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when gf says shes too focused on her new job and just wants to be friends?

mrlee123

By mrlee123
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Beachead Established Member

Beachead

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@mrlee123

 

Oh she knows alright. She just doesn't care about what you need and she's betting that you're too weak to enforce it, probably because you've been allowing her to get away with treating you like crap in the past. We teach people how to treat us. In any case, her disregarding your wishes, shows how little respect she has for you. There's no love in those actions. It's strictly self-serving.

 

And she'll keep this up, so don't worry. You'll hear from her. It'll just be bullsh*t though. It might get less frequent, but it'll continue..that is until she meets someone else. Then you're history. Don't think it won't happen to you.

 

You hang onto her words, but recall, she once thought you were worth getting together with. She once felt strongly enough to say she loved you. Then her feelings changed and now here you are, in this miserable position, because of it. If her words and feelings couldn't hold any longevity then..why would they now?

 

- Beach

Edited by Beachead
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mrlee123 Established Member

mrlee123

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I think now though if she messages again i will have the courage to tell her straight and cut the BS... i think she knows that now as well. My stance has been made clear and if she comes up with more crap i will just put her straight and then go quiet.

Beachead Established Member

Beachead

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@mrlee123

 

You don't get it. You responding is playing right into what she wants you to do. She wants your response so that she can say something that'll mess your head up and make you dwell on it and keep you stuck on her as long as possible. Since you don't want to block her, ignore her but do not respond to her.

Edited by Beachead
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mrlee123 Established Member

mrlee123

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Point taken.. if she responds that is..

CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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This feels like Groundhog Day.

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mrlee123 Established Member

mrlee123

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If she ever reaches out again i will not respond unless its something along the lines of wanting to try again. If its small talk crap i wont say anything... i dont think she will now though..

Highndry Established Member

Highndry

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... i will let you all know if she messages on the weekend because im not expecting anything during the week.

 

Thanks again.

 

 

This is the problem that apparently everybody in the world can see but you. You are obsessing over her making contact with you. It's time to move on, mrlee. Block her already, as has been said innumerable times.

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Maggiemay1 Established Member

Maggiemay1

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If she ever reaches out again i will not respond unless its something along the lines of wanting to try again. If its small talk crap i wont say anything... i dont think she will now though..

 

Didn’t you say that before?

Then she said her friends mother died ? And you responded?

 

She removed you from her support network , so nothing she can message you about deserves a reply.

 

She used her friends mothers death for self gain via attention.

 

You need to remove the possibility of her ever “reaching out” to you again. Because whenever she does “reach out” it is for selfish reasons only. And her “reaching out” is only ever the few seconds it takes to send a text message.

 

I said before, she knows where you live , where you work etc.

If she genuinely wanted to “reach” you, she knows exactly where and how to.

 

Are you ready to block her yet?? For your own benefit?

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mrlee123 Established Member

mrlee123

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I know it may be hard for you to understand and see me as stupid but no im not going to block her off whatsapp...

 

I havent heard anything from her since monday morning and not expecting to.. especially after i told her its either trying with me again or nothing and that i dont want to be just friends... i really dont think i will hear from her now.

Maddie82 Established Member

Maddie82

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I know it may be hard for you to understand and see me as stupid but no im not going to block her off whatsapp...

 

Why? Are you still holding out hope? Even though you have 28 pages of commentors telling you that there is no hope. Do you regularly check her WhatsApp status?

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mrlee123 Established Member

mrlee123

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No i never check it.. ive deleted her whatsapp.. the only time i see her on there is if she messages me.

Maddie82 Established Member

Maddie82

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No i never check it.. ive deleted her whatsapp.. the only time i see her on there is if she messages me.

 

Which will not happen again. You didn't answer my question though. Are you holding out hope of her coming back? Because she wont, and you can't seem to grasp that.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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ive deleted her whatsapp.. .

 

It's a step in the right direction.

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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I know it may be hard for you to understand and see me as stupid but no im not going to block her off whatsapp...

 

You're not stupid, OP.

