Should I reach out or leave it?

[Legatus]

How can you be open and honest but still be mysterious lol. Those words contradict each other lol

 

That's because you apply every adjective at a top/general level.

 

You can be open about who you are, what you like, be honest instead of try to play your way through the relations with somebody.

 

Being mysterious comes from interest. If I find somebody positively intriguing it means they have so much passion, stories, and interesting things about themselves it makes me want to be in their presence all the time.

[Trail Blazer]

To be honest at the start I was very much not feeling it. Everything he was saying I was thinking do i really want this person lol.

 

But I guess because he tried hard to get to know me and did make a lot of effort i kind of forgot all of that and was then feeling a different way about it

 

What do you think about a man paying for a holiday for a woman. Is it wrong to want that sometimes

 

I was just testing him to see how he is. He made a comment bout us going on holiday and I just tested him to see what he would say when I said "If you fund it" and he was just like "lol bye". As in no thanks

You weren't being serious, were you? I mean, if it had been me who'd received a response like that, I would have dismissed off hand as flippant. And to be quite honest, that's all it would have deserved. However, I suspect that this guy has been $h!t testing you every bit as much as you've been with him.

 

Is this guy really good looking? If he is, then I guarantee you that you are one of many (assuming you are) good looking girls he's talking with. Guys who don't have to make a lot of effort simply won't. When the power dynamic swings back in the male's favor, it's then you who needs to be able to stand out from the rest.

 

As for "is it wrong for a guy to pay for a holiday for a woman?"... well, that depends. Is it wrong for a guy to expect a woman to pay for him to go on vacation? Most people would say yes. But since males are stereotypically the providers, then there's a lot more at play here than just inflated entitlement.

 

Only you can know for certain what's right or wrong. If you have the characteristics which enables you to get a leg up in life on the back of many men chasing after you, then by all means, go for it. You're not doing anything illegal.

 

More pertinent is whether you're prepared to cede power to man who's going pay up to provide. Nothing comes for free and he's going to expect you to make it worth his while in return.

[Savanna199]

You weren't being serious, were you? I mean, if it had been me who'd received a response like that, I would have dismissed off hand as flippant. And to be quite honest, that's all it would have deserved. However, I suspect that this guy has been $h!t testing you every bit as much as you've been with him.

That's what's annoying why is it women can talk to one guy at a time but men just simply can't or won't.

I mean I will certainly not go out of my way to chase any guy or prove my worth so he can choose me out of multiple women.

I'd say he is fairly good looking. And as for me a lot of people tell me I am "pretty" "beautiful" ""hot" etc etc.

 

I could easily speak to tonnes of guys right now, it really wouldn't be hard but I have no interest in doing so.

So yeh when the other person can't do the same it's kind of.annoying

Edited October 22, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Trail Blazer]

I don't quite understand what you're asking? Why men talk to many women but women only talk to one man? If I've got that right, then it's simply a case of men keeping their options open. Don't try to convince me that women don't do exactly the same thing, though!

 

If you want my honest take as a guy who does fairly okay in the online dating caper, I'll give it to you. I talk to many girls at once with the goal of going on a date as soon as possible. If I feel that after a minimum amount of time (usually a couple of days) we connect well, I'm keen to meet up in real life.

 

I think that if a guy is serious about you, he will ask you out on a date within a few days. But, in order for him to feel like you'd not decline, he needs to feel like you are committed and engaged with him and what he brings to the table.

 

There's a delicate balance of not playing your hand too early and coming across as a little needy or desperate, but also not being too closed off or disinterested. You cannot just bat your eyelids and expect everything to fall into place. A pretty face will get a lot of attention, but from my perspective, an engaging personality will convince me to invest.

 

Work on finding the right balance between being warm, open and engaging, while not being the one putting in all the effort. Work on distinguishing the serious guys from the f#&kboys, players, douche bags etc. Work on identifying who is worth devoting your time to and then put your best foot forward. That way, even if he is talking to other girls, if he sees you as above the rest, he will devote his time to you.

 

That can be achieved all while you're not the one doing all the chasing. Just an initial flag of interest on your part should see the rest fall into place with the right guy. Read: the guy in question here is not the right guy. You are wasting your time and energy. Walk now.

Edited October 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Savanna199]

Ok so what makes you think he's the wrong guy.

Edited October 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Trail Blazer]

The evidence to suggest he's the wrong guy is abundant. Re-read some of the great responses in this thread.

 

All I will say is that he might not be the wrong guy, but he's the wrong guy for you. You guys are just playing games with each other. You need to find the right guy you click with. When you find him, he'll ask you out on a date.

