is that moment often passes quickly never to be seen again.

Honestly this felt totally different than the other situations when I was “love bombed”. It all felt natural in the moment so I didn’t even consider it all to be fake. I’m not in it for some ride, I’m in it for the long haul.

[ExpatInItaly]

Honestly this felt totally different than the other situations when I was “love bombed”. It all felt natural in the moment so I didn’t even consider it all to be fake. I’m not in it for some ride, I’m in it for the long haul.

 

This is where you went wrong.

 

It's nearly always a warning sign when someone you don't even know comes at you this hard. You would be wise to take some time off dating and tune up your picker, so that you don't overlook such glaring red flags in the future.

 

The fact that any of this felt natural to you is concerning. I don't mean to be harsh but men like him will see women like you a mile away and zoom right in because he knows you put your defenses down far too easily and don't have strong boundaries. It leaves you open to being hurt, as you see here.

[lurker74]

tl;dr It really is him, not you, so move on.

 

 

 

Longer version: Let's assume he actually is bipolar...as in diagnosed, treated or untreated. His behavior would make perfect sense, especially if he's a rapid cycling bipolar. He meets you, you two are great, and he's probably in a manic stage. You never would have met him in a depressive stage because he wouldn't have been online or communicating or asking you out. For a few days things go well. Then he hits a wall...if he's medicated and at his age, he's likely to have performance issues...for any many, that is difficult but for him it's even worse. Then you bring it up and his manic stage reverts. Even if he didn't enter a depressive state, he's so used to the swings that he's already preparing. He gets angry, then he starts to hate himself, then he sees you and there's a little bit of sunshine but he hates himself. He can't bring himself to see you, likely stays in bed, and decides that he's not good enough for you. So he tells you he's done...don't call him.

 

All of that behavior is very consistent with bipolar. And when someone tells you who they are, BELIEVE THEM! So unless you want to slog through a tough relationship with someone who may very well be a rapid cycling bipolar, then move on. Bipolar people deserve love too but that doesn't mean it has to be you unless you decide the positives outweigh the negatives.

[Allupinnit]

This happened to me once. Guy came on really strongly, was always making plans, bought me a few small gifts - I really liked him and thought he felt the same way.

 

He also had performance issues. Even when it was "up" and we were intimate, it could only get semi-hard. This happened more than once.

 

About a month into it he dumped me over email with some long-winded explanation about how he "didn't feel like he wanted to rip my clothes off." Whatever that means. He also confessed to having a sexless, sad marriage - which of course he blamed on his ex. Now I know better.

 

It's not you. I told my H this story and he said hands down without a doubt this guy was embarrassed of his ED. He also took a Xanax every night before bed - not sure if that had something to do with it.

 

I'm sorry - I know it hurts and it's disappointing but you really did dodge a bullet. My H has NO performance issues, thinks I'm sexy as hell would never make me feel the way that guy did.