Adjusting to dating heavier women as I age

[alphamale]

They eat very very little. Nothing enjoyable. That's what I meant. They are obsessed with every calorie. And I get it....it works! When I am in that mode, it works. But, it's hard to sustain if you want any pleasure in your life lol.

 

boy i'm glad i'm not a girl

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

boy i'm glad i'm not a girl

 

:lmao::lmao:

[thefooloftheyear]

Older women who are "slim" don't always look so great either...A flat ass, wrinkly and crepey skin, and tits that look like a sweatsock with a couple of quarters in them...

 

Im not trying to demean anyone, just bear in mind that sometimes a "fuller" look actually is quite a bit better as they age...Think Coco Austin...

 

Also, I gotta take a shot at some of my male counterparts...

 

I see too often how older guys still think they deserve something that looks like a hot Instagram model that's all of 24...Take a look in the mirror, fellas...you're body aint shyt, so be real and accept the fact that the woman in your age range that are considered "normal" for their age (a bit overweight) probably have a comparably better body than you, and the Unicorn types that still rock a killer body in their 50's aint going for Joe Schmo out on the street...

 

.02

 

TFY

[Ruby Slippers]

People's health and weight are shaped by layers of underlying ideas that you aren't likely to do more than influence lightly.

 

Accept and love her as is or if you can't do that, then let her go.

[Highndry]

I watch what I eat and keep a healthy physique so I have no problem expecting the same in a woman. There are plenty of fit women in their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I watch what I eat and keep a healthy physique so I have no problem expecting the same in a woman. There are plenty of fit women in their 40s, 50s, 60s and beyond.

 

I'm sure you realize that watching what you eat and working to keep a healthy physique requires different effort levels in men your age than in women your age, right? Save for the small percentage that are just naturally blessed with always good metabolism, most women have to do a LOT more than men to maintain a physique acceptable to men. (With that said, doing nothing at all achieves the expected result).

 

Simply put, women basically starve themselves and work out relentlessly to look like men want them to look. Men put in work, but it's a hell of a lot easier! (They can at least still eat lol)

[alphamale]

, and tits that look like a sweatsock with a couple of quarters in them...

 

[basil67]

Im not trying to demean anyone, just bear in mind that sometimes a "fuller" look actually is quite a bit better as they age...Think Coco Austin...

 

I just googled her

 

I think that 'plastic' would be a better description than 'fuller'

[Highndry]

I'm sure you realize that watching what you eat and working to keep a healthy physique requires different effort levels in men your age than in women your age, right? Save for the small percentage that are just naturally blessed with always good metabolism, most women have to do a LOT more than men to maintain a physique acceptable to men. (With that said, doing nothing at all achieves the expected result).

 

Simply put, women basically starve themselves and work out relentlessly to look like men want them to look. Men put in work, but it's a hell of a lot easier! (They can at least still eat lol)

 

 

Hey, how do you know my age? But honestly, I don't know. My ex ate the same stuff as me and didn't even exercise as much and she never blew up. Obviously she ate less because she was 5'4" and I'm 6'1".

[chillii]

Yeah , l found the same after marriage op , thought l'd have to be done because l'm just not into over weight women.

Took time buttttt, l met one or two eventually still in great shape gave me hope and so l waited. My gf weighs 51kg still has the hottest bod, she exercises and looks after herself, they are around.

l dunno , l'm in good shape and l want the same , if l was over weight to though it's another thing l guess.

[d0nnivain]

My gf weighs 51kg still has the hottest bod,

 

That's a mere 112 pounds! If she's over 5'1 she is actually unhealthy. The average American woman weighs 170 pounds. Last time I weighed 112 doctors wanted to hospitalize me for being emaciated & anorexic.

[Redhead14]

Older men tend to put on a "few" later in years too. On top of that, ED comes into play and balding . . . and superficiality toward women and a need for sports cars. Usually, it's not so much that the woman has put on a few pounds, it's that he want her to look so much better than he does so that the focus is taken off of him and his "flaws".

[Cersei]

Usually, it's not so much that the woman has put on a few pounds, it's that he want her to look so much better than he does so that the focus is taken off of him and his "flaws".

 

I don't think it's that they want the focus taken off themselves as much as they are in denial about what their own body has become.

[elaine567]

Some men gauge their own worth by the women they can attract and some men gauge the worth of other men by the "quality" of their wives/gf.

Usually in Western culture that has to do with youth and hotness...

 

In some cultures a fat wife is seen as optimal, as it signifies the husband's worth as a provider.

[Blind-Sided]

Sweeteners do not cause weight gain per se but they do alter the perception of sweetness, so users tend to try and source sweeter things to satisfy their craving for excessively sweet things.

