wise_up Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 Most places on infidelity will tell you that one night stands are not as harmful as affairs. I disagree. Here's my theory: You eat at home every night, once in a while you go out to a restaurant. You remember the restaurant because it's special, gives you something different. So you eat at home every night, but look forward to when you can go out again. It's like a treat. I feel like the 'at home dinner' (see previous post on Taxi Drivers, my husband!). See us women think of these women as low & slutty, but that's exactly what some guys want for a restaurant meal. To them it's a treat. We have to change our thinking and let them know one night stands are just as damaging as affairs, if not more so. Agree or disagree?
CHAZ87 Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 I agree. Anytime a spouse has to "go out to eat" is just as damaging to the marriage. To me, an A is an A. But, what about men who just window shop and still eat there dinner at home? Temptation is there.
michelangelo Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 Anytime someone's physically intimate with someone not their spouse is a huge assault on the marriage. It also involves the potential for transmitting life-threatening STDs or at least hugely annoying ones.
Jayhawks Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 Don't blame the low and slutty women. Your H made the choice to eat at the restaurant. He knows he has a commitment to you, they probably do not. I agree though that any trip away from "home" is harmful to the marriage.
sylviaguardian Posted September 29, 2005 Posted September 29, 2005 I think discussions about what kind of affairs are more damaging are futile. Affairs don't operate in a vaccum, it's how the spouse views it and the circumstances that makes it more or less damaging. Take murder as an example. Attempted murder is see as 'less' as murder, however if a wife murders a husband after 20 years of mental and physical abuse we tend to punish less because the circumstances are comprehensible. In your case, if your marriage to your husband had been terrible for years and you had constantly thought about divorcing, it might have made more sense. What probably hurts you the most is the fact that you have been happily married for years and had a belief that your husband viewed the relationship and your life together in the same way as you do. The hurtful part is not really what he has done, it has more to do with finding out he is not the person you thought he was, the violation of something that you respected, the taint that has put on all the years you spent together. I'm afraid that it will be a long slog for you. I am 14 months down the line and have to terms with some aspects ( at least I am no longer a total wreck). But what had to happen was that I have changed as a person, my view on my husband has changed and so has my view on our relationship and relationships in general. I am so sorry that this has happened to you. He has been a stupid, stupid man. I'm afraid that when $hit happens there is never an easy or a quick way round it. We have to just plough right through it and do whatever we can to get through. Sylvia
sugar-rae Posted September 29, 2005 Posted September 29, 2005 Don't blame the low and slutty women. Your H made the choice to eat at the restaurant. He knows he has a commitment to you, they probably do not. QUOTE] Then the low and slutty whores should put out a sign when the MM comes to their "restaurant" that says, "No service to married men":mad:
Author wise_up Posted September 29, 2005 Author Posted September 29, 2005 Thank you sylviaguardian, I think you're spot on. To sugar rae, I wasn't blaming the women. I was just saying that that is the kind of women some men find 'attactive'
sugar-rae Posted September 29, 2005 Posted September 29, 2005 Thank you sylviaguardian, I think you're spot on. To sugar rae, I wasn't blaming the women. I was just saying that that is the kind of women some men find 'attactive' Oh, I know you weren't. It kind of just struck me funny, the whole using the food thing in a metaphoric sense. It was funny to me, even tho' it's a serious subject. And after dealing with my own anguish over the last 4 yrs about my H's A, a little humor is MUCH needed. Does that mean I'm learning to finally deal with what happened to me more constructively? A sign I'm getting somewhere positive? Lord, I hope so!
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