Author Tim453 Posted September 9, 2019 Author Share Posted September 9, 2019 (edited) Oh. If it's college & her phone is broken you can go over there but if you can email her to tell her you are coming that might be OK. Do you know her class schedule? Can you pop up there? Yeah it's university. Like she is living off-campus with a bunch of her friends and I am there a lot anyways. I don't know her schedule too well to know where she is gonna be. But normally we see each other once a day "by coincidence" if you know what I mean. Like we don't text about plans but end up together anyways. Edited September 9, 2019 by Tim453 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 But normally we see each other once a day "by coincidence" if you know what I mean. Like we don't text about plans but end up together anyways. Just hold off til you see her then. It will happen. Campus is not that big. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 (edited) It's understandable you're scared and timid, BUT women don't like that, so you have to learn to fake that you're not scared or timid. Just fake it and make yourself act such a way you've admired seeing other guys act. Next time when you're over there, get in her ear so others can't hear and ask her to do something specific on the weekend a specific thing a specific night. "I'm going out to see Band X at Club Z on Friday. Why don't you come with me?" Or dancing or a movie, whatever. Then you pay to get her in and pay for some drinks. Kiss her when you drop her off for the night. She may ask you in, but if you're not ready to go all the way, then just tell her, Nah, I have to get home and get up in the morning, but give her a big nice kiss. Don't go in there and then reject her though. With her roommate situation, I hope your situation isn't as public. At some point you need to get somewhere private where you can cuddle and make out and lead up to eventually sex. With a condom. Edited September 9, 2019 by preraph 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tim453 Posted September 9, 2019 Author Share Posted September 9, 2019 It's understandable you're scared and timid, BUT women don't like that, so you have to learn to fake that you're not scared or timid. Just fake it and make yourself act such a way you've admired seeing other guys act. Next time when you're over there, get in her ear so others can't hear and ask her to do something specific on the weekend a specific thing a specific night. "I'm going out to see Band X at Club Z on Friday. Why don't you come with me?" Or dancing or a movie, whatever. Then you pay to get her in and pay for some drinks. Kiss her when you drop her off for the night. She may ask you in, but if you're not ready to go all the way, then just tell her, Nah, I have to get home and get up in the morning, but give her a big nice kiss. Don't go in there and then reject her though. With her roommate situation, I hope your situation isn't as public. At some point you need to get somewhere private where you can cuddle and make out and lead up to eventually sex. With a condom. I asked her and a friend to go somewhere with me today but they both didn't want to. I will probably see her tomorrow tho (and I am overthinking it already like my thoughts are: "she doesn't wanna be with me" or "she probs was just drunk" although there could be simple reasons like studying, etc... that she and her friend can't go). So should I use the word "date" when asking her to go somewhere? Or is it fine if I ask her to go out with me? I know you just said I should not be scared but I would be more confident when asking if she wants to go out. If that makes any sense... Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 Okay, yeah I am a virgin. I am 18. I am scared. I don't know why. You know, I am even scared asking her on a date. I already looked up the perfect place to go (which I know she will enjoy) but I am scared to go to her place and ask her, especially because she is living with multiple other girls. I am scared the other girls will laugh at me when she rejects me. I don't know why I have these fears. The "butt touching part" was more or less something I wanted to do to tease her. I didn't expect her to go with it. I should have kissed her then- No worries man. Even with all your anxiety around this, which she likely picks up on, she is encouraging you to ask her out in m view. That is, you got something going on even if you don't realize it. Yes, I was the same at 18, only in hindsight decades later did I realize that I must have had something for girls to keep encouraging me. I was deathly afraid of being judged and rejected, laughed at, etc. at 18. The thing I learned over time is it doesn't matter. It never is the end of the world. Can you ask her by text or some other way where her friends are not around. Do you have a friend who can distract her friends why you ask her? Not sure socially how it works for you but in my world if she said I want to go out with you alone it would be perfectly acceptable to text something like if only a few days since wet out: "Hi (insert her name here) had a great time with you last (insert day here) night. Would love to go out just us as well. Would you like to go out (name a day or two)?" Thinking (name time range). Then when she responds you then suggest the place. "How does (name place) at (name time) sound?" If it has been a bit since you last saw her: "Hi (insert her name here) thinking about the great time we had last (insert day here) night. Would love to go out just us as well. Would you like to go out (name a day or two)?" Thinking (name time range). Then when she responds you then suggest the place. "How does (name place) at (name time) sound?" And is touching someones butt actually considered "more" than kissing someone? So basically if she lets me touch her butt, I can assume I am also good to kiss her?In my world yes it is, very much so. I would say yes you are good to kiss her, but there are ways to ease into it in the moment, as I described. Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 One reason why I am so scared is probably because I don't know if she actually ment what she said. Like the one night we were at he club and some dude started buying her drinks and then started dancing with her. She always looked at me while dancing with him. At some point, like 3am, I told her that I would leave but she could stay. She then said "nah I don't wanna dance with him, it doesn't mean anything. I will leave when you leave cause I wanna be with you". Why does she dance with that dude in the first place then? Yes this is incredibly encouraging, especially her looking at you. No need to guess, she told you straight out she wanted to be with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tim453 Posted September 9, 2019 Author Share Posted September 9, 2019 And I am overthinking again: She just called me and we talked about last time going out and she told me that she can't remember every single thing from the night but not because she was drunk but because she was tired. Now I am thinking: "Maybe she can't remember telling me to go out with her" and "she didn't mean it". How do I stop being like that? It is destroying me and especially it is changing my mood so much and she also realizes that and probably thinks why is he mad/sad now. Has anyone any tips??? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 Did you ask her out or just rehash what was said when you saw her last? She's not going to admit she wants you to ask her out. She doesn't want to appear desperate. Just go with your plan & ask her to go on the date you designed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tim453 Posted September 9, 2019 Author Share Posted September 9, 2019 We haven't talked about any of that and I haven't asked her out. She said she just couldn't remember me giving her something back that I had in my pocket because she didn't have enough space in her pocket. I am going over to her place tonight tho. So I will ask her then when we are alone. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 Look, she likes you. She called you. She has you over. Just ask her out. You cannot have any guarantees when asking someone out. A date is not a marriage proposal! You ask someone out to be alone with them so you can get to know them. That's all dating is. It is not a commitment. Neither party has to be sure of anything. You just see if you like each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tim453 Posted September 9, 2019 Author Share Posted September 9, 2019 Look, she likes you. She called you. She has you over. Just ask her out. You cannot have any guarantees when asking someone out. A date is not a marriage proposal! You ask someone out to be alone with them so you can get to know them. That's all dating is. It is not a commitment. Neither party has to be sure of anything. You just see if you like each other. Well she herself hasn’t asked me over, one of her friends living with her did. She never does. She is too scared and she told me. She told me that she always says “We CAN do X” but she told me when she says that she means “I WANT to do X with you”. She is scared of asking me. I know that. And her not having a phone rn doesnt make the situation particularly easier... When she called me we haven’t talked about plans but we both asked each other what we are doing tonight. But neither of asked to do something together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tim453 Posted September 9, 2019 Author Share Posted September 9, 2019 So her friend texted me that she doesn’t remember anything from either night we went out. So I am pretty sure it was just drunk her talking a little too much. I refrain from asking her out more and more. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 Tim453 In Vino Veritas. In wine there is truth. What she said to you while inebriated is some evidence that she actually likes you but she needed liquid courage to let you know. Granted it would be better if she didn't drink so much that she doesn't remember. Ask her out. She will probably say yes. Even if she says no, you will have at least had the courage to ask. You will be better off then you are now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tim453 Posted September 9, 2019 Author Share Posted September 9, 2019 (edited) Tim453 In Vino Veritas. In wine there is truth. What she said to you while inebriated is some evidence that she actually likes you but she needed liquid courage to let you know. Granted it would be better if she didn't drink so much that she doesn't remember. Ask her out. She will probably say yes. Even if she says no, you will have at least had the courage to ask. You will be better off then you are now. Well and I have to admit I might have exaggerated a bit. Her friend just said "She was too drunk to remember whether you gave her the key and whether you or she opened the door". not remembering such a small thing is probably not too bad. I am just way too good at overthinking. It's bad. I will wait for her phone to work or when I see her alone and then I will ask her. A rejection is also something I gain strength from. Oh and I haven't said that but while she was sober she said "I want you to meet my parents next week". I am gonna watch motivational videos every night now and then grab my balls and ask her on an actual cute/sweet date. Edited September 9, 2019 by Tim453 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 Tim453, honey, find your courage. This girl is practically hitting you in the head with a proverbial 2x4 screaming "ask me out!" