ermac Posted September 6, 2019 Posted September 6, 2019 me and my spouse were together for about 8 years, we had a family and a baby. after baby was born my spouse started getting irritated and angry. slowly lashing out on everything and everyone. mainly me and my oldest daughter ( we were a blended family) she would not open up to me about her anger and frustration. she also said " i already told you" but she never did tell me anything. she would just yell for me to leave her alone or say that shes done talking about it. even though we never did talk about anything. because she wouldnt open up. there was alot of gas lighting , picking fights with me and uneccesary drama. alot of things set her off, well pretty much everything related to me. even talking to her. being in the same room as her , me relaxing, me wanting to do anything really just mad her mad. and the things that set her off the most. when i asked why she was mad. or when i asked what was wrong, or when i tried to talk about it. so anyways she came home one day , just angry , screaming and yelling and throwing things, broke up with me. now its been a long time since then. she completely changed and this is a women who used to adore me and praise me almost. tell me how good of a father i am and how thankfull she has me in her life. now i get the opposite. i ask her why she treats me with such disrespect and anger. when ever i question her actions it turns into her belittling me , bashing me. she now says that im "disney dad", shes rude. mean. tells me that she was never happy in our 8 year relationship. tells me just all these negative things, there all just made up lies of things that never even happened or things that are the opposite of what actually happened. she even told me that she was being nasty to me because i was trying to stop our break up. and that i was pestering her. but that could be farther from the truth. i asked her not to do this and said we can work through it , but she refused to do so. now i get an email everyonce in a while with her telling me to get over her already, even though i havent even mentioned a thing about us. its so confusing. where is all this coming from. some people think she has post pardum disorder. its clear that she is a narcissist. and she has pretty bipolar traits, since she would be happy oneday and violent angry the next. after she went on this medication she went kind of heartless before our breakup. i dono if i can blame medication. but shes running from everyone , she cut out half her family just to avoid appologizing for her behavoir. she has gone calling the police on her family members for violent acts that she has commited. her mom and dad all have tried talking to her, but she rejects anyone and becomes defensive. she now has a small group of what i want to call followers , 3 other women , who are all recently single who just gossip and "vent" to eachother. about everyone, the act like they are better and its just disturbing how they act. i had one of them send me like a 4 page email out of no where trying to btch me out for no reason at all. this is a huge mess and im not quite sure what to do. but seriously, what the hell happened and when did i become the enemy, we were literly so close and loved eachother to death.
preraph Posted September 6, 2019 Posted September 6, 2019 I can't say what happened, but she sounds more angry than depressed and clearly you were not listening because she said she's already told you, but you don't have a clue. Guessing that's because you don't accept whatever the issue was. Things change with a baby. It's a common time for couples to break up for different reasons. Likely she's overwhelmed with the baby and feels she hasn't enough help. Often the man is mad thinking he still should get her priority attention, plus she may be too exhausted to be affectionate. You're not getting along. She's already said you pester her and won't just accept it, so I guess you need to just move on and try to get used to being just polite and cooperative when you have to share the child.
Author ermac Posted September 6, 2019 Author Posted September 6, 2019 I can't say what happened, but she sounds more angry than depressed and clearly you were not listening because she said she's already told you, but you don't have a clue. Guessing that's because you don't accept whatever the issue was. Things change with a baby. It's a common time for couples to break up for different reasons. Likely she's overwhelmed with the baby and feels she hasn't enough help. Often the man is mad thinking he still should get her priority attention, plus she may be too exhausted to be affectionate. You're not getting along. She's already said you pester her and won't just accept it, so I guess you need to just move on and try to get used to being just polite and cooperative when you have to share the child. but see thats the thing, she hasnt told me anything. i have approached her probably on a 100 several occasions wanting to talk about things, and she rejected me everytime, i even went to a councellor by my self to get help and tried to get her to come but she wouldnt. she feels like i was pestering her , but thats farther from the truth, i have not said anything to her for almost 8 months about us, and she continues to accuse me of this. i didnt even talk to her for a week and she continued to messaged me on unrelated things that were pointless until she got to the point where she called me and got angry and wanted to call the police of me for not responding. its like this cycle. ive been trying to move on , its super hard when you the person you were with wont give you any closure at all. and it also seemed like the more i did for her, the more she added onto the pile , got to the point where she had me running around like a chicken with no head. ultimatly , she was probably cheating on me , she cheated on me in the past , so she probably did it again
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 6, 2019 Posted September 6, 2019 ultimatly , she was probably cheating on me , she cheated on me in the past , so she probably did it again If that's the case, it explains it. By "noticing" her behavior changes and inconsistencies you are exposing her bad parts, and she doesn't like that, so she's mad at you for it.
