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Feeling really confuse


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Posted

My bf and I started dating when he was 18 and I was 22. I was hesitant at the time cause of our age gaps but he was very sincere and persistent, eventually won me over. He was really sweet, always compliment me very chance he get, always make sure that I'm happy and try to cheer me up when I'm down. He try to see me every chance he gets and we try to organised dates to spend time together. He always say that I'm the one and he like to talk about our future, getting a house together, having our own kids and growing old together. He used to say that he feel really lucky and that he can't believe a girl like me would ever like him. I always try to tell him not to be so hard on himself. His is great person with great personalities. This was our first proper relationship, so everything was new to us.

 

Fast forward, we dated for 3 years now. During that time he was renting a room at a family friend place because he didn't get along with his family, but then he got into a disagreement with the owner of the house he was at. I was still living at home but wanted to help him out so I asked my mum if he could temporary stay in our spare room until he find a new place. I didn't realized what a big mistake that was.

 

At the beginning everything was great, we get to see each other everyday and we were really happy. He was a bit messy so his room always look quite disgusting, I didn't want my mum to judge him so I started cleaning up his room, I did talk to him about it, he agree to clean up after himself but he never really follow through. He became lazy to go out on dates, always say his tired or he rather just chill at home with me. The only time he would go out is when his friends organised a party or want to go out, which I am also invited, but it just doesn't feel the same. I didn't really ask for much, maybe a date night outside of the house once a week would be nice. He always say we will but never make the effort to organised anything. When I mention I want to go somewhere he would promise to take me but never keep his promise, I always end up feeling disappointed. The only time we get to do something is when I organised it and push for it.

 

Being at my house I know he wasn't comfortable doing everything so i try to help him where I can. For example, I do his washing, bring him dinner because he doesn't like going to the kitchen and organised his lunch while I do mine for work. He started to expect it and get annoy when I was unable to hangout his washing, we get into fights and it feel like he doesn't understand or appreciate me which made me feel even more frustrated and so angry. One time we stayed over at our friend place after a party, we talked about going to lunch together the next day and just spend time with each other, but the next day when we about to leave his friend ask where you guys going, he told them and ask them to come along with us. I was really upset because it was suppose to be just us, but he got annoy that I got annoy and told me to tell our friends not to come because he won't do it.

 

So as time passes, we fight more and everything just feel so hard. Even though we make up after a fight and sat down and have our talk about improving the relationship and try not to fight anymore, but it just doesn't seem to work and the more we have "the talk" the more I feel he just can't be bother listening and it soon became "great another talk" to him. Sometimes in anger we would say lets break up, but we never meant it, this happened at least twice. After one of our big fight he said he had enough and he was moving out with his older sister. I was really mad at the time so told him that is a great idea.

 

We decided to take a month break to clear our head and to decide what we wanted. I love him a lot, even though we fight I can still see a future with him and just want us to be good again like we used to be. When we met up after 1 month break, he told me he doesn't know what happened between us, how did we end up like this, he was really confused. I told him I still love him a lot and want us to work through this, but he told me that he don't think he love me anymore or only love me like a family. He said doesn't understand because he was madly in loved with me before, how come the feelings are no longer there like he remember, he started crying which made me cry.

 

I don't know what to do now. I don't have the answer for him to why he doesn't feel as much love toward me like he used to. Whereas I feel so much love towards him, we did fight a lot but the feelings never change for me. I don't want to loose him but I fear that he is distancing himself from me now. Should I keep trying to reach out or accept that maybe he never really love me from the beginning and should just let go of this relationship.

Posted

Why do you love this man child? I can't get passed the idea that after your mother took him in he disrespected her so much as to leave his room messy, not do his wash & expected to be given his meals in his room! Ridiculous & oh so rude. I'd be furious not trying to figure out how to keep this awful person in my life

Posted

I'm actually glad he made the move first and said he doesn't want to be with you/lost feelings for you. Based on what you said, you seem to be still very much in love with him and I doubt you would've left him first. You had take care of him, do chores for him, deal with broken promises etc etc.. along that you also had the constant arguments and fights. That is a terrible/unhealthy relationship. Unless he changes and his feelings for you rekindles, you're NEVER going to be happy.

