goodfella Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 If you havent read any of my previous posts i have just had a run in with the ex to get some stuff back after NC for a while (6 weeks). Please dont flame me for asking this as i know what all your initial reactions will be and its mine too but.... We split over a year ago now but she kept me as a friend and i agreed only really coz i wanted her back but after a year of not doing the usual things lovers do she was still a good friend to me and i did hope for a little more. After i found out she was seeing someone else and because of the strong negative emotions i felt i came to the conclusion that i still loved her (or was scared to be left alone) and cared for her alot, so i started NC. I just have this massive feeling of guilt! I mean in her eyes i have been in her life for nearly 4 years and a 1 1/2 years of that has been as friends. She probably has a hard time understanding this and my point of view and i kinda do also now. Have i been overreacting? Just have a huge guilty conscious that ive just droped someone out my life for no real reason. I mean could of the friends thing have worked? But then i suppose if this was any other friend i wouldnt be posting here but in contrast i wouldnt just drop a friend out my life for seeing someone i have never met. Maybe im just too much of a sensitive and nice person....im having trouble pin pointing where this guilt is coming from? Is it that ive needlessly droped someone out my life who i was a good friend to me (minus the serval times she has led me on) and i to her. Or is it because i still love her and i feel you dont do that to poeple you love? Does anyone feel guilty about doing NC to someone? Esspecially if all they wanted was to be a friend to you, regardless of want you wanted. I know i must sound like a real doormat but she never really wiped her feet on me too much. I suppose what i am asking is it worth trying to stay friends and to remove the guilt. Im confused and dont know if i still love her, i dont think i do. I know a symptom of depression is feeling guilty sometimes about being critical of others (or even thinking critically about them) and i am sure i have been suffering it for sometime and getting professional help to lift it. Maybe then if i am a stronger person and happier within myself i wont feel so guilty. Sorry to bore you all with such gibberish and i dont know what answers i seek, maybe just to know im not in my boat alone. Im not one to post anything if it wasnt really effecting me
loveisallaround Posted September 29, 2005 Posted September 29, 2005 goodfella: You've got a big heart. That is such a great quality to have. Society, generally speaking, suffers from a "me first" attitude. To meet people without that pretencious quality is so refreshing. I have no doubt in my mind she totally respects you for it. By the sounds of it, she has moved on. It's your time too. Cutting off contact with her isn't a negative act if you don't engage from a dark place. But since she's your friend (and probably counts on you for things) I would try to be as honest with her as possible. Would you like it if the roles were reversed and she stopped talking to you? By clinging to hope, you've slowed down your healing process drastically. Fortuntely, it's never too late to start cleaning things up.
westernxer Posted September 29, 2005 Posted September 29, 2005 It's not a friendship if it's killing you inside. Drop her and move on.
Author goodfella Posted September 29, 2005 Author Posted September 29, 2005 Thanks for your thoughts. I did explain to her at the time that the NC is something i had to do for myself to get over her and had nothing to do with the fact i didnt want to friends, we had tried the friends thing at clearly it wasnt working for me. I told her i had no choice if i was to get over her, she kinda just looked at me in amazement and cryed. I dont like the roles being reversed because she has done as i wished and not contacted me again, it hurts alot but what else can i do? Westernxer: i think you are probably right, just finding it so hard. Perhaps when the repect for myself grows and i feel more confident being me i will feel less guilt for what i had to do.
bendit Posted September 29, 2005 Posted September 29, 2005 If she is seeing someone else, no way can you remain friends. That's masochistic. Move on with TOTAL and complete NC. Women love to have their cake and eat it too...the boyfriend she is a bangin and the ex who just can't seem to get over her. That's seventh heaven for anyone. Don't be the wimp. regards Mike
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