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 Tim453, honey, find your courage. This girl is practically hitting you in the head with a proverbial 2x4 screaming "ask me out!" I agree!!! "She told me that she always says “We CAN do X” but she told me when she says that she means “I WANT to do X with you”. TIM! You are grounded if you don't ask her out!! :cool: She is waiting for you to do it! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tim453 Posted September 9, 2019 Author Share Posted September 9, 2019 I will keep you all updated on how it goes. I am pretty sure I will see her tomorrow since we both have to attend the same meeting! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 See if she will go get a coffee, a soda or an ice cream with you immediately after the meeting. Then ask her on the date while you're chatting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 I will keep you all updated on how it goes. I am pretty sure I will see her tomorrow since we both have to attend the same meeting! I will probably get bashed for this, but it would also be cute to slip her a note in the meeting old school style....Will you go out on a date with me? ___Yes ___No (or something similar ) Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 Tim, Do you struggle with anxiety and negative self talk in other areas of your life? A counselor could probably help you with some self soothing and diversion techniques. Right now - you are working hard to be your own worst enemy. Your anxiety is making things out to what they aren't, and you are letting "what ifs" paralyze you. A counselor (does school have any?) May be able to help you identify your patterns and give you tools to avoid these sorts of traps 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tim453 Posted September 9, 2019 Author Share Posted September 9, 2019 Tim, Do you struggle with anxiety and negative self talk in other areas of your life? A counselor could probably help you with some self soothing and diversion techniques. Right now - you are working hard to be your own worst enemy. Your anxiety is making things out to what they aren't, and you are letting "what ifs" paralyze you. A counselor (does school have any?) May be able to help you identify your patterns and give you tools to avoid these sorts of traps Weirdly enough, no. People describe me as self-confident. I am above average in school (not a nerd), I can give a talk in front of 1000 people, I have many friends (male/female). I am just scared of failure in any part of my life. I was thinking about talking to a counselor already and might do that. My school offers free psychological help! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 9, 2019 Share Posted September 9, 2019 am just scared of failure in any part of my life. Well, that can be anxiety . Definitely take advantage of the help! Several years ago I found myself sobbing in my doctor's office about my anxiety over a new job I'd gotten that I did not feel qualified for. I was scared to death to fail. He prescribed some meds for me and when I went back 6 weeks later he said, "So did any of that whole list of things you were afraid of failing at actually happen?" Not a one . (I had a similar situation when I got a new puppy in 2013....so afraid of the puppy waking the new neighbors with his barking, afraid of the middle of the night potty breaks in the dark/getting attacked by a stranger, blah blah blah.....I never got attacked, he slept through the night from day 1, and my neighbors became my BFFs because of the puppy....they had just gotten one too....). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tim453 Posted September 10, 2019 Author Share Posted September 10, 2019 Well, that can be anxiety . Definitely take advantage of the help! Several years ago I found myself sobbing in my doctor's office about my anxiety over a new job I'd gotten that I did not feel qualified for. I was scared to death to fail. He prescribed some meds for me and when I went back 6 weeks later he said, "So did any of that whole list of things you were afraid of failing at actually happen?" Not a one . (I had a similar situation when I got a new puppy in 2013....so afraid of the puppy waking the new neighbors with his barking, afraid of the middle of the night potty breaks in the dark/getting attacked by a stranger, blah blah blah.....I never got attacked, he slept through the night from day 1, and my neighbors became my BFFs because of the puppy....they had just gotten one too....). I will take advantage of it! Thank you for helping. I don't know why I am so scared/anxious of everything that has to do with rejection. And on another note: even if I get rejected, I have a reason why asked her so she can't be like "Why did you even ask me?" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted September 10, 2019 Share Posted September 10, 2019 Your worst fears are normally never realized. What's the absolute worst that could happen. You get turned down? So what. At least you know so you move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tim453 Posted September 11, 2019 Author Share Posted September 11, 2019 (edited) So I guess everyone wants an update so here we go: We were alone today so I decided to do it. I just asked "You remember about talking about going out right? So do you wanna go out this Sunday?" She said yes to going out in general! She was like "I am busy on Sunday" but then SHE asked "What about Saturday?" which also works for me. I told her what place I was thinking about and that I will pick her up and that I will pay for her. I am excited. Saturday can't come fast enough! Thank you guys for the help. I deeply appreciate it. PS: It's probably also really good that she is willing to give up "primetime" like Saturday and Friday night to go out just with me! Edited September 11, 2019 by Tim453 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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