frus69 Posted September 2, 2019 Posted September 2, 2019 Actually my BF is going to travel overseas for a month and my anxiety is coming up..He's going with friends, they planned the trip before we got together. So Im not going with. This is a new relationship, but we've met the parents,made future plans, the friends he's going with are decent guys too and I dont believe there is bad influence. But I know you meet lots of people on the road, from parties, from hostels, or wherever...I heard lots of stories about how people meet romantic interests while travelling and I keep having thoughts that BF might meet someone else? I trust he wont have hook ups. But what if he actually grow feelings? But I know those worries serve me nothing good and I want to stop, but I kind of cant....so thought maybe I could get some insight/help from here?
Foxhall Posted September 2, 2019 Posted September 2, 2019 Its quite likely he will have a sexual hook-up at some stage along the trip,lol that's just the way young lads ( and some older ones too!) are wired I would imagine this will be all it will be, he will not develop any feelings for them and will be happy to come back to you and resume the relationship,
basil67 Posted September 2, 2019 Posted September 2, 2019 You trust your boyfriend, so let's take the focus away from him. Instead, look at your anxiety. Do you have any history which is causing you to have this reaction?
d0nnivain Posted September 2, 2019 Posted September 2, 2019 It's not any harder or easier then it is to meet somebody at home. Traveling does make certain people a but more brave, they think, so what? I'll never see these other people again. It's why I can get my husband to dance with me on vacation but not at home. lol You either trust your BF or you don't. Your anxiety is your issue; unless it has something specific to do with his behavior, you can't blame his travel on your inability to deal. If you have legitimate reasons not to trust him, why are you dating him? Try to remember that most people are fundamentally ethical 1
Author frus69 Posted September 2, 2019 Author Posted September 2, 2019 I dont really have such history...so those "imaginations" are mostly from stranger's stories..mixed with my worrying nature
Veronica73 Posted September 2, 2019 Posted September 2, 2019 For some reason, it does seem easier to meet people from traveling. But that wouldn’t make me any more likely to cheat.
schlumpy Posted September 3, 2019 Posted September 3, 2019 He of course can cheat anywhere it doesn't have to be overseas. I guess I would look at his history or what knew of it and then I would consider how he became my boyfriend. That's the only real data you have to extrapolate his future behavior while off with his friends. Should you be worried?
Author frus69 Posted September 3, 2019 Author Posted September 3, 2019 lol..he is not going to Thailand if that's what you are referring to?? His track record is good. He's been a great BF so far. But like I said this relationship isnt long yet so I cant say shyt wont happen to me.. Maybe I just need to put in some "blind" trust here?
basil67 Posted September 3, 2019 Posted September 3, 2019 People say all kinds of things. If you believed what some say here about their own behaviour and/or criticisms of others, you'd never leave the front door. As d0nni said earlier, remember that most people are ethical. Let's explore what happens if he falls in love with someone overseas. Then what would you expect to happen? And what would happen after that? And after that? Follow the chain to the end.....
basil67 Posted September 3, 2019 Posted September 3, 2019 His track record is good. He's been a great BF so far. But like I said this relationship isnt long yet so I cant say shyt wont happen to me.. Maybe I just need to put in some "blind" trust here? No, it's not "blind" trust you need to give. It's trust that he's earned by being a good boyfriend. Bad stuff can always happen to you....long relationship, short relationship or no relationship. Life is risk. But it's your own resilience which helps you recover and move forward if things go wrong. 1
Author frus69 Posted September 3, 2019 Author Posted September 3, 2019 Let's explore what happens if he falls in love with someone overseas. Then what would you expect to happen? And what would happen after that? And after that? Follow the chain to the end..... He will become "busy", I will get suspicious, but he'd say "nothing's wrong", I'd be confused. Then it's endless doubt and worry and not sure what's going on..then may be after a month of torture he'd tell me there is someone else..
Ami1uwant Posted September 3, 2019 Posted September 3, 2019 Ever see the Cloonet movie up in the air....
alphamale Posted September 3, 2019 Posted September 3, 2019 Ever see the Cloonet movie up in the air.... somehow I doubt her bf is as desirable as George Clooney you don't have anything to worry about OP, just relax 1
Maggiemay1 Posted September 3, 2019 Posted September 3, 2019 No, it's not "blind" trust you need to give. It's trust that he's earned by being a good boyfriend. Bad stuff can always happen to you....long relationship, short relationship or no relationship. Life is risk. But it's your own resilience which helps you recover and move forward if things go wrong. Trust is blind!!! It’s not earned. It’s something you give willingly and if that trust is broken then you deal with it accordingly! It’s only when trust is broken that it then needs to be earned but only if the person whose trust is broken is willing to give that chance! Trust is not something that only exists within a romantic relationship! A parent drops their child to school. They trust their child will attend all their classes. That is not trust the child earned. That is the trust a parent placed. When the parent learns that their child did not attend all their classes , only then does trust need to be earned!