However, I suggest that before you even consider talking to other guys, though, you re-evaluate the hand you've played in this scenario as well.

 

You could be a lovely person in real life. I don't know either way, and I'm not going to suggest otherwise. So please don't take this personal, it's just my honest take on you: Id you and I had happened to match on a dating app, I don't care how hot you may be, from what I'm seeing from you in the context of OLD, you're an impossible to please PITA who isn't taking it very seriously.

Edited October 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Savanna199]

Oh I musta missed something then with regards to him lol

 

Do u think he's playing games, I man clueless right now

 

So do u think I'm better off leaving him n finding another match

Edited October 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Trail Blazer]

Yes, I do. The moment is well and truly past. Neither of you seem serious about the other one. I'm sure you have plenty of new matches to concentrate on, if you so desired to.

Edited October 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Savanna199]

Yes, I do. The moment is well and truly past. Neither of you seem serious about the other one. I'm sure you have plenty of new matches to concentrate on, if you so desired to.

 

Cool. I just wanted your opinion on our last exchanges.

 

So obv.i called.when he was.at.work but he picked up and said he's at work and he would give me a ring back.

 

Then he messaged later tht night asking when I would sleep, I knew I couldn't be up talking to.him.thst night so I said can I call u tomorrow. He then said yeh that's fine no worries.

And he also said sorry I was at work when u rang.

 

The next day I had a busy day at work and two days later I messaged saying sorry I had a busy weekend I.e. explaining why i didnt call.

He messaged saying i forgive you and it's cool and what did u get upto over the weekend

 

I said I met some friends and you, And then I added I'll call you at some point so you can fill me In.. He then goes ETA? AS IN when will I call lol

 

I go TBC

 

HE THEN messaged last saying "awaiting orders madam"

 

I didnt reply to that all day. Next day I had kind of fallen ill, well had the flu..

I messaged with two gifs... one was with Charlie Brown from snooppy coughing lol and the next one was

 

A powerpuff girl gif she was using the phone and with big writing it said "I'm sick".

 

I sent those gifs to my other guy mate and he replied quickly saying sorry hope you get better soon.

 

This cop guy didn't say one word.

I like at least say something like get well soon or anything.

 

My girl mate was like maybe he thought u were just goofing around and not being serious. But he's replied to my gifs before. And Then she was Like maybe he just didn't understand it. And I go if my other non degree educated friend can understand it and reply accordingly I'm sure he could have

 

I just found it rude. Even if it was about the phonecalls and me not calling him he should understand tht if I'm I'll and dying there's an exception. Well that's how I felt anyway I didn't even go to work.

 

The only way I would accept something like tht is if he just didn't understand the gifs like my friend said he may have not. But then again it's not exactly rocket science

[stillafool]

He understood. He probably just figured it's the same old, same old.

[Savanna199]

Well regardless if It was the other way around I would have said something or given him well wishes at then very least. But that's because I'm empathetic and he clearly don't give a toss

Edited October 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Trail Blazer]

Uh huh. You need to let this guy go.

Edited October 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[ExpatInItaly]

The only way I would accept something like tht is if he just didn't understand the gifs like my friend said he may have not. But then again it's not exactly rocket science

 

He understood.

 

He just doesn't care and is not interested in playing your games. It's childish (I mean, a Charlie Brown and powerpuff girl gif? Really? You're not a preteen anymore, are you?) and a waste of his time.

 

You're making yourself look like a total catfish here, OP. He probably thinks you look nothing like the photos you post and that's the real reason you are so afraid to talk to him and avoid making any progress.

Edited October 23, 2019 by ExpatInItaly

[some_username1]

The evidence to suggest he's the wrong guy is abundant. Re-read some of the great responses in this thread.

 

All I will say is that he might not be the wrong guy, but he's the wrong guy for you. You guys are just playing games with each other. You need to find the right guy you click with. When you find him, he'll ask you out on a date.

However, I suggest that before you even consider talking to other guys, though, you re-evaluate the hand you've played in this scenario as well.

 

You could be a lovely person in real life. I don't know either way, and I'm not going to suggest otherwise. So please don't take this personal, it's just my honest take on you: Id you and I had happened to match on a dating app, I don't care how hot you may be, from what I'm seeing from you in the context of OLD, you're an impossible to please PITA who isn't taking it very seriously.

 

I’ll echo that and go further by saying despite what you may think OP girls like you are easy to spot. Like, real easy: stupid lyrics, daft gifs etc isn’t fooling anyone. All guys who still have the sense they were born with care about is “when is she going on a date with me” and if that isn’t happening then all the rest of it makes no odds and you get filed under “attention seeker”. Some, like this guy, will even try and play you at your own game and try and flip the script by getting you dangling on our chain. Been there done that in my younger years but it’s not very fulfilling. A mature person will block and delete and not stoop to that level.