mark clemson Posted September 6, 2019 Posted September 6, 2019 Sometimes people turn weird corners in life for reasons that are never fully clear. I've seen it happen to someone I know where his wife turned on him for no apparent reasons. It could be issues stemming from a difficult childhood, it could be a chemical imbalance in her brain, or that she's slowly developing a personality or mental disorder. Or she might simply be unhappy and "fed up" with her life for whatever reasons and has decided she needs drastic changes and no longer cares what you or others think. It's always hard when we're looking for explanations. Sometimes the BEST thing we can do is recognize the situation for what it is, plan for the worst, and take it from there. There are some some situations where we have to accept that the real drivers may never be known. Sorry this has happened to you.
mark clemson Posted September 6, 2019 Posted September 6, 2019 Ah, I missed the part about the infidelity. That very likely has to do with it as well.
Author ermac Posted September 6, 2019 Author Posted September 6, 2019 Sometimes people turn weird corners in life for reasons that are never fully clear. I've seen it happen to someone I know where his wife turned on him for no apparent reasons. It could be issues stemming from a difficult childhood, it could be a chemical imbalance in her brain, or that she's slowly developing a personality or mental disorder. Or she might simply be unhappy and "fed up" with her life for whatever reasons and has decided she needs drastic changes and no longer cares what you or others think. It's always hard when we're looking for explanations. Sometimes the BEST thing we can do is recognize the situation for what it is, plan for the worst, and take it from there. There are some some situations where we have to accept that the real drivers may never be known. Sorry this has happened to you. yea she stated to me that she was 100 percent unhappy suddenly like 9 months later. but prior to our breakup we were doing pretty good. i asked her what i did wrong. she cant give me an answer but instead complains about other people in our life which has nothing todo with me. ive gone in circles trying to figure this out. i think she went on this path and got this new image where she thinks that im a ball n chain. although ive never held her back ever
Highndry Posted September 7, 2019 Posted September 7, 2019 She was cheating on you and then trying to push you away by mistreating you, rather than doing the respectable thing by being honest and breaking up. When you allowed her to abuse you and walk all over you, she lost even more respect for you as a man, because a man should always stick up for himself. Always. You never let anybody disrespect you, no matter if it's your girlfriend, wife, co-worker or boss. You set boundaries and that's the way you earn the respect of others. She thinks you're weak and unattractive. That being said, she sounds like a horrible, nasty person, and you can do so much better. 1
elaine567 Posted September 7, 2019 Posted September 7, 2019 Some people decide they are unhappy and want to break up. They know that the other person is not a bad person and that it will be hard to hurt them and then walk away. So they devise a strategy that "dehumanises" the other. They pick fights, they get angry, they spoil good times, they push the other away... etc. all in an attempt to break bonds so they feel better about walking away or even better, get the other to walk away first. As for the cheating it is definitely possible. The cheating woman often transfers her love, loyalty, affection and attention directly to the OM. The husband becomes persona non grata and as he is an obstacle to her true happiness, he can do no right. 2
schlumpy Posted September 7, 2019 Posted September 7, 2019 The solution to your wife is very clear cut. You divorce her as soon as you can. She really isn't the problem here. She has given you every indication that she doesn't love you and wants a different life. I understand exactly who she is. She has shown you what the problem is over and over but you are purposely refusing to understand it and that is - you are not a man she can respect. You are absolutely wasting your life with this woman. Please find the inner strength to free yourself. You should also make sure the child is yours. 1
Author ermac Posted September 7, 2019 Author Posted September 7, 2019 She was cheating on you and then trying to push you away by mistreating you, rather than doing the respectable thing by being honest and breaking up. When you allowed her to abuse you and walk all over you, she lost even more respect for you as a man, because a man should always stick up for himself. Always. You never let anybody disrespect you, no matter if it's your girlfriend, wife, co-worker or boss. You set boundaries and that's the way you earn the respect of others. She thinks you're weak and unattractive. That being said, she sounds like a horrible, nasty person, and you can do so much better. this is a good answer, thanks, yes i could see that, yeah i did let her walk all over me sometimes. i think i started to let this happen because of her anger. it became to the point where i was walking on egg shells. it was a way to manipulate me i can see, get mad when ever she wanted something, she really did act like a child. it just sucks because this is the second time she broke up with me. even when she came back the first time she said " i didnt know what i had until it was gone". and on top of that ,when she was yelling at me breaking up, she was mad because her friends online were all moved on and happily married, her friends men bought them houses and stuff. her friends this her friends that. she compared me too other peoples relationships like our life wasnt good enough, but we had a big home to live in , we had vehciles, food on the table , went on trips , i dono , i gotta stop over thinking but man , that instagram. she could not get off of it, 24 hours a day , till 11 at night she would be on it.
