Am I staying because I'm afraid to be alone?

[fooledornot]

I've been with boyfriend for almost 7 years and most of them have been good but we've had our troubles and even took breaks. I know there's been some ongoing resentments on both sides that neither of us have let go despite some efforts to do so. From my perspective, his resentments in part have been due to things he thought he was entitled to like including him in all family vacations even though we don't even live together and the reason we don't is because of my resentment against him due to his behavior including porn addiction (which he claims is no longer which I sort of believe) and him lying about his financial ability to live with me without having to rely on me for financial support.

 

His behavior has gotten more aggressive lately - what I mean is that he wants full recognition and inclusion in all aspects of my life and I get that but I stop short of that because I believe he is motivated by opportunity only - for example, if it's good for him, then it's all good and if it doesn't benefit him in some way, he's not interested at all. For example, we haven't been getting along that well and frankly, I am ready to call it quits but I got a message from him today that he is (doesn't ask) taking me to (his) favorite restaurant (it's a romantic place but he knows it's definitely not my favorite) and he tells me (again doesn't ask) to wear something sexy so he can do sexual things to me later (all instructive of course). This is self-serving and while it may seem "sexy" I find it arrogant and his way of "making up" for his awful behavior towards me lately (I won't get into those details but let's just say it was insensitive and very, very selfish on his part).

 

I'm just frozen at this point...I love him but not in love with him anymore and I'm fairly certain it's because I don't want to be alone especially b/c I'm not a youngster.

[Stevnx3]

fooledornot.

 

Your b/f wanting to be included is, obviously not a bad thing. But even amongst couples, there are things done separately and do not require being together at all times. Really, it sounds like you have this all figured out. He is a very one sided person. You are only doing what he wants you to do.

 

He cannot ask what your favorite place to go eat it, is and take you there to be romantic. Should be a give and take kind of thing. Doing his things sometimes and your things sometimes. That isn't happening.

 

He sounds controlling. But again - you know this enough. You should break up with him and stay away. If anything for your own peace of mind. To truly be happy, one must be happy with being just by themselves. It is hard, and if you can manage this...You can be happy in any situation.

 

Ask yourself: Do you deserve respect and happiness or continued misery under the boot of this man? If you and him are unable to let go of past resentments, these will keep coming up and the relationship is already quite soured. Is he wholly unwilling to listen to you on how you feel? If he is getting more aggressive - who knows where that will lead? Who knows, maybe a better man will come along. You want someone who will understand you and you them.

 

Better to be in a dry desert without water than stuck feeling afraid, annoyed and miserable in unfixable situations.