 

Lastly I would urge you to do some introspection because the only thing I find more distasteful than your whole “look at me, look at me” schtick is your insistence that the signs you give out actually mean nothing and are just random things you do. Pure plausible deniability on your part. If you *really* do have no idea what you are doing in your interactions with his guy and it’s all just being made up as you go along then I have no words basically. You are making yourself undateable and should listen to that female friend of yours more and ask her to give you some home truths.

[Savanna199]

He understood.

 

He just doesn't care and is not interested in playing your games. It's childish (I mean, a Charlie Brown and powerpuff girl gif? Really? You're not a preteen anymore, are you?) and a waste of his time.

 

You're making yourself look like a total catfish here, OP. He probably thinks you look nothing like the photos you post and that's the real reason you are so afraid to talk to him and avoid making any progress.

Well gifs are there to be used,as far as I know WhatsApp is used by all ages of people, so I'm sure I'm not the only one. Plus it makes a conversation more fun and lively. Sorry.

Well whatever he thinks thats just not true.

Some people have said maybe he's the catfish. If he just sorted a day out to meet I'd be more than happy to.

 

It's ironic how you say all that but somehow I have managed to meet guys before and it's gone ok. If I was as bad as u say i come across no one would have even met me ?

[Savanna199]

I’ll echo that and go further by saying despite what you may think OP girls like you are easy to spot. Like, real easy: stupid lyrics, daft gifs etc isn’t fooling anyone. All guys who still have the sense they were born with care about is “when is she going on a date with me” and if that isn’t happening then all the rest of it makes no odds and you get filed under “attention seeker”. Some, like this guy, will even try and play you at your own game and try and flip the script by getting you dangling on our chain. Been there done that in my younger years but it’s not very fulfilling. A mature person will block and delete and not stoop to that level.

 

Lastly I would urge you to do some introspection because the only thing I find more distasteful than your whole “look at me, look at me” schtick is your insistence that the signs you give out actually mean nothing and are just random things you do. Pure plausible deniability on your part. If you *really* do have no idea what you are doing in your interactions with his guy and it’s all just being made up as you go along then I have no words basically. You are making yourself undateable and should listen to that female friend of yours more and ask her to give you some home truths.

 

Well however it comes across I'm not an attention seeker. If I was I sure as hell would have messaged and called him a lot more.

And actually some guys I've come across before are ten times worse than that. Like actual avoidant attention seeking narcissists.

 

 

 

Anyway that female friend of mine just says set a date to meet him. Which is perfectly fine with me if he initiates a plan

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, people of all ages use What’s App. I’m 38 and I do, too.

 

That isn’t the the problem, in and of itself. The problem is that you’ve already done a poor job presenting yourself as a mature woman. Sending the type of gifs a teenager might use (and for the attention-seeking reason you’re doing it) isn’t helping your case, but making yourself more immature than you already do. If you expect a man like this to take you seriously, you’re doing it all wrong.

[Savanna199]

Conveying that I'm ill is not attention seeking. It's just sharing information. Calm down lol

 

So mature = boring then I guess

 

If that's the case then I'm not mature

So tell me then from the conversations I've had with him what would a "mature" woman do and say

Edited October 23, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[ExpatInItaly]

A mature woman would have spoken to him on the phone and met with him ages ago.

[some_username1]

Well however it comes across I'm not an attention seeker. If I was I sure as hell would have messaged and called him a lot more.

And actually some guys I've come across before are ten times worse than that. Like actual avoidant attention seeking narcissists.

 

 

 

Anyway that female friend of mine just says set a date to meet him. Which is perfectly fine with me if he initiates a plan

 

But that is exactly the MO of an attention seeker. You dangle breadcrumbs, a call here, a text there but none of it means anything because in all the time this thread has been running you still haven’t been on a date. He isn’t likely to ask now because it sounds like you have painted yourself as just looking for attention. If you want to go on a date with him you need to make sure he knows you are serious about meeting up and stop all these ideas about chasing or it ain’t gonna happen because it’s all gone too far

[kendahke]

It's ironic how you say all that but somehow I have managed to meet guys before and it's gone ok. If I was as bad as u say i come across no one would have even met me ?

 

Meeting guys is the easy part. Keeping them for a long period of time and that relationship deepening to marriage, children, etc. is a whole 'nother thing. That's the part you haven't accomplished with your methods.