when gf says shes too focused on her new job and just wants to be friends?

[schlumpy]

With respect Mr. Lee, look forward to the coming New Year and see if you can make a new start along with the new year.

 

Best Wishes

[mrlee123]

Am I crazy to still hope that she will eventually miss me? lol... I wont be doing anymore statuses on whatsapp, im going complete silent with NC. But this time i strongly think she wont reach out again after what I said and how she replied... it will be too awkward for her to message me again now.

 

The things she used to say to me was I love you so much, please dont ever break up with me as im madly in love with you, we had the best holiday ever, i have no doubts... all words.. but as soon as she got that job she went distant, like communication dropped and things didnt feel right.. probly didnt help with me being negative about things and sticking to a boring routine at times.. im just so hurt on how short she was today when she said fair enough, lets leave it and then went silent all day. She didnt message me all last week so I know she wont this week and because of today she wont at all on the weekend either.. its done now for good.

 

I also want to say thank you to everyone who has took the time to reply to me on this and give advice... i know i may have been annoying and repetative/seem like im not listening.. but i know you all meant well so thank you... hard when I thought she was the one as I loved everything about her.. I hope soon I will be happy again, because ive been feeling like this for a while now.. going to hit me hard that she wont ever reach out again. If she does I'll be sure to revisit this and let you all know what she said.. but i doubt she will.

Edited September 22, 2019 by mrlee123

[preraph]

You need to get busy doing other things that make life worth living. Remind yourself there's a lot more out there than just one exgirlfriend.

[Beachead]

@mrlee123

 

Well, I had hope my ex might return for 7-8 months after we went our separate ways. Then she got married. For some reason, I still had hope that maybe she'd reach out after that. Ofcourse I knew it was unlikely but that hope stuck around anyway. It didn't care. It didn't listen to reason. I learned to live with it. But as time flew on, I just became less focused on it and more preoccupied with my own life. School, work, family, friends. Other kinds of stresses. It's been over 2 years now and I do wonder about her every now and then, but it's nothing like it used to be.

 

So, those feelings might stick around with you everyday for the next year or two..maybe more depending on how stubborn you are, but they gradually quiet down and fade into the background of life until one day you actually forget to think about it...and when you do, it's a quick thought.

 

- Beach

Edited September 22, 2019 by Beachead

[Blanco]

She'll probably miss you, but not in the way you hope.

 

This feels awful now, but it's what's best for you so that when she starts dating someone else, you'll have given yourself a buffer beforehand.

[mrlee123]

Lol i wole up to a text from her saying..

 

To be fair yesterday was not a good day to have that conversation with me, i had just woken up and had been sick all day at a meal with parents which isnt me.

 

She feels weve already had a conversation about us.. but just wants to be friends.

 

My god she is something else

Edited September 23, 2019 by mrlee123

[mrlee123]

Said shes staying single for a very long time and she would never tell me if she meets someone else..

[ExpatInItaly]

Don't bother replying, OP. There's nothing more to be said, particularly to the bit that she won't tell you if she meets someone else. You two would (hopefully) be No Contact so it wouldn't make sense for her to randomly tell you that anyway.

 

You're not crazy for hoping she returns, though. Nearly all exes who've been on the receiving end of an unwanted break-up feel that way. It's human.

 

Is this your first significant break-up, by the way? It seems a lot of this is new territory for you.

[mrlee123]

Its not my first breakup but its the first one thats really hit me hard, because of how much I had in common with her, how great she was with my family/friends and how much we clicked and did together.

[ExpatInItaly]

Ah, I see.

 

It will take time. Time with real No Contact, for quite a while. She still wants attention and you still have hope, currently. That will diminish as you take true time and space away from her.

[elaine567]

Lol i wole up to a text from her saying..

To be fair yesterday was not a good day to have that conversation with me, i had just woken up and had been sick all day at a meal with parents which isnt me.

She feels weve already had a conversation about us.. but just wants to be friends.

My god she is something else

She felt bad that she let her frustration and annoyance with you show through.

She wants to be "just friends", she does not want you as a bf, and she got pissed off when you were still going on about reconciling and having "conversations".

She slept on it and decided you didn't deserve her ire, but she is still adamant that it is friends only, take it or leave it.

 

My guess, she is a people pleaser, she doesn't not like it when people may think badly of her.

She thus felt she had to retrieve the situation to remain friends with you, rather than let you go off thinking badly of her. She may not really want to be friends with you, but will encourage it in order to keep the peace and to appear a good person.

People pleasers can be "bad" dumpers as they in their quest to please everyone, tend to give out false hope or will want to keep holding on to "friendships" with dumpees, instead of just cutting the dumpee off dead, so both can move cleanly on.

[mrlee123]

Well she knows im not open to being just friends so its a take it or leave it kinda thing...

