Arsha Posted September 2, 2019 Posted September 2, 2019 When does any woman I go out with have a right to know that I'm dating multiple women at the same time? Do I wait for her to ask me directly if I'm seeing anybody else? Isn't loyalty a non issue until a woman makes it abundantly clear that she wants to be my girlfriend?
central Posted September 2, 2019 Posted September 2, 2019 IMO, if you go on more than 3 dates with someone, I think it is time to disclose that you are seeing others. However, if you have both agreed that you are casual with no serious intent, then there is no need to say anything unless or until sex with her or the other date(s) is about to or has occurred. 2
An0nymiss666 Posted September 2, 2019 Posted September 2, 2019 I think you have the right idea, but so does the comment above. Typically if you go out with someone a few times, at least one party is under the impression it can or will become serious. Not everyone is straightforward. Some women are fine with casual dates that don’t lead to anything serious, while others will always be looking for a commitment (eventually). So there’s no real way of telling unless the woman says what she’s looking for, which doesn’t always happen. Long story short, I’d say the woman doesn’t need to know unless you’ve gone out a few times OR she says she wants to be exclusive.
alphamale Posted September 2, 2019 Posted September 2, 2019 When does any woman I go out with have a right to know that I'm dating multiple women at the same time? Do I wait for her to ask me directly if I'm seeing anybody else? Keep things discreet but, yes, wait for her to bring up the subject. A man should never ask for exclusivity, it's the woman's job 1
mortensorchid Posted September 2, 2019 Posted September 2, 2019 Hmmm ... I assume you are OLDing, in that situation you're going to multi-date because that's part of the point of OLDing as it's a numbers game. There are/were times that I was doing that, some that I met asked me how many people I'd met from the website / app already, I just said a few here and there. There might have been times I was with one one day, another the next, another the next, etc. But they don't need to know that, just as the women you are seeing don't need to know this either. Chances are you're just going to meet once and then you will never hear a word from any of them ever again like most OLDing. If you meet someone you like and you want to see them again, that's another matter. 2
Lotsgoingon Posted September 2, 2019 Posted September 2, 2019 When does any woman I go out with have a right to know that I'm dating multiple women at the same time? Do I wait for her to ask me directly if I'm seeing anybody else? Isn't loyalty a non issue until a woman makes it abundantly clear that she wants to be my girlfriend? I'm unclear about the question. You don't need to tell anyone you're seeing other people ... unless you are sexually involved with someone else and the person point-blank asks you something like, have you been using protection? Are you having sex with some of these women? She has the right and you have the right to see other people until it's clear that you two are interested in an exclusive relationship. When you find someone you want to be exclusive with ... it's your job as much as theirs ... to initiate the exclusivity conversation. Really, it's a mutual responsibility. To be blunt, why do I care if someone else is dating others if I'm not really interested in them?
basil67 Posted September 2, 2019 Posted September 2, 2019 Adding to the various contributions: if you're wanting sex without condoms, she has the right to know. 2
Ami1uwant Posted September 2, 2019 Posted September 2, 2019 IMO, if you go on more than 3 dates with someone, I think it is time to disclose that you are seeing others. However, if you have both agreed that you are casual with no serious intent, then there is no need to say anything unless or until sex with her or the other date(s) is about to or has occurred. 3 dates may not be enough. It depends how much a period these 3 were snd how much between date communication has occurred.
Lotsgoingon Posted September 2, 2019 Posted September 2, 2019 3 dates may not be enough. It depends how much a period these 3 were snd how much between date communication has occurred. Just to slightly add to the above ... Three dates is enough to figure out if you really like someone ... and if you don't like them after three dates ... then end things there--no fourth date. 1
Maggiemay1 Posted September 2, 2019 Posted September 2, 2019 When does any woman I go out with have a right to know that I'm dating multiple women at the same time? Isn't loyalty a non issue until a woman makes it abundantly clear that she wants to be my girlfriend? You sound very insecure. Once you sleep with someone or rather before you do you should absolutely let them know that you are dating others. But are you really THAT insecure that you will only settle for a woman if she says she wants exclusivity? You won’t go after the girl you want but rather let them go because another chose you first??? Or are you looking for tips on how to become a player?? And get away with it? 2
Maggiemay1 Posted September 2, 2019 Posted September 2, 2019 Arsha, Your multiple posts suggest you are not coming here for guidance , rather for research. What is the research and for whom? 1
d0nnivain Posted September 2, 2019 Posted September 2, 2019 IMNSHO, in this modern world people would do better to assume any new person they are dating is multi-dating. Exclusivity happens when the two people involved have a conversation about the subject. Until then everybody is free to date how ever many other people they want. Both parties have the right to bring up the subject. You should initiate the conversation if you want to be exclusive not just sit there & passively aggressively date multiple people because the woman you want hasn't started the conversation. 3
alphamale Posted September 2, 2019 Posted September 2, 2019 Both parties have the right to bring up the subject. technically both parties do have the right, BUT, it is the jobs of the woman to bring it up first because she has much more to lose by not asking...
