Have I been used by this girl?

January 23, 2019

personally I would dump this broad

I agree with this 1,000,000%

January 23, 2019

I probably should’ve reworded the title, it’s more of a ‘what do I do now’ as I don’t feel the effort is being reciprocated at all.

Even though the conversation flowed really well & we had a great laugh on the 2nd date, I can pinpoint it on the setting being far more subdued and less exciting/less of an atmosphere as the first two. Error on my part for not keeping the date itself interesting and moving on at the right time.

Just annoying as the really strong feelings from the first date seemingly feel as though they’re empty less than a week later, but we live and learn I guess!

Honestly, You seem infatuated with making something happen with this girl for some reason. You should ask her out and see what her response is

Anything but a definite yes from her, should be a next for this girl

Even then with how she treated you the last date and now with her attitude

towards you on text I would non be putting myself out there for this ungrateful girl.

If you go out with this girl again and she is acting the same way, not being enthusiastic about being out with you I would be cutting the date really short

and leaving her wherever you are and wish her the best but this is not working out. Have a good night

Do not accept crappy, poor behavior from anyone. This girl treated you crappy on your date.

She needs to show you she likes you and wants to be out with you before I would waste another minute or dollar on her

January 23, 2019

Since your first date involved drinking / partying, I don't think it's a very good assessment of how into you she actually was.

Her leaving the date to early followed by her short responses shows you where she is at - she is no longer interested.

January 23, 2019

Honestly, You seem infatuated with making something happen with this girl for some reason. You should ask her out and see what her response is
Anything but a definite yes from her, should be a next for this girl

Even then with how she treated you the last date and now with her attitude
towards you on text I would non be putting myself out there for this ungrateful girl.

If you go out with this girl again and she is acting the same way, not being enthusiastic about being out with you I would be cutting the date really short
and leaving her wherever you are and wish her the best but this is not working out. Have a good night

Do not accept crappy, poor behavior from anyone. This girl treated you crappy on your date.
She needs to show you she likes you and wants to be out with you before I would waste another minute or dollar on her

Thanks so much for this, you've really made me look at it a different way. I definitely think it is infatuation just because of the way she acted on the first date - maybe due to the party/club setting which brought this on?

The way she messaged me after the second date saying how she went out with her friend and these other guys really was a kick in the teeth and her actions were really crappy towards me, no sensitivity or an apologetic tone whatsoever.

Going forward, I'm not going to do the chasing now. If she is interested then she'll have to go out of her way but i'm away for three months now, will probably do me good.

January 23, 2019

It seems because this girl is young, hot looking she thinks she can get away with whatever she wants.

Honestly she probably does because she is hot and guys are dumb and ignorant to put up with her behavior.

Women like this need to be ignored as she really is not a very pretty person on the inside, she is self centered, uses people, and could care less how she treats people.

Go have a great trip and when you come home meet a good woman not waste your time on someone like this. At your age finding a good woman is not easy as girls your age like attention and will use you and treat you like you are supposed to kiss her butt

January 24, 2019

It seems because this girl is young, hot looking she thinks she can get away with whatever she wants.

Honestly she probably does because she is hot and guys are dumb and ignorant to put up with her behavior.

Women like this need to be ignored as she really is not a very pretty person on the inside, she is self centered, uses people, and could care less how she treats people.

Go have a great trip and when you come home meet a good woman not waste your time on someone like this. At your age finding a good woman is not easy as girls your age like attention and will use you and treat you like you are supposed to kiss her butt

Yeah i've definitely learnt a lot from it. Knew it was too good to be true to have a very attractive girl being so nice and attentive on the first night to just not caring in the slightest.

Even after the 2nd date I received no thanks, no apology or anything, just a paragraph of the aftermath. Just the simple things go a long way into reading how it's going but I've learnt my lesson

January 24, 2019

Ur post is a bit confusing. So the second date when she said she needed go help her friend, did she ask you to come along?

If yes and you refused, and she left for her friend, then she might think you are a little rude/selfish. This could have turned her off.

If she didnt invite you and just said she needed to go, and didnt counter offer the next date or apologize, then that was her way out. She was no longer keen.

