Should I reach out or leave it?

[Savanna199]

The problem is that you're taking it too far. You don't know how to play it.

 

Were you afraid this man wouldn't like you in person or something? I find that people who often think they're playing hard to get and being mysterious are actually motivated by insecurity and fear they won't be accepted if the person really gets to know them. Reading through your thread, I see a girl who lacks confidence and doesn't actually know that much about men, but tries to mask it with bravado.

 

Whatever your reasoning, your approach sure didn't work when you wanted it to with this guy.

 

No it was nothing like that i mean I was willing to meet him before. But at the same time the maybe I automatically become more mysterious with people I'm interested in as contradictory as it sounds.

 

Ok at the start I was unsure of him, if we were compatible so I admit I maybe was a bit flaky because of that. Then as soon as he started pulling back I was like have i lost something good here. When my friend read all our text messages,she read it all from beginning to end from a couple months back and she was Like what are you doing, you could have had something so good with the guy etc.. And I think that's what gave me but push to start calling him after the silence

[Savanna199]

Who gave you this advise? Because it's crap and really not working for you. That's not the way to be with people. It's confusing to guys and you come off as uninterested so they back off. Then you lose someone you were genuinely interested in because of it. Whoever this person was who told you to 'remain a mystery' you shouldn't listen to them anymore. Was it your male friend? If so, there could be a possibility that this friend likes you and giving you bad advice so you wont officially get together with anyone.

 

You don't even wanna know half the stuff this male friend has been saying about this guy from the get go lol.

First he was insulting his profession and cops in general, then he was saying he doesn't really want you he's looking for other women and thinks he can do better etc etc...Then he was like I know these types of guys and he's an arrogant pig lol. Then he was like the guy doesn't wsnt a little puppy like you he wants a woman and p****. So yeh imagine hearing all that every single day.

 

Even when I told him the Advice of the female friend to go for it, he goes is she jealous because she's giving u the wrong advice. So he said she's persuading me to go for a person who is wrong and therefore she is jealous lol

[ExpatInItaly]

No it was nothing like that i mean I was willing to meet him before.

 

You were not even willing to talk to him on the phone. I don't see how you were willing to meet him if you were too nervous to even have a phone call.

 

This isn't being "mysterious." It doesn't create allure. It makes you look difficult and immature, to be blunt.

 

Your male friend is a tool. Don't take advice from him; he doesn't know what he's talking about.

[elaine567]

Methinks your male friend has a crush on you, or for some other reason does not want you to date.

As long as he is around I guess no guy will get near you.

 

As for "mysterious", you are not in some Romcom...

[Maddie82]

He was saying he doesn't really want you he's looking for other women and thinks he can do better etc etc...Then he was like I know these types of guys and he's an arrogant pig lol. Then he was like the guy doesn't wsnt a little puppy like you he wants a woman and p****. So yeh imagine hearing all that every single day.

 

Even when I told him the Advice of the female friend to go for it, he goes is she jealous because she's giving u the wrong advice. So he said she's persuading me to go for a person who is wrong and therefore she is jealous lol

 

I rest my case. This male friend is the one that's jealous. He likes you and is trying to put you off other guys. Your male friend is an axx and your female friend was giving you the right advice. Don't let him meddle.

[Savanna199]

You were not even willing to talk to him on the phone. I don't see how you were willing to meet him if you were too nervous to even have a phone call.

 

This isn't being "mysterious." It doesn't create allure. It makes you look difficult and immature, to be blunt.

 

Your male friend is a tool. Don't take advice from him; he doesn't know what he's talking about.

I did speak to him but not for that long as I was at the gym and had a class. It's that i was always trying to find the right time to speak to him without any distractions. But then it ended up never happening lol. Some people are always on the phone I see this when I'm out. And I've gotten our of that habit. Well I hardly ever call anyone now.

 

Well my male friend thinks he knows it all lol. Even when I tell him ppl have been saying it's good that the cop has gone and do i really look like I'm playing games. He said they're all wrong and he Went into he doesn't care about u he's too busy talking to other girls and when it doesn't work out with them he will come back to u. I was thinking thanks for that "friend"

[Savanna199]

Methinks your male friend has a crush on you, or for some other reason does not want you to date.

As long as he is around I guess no guy will get near you.

