Berteau Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 I’m using dating apps, and it doesn make sense to me. a girl will send me a message, I reply, and she doesn’t respond again. Then I had a girl respond after 3 weeks saying “sorry for taking so long” and “how are you” BS, then I reply and I hear nothing for 2 days and then she disappears from the app. It’s hard to understand because if I’m not interested I don’t send a message. If I am, I will at least try to learn about the person to see if we are a fit. I won’t wait for one reply and then stop responding. And I definitely won’t appoligize for not getting back to them and then not get back to them again!
kendahke Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 Yeah, guys do this to me all the time, too. Some people are wired like that. That's why the block button is so nice--it's the "oh, you had thought" button. At the end of the day, a stranger doesn't owe us anything on what we're constructing in our imaginations. 1
Author Berteau Posted August 31, 2019 Author Posted August 31, 2019 Yeah, guys do this to me all the time, too. Some people are wired like that. That's why the block button is so nice--it's the "oh, you had thought" button. At the end of the day, a stranger doesn't owe us anything on what we're constructing in our imaginations. Yes, but I just want to understand the why from their point of view. The psychology behind it.
Watercolors Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 Here's 3 good articles on the psychology of ghosting in dating. https://www.lamag.com/culturefiles/psychology-of-ghosting/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/i-hear-you/201902/7-essential-psychological-truths-about-ghosting https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-forward/201511/is-why-ghosting-hurts-so-much
Author Berteau Posted August 31, 2019 Author Posted August 31, 2019 Are they just bored? Do they just want to see if I will respond?
kendahke Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 Yes, but I just want to understand the why from their point of view. The psychology behind it. the why's don't matter, but since you want an answer: because you are expendable as a stranger. You're just a picture on an app to them, so why would they invest squat in a stranger? Who even does that who is mentally sane?u can't control strangers, so get clear on that by the end of the day today.
alphamale Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 I’m using dating apps, and it doesn make sense to me. a girl will send me a message, I reply, and she doesn’t respond again. Then I had a girl respond after 3 weeks saying “sorry for taking so long” and “how are you” BS, then I reply and I hear nothing for 2 days and then she disappears from the app. It’s hard to understand because if I’m not interested I don’t send a message. If I am, I will at least try to learn about the person to see if we are a fit. I won’t wait for one reply and then stop responding. And I definitely won’t appoligize for not getting back to them and then not get back to them again! they do this on Match all the time. it's the company trying to scam you into renewing your membership, they are fake profiles 3
Author Berteau Posted August 31, 2019 Author Posted August 31, 2019 the why's don't matter, but since you want an answer: because you are expendable as a stranger. You're just a picture on an app to them, so why would they invest squat in a stranger? Who even does that who is mentally sane?u can't control strangers, so get clear on that by the end of the day today. So why send a message to s stranger then?
schlumpy Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 Are they just bored? Do they just want to see if I will respond? It could be mood dependent. It could be what time of day they look at your message. It could depend on what happened to them at work that day. Fill in the blank. The bottom line is that they didn't respond, so your job is to get your skin thick enough that you don't allow it to affect your psychology and move on to the next item on the menu. 1
kendahke Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 So why send a message to s stranger then? Because the profile is there and it came up in their feed. If it wasn't there, they couldn't click/swipe right on it, could they?
Author Berteau Posted August 31, 2019 Author Posted August 31, 2019 (edited) Because the profile is there and it came up in their feed. If it wasn't there, they couldn't click/swipe right on it, could they? You’re not getting it. What are the INTENTIONS for swiping right AND sending a message? People don’t swipe right and send messages to every profile on the feed, so your comment makes no sense to what I am asking. Edited August 31, 2019 by Berteau
kendahke Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 (edited) You’re not getting it. What are the INTENTIONS for swiping right AND sending a message? People don’t swipe right and send messages to every profile on the feed, so your comment makes no sense to what I am asking. It makes perfect sense--you're just wanting people to tell you what you want to hear instead of telling you the truth. Who on earth can tell you the intentions of a stranger they've never met? No one can answer that to your satisfaction. You need to go find her family and friends and ask them what her intentions are. We don't know her and can't tell you that. Swiping right and sending a message isn't a contract to fulfill anything more. If you don't like how this dynamic plays out, get off of dating apps and go meet women in the real world. Edited August 31, 2019 by kendahke 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 They probably have a lot of guys they talk to, so after making initial contact, their attention turns to the one who attracts them more for whatever reason. When those guys disappear or go silent, they turn back to the ones who took the bait the first time. In other words, yes, you're a filler to women like this. No serious interest but a way to fill a little time. Someone else pointed out that these are occasionally fake profiles the companies use to keep you hooked and using their services. There is some validity to that claim as well. 1
Author Berteau Posted August 31, 2019 Author Posted August 31, 2019 It makes perfect sense--you're just wanting people to tell you what you want to hear instead of telling you the truth. Who on earth can tell you the intentions of a stranger they've never met? No one can answer that to your satisfaction. You need to go find her family and friends and ask them what her intentions are. We don't know her and can't tell you that. Swiping right and sending a message isn't a contract to fulfill anything more. If you don't like how this dynamic plays out, get off of dating apps and go meet women in the real world. You should read ExpatInItaly‘s response to educate yourself. I was asking in general or from personal experience.