January 24, 2019

not enough information to see if she used you. I don't know if she really felt like she had to help he friend or not but imma tell you if you tell me your going to be traveling for 3 months and think I'm going to be available for you to pick up where we left off and we only had two dates and your not my exclusive boyfriend? i wouldn't take your behind seriously either.

January 24, 2019

Ur post is a bit confusing. So the second date when she said she needed go help her friend, did she ask you to come along?
If yes and you refused, and she left for her friend, then she might think you are a little rude/selfish. This could have turned her off.
If she didnt invite you and just said she needed to go, and didnt counter offer the next date or apologize, then that was her way out. She was no longer keen.

She was ignoring a lot of phone calls from her friend and didn't pick up probably not to look rude until I said just answer it, this was three hours into the date. Spoke to her friend and said she needed to go round to help her and asked me if this is okay with me, didn't ask me to come with her.

I paid the bill, we walked out together, hugged and went our separate ways.

January 24, 2019

She was ignoring a lot of phone calls from her friend and didn't pick up probably not to look rude until I said just answer it, this was three hours into the date. Spoke to her friend and said she needed to go round to help her and asked me if this is okay with me, didn't ask me to come with her.

I paid the bill, we walked out together, hugged and went our separate ways.

By her standards she did not use you, by my/your standards I would feel used 100% and have nothing to do with this girl after she threw it in your face that later on she was out drinking with her friend and the guys...

Don't be bothered with women like this, don't waste your time and energy on the users out there. Unfortunately they are plentiful but now you have dealt with it and can spot it. Never put up with such crappy treatment again.

You spent your time and money to take this girl out to have her leave the date and have you pay in full. If she was a stand up person she would have been apologizing, given you some money towards the bill, have asked to see you again, and not thrown in your face she was out drinking and having a great time later that night after she "had" to go save her friend.

What a load of garbage from her.

January 24, 2019

She was ignoring a lot of phone calls from her friend and didn't pick up probably not to look rude until I said just answer it, this was three hours into the date. Spoke to her friend and said she needed to go round to help her and asked me if this is okay with me, didn't ask me to come with her.

I paid the bill, we walked out together, hugged and went our separate ways.

Funny how the story starts to reveal more of what really happened.

Well you pretty much gave her permission to deal with her friend...it was your call on that. Once she answered the call, she felt obligated to her friend ( I suspect they are very tight and she didn't want to disappoint her)...remember you are just a date, not her BF. She felt she had no choice...like she got pressured. She's young, so I can see this happening. Just the way it is.

I think if you kept your mouth shut, none of this would have happened.

January 24, 2019

Funny how the story starts to reveal more of what really happened.
Well you pretty much gave her permission to deal with her friend...it was your call on that. Once she answered the call, she felt obligated to her friend ( I suspect they are very tight and she didn't want to disappoint her)...remember you are just a date, not her BF. She felt she had no choice...like she got pressured. She's young, so I can see this happening. Just the way it is.

I think if you kept your mouth shut, none of this would have happened.

I am sorry Smackie but you seem to be shifting the blame of what happened to the poster. What happened was 100% on the woman here and how she has no integrity. The blame is 100% on her and her shoddy, disrespectful treatment of the guy who asked her out, wasted his valuable time, and hard earned money to be treated so poorly.

No, they are not bf/gf but when you go out with someone you owe them a little decency, of which she has none. She kept looking at her phone, did not answer it but it was more than obvious that she wanted to answer.

This whole situation is 100% on the woman

January 24, 2019

Funny how the story starts to reveal more of what really happened.
Well you pretty much gave her permission to deal with her friend...it was your call on that. Once she answered the call, she felt obligated to her friend ( I suspect they are very tight and she didn't want to disappoint her)...remember you are just a date, not her BF. She felt she had no choice...like she got pressured. She's young, so I can see this happening. Just the way it is.

I think if you kept your mouth shut, none of this would have happened.

Yes your’re right, I’m not her boyfriend and am therefore in no way entitled to dictate if she answers her phone to whoever it may be. Someone asking you “am I okay to take this call” is just a polite way of saying I really need to take this. She wanted to answer it as her phone was already on the table, and even went on it a brief second before that and said “sorry I’m being anti-social” and got back to the conversation.

Maybe she got pressured by her friend as they are close, that’s probably the case, but at least have some sort of decency following the date after I’ve invested my time into her.