 

As for "mysterious", you are not in some Romcom...

 

Well he's told me before he doesn't see me that way multiple times. Even though I didn't ask for it lol. Becsuse he already knows I don't see him that way and I talk to other guys lol. And he does talk about this one other woman he's obsessed.with but at the same time just insults all the people I get to know and always says the same thing they think they can do better than u lol.

 

I know I'm attractive to a lot of guys and a lot of people ( not in an arrogant way) but when guys stare at me and randomly chat me up I will end up thinkibg that. But Yeh the male friend continues to tell me all these guys I get to know apparently think they can do better than me lol

[Savanna199]

I rest my case. This male friend is the one that's jealous. He likes you and is trying to put you off other guys. Your male friend is an axx and your female friend was giving you the right advice. Don't let him meddle.

 

I have no idea what is going on with.him lol. Becsuse u guys say he's jealous but at the same time he keep s obsessing over this other woman who btw rejected him lol But then still trying to hinder my progress with guys at the same time.

[Maddie82]

I have no idea what is going on with.him lol. Becsuse u guys say he's jealous but at the same time he keep s obsessing over this other woman who btw rejected him lol But then still trying to hinder my progress with guys at the same time.

 

Then i suggest you keep a distance from him and not involve him in your private life. Don't tell him anything about any potential guy. If he asks tell him it's not his business. I see you laughing allot in your comments about this but it's not funny. He's not a friend if he doing things like that.

 

He's obsessing over another woman to make YOU jealous.

[Savanna199]

Then i suggest you keep a distance from him and not involve him in your private life. Don't tell him anything about any potential guy. If he asks tell him it's not his business. I see you laughing allot in your comments about this but it's not funny. He's not a friend if he doing things like that.

 

He's obsessing over another woman to make YOU jealous.

 

No you're right it's not funny at all. I just don't get people who do that. Sometimes I wonder if I have friends at all. Because this isn't the first time it's happened.

Especially when it comes to guys for example and I'm telling female friends, usually they're female apart from that one male friend. I'll tell them something about a guy asking for my number of if they've flirted with me or something along them lines and the friend will always usually downplay it. Like oh it's probably for a bet or a joke. And I'm like ok kind of weird for friends to make comments like that.

[Maddie82]

 

Yeah, i got the feeling that this wasn't the only time this friend had done this. When you think about it, it's actually quite hurtful. He's basically saying that no guy could actually be serious about you and ever really want you. A friend should never say the things that he says. Op, i think you are a good person and i think you have allot to offer to the right guy, but with your friends telling you different things it's making you feel really conflicted which has affected the way you approach things. Listen to your own heart, not with everyone's voices in your head.

[Savanna199]

Yeah, i got the feeling that this wasn't the only time this friend had done this. When you think about it, it's actually quite hurtful. He's basically saying that no guy could actually be serious about you and ever really want you. A friend should never say the things that he says. Op, i think you are a good person and i think you have allot to offer to the right guy, but with your friends telling you different things it's making you feel really conflicted which has affected the way you approach things. Listen to your own heart, not with everyone's voices in your head.

 

Thanks

Yeh I actually used to meet this guy in person as a friend and he would say all those things and more constantly in person aswell. The last time I met him which was at least four m9nths ago now or more I showed him a pic of the cop ( probably shouldn't have) and even a couple other guys. The cop he said yeh he would want girls like this basically saying I don't have the qualities he would want lol. And the other guys he was negative about them too saying oh well they might go for you because they probably get rejected my all other women lol. I was just like wow. And then after saying all that negative stuff he proceeded to ask for a kiss I was thinking wth is wrong with him.

 

Needless to say I didn't see him again after tht..whereas before we would meet regularly. But he continued to be hateful and negative about the cop through messages he would send online.

 

Weird huh.

 

I have been told I'm a sweet person and a nice person before but I feel like I'm taken advantage of because.of that aswell. I dunno and end up attracting the wrong people. Friends and otherwise.

[Savanna199]

Yeah, i got the feeling that this wasn't the only time this friend had done this. When you think about it, it's actually quite hurtful. He's basically saying that no guy could actually be serious about you and ever really want you. A friend should never say the things that he says. Op, i think you are a good person and i think you have allot to offer to the right guy, but with your friends telling you different things it's making you feel really conflicted which has affected the way you approach things. Listen to your own heart, not with everyone's voices in your head.