As most sweet things contain sugar, then weight gain ensues

 

I think you are right... but some people it can help. I did the low carb thing about 10 years ago, and forced myself to drink diet soda. (hated that diet flavor) but needed caffeine during the day. Now, in current times... I have gotten away from soda almost totally... but now I can't drink regular soda anymore because it leaves a sticky, unpleasant feel in my throat. Because of that... I don't put sugar in tea or coffee anymore either. The only sweet thing I like anymore is chocolate. (maybe it's just a more grownup flavor profile)

 

 

Anyway... to the OP... all people's metabolism changes as we get older. Even the "Skinny Girls" wind up with some pudginess. I can totally appreciate and be aroused by perfectly shaped young girl... but I know in the back of my head... I'm not shaped perfect, and that person will just be trouble eventually. I'm one of those people who can look past the vanity and be happy with a girl who is a little softer. My biggest thing is I don't do stupid, or vain... and a lot of times, that's what you get with that perfect body. I'm educated, and need a partner that can hold her own in a conversation. But, if shape bothers you... then it will always bother you, and you should move on.

 

 

As far as trying to get her to work out, or drop the soda... don't. That's trying to change who she is.

Edited September 5, 2019 by Blind-Sided

[Allupinnit]

I feel you.

 

I've had to adjust, too. Men who are balding, beer paunches, ED, angry ex wives they have to send half their money to, kids I don't feel like being a stepmom to...

 

Aging brings a whole host of issues that most of us didn't have to deal with in our 20's and 30's. But along with the extras, you would hope that along the way there has been wisdom gained, financial security, emotional maturity and confidence. I feel more beautiful now than I did in my 20's.

 

That said, if you can't imagine being intimate with her in any other way than with the lights off, please let her go. Feeling that your man isn't completely into you that way will shatter her self esteem, your sex life will dwindle, etc. it's just a no-win all around.

 

If her body doesn't do it for you, can I ask why you've continued to date and be intimate with her?

[Redhead14]

I don't think it's that they want the focus taken off themselves as much as they are in denial about what their own body has become.

 

 

A distinction without a difference, Cersei

[Geraltt]

Older men tend to put on a "few" later in years too. On top of that, ED comes into play and balding . . . and superficiality toward women and a need for sports cars. Usually, it's not so much that the woman has put on a few pounds, it's that he want her to look so much better than he does so that the focus is taken off of him and his "flaws".

 

Middle-aged men get the fancy red sports car and the hot blonde because they've wanted those things since they were teenagers. It's just that, at middle age, they can afford them.

 

But to the point, fact is that preferences are just that: preferences. It doesn't make anyone shallow. It's simple fact that men tend to be attracted to women with about a 70/30 hip/waist ratio, long hair, clear skin, straight teeth, etc. Women tend to be attracted to men who are muscular, taller and show significant income. There are individual exceptions, of course, but generally these tendencies hold pretty true.

 

It's simply a function of our evolutionary heritage.

 

So, OP, don't be embarrassed or ashamed that you have preferences for younger, more lithe women. That's your preference and is entirely valid. And don't let anyone get away with calling you shallow, because it's not.

[thefooloftheyear]

I think where a lot of guys get turned off is soooo much emphasis is placed on the "hip/waist ratio" for women and that becomes very hard for women to keep as they age...Its not even so much that they are heavy, you can have a woman that's not that heavy, but has gotten very thick in the middle....well...there goes the "hourglass" and hip/waist..

 

Weight training for women works...HRT is another way to combat this as well....But for most, it wont be easy and sometimes not really possible without going under the knife, or deprivation and an unreasonable amount of training..for most people anyway...

 

Bottom line is most guys just need to be realistic about it...Sure, some women are just lazy slobs that don't care about their appearance, but most really try very hard...

 

Another thing that may be worth mentioning...

 

If you are a guy pushing or over 50, realize that you are going to probably fall apart physically long before she will..And that time may be closer than you think...Ive been fortunate to still be pretty solid, but most guys my age are really getting beat up....Knees, hips, backs, shoulders, etc...Every day I hear of one of my like aged friends is laid up with some issue or another...

 

Perhaps its time then to place less emphasis on the physical(within reason-still need some level of attraction), and more towards what type of real partner you want to spend the rest of your life with and how she is going to be once you start your decline...

 

TFY

[SumGuy]

...

I've NEVER brought this topic up in front of her, but she has told me a few times (without my prompting) that women start gaining weight in their 40s and have a harder time losing it versus what men can do.

You must be one lucky guy as men too have trouble losing weight as they get older. Age is not kind to anyone. Regardless it can be done, and at any age it takes focus.