 

Move on. Years or even months from now you'll be so thankful he's gone.

  • Like 1
Posted

You fight and the romance is gone because you voluntarily and foolishly stepped into the role of being his mother. Cleaning up his room in YOUR house for him. What were you thinking? Who needs a slob like this. Kick him to the curb. He has no respect for anyone.

Posted

A) even tho you felt you were doing him all these favors, all you were doing was enabling his bad behavior. DON'T do anything for him.

B) he needs to grow up. There was a reason why he didn't get along with his parents, and got kicked out of his last place...he's a lazya-hole.

C) he's too immature and inexperienced to know how to love someone and be a strong contributor in a relationship.

D) he won't learn anything unless you kick him to the curb...send him on his way to fend for himself.

 

 

Sorry OP but this has run it's course. You deserve a real man. A mature man with his $%^& together, is devoted, reliable, and financially stable. Your love is misplaced with him, but I'm sure with a little time you will meet someone great, that will really appreciate a good women like yourself.

  • Like 1
Posted

And now you know why he didn't get on well with his parents. It's likely he was as lazy and entitled with them as he was with you.

 

You could do so much better than this if you raised your standards. For a start, find someone who already keeps a clean house and who can cook.

  • Like 2
Posted

Partly because this is your first long-term relationship, you have become deeply bonded to him. But unfortunately, this guy is not what you need, even though you might feel he is. Like others have said, he is rude and disrespectful. He has not grown up. You were trying to cope with his bad behaviour and you should not have had to.

 

I know it hurts that he is not sure any longer but if you dump this guy you will recover and gradually see that he is not the good guy you need. He might have started out like that but he has shown his true colours.

 

In the future, you could meet someone wonderful who has much more to offer you than this guy. It is always hard to imagine the break-up of a first relationship but it happens to a lot of people and us oldies know that more relationships will follow and you will learn what is and is not acceptable.

 

Think about what you want in a guy - kindness? generosity? support? help? time and attention for you? When you meet someone else, check that he does behave like this and keep those things as guides for what you need in a guy. Do not let those standards drop as you are only likely to regret it later.

  • Author
Posted

Thank you everyone for your advice, it really help me clearly see and understand the situation. I admit I am in love with him because of how he was when we first started dating. Love made me over look at some of his bad behaviours and I was trying to convince myself that he will improve. I was in denial of how bad our relationship gotten and was still holding on to hope that it will pass and things will be back to normal.

 

You are all right about him being too immature. I don’t think I want to be in a relationship where we’re constantly fighting and I end up feeling like his mum telling him off for silly stuff. It hurt a lot right now, but I do believe there is someone out there who is more suitable for me. I really do appreciate all your comments and advices, it really did give me the courage to end this relationship.

  • Like 3
Posted
Thank you everyone for your advice, it really help me clearly see and understand the situation. I admit I am in love with him because of how he was when we first started dating. Love made me over look at some of his bad behaviours and I was trying to convince myself that he will improve. I was in denial of how bad our relationship gotten and was still holding on to hope that it will pass and things will be back to normal.

 

You are all right about him being too immature. I don’t think I want to be in a relationship where we’re constantly fighting and I end up feeling like his mum telling him off for silly stuff. It hurt a lot right now, but I do believe there is someone out there who is more suitable for me. I really do appreciate all your comments and advices, it really did give me the courage to end this relationship.

 

If you want a man , stop treating him like a boy because he will end up being the boy you allowed him to be.

 

He is immature yes. But so are you.

 

A mature you would not have allowed him to dismiss his responsibilities and provide rent free accomodation when this is his responsibility!!!

He stayed with you as long as he did because of that.

 

Please have a little more self respect going forward?

If someone can’t take care of themself, they can’t take care of another. Or even care for another.

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