[elaine567]

You seem to think this is a power struggle and that if you keep stating your case, she will give in.

"Feelings" do not work like that.

You can't make her feel for you, you can't manufacture the spark that was missing.

You thought/think she was "the one", she didn't think like that and still doesn't.

Why do you want to be with someone who very obviously does not want to be with you?

[ExpatInItaly]

Well she knows im not open to being just friends so its a take it or leave it kinda thing...

 

She already made the choice to leave it.

 

Now it's your responsibility to work on accepting that.

[Maddie82]

Said shes staying single for a very long time and she would never tell me if she meets someone else..

 

She's not obligated to tell you anything.

[mrlee123]

I never said she was obligated... it was her that told me that.

[Beachead]

@mrlee123

 

Lol i wole up to a text from her saying..

 

To be fair yesterday was not a good day to have that conversation with me, i had just woken up and had been sick all day at a meal with parents which isnt me.

 

She feels weve already had a conversation about us.. but just wants to be friends...

 

...said shes staying single for a very long time and she would never tell me if she meets someone else..

 

Did you ignore it?

[Maddie82]

I never said she was obligated... it was her that told me that.

 

Block her and delete her already.

[preraph]

You're going to have to block her. She doesn't care whether it's comfortable for you to just be friends or not. She isn't respecting your request on that. It's very selfish but I'm sure she's telling herself she's been nothing but nice to you and like someone said up above, she is one of those who doesn't want anyone to think badly of her.

 

How many more times is she going to have to tell you she doesn't want you before you block her? Really, what's the number?

[Blanco]

Said shes staying single for a very long time and she would never tell me if she meets someone else..

 

People say that and that usually goes out the window when the meet someone worthwhile. Not saying you're not worthwhile, but very few people will pass up exploring a relationship if someone enticing enough comes along, regardless of what they've said they plan to do (i.e. not get into a relationship for a while).

[Maggiemay1]

Lol i wole up to a text from her saying..

 

To be fair yesterday was not a good day to have that conversation with me, i had just woken up and had been sick all day at a meal with parents which isnt me.

 

She feels weve already had a conversation about us.. but just wants to be friends.

 

I’ve said it before and I stick by my word , she is a self centred cow.

 

Yesterday was apparently not a good day to have that conversation? Did you tell her that no day is a good day to have a break up conversation and did she consult you when would be a good day for you as to when she would dump you???

 

And if it wasn’t a good day for HER to have that conversation , then wtf did she message you with breadcrumbs that day??? SHE chose the day!!!!

 

Yes there was the conversation before re friends but hadn’t you already told her on a day that apparently suited her that you were not looking for friendship from her!!!?

[Maggiemay1]

Said shes staying single for a very long time and she would never tell me if she meets someone else..

 

The minute someone meets someone else they are interested in , they tell their FRIEND all about it!!!

So much for her wanting to be friends. She has basically in that statement said that once she meets someone , you will no longer be her friend.

 

Block is the only way forward for you! You can’t reason with the unreasonable and nor should you try!

[Maggiemay1]

Am I crazy to still hope that she will eventually miss me? lol...

 

I wont be doing anymore statuses on whatsapp.

 

The things she used to say to me was I love you so much, please dont ever break up with me as im madly in love with you.....

 

Please please please pay attention to what I’m about to say.

 

She doesn’t miss you at all, but she does miss the daily interaction with another which is likely why she is still occasionally contacting you. And she will continue to to do as long as you keep responding until she meets another guy to replace that void.

 

Whatsapp statuses are pointless. The only people that see them are the people you are not friends with and that look up their contacts on their phone. There is no newsfeed to say x person updated their whatsapp status. So whatever you have been doing with regard to that was in vain.

 

She used to say she loved you so much , don’t ever leave me blah blah blah.

That is of no comparison to marriage vows, financial commitment, children together etc.

 

A marriage that breaks up 20 years later doesn’t result in one saying but he/she told me till death do us part?

 

You need to start thinking logically and stop thinking emotionally.

[mrlee123]

Brutal stuff there maggie... made me laugh haha but your words are true. Wasnt a good day to have a co verdqtion with her which is why she said ok lets leave it but she never thinks about me... then the next morning she pops up with messages and then stops talking again... havent heard from her since yesterday morning. She knows my stance... she knows how i feel... so because of that now i dont think she will reply again because she now CLEARLY knows i dont want to be friends.. i will let you all know if she messages on the weekend because im not expecting anything during the week.

 

Thanks again.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

now i dont think she will reply again because she now CLEARLY knows i dont want to be friends.. i will let you all know if she messages on the weekend because im not expecting anything during the week.

 

Ugh. You've said this SO many times in this thread. And you're still hoping to hear from her . Ya know, people will treat us how we allow them to treat us for the most part. You are allowing this.