TaintedLuv Posted September 9, 2019 Posted September 9, 2019 My OLD saga continues. I met a man last weekend and we saw each other Saturday through Tuesday and again on Thursday (including two sleepovers). From the moment we texted, we had instant chemistry and we decided to hang out the same day. We had great conversation and I got the usual you’re “beautiful, exactly what I want, blah blah” BS. He asked to see me the next day and I obliged. We had a good time- discovering that we have a lot in common and similar views on life etc. He asked to see me again on the following day so I shuffled my schedule around for that evening to accommodate him. I honestly didn’t mind because things were going well. We stayed up the entire night talking and were intimate but he had some performance issues. We still had an amazing night regardless. The next morning after we both started our days, he texts me that he’s deleting his dating app and he’s done searching. He wants to be exclusive and while it was a bit fast, I was willing to join him in that crazy notion. All the while he’s telling me how smitten he is and that I’m everything he could ever want. He stayed over that same night and again encountered performance issues. He’s 40 so I get that these things happen but the next morning we had a little miscommunication when I tried to express how I was feeling about it and he stormed it. I know it’s not easy for a man to deal with that happening. I texted him to clear the air (even though I didn’t do anything wrong) and he was short. He disappeared for the remainder of the day. This obviously upset me because I don't like to stay on bad terms. I called him later that evening- no answer. Feeling like he ghosted me (it wasn't like him to disappear for 20 hours), I texted a long winded message about how I felt discarded and that he led me on and picked a fight over nothing etc. The next morning I finally hear back- he was asleep when I called the night before. He proceeds to tell me that he’s not interested in pursuing this anymore and that my message angered him and he deleted me from social media. I don’t like to argue via text so I picked up the phone to simply ask "how could you feel all these things about me and wanna end it over nothing?". He starts telling me he likes me and that he can picture us married one day and let’s get dinner and talk but he’s not saying he’s not ending it. We meet up, he kisses me, holds my hand like nothing happened. He finally tells me he’s bipolar and he has issues etc etc and the “fight” was his fault and he was embarrassed and turned into an a**hole and he’ll do better going forward. We had good time but he cut the night short. He usually doesn’t want to leave. That was basically the end, the next day he asks me if it's okay for him to stay in (of course it was) but feeling a bit insecure over the previous day, I ask if we're good and he says yes. Still he was no longer doting or sweet. He felt very cold. He made plans with me the entire weekend and I felt like he didn't want to see me so I called him before we were meeting up and asked him, he said he'd rather stay home alone. The next morning, we also had plans and I never heard back. Finally, I get a text back "Hey I don't want to hang out. I also don't want to do this anymore. I have already thought it through and I do not want to discuss it. You deserve more than I can give right now. I'm sorry. Please don't call to discuss it or I'll change my mind and I don't want to. Thank you for understanding. I'm just not ready." Umm what the hell? He rushed the entire thing. I was going along with the tone he set. Now he straight drops me? I'm super hurt. I know it wasn't a long time but I did open up to him and I feel so manipulated. Why ask me to be your gf then dead me? He really hit a nerve. I don't know why it's bothering me as much as it is.
justwhoiam Posted September 10, 2019 Posted September 10, 2019 I guess it's hard to deal with bipolar. Had you known him better, you could have tried to help. But you barely know this man. I guess he knows his performance issues well, and his menta problem too. He had this fantasy where everything could be fantastic, but he realized it was just a fantasy. For now. I say: move on. If you stayed, it'd only get worse.
Author TaintedLuv Posted September 10, 2019 Author Posted September 10, 2019 he just wanted sex, what a creep So why ask me to be his gf AFTER he got it?