 

I have gained a little bit of weight the past 10 years, but I don't think anybody would call me overweight, and I like the way I look. I exercise. I'm not a health-nut, but I do try hard to take care of myself.

No need to guess here. You can see if you are the pot calling the kettle black by getting on scale, then simple go on line and see where your BMI is. If you have a lot of muscle mass and low body fat, take that into account.

 

She doesn't seem to eat a lot of junk food....but she can wolf down a liter of diet soda in a matter of a day or two. And I think that might be the reason for the weight gain. She never drinks water or any other liquid. ONLY Diet Coke.

Show her the recent study on diet soda and life expectancy. Artificial sweeteners may not have calories but they do mess with metabolism, the gaining and losing of body fat. If she stopped the soda and worked out some (it's good to have an exercise partner to help keep on track) bet she could lose some weight; IF she wants to do it for herself.

 

So, I guess this question is for fellow men. Are you still in good shape, but your wife or girlfriend has gained weight as you two have aged? Are you OK with it? Are you self-conscious about her weight?

In order, Yes in shape and Yes, Yes, No.

 

 

How do you adjust to the fact that we're older and women our age don't have the same metabolism they once did? Or can women in their 40s be thinner?

I date women mostly late 40s early 50s. Hear from them men are no prize either. See many, many women where I live in there 40's and 50's that are in shape.

 

 

I've found the hardest thing to find is that connection. If she is treating you well and the sex is great and you get along great that is much harder to find and near impossible to create. Extra weight is something that can be worked on, it is in one's control especially the amount you are talking about. It is not easy, not easy at all to lose weight but with a support system (one reason personal trainers work so well) it is doable. Once you get over the barrier of starting it can be self reinforcing. I will say the diet soda could make it harder. There is something addictive about Diet Coke, as known many women who crave it and describe it as addictive even if they don't particularly like it.

[preraph]

I just think you should brace yourself as the years go by that at some point looking thin for men goes way down the list of priorities for women. In short, many of them scoff at the idea of starving and killing themselves just so you'd be keen to have sex with them.

[Sam2020]

That's a mere 112 pounds! If she's over 5'1 she is actually unhealthy. The average American woman weighs 170 pounds. Last time I weighed 112 doctors wanted to hospitalize me for being emaciated & anorexic.

 

Huh? I don't know if that's sarcasm but I'm 5'3" and 110 lbs. I'm slim & curvy but not anorexic in any way, shape or form. I visit my doc twice a year and I've always been in great shape and healthy.

[d0nnivain]

Huh? I don't know if that's sarcasm but I'm 5'3" and 110 lbs. I'm slim & curvy but not anorexic in any way, shape or form. I visit my doc twice a year and I've always been in great shape and healthy.

 

It's all relative.

 

I was annoyed at the person who said he liked his 51 kg GF's body. I'm tall. When I was in college I was 110 -- 115 lbs & it was too skinny / problematic.

 

Size below obesity is subjective but for the man who posted his GF's weight I think he was adding to the artificial pressure to be stick thin

[Gretchen12]

Some men gauge their own worth by the women they can attract and some men gauge the worth of other men by the "quality" of their wives/gf.

 

I agree. And the men who are outsiders, striving to be more average and accepted, often have very mainstream taste in women. It's not really rejection by women, it's the resulting judgement of other men that hurts. Some of these guys struggling with dating are such loners it seems they don't even enjoy being with women so why date?

[Michelle ma Belle]

I feel you.

 

I've had to adjust, too. Men who are balding, beer paunches, ED, angry ex wives they have to send half their money to, kids I don't feel like being a stepmom to...

Aging brings a whole host of issues that most of us didn't have to deal with in our 20's and 30's. But along with the extras, you would hope that along the way there has been wisdom gained, financial security, emotional maturity and confidence. I feel more beautiful now than I did in my 20's.

 

That said, if you can't imagine being intimate with her in any other way than with the lights off, please let her go. Feeling that your man isn't completely into you that way will shatter her self esteem, your sex life will dwindle, etc. it's just a no-win all around.

 

If her body doesn't do it for you, can I ask why you've continued to date and be intimate with her?

 

Amen!

 

It goes both ways my friend.

 

I think women more than men, are more forgiving or tolerant when it comes to accepting the way men look physically as they age along with all the other 'issues' that come with men getting older. And that's not to say we don't feel a little disappointed too.

 

What I often find interesting is that the men who do the most squawking about women's physical shortcomings and imperfections are all to too often as far from perfect themselves

 

I think I'm more troubled by the fact that you continue to date and have sex with this woman despite having some serious issues with the way she looks physically.

 

Why not just date what you like and let someone who will truly appreciate her have a shot at being with her?