Author ermac Posted September 7, 2019 Author Posted September 7, 2019 Some people decide they are unhappy and want to break up. They know that the other person is not a bad person and that it will be hard to hurt them and then walk away. So they devise a strategy that "dehumanises" the other. They pick fights, they get angry, they spoil good times, they push the other away... etc. all in an attempt to break bonds so they feel better about walking away or even better, get the other to walk away first. As for the cheating it is definitely possible. The cheating woman often transfers her love, loyalty, affection and attention directly to the OM. The husband becomes persona non grata and as he is an obstacle to her true happiness, he can do no right. yes thats so strange, why cheaters will do that, something that i cant understand, its like the loyal person sees their spouse as a puzzle piece that firsts only them, and the cheater sees them selves as this universal piece that fits everyone, i dont think the bond or love or memories even matter to these people, it all had to do with, who can give me more at this period of time, hense the narcississt
Author ermac Posted September 7, 2019 Author Posted September 7, 2019 The solution to your wife is very clear cut. You divorce her as soon as you can. She really isn't the problem here. She has given you every indication that she doesn't love you and wants a different life. I understand exactly who she is. She has shown you what the problem is over and over but you are purposely refusing to understand it and that is - you are not a man she can respect. You are absolutely wasting your life with this woman. Please find the inner strength to free yourself. You should also make sure the child is yours. i know the child is mine forsure, and yes i can see that she has no respect for me. she probably got tired of pointing her finger and yelling but she probably felt she needed to because she always yelled at her own daughter and had to balance the court by getting mad at me aswell. to be honest i think she looks for men that she WILL be scared of. probably why she always picked fights with me. the first guy she left me for was the opposite of me, im 6ft he was like 6'3 and he was fat build im athletic build. so i think her definition of a man is souly based on appear and not personality. i even remember her words the first time she left "he was more serious" hmm i didnt know 3 years together wasnt serious. compared to a guy you only knew for a week. what ever though i can see that this break up isnt a loss. but it still hurts being betrayed twice by the same person
gaius Posted September 7, 2019 Posted September 7, 2019 Disney dad. That's funny. In life, peoples opinion of you will always be primarily based on what you have to offer them that they find valuable. What needs of theirs you're meeting. How good or bad of a person you actually are has very little standing as to how you're perceived by others. For whatever reason you're not meeting her needs anymore. So you're a bad person. And an especially bad person because she has to do all this work to try and get rid of you and you're not taking the hint. If my wife ever started treating me like that I'd be the one to start separation, because if she's really that miserable with me she should go be happy elsewhere. But being a leader like that is one of the things she's attracted to. I'm meeting her needs so to her I'm a good person. Even though in reality I'm kind of a dickhead.
Author ermac Posted September 7, 2019 Author Posted September 7, 2019 Disney dad. That's funny. In life, peoples opinion of you will always be primarily based on what you have to offer them that they find valuable. What needs of theirs you're meeting. How good or bad of a person you actually are has very little standing as to how you're perceived by others. For whatever reason you're not meeting her needs anymore. So you're a bad person. And an especially bad person because she has to do all this work to try and get rid of you and you're not taking the hint. If my wife ever started treating me like that I'd be the one to start separation, because if she's really that miserable with me she should go be happy elsewhere. But being a leader like that is one of the things she's attracted to. I'm meeting her needs so to her I'm a good person. Even though in reality I'm kind of a dickhead. well i did knotice after she went on her anxiety medication. that last like 3 or 4 times we had sex she couldnt get off at all. i researched online n it says loss oforgasm for going on these pills. i even tried to show her but she didnt care. those ssri pills. maybe the loss of sexual desire was the deal breaker. but you would think someone would stick around if you decided to come back n start a family n yea i did not want to breakup. i did fight to keep us together it only made her more mad. so figures.
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