 

You're processing a break-up that you didn't see coming and didn't want. While blocking her would be in your best interest, I think plenty of dumpees can identify with not yet feeling strong enough to do so in the relatively recent aftermath of a split.

 

Are you still hoping to hear from her? Of course. I can imagine you're still hoping to see a notification from her pop up on your phone and feeling disappointed every time you don't see one. Give yourself time. You haven't really been in No Contact with her yet, so this is all going to feel pretty strange and uncomfortable for a while. Come here and write it out every time you feel the urge to reach out to her.

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LivingWaterPlease Established Member

LivingWaterPlease

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Processing a break up is a journey. Sometimes it's a short one, sometimes more lengthy. Mrlee123, keep on keeping on! One foot in front of the other.

Maggiemay1 Established Member

Maggiemay1

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I know it may be hard for you to understand and see me as stupid but no im not going to block her off whatsapp...

 

I havent heard anything from her since monday morning and not expecting to.. especially after i told her its either trying with me again or nothing and that i dont want to be just friends... i really dont think i will hear from her now.

 

Yet still hoping to?

And hoping for breadcrumbs?

 

By not blocking her you are essentially allowing the breadcrumbs she throws and every time she does you respond.

 

You are afraid to block her because you actually know that the only contact she would make with you is the few seconds it takes to text. You actually know that this is over , you just haven’t come to terms with accepting it yet.

 

You know she won’t turn up at your doorstep , so why leave that little gap in whatsapp?

 

To be honest she won’t even know you have blocked her.

If she messaged you , her message would be left at one tick. It could be for various reasons , but she won’t know.

 

What exactly is your reason for not blocking her?

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mrlee123 Established Member

mrlee123

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Havent heard from her since Monday morning so she wont message now...

 

Like ive ssid before i dont want to block her.. you can keep on telling me to but im not going to so leave it at that and keep your opinions to yourself. Yes im hoping she gets back in touch with wanting to try again slowly... yes i want to hear from her... because if she gets back in touch now its to try again as ive made my stance clear last monday. But im not expecting it to happen, that doesn't mean im going to be waiting forever either.

Maddie82 Established Member

Maddie82

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You don't have to be rude op, alot of people here are only trying to help you. It's upto you if you want to hold out hope but don't put your life on hold in the meantime. I agree that she wont ever get back in touch now. Good luck.

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mrlee123 Established Member

mrlee123

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Im sorry if i come across like that but certsin people on here are winding me up.. saying things like shes no way coming back.. saying im delusional stillhoping.. repeatedly asking me why im not blocking her... ive said why im not...

 

End of the day nobody here knows her or me.. i wont put my life on hold.. but im hoping she does message and wants to try again after a clear mind. I dont think it will happen now, its nearly a week without anything so its unlikely.

CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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im hoping she does message and wants to try again after a clear mind.

 

You're assuming her mind is unclear because you still want to be together. She's clear that she doesn't. Thinking that the only possible reason for her not wanting to be together is that her mind is not clear is going to hold you back from moving on with your life. You can't love someone into loving you.

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mrlee123 Established Member

mrlee123

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How can you possibly know what shes thinking though? She could turn around and message next week.... you never know... shes been looking on my whatsapp statuses this week so ive not completely disappeared have i... now that i have through deleting her whatsapp she wont see anything.

 

Ive not said im not trying to move on... i am. But if she does come back then wel see what happens.. but like i said.. im not expecting it.

CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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How can you possibly know what shes thinking though?

 

None of us can, including you. But you're the one who said you're hoping she comes back "after a clear mind," so you must have some assumption about her thinking currently being unclear. I'm not sure how you know that.

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mrlee123 Established Member

mrlee123

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What i mean by it is her having a full week without any sight of me on a status or whatever... me clearly gone out the picture.

Maddie82 Established Member

Maddie82

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How can you possibly know what shes thinking though? She could turn around and message next week.... you never know... shes been looking on my whatsapp statuses this week.

 

How do you know she has been looking at your statuses? You have no way of knowing that.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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How do you know she has been looking at your statuses? You have no way of knowing that.

 

Just a guess - If he means on What's App, you can see who's viewed your status.

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