d0nnivain Posted September 2, 2019 Posted September 2, 2019 technically both parties do have the right, BUT, it is the jobs of the woman to bring it up first because she has much more to lose by not asking... I don't know about that. A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. Some women just want to have fun.
alphamale Posted September 2, 2019 Posted September 2, 2019 Some women just want to have fun. sure d0nnivain, but from my real world experience women are looking much more for LTR especially if it's the right guy...
stillafool Posted September 2, 2019 Posted September 2, 2019 Keep things discreet but, yes, wait for her to bring up the subject. A man should never ask for exclusivity, it's the woman's job What? Why is that? I've always waited for the man to ask.
SumGuy Posted September 2, 2019 Posted September 2, 2019 When does any woman I go out with have a right to know that I'm dating multiple women at the same time? ... For me, if I am not sleeping with any of these women then these are dates to see who would most like to have a relationship with. If you are sleeping with one or more women, then in my view you need to up front about it. On the first date, and without any prompting. Do I wait for her to ask me directly if I'm seeing anybody else? No. Not if you are sleeping with any of these other women. You are asking if it is OK to mislead someone by ones actions or lack of action. It is not OK. The omission of material information with an intent to deceive (exactly what you are doing here) is a form of lying an manipulation. It is a douche bag move. If you are not sleeping with any of these other women, in my view it is OK to wait until it is brought up as basically your relationship with these other women is platonic even if you are working for more. Isn't loyalty a non issue until a woman makes it abundantly clear that she wants to be my girlfriend? Not for me. Loyalty arises from the nature of the relationship. In my view once you cross the line to sleeping with some one the default is you sleep with no one else. Now you can certainly change that, and I believe consenting adults can agree to anything they want. The key is consent, informed and explicit. It needs to be discussed before leading some one on. Is this uncomfortable? Could this cause the woman to drop you? Yes and Yes. Why, because most people do not think it is OK to hide the fact you are sleeping with someone else when you ask them on a date. It doesn't matter if they want to call you boyfriend or if these other women are just FWB. 1
spiderowl Posted September 2, 2019 Posted September 2, 2019 At what point would you want to know if the roles were reversed OP? 3
The Outlaw Posted September 2, 2019 Posted September 2, 2019 From the start. It would let them know where they would stand in the grand scheme of things.
scooby-philly Posted September 3, 2019 Posted September 3, 2019 Yes, I hate to use the "out" so many people use - but it really depends. It depends on what you mean by "dating" or "seeing" other people. Yes, most people should assume that in the OLD world, people can be going on "dates" with multiple people at the same time (or at least talking with several). There's no reason to bring that up with one of those people unless you or that party has feelings for each other or someone else. If sex in involved in another relationship and you're about to do it or hope to do it in "this one" - it's on you to be honest at that point. I'm not advocating chastity to one person before you become exclusive per se - but everyone has a right to know about a partner's current/past/future sexual history.
IslandSanctuary Posted September 6, 2019 Posted September 6, 2019 Depends on the person you are dating. Personally if someone didnt let me know pretty early on I'd feel they were dishonest and I'd move on. I'd move on anyway to be honest. Not my deal. 1
kendahke Posted September 7, 2019 Posted September 7, 2019 When does any woman I go out with have a right to know that I'm dating multiple women at the same time? Do I wait for her to ask me directly if I'm seeing anybody else? the moment she lets you know that she likes you and wants to see more of you. Isn't loyalty a non issue until a woman makes it abundantly clear that she wants to be my girlfriend? Possibly--but you are also showing her, using this tack, that you're not interested by not saying anything about your intentions before she can form an affinity for you. If this is your tack, adjust your expectations to fit within the parameters.
crispytoast Posted September 7, 2019 Posted September 7, 2019 You have no obligation to mention it. Not after three dates. Not after twenty dates. Not after having sex. Not even if you decide to be exclusive. If you decide to be exclusive, then stop dating the other people. Dont mention the other people you have been dating up to that point.
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