Author TaintedLuv Posted September 10, 2019 Author Posted September 10, 2019 I guess it's hard to deal with bipolar. Had you known him better, you could have tried to help. But you barely know this man. I guess he knows his performance issues well, and his menta problem too. He had this fantasy where everything could be fantastic, but he realized it was just a fantasy. For now. I say: move on. If you stayed, it'd only get worse. He didn’t give me much of a choice. I don’t get the whole “please don’t call, can’t resist”. I’m not going to beg but this one really stings.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted September 10, 2019 Posted September 10, 2019 Everything he told you is a big load of BS! These types of people act all lovey dovey because they want something. Once they get it (or don't), poof their behavior shifts to total disinterest. I had this happen to me and its painful. Good relationships don't start like this and you need to avoid men that act like this from the start. They'll either discard you or pull you into a controlling relationship. Block him on everything and do not take him (if he comes back). 1
alphamale Posted September 10, 2019 Posted September 10, 2019 So why ask me to be his gf AFTER he got it? he's probably manic or hypo-manic and going into a psychotic state. he needs his meds and psychiatric help
RecentChange Posted September 10, 2019 Posted September 10, 2019 He is struggling with mental illness. Manic episodes are often characterized as feelings of euphoria, impulsive decisions, high energy etc. It sounds like you caught him in a manic phase and you two had a somewhat irrational whirlwind (moving too quick too soon, him saying you are what he wants before he has had a chance to really get to know you). And the opposite of manic is depressive - negative thoughts etc. A relationship with someone who does not have their bipolar disorder under control is nothing short of an emotional rollercoaster. Also, read up on love bombing so you can recognize these red flags sooner 1
winny Posted September 10, 2019 Posted September 10, 2019 I am sorry this happened to you. It sucks but irrespective of whether he was just playing you for sex or is actually suffering from mental illness (quite possible because he had performance issues), the bottom line is that he does not want to be with you. In case he texts you back in future do not meet him. And for now, try to move on. It was only a week or so, dont worry you will be okay
emeraldgreen Posted September 10, 2019 Posted September 10, 2019 What a loser. Screen harder, and never look this guy up again.
Author TaintedLuv Posted September 10, 2019 Author Posted September 10, 2019 (edited) I am sorry this happened to you. It sucks but irrespective of whether he was just playing you for sex or is actually suffering from mental illness (quite possible because he had performance issues), the bottom line is that he does not want to be with you. In case he texts you back in future do not meet him. And for now, try to move on. It was only a week or so, dont worry you will be okay I know it wasn’t long but I’ve literally been sick to my stomach since our initial “fight”. He doesn’t want me? I can accept that but going through all of those motions then tossing me away like I’m garbage and not looking back? It’s really bothering me. I feel like such a fool and while guys seem to do this Jekyll and Hyde bit fairly often, this just feels like another level. Asking me to be gf, saying of those things and with a switch, he’s done. Of course I get it. It’s barely a week so easy enough to do- I’m nothing to him. I’m just so hurt. He could’ve just been done with it without pretending to move forward. I guess I don’t understand because I could never treat someone like they’re less than a human being with feelings. It’s my own fault for showing any emotions towards him. If I played it cool, I bet it would’ve been a different outcome. Edited September 10, 2019 by TaintedLuv
chillii Posted September 10, 2019 Posted September 10, 2019 (edited) Well , what l see is more drama in a week than we have in a year. And my womans 51 and couldn't manage anything for about a month, few problems but so what that's ok, she came good in the end knew she would most of the time these things are just anxiety and stuff like that. Thing is you guys were still all over the shop regardless as well and as l say all in only the first week. Think if that was happening so soon l'd be bailing too, drama drama, no thanks. Not sayin who's fault it just happened with you both that's pretty obvious but a real bad sign so early, think your better off out of it myself. Edited September 10, 2019 by chillii
Author TaintedLuv Posted September 10, 2019 Author Posted September 10, 2019 Well , what l see is more drama in a week than we have in a year. And my womans 51 and couldn't manage anything for about a month, few problems but so what that's ok, she came good in the end knew she would most of the time these things are just anxiety and stuff like that. Thing is you guys were still all over the shop regardless as well and as l say all in only the first week. Think if that was happening so soon l'd be bailing too, drama drama, no thanks. Not sayin who's fault it just happened with you both that's pretty obvious but a real bad sign so early, think your better off out of it myself. That’s just it. I’m not a dramatic type of person. I communicated how I felt and his reaction (due to his mental condition) sent this off. He said the same thing like “this shouldn’t be happening at this stage” and I don’t disagree but IMO nothing happened. Ok so he couldn’t get it up. It happens. The storming out wasn’t necessary. Too late now.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 10, 2019 Posted September 10, 2019 This is why you must be very wary of men who love-bomb you and want to rush right in. It’s almost never a good sign. Take dudes like this with a grain of salt. All those declarations of you being the one he wants and being exclusive? There’s no sincerity or depth behind it, because he doesn’t even know you. Never agree to be someone’s girlfriend so fast, OP. You have no clue what you’re signing up for. Take your time. Do a better job identifying red flags so you don’t run towards whackos like this in the future and get your heart crushed. Run AWAY from them. Sit with yourself for a while and try to figure out what logic or concern you tried to snuff out while diving in here, and why you opted to rush into this unrealistic whirlwind. Otherwise, it’s likely to happen again. 4
stillafool Posted September 10, 2019 Posted September 10, 2019 This sounds like a game he plays with women. You had a fling and now it's over. Be thankful that you only knew him a week so it's easy to get over him. Also he didn't use you you were perfectly willing to do everything you did.
