Don't know what to say

[Watercolors]

No way should she tell the guy "Hey, I have decided I can't date you because your body odor is offensive." I think she should just tell him "Hey, I have decided I don't think we're a good match, sorry" and not elaborate if he asks. Leave it neutral. That way, no feelings get hurt.

[spiderowl]

Thank you all for your thoughts. I must stress that it is not as though he smells really strong or anything but if I get closer I feel unhappy about it and that is the point. We would have to keep at a 'friends' distance rather than lovers.

 

I really appreciate your suggestions to help me out. I have been going over and over this in my mind and cannot see a happy solution. I will probably leave it as 'incompatible' because there are too many other things we would have to compromise on.

 

He is unlikely to wear deodorant as that is chemical based. With regard to teeth, I just don't know. I think he does brush them but not as often as needed. He does dress quite smart at times, smart but casual. I think he is oblivious that this is affecting me.

 

I have had this problem before with a guy. I did tell him and he was surprised but fortunately did not seem too offended. He took care to brush teeth after that but in a way the damage was done. Again, there were other incompatibilities so that relationship ended.

[alphamale]

you go girl

[Watercolors]

Hey spiderowl it's about personal preference, right? Why date someone whose personal preferences are different from yours? He doesn't like women who wear make-up and you don't like men who have strong body odor.

[mortensorchid]

If that bothers you, chances are something else about him does and this is the last straw.

[alphamale]

I once had a female friend that was into me. She was perfect for me: petite, smart (she was a lawyer), hot body, great personality, nice legs and feet. The only thing was she had real bad halitosis (bad breath) and as such I never asked her out for a date. Everything else was there, except the bad breath.

[nospam99]

I don't 'get it'. If a woman who was otherwise interested in me (REQUIRED condition there) was put off by the smell of my mouth or body I'd want to be told. There are plenty of habits I'd be willing to change (permanently - I did so for the woman I married) for a woman and hygiene is among them. Unless she's certain that the guy would not change, what's the downside to telling him?

[elaine567]

He doesn't have a "smell" due to some health condition he may be unaware of. He has a "smell" due to his own actions or more correctly his inactions.

It is thus a direct personal attack and I guess will be seen as such.

[salparadise]

I don't 'get it'. If a woman who was otherwise interested in me (REQUIRED condition there) was put off by the smell of my mouth or body I'd want to be told. There are plenty of habits I'd be willing to change (permanently - I did so for the woman I married) for a woman and hygiene is among them. Unless she's certain that the guy would not change, what's the downside to telling him?

 

If she were head over heels for the guy, and this was the only thing bothering her, I'd say tell him in the most gentle, loving way possible. But that isn't the case. Spiderowl has posted about him before, and this is only one of many issues.

 

The other thing is, according to OP, the au naturale persona is something he solidly identifies with, and believes in apparently. It's not like saying those shoes look old, so why don't you get a new pair. This is a very personal thing.

 

And thirdly, I'd be willing to bet that this is more that his scent is incompatible with her sensibilities than gross inattention to hygiene. And if that's true, he'd probably never be able to take enough showers or wear enough cologne to change it.

 

I am just not a fan of the "brutally honest" crap. Sure, there are times when it's appropriate, and there are times when it's not. Rejection by someone you care for is hard enough under the best of circumstances... and I think it would take someone with underlying hatred, and no tact or compassion, to say I'm kicking your ass to the curb because a) I don't like you, and b) you stink.

[alphamale]

I am just not a fan of the "brutally honest" crap.

 

"Everyone appreciates your honesty, until you're honest with them. Then you're an a-hole” - George Carlin.

[spiderowl]

I don't 'get it'. If a woman who was otherwise interested in me (REQUIRED condition there) was put off by the smell of my mouth or body I'd want to be told. There are plenty of habits I'd be willing to change (permanently - I did so for the woman I married) for a woman and hygiene is among them. Unless she's certain that the guy would not change, what's the downside to telling him?

 

Maybe you are easygoing nospam99? The point is he is likely to be hurt and offended. The other point is that it's not my job to be his mother; I'm looking for an equal (or better) not someone I have to pressure into doing the basics.

[justwhoiam]

He's just living in the wrong era. 60 years ago in my country people would just wash once a week, toilet was outside, and hygiene routines were different. Like at the time of Little House on the Prairie. People would get married anyway.

 

It's quite known how Napoleon would warn his partner not to wash a few days before his return. Although we might consider that a bit odd, it was probably not that unusual. Some prefer natural body odor with the partner's pheromones over perfumes. Though some of us smell better than others, even after long hours not having washed.

 

Personally, I don't like the greasy hair look on a man from not washing. But I'm aware that once was a thing, going back centuries, or even last century. And I guess no one likes bad breath. Bad smell can be a real turn-off.

 

I have made love with him after he came from work, and without him getting a shower. He works in an office though. Had he been a meat packer like Paulie from "Rocky", I guess I would have been more squeamish and nothing would have happened before a shower or a bath

 

Should you end it or continue with him? I think you should end it. Because I feel his lifestyle is what he likes. It's like asking someone who's into camping not to camp anymore.

[FMW]

If you have to point out his lack of hygiene, why bother? There is no excuse for an adult to not be aware of acceptable standards. Meaning he chooses to be the way he is. As has been noted, that mindset probably exhibits itself in other objectionable ways.