Maggiemay1 Posted September 3, 2019 Posted September 3, 2019 Actually my BF is going to travel overseas for a month and my anxiety is coming up..He's going with friends, they planned the trip before we got together. So Im not going with. This is a new relationship, but we've met the parents,made future plans, the friends he's going with are decent guys too and I dont believe there is bad influence. But I know you meet lots of people on the road, from parties, from hostels, or wherever...I heard lots of stories about how people meet romantic interests while travelling and I keep having thoughts that BF might meet someone else? I trust he wont have hook ups. But what if he actually grow feelings? But I know those worries serve me nothing good and I want to stop, but I kind of cant....so thought maybe I could get some insight/help from here? How long did it take him to develop any feelings for you? He Likely won’t develop feelings for another if his holiday is shorter than your relationship ? But yes out of sight , out of mind. What happens on holiday , stays on holiday. He might hook up. This is more likely that him developing feelings for another. You can’t control it and worrying about it will not help. So why worry? Sitting in a rocking chair , something to do , but gets you nowhere. Plan a lot of things to do while he is away. Enjoy!!
Maddie82 Posted September 3, 2019 Posted September 3, 2019 If you are both serious about each other then i really don't think you have anything to worry about. Don't let others frighten you by saying that he WILL hook up. They don't know him to make that kind of judgement. You know him and you say he is a good guy and a good boyfriend with no bad track record. Just relax and don't dwell on 'what-ifs'. Have some faith and trust in him. I'm sure everything will be fine and your worrying will be for nothing.
basil67 Posted September 3, 2019 Posted September 3, 2019 Trust is blind!!! It’s not earned. Speak for yourself Maggie. When I start with someone, I start them with a clean slate. If they show me through their actions that they are trustworthy, then I relax into giving them even more trust. Would you trust a guy you started dating last week with a heap of your cash? 1
basil67 Posted September 3, 2019 Posted September 3, 2019 He will become "busy", I will get suspicious, but he'd say "nothing's wrong", I'd be confused. Then it's endless doubt and worry and not sure what's going on..then may be after a month of torture he'd tell me there is someone else.. And here is your fail point in the scenario. If you're in a relationship and experiencing endless doubt and worry, you take charge of your life and walk away. You don't hang around to be tortured for a month. And because you know that you can take charge of your own destiny, you know you will be OK. 1
Maggiemay1 Posted September 3, 2019 Posted September 3, 2019 Speak for yourself Maggie. When I start with someone, I start them with a clean slate. If they show me through their actions that they are trustworthy, then I relax into giving them even more trust. Would you trust a guy you started dating last week with a heap of your cash? I was speaking for myself and speaking relative to the OP’s scenario. That is with respect to fidelity. She has nothing to lose if he cheats. Trusting someone is always a risk. But it’s not based on trust “earned” , it’s based on one’s own judgement. If the OP is concerned that he will cheat , what is it based on? The fact that they haven’t been together long enoughh for him to “prove” himself trustworthy or the fact that she just simply can’t trust based on what? Past experiences? Would I trust a guy I started dating a week ago with a heap of my cash? No. But that’s irrelevant. I wouldn’t trust myself with that cash lol. If the OP decides that the risk is too high. Then don’t gamble.
Gretchen12 Posted September 3, 2019 Posted September 3, 2019 Most car accidents happen a short distance from home. That's because you spend the most time driving near the home. I think same is true of a chance encounter with someone you share a special connection with while you happen to be traveling far from home. What are the chances? especially when he didn't set out looking for it? Makes more sense to be worried about the womens softball team he's coaching or the female coworker he goes to lunch with everyday. Different story if he was looking for hookups and going on some swingers cruise, which is not your worry here, right? 1
kendahke Posted September 3, 2019 Posted September 3, 2019 But I know those worries serve me nothing good and I want to stop, but I kind of cant....so thought maybe I could get some insight/help from here? You need to decide which is more important to you: being right or being in a relationship. Is it more important for you to be right about what you're worrying after or is being in a relationship with him more important? Actually you can stop with no kind of about it... however, that path doesn't give the charge you need that thinking he's banging his way across Europe behind your back does.
basil67 Posted September 3, 2019 Posted September 3, 2019 So true Gretchen. A person is far more at risk of cheating with a workmate or friend.
kendahke Posted September 3, 2019 Posted September 3, 2019 Makes more sense to be worried about the womens softball team he's coaching or the female coworker he goes to lunch with everyday. So true... How many women are in deep disgust when they find out their husband is cheating with a woman she feels is so completely beneath her... the most unassuming, frumpy but super sweet woman is the one you need to be worried about, not some hotty with a plastic surgeon's special. 1
Author frus69 Posted September 3, 2019 Author Posted September 3, 2019 If the OP is concerned that he will cheat , what is it based on? The fact that they haven’t been together long enoughh for him to “prove” himself trustworthy . yep, that's the reason. So true... How many women are in deep disgust when they find out their husband is cheating with a woman she feels is so completely beneath her... the most unassuming, frumpy but super sweet woman is the one you need to be worried about, not some hotty with a plastic surgeon's special. I was worried he will meet some frumpy but super sweet woman on the trip...lol And here is your fail point in the scenario. If you're in a relationship and experiencing endless doubt and worry, you take charge of your life and walk away. But it's never so black and white? Most often things that make me worry are in the gray area and kind of up to individual interpretation (i.e. making new female friends? Hang out with other females without me?), and i'd toss around trying to decide what's the right decision..
Recommended Posts