chillii Posted September 10, 2019 Posted September 10, 2019 Sorry op nah l wasn't thinking you caused drama as such. Only that the two of you for whatever reasons , doesn't really matter, it's just a lot of crap for a 1st week that suited people just wouldn't even have. Besides, bi polar, would ya really wanna go there.
Art_Critic Posted September 10, 2019 Posted September 10, 2019 So why ask me to be his gf AFTER he got it? More sex and not having to work for it.... he was only looking to get his noodle wet.. sorry The guy is a loser
spiderowl Posted September 10, 2019 Posted September 10, 2019 He sounds incredibly changeable - which may not be bipolar - and very bad mannered and inconsiderate. He turned on the charm and then just dropped it. He was play-acting. I'm sorry you got caught up with this guy. He is not a good guy, just managed to convince you he was - briefly! This is a good reason why you should take time in getting to know someone. Three months isn't long enough to know a guy. You spend time with them for a few months so you can see the good and the bad. If there are issues, they will appear during that time. The thing to bear in mind is that this is nothing to do with you. He's the hard-hearted and mean guy. He is the one messing other people about. You were honest and loving. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. Unlike him, you have integrity. Save your love and affection for someone who deserves it. Please don't give this guy a second chance to mess you around. 1
stillafool Posted September 11, 2019 Posted September 11, 2019 3 months? They only knew each other a week.
PRW Posted September 11, 2019 Posted September 11, 2019 3 months? They only knew each other a week.Yea. They are both to blame for this. It is hard to take a side.
Author TaintedLuv Posted September 11, 2019 Author Posted September 11, 2019 Yea. They are both to blame for this. It is hard to take a side. I never claimed to be faultless but if he cared and liked me as much as he claimed, I don’t see how he could drop me so coldly especially after talking everything through? Ok sure I freaked when I thought he ghosted me. I did explain why I reacted that way and he understood. Why not just end it then and there? Why make plans and string me along then end it via text? This is the same person that said he’d understand if I didn’t wanna deal with him being “f*cked up” and we could stay friends.
Author TaintedLuv Posted September 13, 2019 Author Posted September 13, 2019 The truth comes out: his ex gf reached out to him and he allegedly realized he’s still in love with her even though it’s been years since they were together and she’s like eight states away. At least I know now it’s nothing I could’ve prevented.
TheFinalWord Posted September 13, 2019 Posted September 13, 2019 What a nightmare... Most guys are not going to take women they sleep with on the first encounter, seriously. They might, but it's rare. No matter how he feels about you, if it's coming on that strong, it's just lust. How can he love you when he knows nothing about you? And his actions proved it. But I would also not deal with someone with a mental disorder. Don't let someone guilt you into being with them or spending time with them. You have to be selfish when dating, because it's your heart you're putting on the line. In my experience with OLD, the people there tend to have issues. About 5% are emotionally healthy. Most are either super picky, not over an ex, or have mental disorders. Be even pickier with OLD than real life. He's already shown you how he handles conflict. He bolts. That's immature and there's no way you can have a relationship with this guy. There are tons of people that don't have mental disorders that you can date and get to know at a normal pace.
Author TaintedLuv Posted September 13, 2019 Author Posted September 13, 2019 (edited) For the record, we didn’t hook up til the third date. But lately it does seem like people online have a multitude of issues. I consider myself fairly normal and I haven’t had much luck. I don’t think his disorder was the root of this as it seems he’s not over his ex. Although, one day he’s telling me he can picture us married and the next he “loves” his ex. And yes my heart was totally trampled on in this case. I’ll be taking a nice break from OLD and men for a bit. Edited September 15, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote removed
ExpatInItaly Posted September 14, 2019 Posted September 14, 2019 Although, one day he’s telling me he can picture us married and the next he “loves” his ex. And yes my heart was totally trampled on in this case. I’ll be taking a nice break from OLD and men for a bit. Why does not that alarm you, coming from a virtual stranger?
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