Author Savanna199 Posted September 12, 2019 Author Share Posted September 12, 2019 You wanting him to go into long drawn-out stories to get text is totally turning him off. I don't understand what your problem is with phone call. Then he could have told you his story. I think he's sensing that you're socially anxious and just doesn't need any problems. The poor guy probably testify pup paperwork all day and then you expect him to text instead of just doing the quick easy thing and having a phone call. And you've not seen him yet. He's not looking for a penpal. No guy is. I'm not socially anxious it's just I'm a bit reserved maybe and find phone convos more.awkward than messaging but I am not immune to them of course. It's funny he couldn't text me the story that day but Then I still saw him online majority of the day lol. So he's obviously texting other people then and is fine with that. Unless of course he's actually on WhatsApp call or something. I'll try calling him I guess. See what happens 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savanna199 Posted September 12, 2019 Author Share Posted September 12, 2019 You quickly followed it up saying you were kidding, so he knows now nit to take you seriously. I can't see any romantic interest from him now. Kidding about the part where he pays not the actual holiday. But either way he quickly dismissed the idea of us going anyway when he said "ok bye haha" after I said about him paying for it lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savanna199 Posted September 12, 2019 Author Share Posted September 12, 2019 You wanting him to go into long drawn-out stories to get text is totally turning him off. I don't understand what your problem is with phone call. Then he could have told you his story. I think he's sensing that you're socially anxious and just doesn't need any problems. The poor guy probably testify pup paperwork all day and then you expect him to text instead of just doing the quick easy thing and having a phone call. And you've not seen him yet. He's not looking for a penpal. No guy is. It's also annoying when I watch those videos from dating experts and they say stay mysterious, don't initiate too much don't show too much interest etc etc.. even though I'm kind of naturally act that way anyway and then I think I shouldn't but Then when I see all that advice I revert back to it lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 Who actually knows. All I know is it's a huge mind f***. I really do hope there is no other woman because I am not the competitive type. I'm sure u can already tell that from my lack of effort in the beginning. See this is actually exactly one of the reasons why I can't be bothered to open up. As soon as i do some other woman's taken over or they just are not the same anymore. It's tiring He's not a hermit and he's not spending his time waiting around for you so of course there are other women. As someone suggested, your lack of effort and that fact that you said here that you cant be bothered to open up has turned him off completely. It's too late now so you have no option but to just let this one go. It's not a mind Fxxx when there is nothing there. You blew this one. I suggest you take some time to work on yourself and learn to be more open before pursuing any future relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 There are almost certainly other women, OP. Why wouldn’t there be? He doesn’t know you and owes you nothing. After sensing a lack of effort on your part, he has probably moved on to other options. There is also no mind-f*** here. You didn’t show much interest, so he wrote you off. There is nothing confusing about that. I genuinely don’t understand why such a relatively simple issues baffles you this much. The banter about holidays was just that - banter. He isn’t going to take that idea seriously when he’s never met you, or even spoken on the phone to you. Surely you didn’t think he would actually consider going away with you? Let it go now. He isn’t into you anymore. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 It's funny he couldn't text me the story that day but Then I still saw him online majority of the day lol. So he's obviously texting other people then and is fine with that. Why wouldn't he be? Given your previously demonstrated lack of interest, why wouldn't he be online the majority of the day? He's a single, unattached man who doesn't owe demonstrably uninterested girls devotion. He's doing what any reasonable and emotionally healthy person would do--dismissing what isn't working and going to find someone that does. You weren't mind-effed by anyone but yourself. You're further away from what it is you say you want than if you'd just gotten out of your own way and called him and acted interested at the start. There's nothing here for you to even call him about. That ship has sailed. Pro tip: No man these days is going to ride up and sweep a seemingly uninterested girl off her feet unless he's a love-bombing narcissist. Don't let lying RomCom movie scripts brainwash you into believing a scenario that only existed in one mediocre scriptwriter's head. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted September 13, 2019 Share Posted September 13, 2019 It's also annoying when I watch those videos from dating experts and they say stay mysterious, don't initiate too much don't show too much interest etc etc.. even though I'm kind of naturally act that way anyway and then I think I shouldn't but Then when I see all that advice I revert back to it lol I think you just try to find balance. you never spill your guts early on about whatever your past is or your unhappy about. But that doesn't mean that you are aloof and closed off. Rather you should aim for being entertaining and slightly flirtatious and light. Intensity or fear turns a lot of people off. Socially it's always best to make a little effort to simply be fun to be around. Then they can get you to know you better gradually. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savanna199 Posted September 13, 2019 Author Share Posted September 13, 2019 Why wouldn't he be? Given your previously demonstrated lack of interest, why wouldn't he be online the majority of the day? He's a single, unattached man who doesn't owe demonstrably uninterested girls devotion. He's doing what any reasonable and emotionally healthy person would do--dismissing what isn't working and going to find someone that does. You weren't mind-effed by anyone but yourself. You're further away from what it is you say you want than if you'd just gotten out of your own way and called him and acted interested at the start. There's nothing here for you to even call him about. That ship has sailed. Pro tip: No man these days is going to ride up and sweep a seemingly uninterested girl off her feet unless he's a love-bombing narcissist. Don't let lying RomCom movie scripts brainwash you into believing a scenario that only existed in one mediocre scriptwriter's head. Ok well either way I called him. And then the line was busy heard he is on the phone with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savanna199 Posted September 13, 2019 Author Share Posted September 13, 2019 I think you just try to find balance. you never spill your guts early on about whatever your past is or your unhappy about. But that doesn't mean that you are aloof and closed off. Rather you should aim for being entertaining and slightly flirtatious and light. Intensity or fear turns a lot of people off. Socially it's always best to make a little effort to simply be fun to be around. Then they can get you to know you better gradually. Yeh well i never open up about the past an emotions hardly ever anyway even when it's been a long time let alone at the start. Even though I've been messaging mostly I would say my messages have mostly been quite fun and lighthearted for sure. I'm not usually flirtatious lol. I'm just terrible at it anyway. But he's always been quite flirt with me though. Well he goes from flirty to serious then to aloof. So never know with him what am gonna get. But I do feel if I want him I will have to make more of the effort now. The roles would have to almost switch. I did force myself to call him today and unfortunately he was on another call. He then texted saying He will call me back. Then he did about 20 minutes later. By which time I was in the middle of something. And then n hour after that because obviously i hasn't called him again he messaged saying sorry he missed the call and if I'm ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savanna199 Posted October 1, 2019 Author Share Posted October 1, 2019 Another update ? : As you guys can probably imagine nothing's progressed particularly since the last time lol. So he completely stopped initiating no texts and no calls whatsoever now. Since the last time when He waited for me to call and the next day i messaged saying i fell asleep or whatever (see original post), now a month ago that was. And then I think we had the small text exchange a week after that where I initiated asking how he is etc etc. He responded all friendly and polite but didn't follow up anything. Then I thought ok I'll call, so I did but he was already on another call. He straight away texted "I'll call you back", then called 20 minutes later, I missed the call (see original post) I met my friend a week ago and she read all our text exchanges and was like omg what are you doing with your life ?. He's a great catch, seems to like you (through the text exchanges) and here you are doing nothing lol. She then tried to force me in to calling him then and there and me being me thought I'll wait a couple days lol. I swear exactly the same thing happened as the last time when I called, I called he was already on the phone, messaged he would call me back, 20 minutes later he called back, by which time I think I was caught up in a heavy rain storm lol. In that time I messaged saying it seems he is already on a call and sorry to disturb him, he messaged me after trying to call me he said "u can call now". But I left it. Next day I messaged saying I'm sorry and I'll call him soon, I think he thought I meant that day because he replied with "what time". I then messaged a few days later saying "i meant over the next couple days" also I said " you're quite preoccupied I think anyway ". I know I'm terrible at this, but I was motivated after what my friend said to call him etc. But then I keep thinking negatively too at the same time, when I did take the initiative to call he was already on the phone (twice) and then hes always on WhatsApp at ungodly hours ?, not that I stalk him or anything i just noticed recently ?. So I guess I'm just assuming maybe his focus is on another person now. Not to mention he hasn't initiated anything since nearly a month ago now. I don't know what to do, I know he's put in tonnes of effort before this to call and try to get to know me but now I feel like maybe it's too late? But I am still interested in him as much as it seems I'm not seem to my reserved ways Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 So you would call him, he was on another call and called you back 20 mins later, but you never answered. He gave you the option to call when he was free but you left it few days. You did this numerous times. Wow, this is no way to treat a person. You messed him around allot when he was interested and you're worse now. Yes, you were too late over a month ago. Leave him be now. He's moved on from you. He lost interest a long time ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savanna199 Posted October 1, 2019 Author Share Posted October 1, 2019 So you would call him, he was on another call and called you back 20 mins later, but you never answered. He gave you the option to call when he was free but you left it few days. You did this numerous times. Wow, this is no way to treat a person. You messed him around allot when he was interested and you're worse now. Yes, you were too late over a month ago. Leave him be now. He's moved on from you. He lost interest a long time ago. I don't mean to be that way, sometimes my pride gets in the way. I don't want to mess him around but I guess it looks that way from an outsiders perspective Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 He has moved on, OP. It's time for you to do so, too. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 My gawd, just stop it already. This guy must think you are terribly immature at this point and is taking you with a grain of salt. Why don't you just leave him alone because you seem to play games. I think you need to work on your social skills before dating or guys are going to think you're nuts. If he did hook up with you at this point it probably wouldn't go further than a pump and dump anyway because he doesn't take you seriously and I don't blame him. Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 I don't mean to be that way, sometimes my pride gets in the way. I don't want to mess him around but I guess it looks that way from an outsiders perspective Then this is something you need to work on because it makes you come across as completely uninterested. You've lost a potentially really good guy here. Learn from it. You're never going to get anywhere if you keep doing what you're doing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savanna199 Posted October 1, 2019 Author Share Posted October 1, 2019 Then this is something you need to work on because it makes you come across as completely uninterested. You've lost a potentially really good guy here. Learn from it. You're never going to get anywhere if you keep doing what you're doing. I know. You're right. That's why my female friend was like what are you doing. Call him now!!!!. Then I have this other male friend of mine, who's been in my ear since day one saying he thinks he can do better than you he's only talking to you because there's no one else and then he will come back when there isn't. But he full well knows the whole story how he put in effort and tried to get to know me before. So I have two friends one male and one female with two differing opinions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savanna199 Posted October 1, 2019 Author Share Posted October 1, 2019 My gawd, just stop it already. This guy must think you are terribly immature at this point and is taking you with a grain of salt. Why don't you just leave him alone because you seem to play games. I think you need to work on your social skills before dating or guys are going to think you're nuts. If he did hook up with you at this point it probably wouldn't go further than a pump and dump anyway because he doesn't take you seriously and I don't blame him. I'm not playing games though. That's not my intention Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 Well whatever your intentions are it's not perfectly clear. Grown men don't have time for that. Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 So I have two friends one male and one female with two differing opinions. Don't listen to your male friend. He just sounds jealous. He shouldn't have said what he said knowing full well how much effort this guy put in. Unfortunately, your female friend, who was right, was a little too late with her advice to call him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savanna199 Posted October 1, 2019 Author Share Posted October 1, 2019 Don't listen to your male friend. He just sounds jealous. He shouldn't have said what he said knowing full well how much effort this guy put in. Unfortunately, your female friend, who was right, was a little too late with her advice to call him. So there's nothing I can do now to get him baccckkk Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie82 Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 So there's nothing I can do now to get him baccckkk I'm afraid not. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 You are too late. You had a man who was interested and you squandered his interest, and now he has given up you want him back... An interested person is someone you need to learn to treasure. He put himself out there and you threw it back in his face... He now has no time for you and who could blame him? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savanna199 Posted October 1, 2019 Author Share Posted October 1, 2019 You are too late. You had a man who was interested and you squandered his interest, and now he has given up you want him back... An interested person is someone you need to learn to treasure. He put himself out there and you threw it back in his face... He now has no time for you and who could blame him? Sad times. Maybe I'll actually try my best still but if not I guess I'll let it go Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 1, 2019 Share Posted October 1, 2019 That's just it you are not trying your best. You agree to arrangements and then are not there to follow through. It's as if you need to be severely chased to be convinced of their interest or to feed your ego. No one has time for that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Savanna199 Posted October 1, 2019 Author Share Posted October 1, 2019 That's just it you are not trying your best. You agree to arrangements and then are not there to follow through. It's as if you need to be severely chased to be convinced of their interest or to feed your ego. No one has time for that. Not severely chased but a little bit more than what I'm getting at the moment. Which is nothing. Because fair enough before I wasn't tht good with phonecalls but I always apologised and did messsge him to ask how hes doing etc. With him currently it's like he's not giving me anything . Looks like I'll have to severely chase him to get anything now Link to post Share on other sites
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