an0nym0us123 Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 Happens all the time. I have quite a lot of women initiate contact on tinder etc. As you say, you would assume this would mean a fairly high level of interest. However a lot of the conversations fizzle out to nothing. Its a numbers game. Just occasionally you get one and you will know right away she is interested. Normally you can get them on a date 2
Author Berteau Posted August 31, 2019 Author Posted August 31, 2019 They probably have a lot of guys they talk to, so after making initial contact, their attention turns to the one who attracts them more for whatever reason. When those guys disappear or go silent, they turn back to the ones who took the bait the first time. In other words, yes, you're a filler to women like this. No serious interest but a way to fill a little time. Someone else pointed out that these are occasionally fake profiles the companies use to keep you hooked and using their services. There is some validity to that claim as well. Makes sense. Thanks!
kendahke Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 I was asking in general or from personal experience. I did answer in general: Because the profile is there and it came up in their feed. They probably have a lot of guys they talk to, so after making initial contact, their attention turns to the one who attracts them more for whatever reason. When those guys disappear or go silent, they turn back to the ones who took the bait the first time. In other words, yes, you're a filler to women like this. No serious interest but a way to fill a little time. Yeah, it's brilliant. She totally hit it on the head. As I intimated earlier--something to do. Self amusement. And what age range are we talking about?
newyorker11356 Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 Happens all the time. I have quite a lot of women initiate contact on tinder etc. As you say, you would assume this would mean a fairly high level of interest. However a lot of the conversations fizzle out to nothing. Its a numbers game. Just occasionally you get one and you will know right away she is interested. Normally you can get them on a date Yup. You can generally tell who is interested right away and ask them out effortlessly.
Gretchen12 Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 I have an employee who's a bit scatterbrained. She'd do the same task right several times and then for no reason do it differently or suddenly forget how to do it. It doesn't make sense to me at all. Now I can always construct some complicated reason such as she must be messing up on purpose so that someone else would do the task. But I don't believe so. You have to allow for human differences. Differences in IQ, EQ, tendancy towards cruelty, etc. There's the saying "it takes one to know one". And I'm glad I can't make sense of some people, because if I could, that means I must be somewhat of the same mind. That would not be good! So I just don't think about it. People are whatever they are.
preraph Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 i envision these being idle teenagers who are sitting around having a competition with their likewise unproductive little friends to see how many guys they can get to message them.
alphamale Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 i envision these being idle teenagers who are sitting around having a competition with their likewise unproductive little friends to see how many guys they can get to message them. no preraph, I get these much more right around time my subscription is due for renewal. like within the last 4 wks of my paid subscription. match has "operatives" that they may or may not compensate to create fake profiles and send messages to me. it is usually a good looking woman in her 20s or early 30s, profile is only filled out minimally. when I go to to look at her profile some time later it is always deleted an no longer available 2
an0nym0us123 Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 Just matched with a girl for the 4th time in the last year, obviously reset her tinder account several times. Twice messaged her and she never replied. Last time i saw her i swiped her left. This time right. Late 20s. Why lol
salparadise Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 Happens all the time. I have quite a lot of women initiate contact on tinder etc. As you say, you would assume this would mean a fairly high level of interest. However a lot of the conversations fizzle out to nothing. Tinder is the worst. It seems like no one has any intention or follow through on that app except sugar baby wannabes. Bumble has proven to be much better. When women take the initiative you get a different class of people, and they're a thousand times more serious.
JEG88 Posted September 1, 2019 Posted September 1, 2019 Bumble has proven to be much better. When women take the initiative you get a different class of people, and they're a thousand times more serious. Bumble has resulted in a good amount of meetups/dates for me, and I agree I think it’s the whole idea of women initiating. Although I do get a ton of women who message on Bumble then never reply after that. Probably filler or boredom as someone said earlier. Hinge has been better than Bumble for me, currently seeing 2 women from that app I’m deciding between for exclusivity. I feel like Hinge has a more serious user base than any app I’ve used so far.
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