 

So yeh what him and some of my so called friends say about me is contradictory to a lot of other people who are like you're attractive and smart so why are you still single lol

[Maddie82]

All you have to do is engage more with guys and reciprocate their interest if you feel genuine about them. Don't be afraid to go for it

[Savanna199]

All you have to do is engage more with guys and reciprocate their interest if you feel genuine about them. Don't be afraid to go for it

 

Haha ok I'll try my hardest lol. Kinda feel bad about the cop guy though

[kendahke]

I'm sure they will be fine. Men are no way men as emotional as women are

 

Who told you that lie?

 

No men are just as emotional as women because they're human and they feel.

 

The difference is society encourages/allows women to publicly display their emotions (while discounting their abilities to do anything more but cry and complain) and it doesn't for men, although on some levels that is beginning to change.

 

Also, there is the whole thing of expecting devotion from the first text message with a stranger and that is completely unrealistic and unrealistically co-dependent.

[Maddie82]

Haha ok I'll try my hardest lol. Kinda feel bad about the cop guy though

 

I get that.. I belive your guy friend put things in your head, clouded your judgment. Please never involve him in your private life again. Never talk to him about guys and never show him pics of your guys again. He's not a nice person for doing what he did.

[Savanna199]

Who told you that lie?

 

No men are just as emotional as women because they're human and they feel.

 

The difference is society encourages/allows women to publicly display their emotions (while discounting their abilities to do anything more but cry and complain) and it doesn't for men, although on some levels that is beginning to change.

 

Also, there is the whole thing of expecting devotion from the first text message with a stranger and that is completely unrealistic and unrealistically co-dependent.

No they aint as emotional in my experience. Or they just get over things much quicker.

 

Their actions prove me right.

And if men do pine over women it's not becsuse they felt a genuine connection, it's just becsuse they aint getting any no more and think that W/o man was the best looking woman they ever had.

 

Other than that i really do believe what I said

[Savanna199]

I get that.. I belive your guy friend put things in your head, clouded your judgment. Please never involve him in your private life again. Never talk to him about guys and never show him pics of your guys again. He's not a nice person for doing what he did.

 

 

Yeh I don't think all that negativity helped the situation at all

[Savanna199]

I get that.. I belive your guy friend put things in your head, clouded your judgment. Please never involve him in your private life again. Never talk to him about guys and never show him pics of your guys again. He's not a nice person for doing what he did.

 

It's probably becsuse he's always rejected, well by the women he likes and misery loves company , so I guess he could just be jealous

[stillafool]

No they aint as emotional in my experience. Or they just get over things much quicker.

 

Their actions prove me right.

And if men do pine over women it's not becsuse they felt a genuine connection, it's just becsuse they aint getting any no more and think that W/o man was the best looking woman they ever had.

 

Other than that i really do believe what I said

 

You can read around on this forum and find this is not true. There are lots of men pinning over lost loves.

[Maddie82]

It's probably becsuse he's always rejected, well by the women he likes and misery loves company , so I guess he could just be jealous

 

I can totally see why he keeps getting rejected. He's not a nice person.

[ExpatInItaly]

No they aint as emotional in my experience. Or they just get over things much quicker.

 

Their actions prove me right.

And if men do pine over women it's not becsuse they felt a genuine connection, it's just becsuse they aint getting any no more and think that W/o man was the best looking woman they ever had.

 

This confirms my suspicion that you do not know that much about men at all.

 

What’s your relationship history like, out of curiosity?

[Maddie82]

No they aint as emotional in my experience. Or they just get over things much quicker.

 

Their actions prove me right.

And if men do pine over women it's not becsuse they felt a genuine connection, it's just becsuse they aint getting any no more and think that W/o man was the best looking woman they ever had.

 

Other than that i really do believe what I said

 

I am genuinely baffled by this comment lol it is actually rediculous lol you're a nice person op and I see your sweet side, but I do get baffled by some of your bazaar comments. Sorry but no, you're actually wrong. Men can be just as emotional as women.

[Savanna199]

I can totally see why he keeps getting rejected. He's not a nice person.

 

he thinks he's nice that's the funniest thing though and that the cop is the bad guy. He kept saying to me you'll see go and find out yourself