bmne90 Posted September 1, 2019 Posted September 1, 2019 So my girlfriend and I are currently in a long-distance relationship. Met her about 2 months ago overseas at a college I’m attending. We went on 2 dates before I had to come home for the summer. During the past 2 months, we’ve been texting, calling and FaceTiming when we have the chance, and just waiting for Fall semester to begin when we can see each other again. And yes, through this summer, we mutually sort of began referring to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend. Things were going great, as all relationships are in the early stages. However, we’ve been having fights over the smallest things recently. She’d complain that I don’t send her enough updates throughout my day; I’d complain because she missed one night of saying “goodnight” to me. And then a few days ago, she posted several pictures on her Instagram with her friends detailing her various trips across the world over the summer. I got a little jealous that none of the pictures included me since we did not have the chance to see each other all summer. On top of that, a male friend of hers left a comment (in the form of a joke) on her pic that I misinterpreted. The anger built up and I guess I lashed out at her and started accusing her of cheating when in fact she did nothing wrong. The guy is just someone that she met online months ago. She then sent me a screenshot of a text she sent to the guy telling him that I’m her boyfriend, proving that she’s doing nothing wrong. But I was so heated that I didn’t really listen and just made her believe that she did something terrible. She started crying and ever since then, she’s been slow to text and not calling anymore. She still says she likes me a lot, but claims she’s very hurt that I didn’t listen and give her a chance to explain before drawing my own conclusions. She also says that it feels like everything she’s proven to me in the past feels like it’s all gone to waste, and needs time to think things through before she can return to her normal ways. Obviously, this is a build-up of all the little fights we’ve been having recently, with this one just being the tipping point. I’m not sure what to do or what’s going on here. Who’s at fault? And is this even a big deal? Please advise and thanks in advance.
nospam99 Posted September 1, 2019 Posted September 1, 2019 I’m not sure what to do or what’s going on here. Who’s at fault? And is this even a big deal? Please advise and thanks in advance. Is this a 'trick question'? Interpersonal Relations and Communication 101. Nowhere in your post do I see that you APOLOGIZED!!! PHONE her (or FaceTime whatever the phouk that is as long as it's LIVE). Tell her you're sorry that you hurt her feelings, ask permission to talk about it, and volunteer to wait if she's not ready to talk. Be prepared to talk about how much you care about her (you do, don't you?) and, only if she's willing to listen, lay out your lame excuse for letting your frustration get the best of you. BTW, YOU're at fault AND it sounds like it's a 'big deal' to her. It may not still be a big deal to her if she's calmed down. But you may be able to facilitate calming her if you talk to her. And no way you know if and how much she's calmed down without that 'talk'. Also be prepared to do something 'nice' to and for her if she's willing to see you in person when you're back to school.
d0nnivain Posted September 1, 2019 Posted September 1, 2019 When does school start? You should be able to fix this in person but you will owe her an apology.
Author bmne90 Posted September 1, 2019 Author Posted September 1, 2019 Is this a 'trick question'? Interpersonal Relations and Communication 101. Nowhere in your post do I see that you APOLOGIZED!!! PHONE her (or FaceTime whatever the phouk that is as long as it's LIVE). Tell her you're sorry that you hurt her feelings, ask permission to talk about it, and volunteer to wait if she's not ready to talk. Be prepared to talk about how much you care about her (you do, don't you?) and, only if she's willing to listen, lay out your lame excuse for letting your frustration get the best of you. BTW, YOU're at fault AND it sounds like it's a 'big deal' to her. It may not still be a big deal to her if she's calmed down. But you may be able to facilitate calming her if you talk to her. And no way you know if and how much she's calmed down without that 'talk'. Also be prepared to do something 'nice' to and for her if she's willing to see you in person when you're back to school. Sorry, forgot to mention this is after I apologized to her MULTIPLE times. I guess I just failed to realize how big of a deal this is, just figured it was a misunderstanding in general and don’t know why she’s reacted this way.
Author bmne90 Posted September 1, 2019 Author Posted September 1, 2019 When does school start? You should be able to fix this in person but you will owe her an apology. School starts in about a week, I will see her in about 4 days. I guess I just fail to realize the severity of this, and in turn, am questioning if how she’s reacting has anything to do with our previous fights as of late. Perhaps my question should be how should I even apologize for this aside from saying the stuff I’ve been saying, which is “I’m sorry for not trusting you”?
d0nnivain Posted September 1, 2019 Posted September 1, 2019 You are at fault for not listening to her. When you see, bring her a flower. A single rose would be fine but a small bouquet of other flowers would work too. Spend less then $10 just have the flowers. You are after the romantic gesture here. When you see her, apologize for being jealous. At ground that is what this was. You were missing her. She was having fun that didn't include you & you snapped. Then you handled it badly because you were hurt & immature. Everybody is immature at your age; that is why they call it growing up. We all do dumb things. Assure her that you care about her & trust her. Beg for another chance explaining things will be easier now that the distance has been closed again. 1
smackie9 Posted September 1, 2019 Posted September 1, 2019 You better start sucking up buttercup! Learn to listen, and make changes to keep her happy. I think her request to have more interaction was quite fair. I get it tho sometimes things slow down a bit and you get a little lazy BUT to her that looks like you are losing interest which scares anyone in a LDR. Consistency is key.
The Outlaw Posted September 1, 2019 Posted September 1, 2019 Just give her space. That's all you can do at this point. Words cut like a knife and aren't easily forgotten. 1
justwhoiam Posted September 9, 2019 Posted September 9, 2019 I guess you've met her already. Is everything back to normal? Perhaps my question should be how should I even apologize for this aside from saying the stuff I’ve been saying, which is “I’m sorry for not trusting you”? Say that you didn't manage the distance well, and that you guess it was the same for her. There were some adjustments but it was a first for you both, you really care and didn't want to lose her. That should be enough.
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