Marc878 Posted September 8, 2019 Posted September 8, 2019 Life is short. I wouldn't waste 30 seconds of my time on a reply. Way overthinking this 1
Author Despr8 Posted September 8, 2019 Author Posted September 8, 2019 (edited) Despr8, something is wrong with your ex to be leaving the country with her now bf and wanting to have dinner with you before she leaves.Anyone would know what she's asking you will be an ego boost for her and a difficult thing to do for you..... Well part of the break up was due to her selfishness. My story is very very long with so many plot twist so I know not everyone is gonna understand. But the majority is definitely right on this one. Those are great replies but all she'll get from me is a thank you and have a safe trip. I don't want any openings for a conversation with her. I'll never really understand how someone can tell you how much I've changed them and they'll never love someone truly how we had it yet toss it away. I'm no saint either btw, I definitely messed up a lot also. But I tried and now I know what not to do in the future. I'm an oddball character and usually egotistical but I'm genuine with people I care about. I don't think I need therapy I just think I truly got my heart broken for the first time. That ego in me has been festering that resentment for a long time. But I know life is full of surprises and things can change. I was homeless for a few months after the break up and had some horrible rough patches. But I know truly no matter how low and rough things get everything is going to be alright. Always optimistic. Just like venting on the forums. Edited September 9, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
preraph Posted September 8, 2019 Posted September 8, 2019 Wishing the dumper would feel remorse and regret is a common wail on here. And at least you're lucid about that that is mainly about ego. Some people will go to any lengths to even briefly reunite or have sex just so they can then be the dumper instead of dumpee and tell themselves the person is regretting it and now they've taught her. It doesn't work that way. Dumpers are usually relieved to be out once it's over. They may have peripheral regrets, the most common being they know they hurt you. But it is very rare indeed that a dumper who left of their own accord, especially without an affair partner in the picture, suddenly falls back in love with you and has true regret. And just being on here for years, when you see a woman with regret that they left for another man, it's usually about money and security, where are they going to live, how will they make it on their own, not that they suddenly came to realize how hot and fine the guy they dumped is. 3
LivingWaterPlease Posted September 8, 2019 Posted September 8, 2019 Well part of the break up was due to her selfishness. My story is very very long with so many plot twist so I know not everyone is gonna understand. But the majority is definitely right on this one. Those are great replies but all she'll get from me is a thank you and have a safe trip... I was homeless for a few months after the break up and had some horrible rough patches. But I know truly no matter how low and rough things get everything is going to be alright. Always optimistic. Just like venting on the forums. Good that you're firm in giving her just a brief reply, that you're optimistic and that you have a place to vent! 3
TeddyPSmith Posted September 10, 2019 Posted September 10, 2019 im gong to go against the grain and say that you SHOULD meet her. YOU are the one that will be left holding the bag and possibly feeling regret for years to come. Nobody that gives you advice will be feeling what you feel. You are assuming the outcome of this meeting. You may want her to have a change of heart. Thats understandable. Who wouldn't? But it also sounds like you want closure. You want to tell her what she meant to you and how she hurt you. To be able to do that is invaluable. If you did do it, you might find a sense of peace, knowing that you got it off your chest. Imagine yourself 10 years from now. Would you be glad that you told her those things? I think I would. Or you could always hold a passive-aggressive grudge against her and have the award for "I won No Contact". Im in the same boat as you. Its been nearly 2 years and I still suffer from it. No Contact was not good for me. It left things completely unfinished. I thought I was supposed to be taking my life back but it didn't. It froze my life. Now I struggle all the time. And yes, ive done all the things I'm supposed to do. If you meet her and it sets you back, so be it. Its a price to pay for unburdening yourself. I fully realize that ill be excoriated for this opinion but im saying this as someone that totally regrets NC. It did not work for me. Whatever you decide, just keep in mind that you are the one that's ultimately responsible for your life. Good luck brother 1
schlumpy Posted September 10, 2019 Posted September 10, 2019 If you meet her and it sets you back, so be it. Its a price to pay for unburdening yourself. I fully realize that ill be excoriated for this opinion but im saying this as someone that totally regrets NC. It did not work for me. Whatever you decide, just keep in mind that you are the one that's ultimately responsible for your life. Good luck brother I'm really sorry to hear that you are still suffering from your breakup. I do think you are blaming the wrong reason for your lack of progress but like anything else in life one solution does not fit all. One year I got a flu shot and I still got the flu. Should I recommend to everyone that they not waste their time getting flu shots? Try to be reasonable. NC works for the majority of people. That it didn't and doesn't work for you is something to be explored. Why don't you start your own thread and explain the conditions of your breakup and how it has affected you? Explain how you should have handled it. Rile people up by stating forcefully that NC is for sissies. Might be a worthwhile thread and at the same time you may pick up a few insights that you had not considered before. You've peeked my interest so I will participate. And btw - Have a great day.
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