January 24, 2019

She was ignoring a lot of phone calls from her friend and didn't pick up probably not to look rude until I said just answer it, this was three hours into the date. Spoke to her friend and said she needed to go round to help her and asked me if this is okay with me, didn't ask me to come with her.

I paid the bill, we walked out together, hugged and went our separate ways.

You were already three hours into a second date.

How long did you expect it to last?

I don't think anything went wrong here.

And perhaps she is short during texts because 1. you are leaving for several months and 2. she is busy

I think you are reading way too much into this way too early

January 24, 2019

telling a girl you are going away for 3 months is irrelevant if she likes you. she still could have slept with you. girls make excuses to sleep and be with a guy they like. full stop

January 24, 2019

Yeah but the thing that bugged me was she messaged the next day saying her, her friend and the other guys all went out that night to a different bar which me made feel like she had a better night with them than me.

This is all that matters.

Turn the situation around. A girl takes you out and you have a long date. In the middle of the date you say, after your phone going off multiple times and interrupting (which you choose not to turn off the ringer or shut your phone down) you eventually answer and then tell her, "Hey, my friend needs help with a couple of girls. Do you mind?" and then you let her pay the full bill as you walk away...then proceed to leave and go out with the other girls. Is there anyone here that would really not say that is the single biggest D bag move in the history of D bag moves?

Then you say, "hold my beer" and text the girl that took you out and tell her you went out partying with the other girls.

Yes she used you, initial dates, no big deal it's what happens. At that point you should know without a doubt you are an ATM and nothing very good will come from this. So you either be an ATM for the honor of being in her presence or you let her do it to some other guy. Me personally, I let someone else get stuck with that.

Having a good first date doesn't ever mean much. Users will be nice, engaging and fun on dates too. You just filter them out and move on quickly if you are smart.

January 24, 2019

Just saying, friends will come first...and being young, she has no clue yet how to handle situations in a mature way. Again dodged a bullet here. She's hot, but not GF material.

meh she gave you 3 hours of her time, it's not like she got up after 20 mins to leave. She obviously was pressured to spend time with her friend. With that I'm getting a whiff of a BFF that gets jealous of someone taking away her time from her BFF.

Edited January 24, 2019 by smackie9

January 24, 2019

By her standards she did not use you, by my/your standards I would feel used 100% and have nothing to do with this girl after she threw it in your face that later on she was out drinking with her friend and the guys...

Don't be bothered with women like this, don't waste your time and energy on the users out there. Unfortunately they are plentiful but now you have dealt with it and can spot it. Never put up with such crappy treatment again.

You spent your time and money to take this girl out to have her leave the date and have you pay in full. If she was a stand up person she would have been apologizing, given you some money towards the bill, have asked to see you again, and not thrown in your face she was out drinking and having a great time later that night after she "had" to go save her friend.

What a load of garbage from her.

Wow, you are being so vicious here...she was not rude by anyones standard. I dont think she was rude. You can say she wasn't interested but she wasn't a load of garbage, she didn't give him crappy treatment just because she had to leave for a friend. She was polite enough to ask if she can take the call and if hes sure he is happy to take the bill, and OP said yes!

You seem to think just because a man spent some money, the woman is obliged to do something with him otherwise shes wasting his time?? This is kinda pathetic to be honest.

January 24, 2019

OP, you go out on dates, they dont always work out, it happens all the time and you cant say everytime it didnt work out, they used you. They also invested their time ,not just you. And maybe you spent some money, so what? Dont be that cheap and worry about a drink or two. If you really dont want then you can do a coffee date instead. Or ask the girl to pay half. But please dont think you are the only one who's investing and so the woman is obliged to return your favor. That's low.

This girl obviously isnt dreaming about having a relationship with you but can you blame her? You told her you are going away and if that was me, I'd take it as "ok he just wants sex apparently".

Move on and dont hold grudge. You have not been used.

January 24, 2019

You were already three hours into a second date.

How long did you expect it to last?

I don't think anything went wrong here.

And perhaps she is short during texts because 1. you are leaving for several months and 2. she is busy

I think you are reading way too much into this way too early

In the first date when we got around two hours in she suggested to go somewhere else. It's a two-way street, she can say if she wants to go anywhere if she is getting bored being at the same place.

