My GF is inviting at her place a group of her male friends but i am not in

[N Sufjan]

Hello,

 

I spent the weekend with my gf and before leaving, she told me that she will invite a group of her friends.

Today, she wrote me that she managed to invite all of her male friends ( 6 ) for a dinner at her place.

 

What bothers me is that she didnt invite me as well.

To be honest, i dont want to be in and i want some spare time for me tonight.

 

But it’s still a bit weird for me that she didnt invite me to join whether she knows i dont like to or not.

 

How am i supposed to feel about that?

Thank you

[I'veseenbetterlol]

That is strange. In my relationship we include each other in social gatherings. Ask her why you weren't invited.

[N Sufjan]

That is strange. In my relationship we include each other in social gatherings. Ask her why you weren't invited.

 

Yea... she texted me few mins ago to send me a video of one of her male friends cat. Didnt respond and asked if iam doing fine and if i am home ( i told her i will go to pick her bday gift ) and said that she misses me... i then asked hows the dinner and said cool.

[schlumpy]

It seems like she is sending you some kind of message but I don't have enough context to know what it is.

 

Is this normal behavior for her?

[beldar]

I'm sorry but this sounds seriously sketchy.

[N Sufjan]

It seems like she is sending you some kind of message but I don't have enough context to know what it is.

 

Is this normal behavior for her?

 

She always tried when she had the chance to present me fo her friends and relatives. We have been together for 4months now and i met 20 persons from her entourage.

Last sunday, we had dinner with her friend and her gf. Btw, we are planing a trip together next October with this couple friend.

 

As i said, if she invited me, i would have said non cause i dont want to join me and i was expecting her to ask when she told me. But she didnt...

 

Now im home in bed and my gf is with a group of male friends at her place.

Am i overthinking? Should i talk about it ?

[basil67]

What is it that they have in common? Do you share this commonality, or would you be left out had you attended?

[frus69]

4 months is kinda new, not in the stage where you guys should be together in EVERY social gathering. Sometimes, you dont want to include your BF/GF in your friends or family hangouts. Because sometimes they are really just for friends/families, especially if no one else is bringing their SO.

 

She did introduce you to her friends and family, so it's not like she's hiding you. This is just an occasional dinner where she didnt include you. She also messaged you during the dinner, so she was thinking about you. And you said you wouldnt want to join anyway, right? Is it because you dont really fit in? So maybe she knows that so she didnt invite you.

 

You can ask her and ask why she didnt invite you, but I wouldnt jump to any conclusions yet.

[N Sufjan]

What is it that they have in common? Do you share this commonality, or would you be left out had you attended?

 

Yes only men. ( i only met 2 of them )

They are all some kind of expatriates: they were born in the same country but they have settled down here in the country of their parents. They are slightly different from me...

I dont know how it would have gone if i was in.

But i am wondering why she didnt at least try to invite me...

[basil67]

Did she know that you would have refused the invitation? If she had invited you, would you have been able to engage on what they have in common?

[alphamale]

How am i supposed to feel about that?

 

not good I suppose

[N Sufjan]

Did she know that you would have refused the invitation? If she had invited you, would you have been able to engage on what they have in common?

 

She can’t be sure about my answer since she didnt ask me.

Its better i am not in cause i am kind of introvert and i would have not be confortable being with them.

 

But by the end of the evening, i started wondering why she didnt not invite me...

[Foxhall]

From her point of view its likely she will feel more relaxed and carefree in the company of this group without you there,

 

you may be stifling her,

 

whatever the group dynamic is, you are not yet anyway part of that and she can have the banter better without you there,

 

I suppose suggesting that you are stifling her is not likely to go down well with you,

 

but some people can simply like a bit of social time away from their girlfriend/boyfriend

[basil67]

But by the end of the evening, i started wondering why she didnt not invite me...

 

She likely didn't invite you because of this:

 

Its better i am not in cause i am kind of introvert and i would have not be confortable being with them.

Especially if she knew she'd have to spend a lot of the evening making sure you were comfortable and engaged.

[d0nnivain]

I don't think she's cheating. I highly doubt she's planning an orgy as desert after dinner.

 

She is playing a game. She's trying to make you jealous by attempting to make you believe that you have competition for her affections. She sounds immature. Best way to deal is to ignore. Don't reward bad behavior by buying into her scripted drama.

[N Sufjan]

Thank you for posting your point of views.

 

Should i ask her why or just forget about it?

[N Sufjan]

She has just wrote me one of those friends said hi to me..

[alphamale]

Should i ask her why or just forget about it?

 

forget about it for a month, then ask her

[d0nnivain]

Should i ask her why or just forget about it?

 

You can discuss this "dinner party" but not tonight & not while you are upset. Give yourself a day or two to calm down. Have the discussion in person, not over text. If you try to talk about it through any means other than face to face you WILL break up. I'm not saying you won't if you talk in person but there is a lot less chance for misunderstanding if you include all the non verbal commination clues.

[N Sufjan]

I don't think she's cheating. I highly doubt she's planning an orgy as desert after dinner.

 

She is playing a game. She's trying to make you jealous by attempting to make you believe that you have competition for her affections. She sounds immature. Best way to deal is to ignore. Don't reward bad behavior by buying into her scripted drama.

 

You can discuss this "dinner party" but not tonight & not while you are upset. Give yourself a day or two to calm down. Have the discussion in person, not over text. If you try to talk about it through any means other than face to face you WILL break up. I'm not saying you won't if you talk in person but there is a lot less chance for misunderstanding if you include all the non verbal commination clues.

 

Thank you.

She has just told me that they left, good night and love you.

What should i answer?

[Foxhall]

thats a good point actually,

 

discuss any problems in person and not by text,

 

I think you are over worrying about it anyway,

 

in another few months you'll either be broken up or part of the group too!

[alphamale]

What should i answer?

definitely don't call her a bitch or a whore

[mortensorchid]

I wish I had thought of this before. Once many years ago I was with someone for not long, just a few weeks, and I was feeling neutral about him when he told me he had some kind of disorder that had caused him to be hospitalized in a psych hospital. I wasn't sure how I felt about him at that point, but one day I decided since he introduced me to a friend or two of his then I can do the same. I invited him over for dinner one night with me and 3 guy friends who I used to have Sunday dinner with every night for years. The next day, he called and dumped me.

 

Why? He said he felt uncomfortable with them, felt like that was my world and he didn't fit into it. Plus we were smoking on the back patio and smoking is disgusting - It's not okay if me or others smoke cigarettes but it is also not okay that he has a mental health problem and others be uncomfortable with that? Contradiction - and he couldn't be with someone who smokes. He turned out to be a nutjob and a half later on.

 

But as to your gf and your situation, don't sweat it. I'm sure they are just friends and it's a thing they do. Most guys I know say they are tired of going to sausage parties. I and others I know say they invite women as well but the women don't show for the parties. So you can't win.

[beldar]

Well I hope for your sake that they didn't run a train on her.

 

 

How much do you really know about her. I mean REALLY know about her?

[basil67]

Mortens, I'm not sure where you were going with this story. It sounds awfully like you're saying that the OP's girlfriend may have avoided inviting him over because he could be a nutjob like your ex.