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when gf says shes too focused on her new job and just wants to be friends?

mrlee123

By mrlee123
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Maddie82 Established Member

Maddie82

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Why randomly text me this at 11pm?

 

Again, if it bothers you that much block her. Although I don't think it actually does bother you does it. You're enjoying her continually reaching out to you.

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mrlee123 Established Member

mrlee123

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I think shes expecting me to ask whats bothering her at work... and to tell her when im working i her area again.... but i wont.. i wont say anything...

Maddie82 Established Member

Maddie82

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I think shes expecting me to ask whats bothering her at work... and to tell her when im working i her area again.... but i wont.. i wont say anything...

 

I think you will though.

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CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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Again, if it bothers you that much block her. Although I don't think it actually does bother you does it. You're enjoying her continually reaching out to you.

 

This is very true.

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Beachead Established Member

Beachead

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I think shes expecting me to ask whats bothering her at work... and to tell her when im working i her area again.... but i wont.. i wont say anything...

 

So long as you're doing it to help yourself move on, then that's fine.

Blanco Established Member

Blanco

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So long as you're doing it to help yourself move on, then that's fine.

 

He's probably not, and that's why he should just block her, rather than trying to play games (ignoring her) to entice her back.

 

If that sounds harsh, it's only because I speak from experience. I've done the same thing. If he was really doing this to move on, he would block her, because he knows that it's over and knows that not hearing from her (because she's blocked, not because she's not reaching out) is the best, but not easiest, way to really move on with his life.

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Beachead Established Member

Beachead

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@blanco

 

Naw, it's not harsh. You're right. I've been there myself, I know where his head is at and I agree. I'm just reminding him of what he should be doing so he doesn't get too lost inside his bubble.

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mrlee123 Established Member

mrlee123

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Latest is that shes just asked me when im near her area next.... 8:30pm on a sunday night... randomly. Truth is im there the next 2 weekends. But i dont know if i should tell her anything.. or just tell her im done with this and moving on. Funnily enough i have other women interested in me.. this one girl im getting in with, a lot in common, shes nice, ive known her a while but never gone further..

preraph Established Member

preraph

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Date the new girl. You already have been told what, six times or more, that the ex only wants to be friends and doesn't even want to hear about it anymore.

Beachead Established Member

Beachead

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Latest is that shes just asked me when im near her area next.... 8:30pm on a sunday night... randomly. Truth is im there the next 2 weekends. But i dont know if i should tell her anything.. or just tell her im done with this and moving on.

 

You shouldn't respond at all. She's not looking to be with you and it'll lead to nothing but you getting used. You're in denial about that because it's fresh and you haven't accumulated enough post-breakup time, to realize the result.

 

Funnily enough i have other women interested in me.. this one girl im getting in with, a lot in common, shes nice, ive known her a while but never gone further..

 

You're not ready.

Edited by Beachead
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mrlee123 Established Member

mrlee123

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She said shes missed me, had a lot on with work and been super stressed and said the following

 

Seeing you every weekend felt like a chore and i didnt like that you used to hassle me about football games as thats mine and my mums time.. you also didnt leave me alone when o was super tired.. i know you were messing around but still.. maybe i should have been open and honest but i k ow that now.. i want to meet you if youre available.. all i ask is that you be patient with me. Slowly im getting used to this work life and its getting better. I know i was wrong in going on tinder and im sorry

 

She never let me go to her to see her on a weekend as she lives with her parents and wanted our own space so i dont get why she said that..

Marc878 Established Member

Marc878

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Everything is on her terms because you don't matter much but I think you're gonna have to learn the hard way

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Blanco Established Member

Blanco

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It sounds like she just isn't that in to you. I also infer that perhaps you were a bit smothering, at least from her perspective, while you two were together.

 

Which is to say, it sounds like maybe you shouldn't have been so shocked she dumped you.

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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You're going to get your heart put through the blender here, OP.

CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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And of course it continues......

 

OP, by all means go for it and prove us all wrong that she never stopped loving you and wants you back and this is a love story for the ages! :)

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assertives Established Member

assertives

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Actually, the more you post, the more you reveal about the dynamics of your ex relationship. And the more it makes sense and explains why things turned out the way it did. It's clear as day for all of us bystanders, but you are either unable to or simply refuse to see and or accept it for what it is. Some amount of wallowing is fine, but don't overdo it or worse, get addicted to being in pain. At some point you'll need to decide that it's enough, pick yourself up and move on.

Edited by assertives
Highndry Established Member

Highndry

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This thread reminds me of an old Ben Franklin quote:

 

"Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other."

 

Also:

 

"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink."

 

The OP is going to have to learn a very painful lesson.

Beachead Established Member

Beachead

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@mrlee123

 

You're being handled.

fromheart Established Member

fromheart

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She said shes missed me, had a lot on with work and been super stressed and said the following

 

Seeing you every weekend felt like a chore and i didnt like that you used to hassle me about football games as thats mine and my mums time.. you also didnt leave me alone when o was super tired.. i know you were messing around but still.. maybe i should have been open and honest but i k ow that now.. i want to meet you if youre available.. all i ask is that you be patient with me. Slowly im getting used to this work life and its getting better. I know i was wrong in going on tinder and im sorry

 

She never let me go to her to see her on a weekend as she lives with her parents and wanted our own space so i dont get why she said that..

 

So she continues to say the same thing, and you keep entertaining it despite the advice you are given!

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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It's been about a month since you broke up. She had a death of her friend's mom if I remember. Now things are winding down. As annoyed at you as she was, she's wondering if she was too hasty because now she's lonely so she's telling you things you want to hear, like let's meet.

 

Even if you convince her to get back together, you will still want more from her then she's willing to give & she will be right back being annoyed all over again.

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mrlee123 Established Member

mrlee123

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She said shes has missed me, doesnt know why she did certain things and wants me in her life. Said she wants to meet and go slowly and let things flow naturally.she knows i dont wanna be friends... said shes hating workand super stressed with it but things are getting a bit better on that. Apologised for everything she put me through and will meet me whenever im free.

 

Im still undecided really.. she knows how she made me feel and ive told her i dont wanna be friends. To be honest im wary of starting it again in case this happens all over again... she told me she doesnt know her own mind sometimes. Thought shed be fine without me but is not..

Beachead Established Member

Beachead

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@mrlee123

 

At this point, I think it's best you go give it a shot with her and find out for yourself, what this all is. If it so happens, things work out for the both of you, then great, but if it doesn't, then everything we've been telling you will likely make far more sense to you, going forward and that'll help you down the road.

Edited by Beachead
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Blanco Established Member

Blanco

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I agree. Give it another shot. I don't think it's going to work, because whatever the issue(s) was/were before have probably not been resolved.

 

My read is that she is being truthful about work being stressful, but that's not a reason to abandon your relationship. To me, that means she's either immature or not that invested in the relationship. If she lives at home still, that means she doesn't even have the added stress of taking care of her home/bills the way other working adults do. How the heck is she ever going to manager work, maintaining a home, a relationship, kids, etc. if she cannot even manage two of them right now?

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CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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She said shes has missed me, doesnt know why she did certain things and wants me in her life. Said she wants to meet and go slowly and let things flow naturally.she knows i dont wanna be friends... said shes hating workand super stressed with it but things are getting a bit better on that. Apologised for everything she put me through and will meet me whenever im free.

 

Thought shed be fine without me but is not..

 

How about that....everything you "accused" her of because of her "not thinking clearly" has come to pass. You were "right" after all.

 

Keep us posted.

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mrlee123 Established Member

mrlee123

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Maybe im not the crazy one afyer all... lol

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