I totally get that me going away has thrown a spanner in the works, I did explain that I didn't ask her out for hook up but to genuinely get to know her but obviously having only two weeks and two meet-ups to speak isn't much at all. Maybe I am looking into it too much, I'm only 21 and this was literally one of my first properly arranged dates

January 24, 2019

This is all that matters.

Turn the situation around. A girl takes you out and you have a long date. In the middle of the date you say, after your phone going off multiple times and interrupting (which you choose not to turn off the ringer or shut your phone down) you eventually answer and then tell her, "Hey, my friend needs help with a couple of girls. Do you mind?" and then you let her pay the full bill as you walk away...then proceed to leave and go out with the other girls. Is there anyone here that would really not say that is the single biggest D bag move in the history of D bag moves?

Then you say, "hold my beer" and text the girl that took you out and tell her you went out partying with the other girls.

Yes she used you, initial dates, no big deal it's what happens. At that point you should know without a doubt you are an ATM and nothing very good will come from this. So you either be an ATM for the honor of being in her presence or you let her do it to some other guy. Me personally, I let someone else get stuck with that.

Having a good first date doesn't ever mean much. Users will be nice, engaging and fun on dates too. You just filter them out and move on quickly if you are smart.

Yeah exactly. A few people have said to me that because she's a girl and she's looking out for her best mate which is different to a guys situation but it's not even that. It was just the aftermath of being told they went out rather than a 'sorry I had to leave sooner than expected, when are you next free etcetc'

Looking at it now, the timing was just all off. I probably shouldn't have ever gone on the date knowing that I'll be leaving the country in less than 2 weeks time for 3 months unless it was just a hook up.

I've learnt a lot from it, it's just the first date really blinded me as I felt like we'd known each other for such a long time and had a great connection!

January 24, 2019

Just saying, friends will come first...and being young, she has no clue yet how to handle situations in a mature way. Again dodged a bullet here. She's hot, but not GF material.

meh she gave you 3 hours of her time, it's not like she got up after 20 mins to leave. She obviously was pressured to spend time with her friend. With that I'm getting a whiff of a BFF that gets jealous of someone taking away her time from her BFF.

Yeah thinking back, she did mention her best friend an awful lot. Seemed like she would prioritise her over a lot of things because of their closeness.

January 24, 2019

Wow, you are being so vicious here...she was not rude by anyones standard. I dont think she was rude. You can say she wasn't interested but she wasn't a load of garbage, she didn't give him crappy treatment just because she had to leave for a friend. She was polite enough to ask if she can take the call and if hes sure he is happy to take the bill, and OP said yes!
You seem to think just because a man spent some money, the woman is obliged to do something with him otherwise shes wasting his time?? This is kinda pathetic to be honest.

It's got absolutely nothing to do with "do something with him", I was expecting nothing in return except some decency with the way it went about! I wasn't her leaving quite prematurely that I was annoyed with, it was the text after seemingly rubbing it in about what she got up to later, as if our night was just a stepping stone and a bit of a time waster.

January 24, 2019

In the nightclub she was reaaaally touchy, like sitting on my lap & putting her legs in between mine but was trying to tease by leaning in for a kiss then backing out (in the end she gave in and kissed me) but feel she was trying to show she wasn’t ‘easy’ which I like. She went at around 3am so we were out for a good 8 hours!

I think maybe she just wanted sex from you that night. Now it is becoming too much trouble. ?? This is my first guess.

January 24, 2019

Someone else basically said it earlier, but if I was on a date with someone whether is was 3 hours or 8 hours, for her to bail on you and hang out with someone else after without a plan, is completely sketchy and wrong.

If she was like, "Hey, my friend called, I didn't know we would go this long so I made plans after..." that is probably acceptable. But to say her friend needing rescuing on the dance floor or whatever, let's face it...that entails her walking up to her friend and saying, "Hey friend, I need to go" and then grabbing her friends arm and walking away and coming back to you.

Like I said, nothing wrong with it, you had a good first date but this girl is not date material. Sometimes you both have fun on a date and that's all it is. That's why you don't need to think about getting excited at all until after date #2 or 3. You really know nothing about them yet and interest is easily mistaken until after a couple of dates.

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