My GF is inviting at her place a group of her male friends but i am not in

[schlumpy]

I always have to keep in mind cultural differences when responding. Many societies in the world are much more communal than my own here in America and do not get the same signals from social events that I do. Makes it much more difficult to read.

 

If my GF had a party with only male friends (not to step on your toes Mortensorchild) I would assume the worst. Are they friends, past lovers, potential lovers, or male family members? I would only know what she tells me and I have to compare that to what she is doing.

 

But in the OP's culture this could be a very acceptable practice. I mean, I'd feel a lot better if I discovered they were all playing monopoly or video games. At least I would be able to understand the reason for the get together.

 

Maybe they were like a book club? Defending their favorite author against scandalous attacks by other participants.

 

I assume they are gathering because of a mutual attraction or interest. I would need to know what that interest is.

[smackie9]

You wanted some me/alone time, so she made other plans to do something else and that was a dinner party am I right? If so, would your point of view have been different if it was a bunch of women?

[beldar]

You wanted some me/alone time, so she made other plans to do something else and that was a dinner party am I right? If so, would your point of view have been different if it was a bunch of women?

 

 

 

 

It darned well better have been!

[The Outlaw]

I understand it raised a red flag, but unless she's given you reason to not trust her before, don't worry about it.

[Gretchen12]

She didn't handle it well. When she told you about the gathering, she should have added something like "I don't think you would enjoy an evening with this group. That's why I'm reluctant to invite you." Should give you a chance to decline. But it should also be ok with her if you really really wanted to go.

[alphamale]

what if the OP had a dinner at his place for six of his old female "friends"....that would probably go over like a lead balloon

[basil67]

Interesting use of quotation marks there Alpha. Do you think the guys were all there for an orgy? Or perhaps a collection of ex lovers?

[Noproblem]

Lol what is she gonna do with 6 men except being friendly and doing their own chatting, catching up and stuff.

 

Unless she is into some of the gang kinky stuff, I don't see why you are worried.

 

I do however..... I do however feel your pain and anger.

 

I would feel hurt and neglected if my bf didn't include me in his social gathering.

 

I honestly might not speak to someone who does not include me in his social life, I am either in or out.

 

Is he ashamed of me?

 

So by the same token, is she freaking ashamed of you?

Edited September 4, 2019 by Noproblem

[beldar]

N Sufjan a question ..... do any of her male friends know about you? About your "relationship" with her? Or is she keeping you secret?

 

 

By not inviting you to the dinner she has given you real food for thought. Time to reassess your situation.

[alphamale]

Interesting use of quotation marks there Alpha. Do you think the guys were all there for an orgy? Or perhaps a collection of ex lovers?

 

could be, I don't know for sure

[preraph]

It's expats. They all have that in common. She knew you wouldn't have wanted to go anyway because she's noticed that pattern of yours.

[Rocker71]

I'm sorry but this sounds seriously sketchy.

 

There is only 2 reasons a girl has male "friends".

 

1. They're orbiters who pose as her friend but really want to shag her at the first opportunity.

 

2. They're already in her bullpen and she's actively shagging them.

 

She got some explaining to do. And you got some ghosting to do.

[Maggiemay1]

 

She is playing a game. She's trying to make you jealous by attempting to make you believe that you have competition for her affections. She sounds immature. Best way to deal is to ignore. Don't reward bad behavior by buying into her scripted drama.

 

To the contrary I believe she is not immature but realistic.

She knows her bf would not be comfortable in that setting but likely knows he would accept the invite for her sake. Yet that would still make for an awkward night.

 

My sister does not invite her husband to certain events for the same reason.

They are happily married 20 years but mature enough and know each other enough to know what social settings suit each other. So what?!

[IslandSanctuary]

Seems like one of those women that need attention from multiple men and string them along and use them for 'resources' (whatever she can get).

In my experience you can't tell women(girls) like this their behaviour is immature and not conducive to long lasting healthy relationships - they will only turn around on you and call you insecure/controlling etc.

I would never invite 6 exclusively female friends over for dinner and not invite my gf. I would never date a person like this.

The fact that they are all men tells me she gets off on male attention. It's almost impossible that none of these men don't want to bang her.

Edited September 8, 2019 by IslandSanctuary

[Ruby Slippers]

In my book, it's definitely not ok for a man or woman to have opposite-sex "friends" over for dinner and exclude the partner. Highly disrespectful and downright insulting.

[IslandSanctuary]

"How did your date with the 6 guys go?"

"Seems like an episode from the bachelorette :)"

"Hey look honey, I think we need to have a talk about boundaries. I really do not like that you have multiple men over to your house for dinner. If this is something you need to do, then we need to break up because it makes me feel **** - and I think it'd make most men feel like ****."

Women like this wonder why they end up with a cheating prick............(It's because an honest man that cared wouldn't put up with **** like this.)

Edited September 8, 2019 by IslandSanctuary

[OnlyHonesty]

Having so many male friends would have been a redflag for many guys. Perhaps what you are seeing is same thing that you ignored...playing out.

 

Although there are exceptions, there are rarely any real male / female friends. There is always sexual tension, orbiting, attention seeking / gaining or some other dynamic. Most of the guys will not see her as a friend.

 

Part of being in a relationship is exercising your own boundaries that show respect for your partner. You keep yourself out of sticky and questionable situations.

 

 

If you had a buddy and heard that his gf was hosting 6 men over for dinner without him being there, would you think that was a projection of mutual respect?

 

If you had 6 female friends over....and didn't invite her because ''she's an introvert'' I wonder how well she'd take it.

[crispytoast]

forget about it for a month, then ask her

This if the relationship is something you want to keep going. If you think she is worth staying with, you are going to have to accept for now that this is a part of her life. Bringing it up right away will make you come off as insecure and controlling. If you give it some time and then casually ask her about it, then you come off more mature and respectful of her boundaries, plus if she actually does have something to hide she will be less prepared to give you her scripted answer.