Has my boyfriend crossed a boundary?

[Goingtoofar]

My boyfriend tends to be overzealous sometimes about including him in almost everything even when it’s not particularly appropriate. He sometimes gets angry about this but typically is somewhat understanding. Recently, I was away with my children and he asked me whether it was OK if he came to my house and use my pool and grill in my absence. I said it was OK and he did come over. In the past there’s been a lot of tension between one of my adult children and my boyfriend.

 

Sometimes when this particular child visits me I do put away a picture I sometimes leave out of me and my boyfriend. I did this recently and when I returned to my house after my boyfriend using my home I noticed that he put a picture of me and my adult child which was in my bedroom and into one of my drawers face down. Did my boyfriend go to far since this is my house and he doesn’t even live here? I know the message he is sending but is this really beyond being appropriate?

Edited September 4, 2019 by Goingtoofar

[alphamale]

yes he crossed a line

[Ruby Slippers]

Definitely. It's your house. It's already weird that he invited himself to hang out at your place while you're gone. He hasn't earned the right to touch your family photos or any other aspect of your home decor.

[alphamale]

indeed...OP should check valuables and jewelry to make sure its all there

[Art_Critic]

yeah.. what a putz.. a total violation, he would have had more of a leg to stand on if it was a picture of your ex with you and or your kids.. but with you and your kids.. the guy is a dick...

[MsJayne]

Not appropriate that he do that, but I think there could be two sides to this. Hiding a photo' of you and your boyfriend when your adult kid comes over suggests that you pander to your kid at your boyfriends expense. That's disrespectful towards both him as a person, and towards your relationship with him. The fact that you feel comfortable with him using your house while you're not there, and also that there's been problems with one of your kids and him, says that he's been on the scene a while. I'm guessing that his act of sticking your photo' of you and your kid in the drawer is because he's sick of the lack of respect. Unless he's John Meehan, and if you want this guy in your life, maybe it's time to stop letting your kids rule YOUR home. You wouldn't be the first person to be dictated to by adult kids who need to shut up and mind their own business.

[Noproblem]

I don't trust this boyfriend.

 

he seems childish at best

 

and maleficent and evil at worst

 

 

Proceed with caution

 

or just Abort!

[kendahke]

hey hydra... isn't this the adult child that doesn't want you involved with him because he doesn't have his retirement on point and you don't want to support him?

[preraph]

Well, he's clearly upset that you pander to your child instead of making the child at least be polite and inclusive to him, and I don't blame him for that. He's making a statement. Truly, you can't expect this to last unless you require some respect from your child and become the adult in that situation instead of letting the kid run the show.

 

He made a statement. Did it go too far? Maybe. But so have you by not teaching your child basic respect and manners and to respect your opinion and accept reality.

[Ruby Slippers]

Hiding a photo' of you and your boyfriend when your adult kid comes over suggests that you pander to your kid at your boyfriends expense.

 

I'm guessing that his act of sticking your photo' of you and your kid in the drawer is because he's sick of the lack of respect.

I agree with you that there's obviously a problem since she feels the need to hide the photo of her and her boyfriend from one of her adult kids. Obviously, that kid doesn't like him. But if she chooses to be with him in spite of her kid's feelings about him, that's her choice and her business, and she shouldn't feel the need to hide her relationship. It suggests poor boundaries between her and the kid.

 

And yes, obviously he feels disrespected by this, but he handled it in a passive-aggressive, ineffective way. He should address the problem head-on, not sneak around in her house and try to manipulate decor and hence feelings. It doesn't work like that.

 

If it were me, I'd bring the subject out into the open for discussion. And yeah, this would make me very wary of the guy. He has NO right to do what he did. It was childish and emotionally immature, not qualities I want in a life partner.

[Eternal Sunshine]

In every movie about con men and serial killers, it's the child that senses something is off. Mum is usually completely unaware

[olivetree]

hey hydra... isn't this the adult child that doesn't want you involved with him because he doesn't have his retirement on point and you don't want to support him?

 

Yes, it's the same person with a zillion usernames and threads.

 

OP, you have soooo many threads on this guy and his weird behaviour.

You have to hide his picture from your child.

That should tell you something.