d0nnivain Posted September 3, 2019 Posted September 3, 2019 You do need to recognize that on a trip your BF will most likely talk to women. He may even flirt a bit. Certain situations (bars) lend themselves to that behavior. As long as it doesn't go farther then that, it's all good. In this area of social media, the lines do get blurred but even if your guy adds some girls he met on this trip, your relationship is not doomed. Have a little faith. If he disappoints you & proves himself unworthy of the trust, then you move on. But sitting here fretting about something you can't control is just making you crazy. The more you sit & stew about this the more upset you make yourself. When you do talk to him, you will come across as a nutty, controlling psycho because that is what you will have wound yourself up to be. Rather let him do what he's gonna do. Reward good behavior & dump his butt if he proves to be a cad. 1
preraph Posted September 3, 2019 Posted September 3, 2019 Sooo why Thailand? Is this strictly vacation? Thailand is notorious for having underage prostitutes (they would be underaged most places but it's common there) and I hate to alarm you, but this makes it a cheating destination for horndogs with no ethics. Only you know your man. But Thailand is an interesting choice.
Author frus69 Posted September 3, 2019 Author Posted September 3, 2019 see, problem is "the lines get blurred". Difficult to determine to what extend the line is crossed,hence all the anxiety and stress and worry. This is generally my problem with relationships. Or maybe I should just not worry about any lines yet and hope I will never need to worry about any lines in the future
Veronica73 Posted September 3, 2019 Posted September 3, 2019 I think she said that it wasn’t Thailand.
Maddie82 Posted September 4, 2019 Posted September 4, 2019 Sooo why Thailand? Is this strictly vacation? Thailand is notorious for having underage prostitutes (they would be underaged most places but it's common there) and I hate to alarm you, but this makes it a cheating destination for horndogs with no ethics. Only you know your man. But Thailand is an interesting choice. He's not going to Thailand. It seems that the OP has trust issues in general. It doesn't sound like he has given her any reason to mistrust him yet, she is just worried as it is a lads vacay. I feel that everyone has probably frightened the crap out of the poor girl by now but no one here knows him, only she does. The only thing she can do is trust that he will be loyal while away. 2
Els Posted September 4, 2019 Posted September 4, 2019 Traveling in hostels is a really bad way to "grow feelings" for people. The occupants of hostels change almost every day, in fact the constant stream of people passing in and out of your life whom you'll never see again is a common factor cited in travel burnout. People do hook up, if they're the sort of person to do that, but if you're concerned about a long term thing, it's far more likely to happen with people you see on a regular basis, i.e. not on the road. That being said, I don't think that unfounded fear of cheating is healthy for a relationship. Is there a reason why you don't trust him?
Author frus69 Posted September 5, 2019 Author Posted September 5, 2019 Mainly because I worry we arent together long enough to build a strong deep foundation, so if he gets to meet lots of other girls maybe he will grow bigger sparks with someone else.
Maddie82 Posted September 5, 2019 Posted September 5, 2019 (edited) Mainly because I worry we arent together long enough to build a strong deep foundation, so if he gets to meet lots of other girls maybe he will grow bigger sparks with someone else. He will only be gone for a couple of weeks. If he is a good guy like you said and you are serious about each other then i'm sure he wont do anything to jeopardize that. Have you talked to him about your worries? If not maybe you should so he can reassure you before he goes. Edited September 5, 2019 by Maddie82
Author frus69 Posted September 5, 2019 Author Posted September 5, 2019 Oh he reassured me. Doesnt make my worry go away though I think the faith has to come from within myself. I'm working on that. 1
Maddie82 Posted September 5, 2019 Posted September 5, 2019 Oh he reassured me. Doesnt make my worry go away though I think the faith has to come from within myself. I'm working on that. I really hope everything goes well and that you both have a great future.
Maggiemay1 Posted September 5, 2019 Posted September 5, 2019 Oh he reassured me. Doesnt make my worry go away though I think the faith has to come from within myself. I'm working on that. Wait? What??? You have spoken to him about this??? That was a big no no!!! Now you have let him know that you are feeling insecure and need reassurance! That’s a great way of sending him off on a boys holiday with added doubts about the relationship!?! Ie that you don’t trust him! He now knows that. What happened to innocent until proven guilty? Please do not speak to him again about this. Has he expressed concern that you will cheat on him while he is away? I guess not. Why? Because he trusts you. How would you feel if he needed reassurance that you were not going to cheat on him? Wouldn’t you be disappointed that he didn’t trust you? If he was to either hook up or develop feelings for another , it would happen , regardless of your inquisition , his reassurance or whether you worry or not. But your inquisition and his reassurance could be what makes him go from not straying to straying. If he is guilty in your mind he may as well be guilty in his.
Author frus69 Posted September 5, 2019 Author Posted September 5, 2019 I didnt tell him I'm insecure. But we were joking around about things, and I even joked alone. Then in the end he just says nothing will happen and he will be back before I realise. I just panicked because I read some travellers blog and lots of people saying " many temptations"and "things change, people change"
Maddie82 Posted September 5, 2019 Posted September 5, 2019 I didnt tell him I'm insecure. But we were joking around about things, and I even joked alone. Then in the end he just says nothing will happen and he will be back before I realise. I just panicked because I read some travellers blog and lots of people saying " many temptations"and "things change, people change" Don't read those things because it'll make you feel worse. Yeah some people get tempted and change but there are people who don't and remain loyal. Have some trust that he is one of the loyal ones. It certainly sounds like he is.
Maggiemay1 Posted September 5, 2019 Posted September 5, 2019 I didnt tell him I'm insecure. But we were joking around about things, and I even joked alone. Then in the end he just says nothing will happen and he will be back before I realise. I just panicked because I read some travellers blog and lots of people saying " many temptations"and "things change, people change" He knows as anyone knows that people don’t joke about something as serious and detrimental to a relationship as infidelity. You didn’t have to tell him you were feeling insecure , he knows you weren’t joking. And your thread suggests you weren’t joking. I get that you broached the topic in a joking manner but he’s not a fool. You didn’t “just” panic because you read a blog. You are here still actively worrying. Yes what people say on the blog is correct but in some cases and not all. Maybe yours and maybe not yours. I was in a 6 month relationship before going overseas on an extended planned trip since before I met him. But my overseas trip was a 6 month one. We Skyped regularly for 2 months but I did meet someone else. And nearly 20 years later , I am still overseas. It happens even with the best intentions. But time is on your side. He is only going away for a month.
d0nnivain Posted September 5, 2019 Posted September 5, 2019 You are making yourself crazy. Trust but verify is a thing. Unless you see objective concrete evidence of cheating, stop assuming that every guy is a horrible person. Most people are good. If your BF is a genuinely good guy he will not cheat at home, on vacation or on the stupid show, Temptation Island. If he's a bad guy, he will cheat with you in the next room. Either way it's in his control not yours. All you can do is chose your companions wisely & if somebody betrays you, then you dump them. It's not a tough choice.
crispytoast Posted September 5, 2019 Posted September 5, 2019 Wow this guy definitely doesn't know how to treat a lady. It's basically like he already cheated on you, you should dump him and find another.
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