Is my boyfriend too selfish to love and have a future?

[tooselfishtolove]

Despite being with my bf for many years I've noticed a clear pattern to his behavior - in terms of being self centered. If something is in it for him, he goes for it and vice versa. He pouts if he doesn't get his way often as well and doesn't seem to have any empathy in certain situations particularly if he's not included.

 

Example: I had planned a vacation for about several days with my kids and sister and her husband - it's an annual thing we do each year mostly. While i invited my bf we had a disagreement about 2 weeks before and then a close family member died - I was wiped out so I told him it was best if he didn't go - he said he took off the time from work so he was going even alone. Whatever. So we resolved for him to come the last 2 days.

 

Before he joined me, he complained on the phone about wasting his time off and he was really bored (at one point he was yelling at me even though the funeral was the day before and I was really upset); that the hotel he was staying at the first night was really expensive and this "wasn't the vacation he planned". When he met me, I bought him dinner one night and the other night we went "dutch" even though he stayed for free the 2nd night with me. He never offered to pay for anything.

 

BUT I paid for the rental home (and he was never expected to pay); there was a hotel very close by that was much more reasonable but he chose not to stay there; he could have worked the few extra days but chose not to, etc. Then he had no sympathy for the death in our family.

 

I am good to him and can't understand why he is acting like such an ass - he just can't cope when he isn't included and under the circumstances that's really selfish.

 

I should have been able to lean on him and he should have been a shoulder for me during the difficult death that just happened BUT HE WASN'T!

 

do I just leave him b/c I feel like I don't love him anymore - but we are invited to his best friend's daughter wedding in 2 weeks.

 

Advice please!

[d0nnivain]

If you have been dating him for many years why didn't he attend the funeral with you?

 

On his side I can see being annoyed that he took time off then didn't get to do what was planned but that is no reason he couldn't have done something else.

 

As I said in another thread, money breaks up relationships. People have different expectations & it causes so much stress. If you really think he's selfish, why are you with him? Answer that Q & you will know what to do next.

[schlumpy]

We always had a saying at work: "our worst day off was better than our best day at work" Probably wasn't strictly true but it all folded in that hate/love relationship many people have with their employment.

 

So I don't see where you BF was doing anything but harassing you. He could haver taken those two days and done something that he enjoyed but then -maybe he did. Maybe he enjoys making you feel guilty and miserable.

 

You need to reassess your relationship with him and either reset it or give him the boot. It doesn't seem as if he has your best interests at heart.

[preraph]

If you're not getting along and would be happier on your own, then leave him behind. To be fair, he does sound pouty, but this was a complicated situation, however I take your word for it that this is just one in many ways he is argumentative and pouty to get his way. If that's the case, why wouldn't you rather be on your own or find someone who isn't that spoiled?

[basil67]

Hang on....just making sure I understand. You and your boyfriend were going away with friends and you uninvited him. Is this correct?

[tooselfishtolove]

no the vacation is with my adult kids and my sister and her husband. We've done it for 30 years or so.

 

I paid for the home and even though my bf should have offered he didn't. Same story with him last year when he did join us.

 

As mentioned in my story, we had an argument 2 weeks before about him lying to me and I broke up with him or so I thought until he started making me feel really guilty and saying I lie too about our relationship (which is true sometimes). That was before the death of the family member though.

 

Bottom line, it's all about him...he didn't need to make me feel so guilty since he was joining me for the last 2 days (out of 4 days). I was just getting over the death and funeral from the day before.

[basil67]

When you told him that it's best if he didn't go, had he invited himself on the holiday?