An0nymiss666 Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 I’ve been talking to a guy for about a month and a half now who works in the same building as I do, which is how I met him. We only went out once but he was a really amazing, nice, seemingly genuine guy. We text every day (most of the time, see below) and we’re always sending each other videos throughout the day, it’s just what we do, so I know it’s not like he’s necessarily seeing other people (I know it’s always a possibility but whatever). He keeps going through periods where he says little or nothing to me at all. A couple times he’s even gone DAYS without saying anything. I don’t think he’s always lying about being busy or being with his family (he does a lot for his parents and grandparents). But you never know. He always apologizes and goes back to normal conversation. He seems genuinely interested in my life and everything, and is a really nice guy. There’s definitely chemistry. He knows I’m a single mom and he doesn’t mind and even asks about my son, etc. He keeps insisting he wants to go out again as soon as possible, but it just seems so hard to pin down plans with him, and the fact that communication occasionally gets wishy washy is getting to me. He told me he would be free tonight but hasn’t spoken to me since this morning. I’m really not into the “what are we” conversations and it’s a little early for that anyway, especially given that we’ve only went on one actual date and it’s basically been one month. I was really truly interested in getting to know him but with where I am in my life right now, I’m not trying to dance around a “casual” dating situation for all eternity wondering what it is, I’m more into being serious. I just don’t know how to go about addressing this with him without sounding crazy, mean, or demanding. Anyone have any input? Would greatly appreciate it.
Lotsgoingon Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 He keeps insisting he wants to go out again as soon as possible, but it just seems so hard to pin down plans with him, and the fact that communication occasionally gets wishy washy is getting to me. He told me he would be free tonight but hasn’t spoken to me since this morning. There is nothing to say to him ... he's just a flaky, wishy-washy, hot-cold guy ... which yes ... may mean he's dating someone ... or not that into you ... Give up the hope that there is some new reliable, focused guy around the corner. There isn't. He would be all over you now. Stop all the texting and all of that, as that is ginning up unrealistic interest on your part. You should take a tip from the pages of the women I flaked on when I was young ... and had no idea what I wanted ... and flirted with people I really wasn't that into. What did they do? They kept their distance and moved on. They were smart. And next time, drop all the interest in a guy that runs hot and cold. That's the indicator to dump and run. Ambivalence ... ambiguity ... lack of total clarity = lack of interest. 3
The Outlaw Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 If he were truly interested, he'd make more of an effort. Anyone would. There isn't anything you can say or do to address this, his actions speak for themselves. Its best to just let him go and move on. 2
Ami1uwant Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 Do you guys work for the same company? This is off..meeting IRK and had a date but not any more dates. As you said you are early. If he had plans on a weekends traveling to family or friends weekend out he isn’t going to talk to you. Guys aren’t talkers. It easy for thrm to go a few days without talking.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 There is nothing to say to him ... he's just a flaky, wishy-washy, hot-cold guy ... which yes ... may mean he's dating someone ... or not that into you ... Give up the hope that there is some new reliable, focused guy around the corner. There isn't. He would be all over you now. Stop all the texting and all of that, as that is ginning up unrealistic interest on your part. You should take a tip from the pages of the women I flaked on when I was young ... and had no idea what I wanted ... and flirted with people I really wasn't that into. What did they do? They kept their distance and moved on. They were smart. And next time, drop all the interest in a guy that runs hot and cold. That's the indicator to dump and run. Ambivalence ... ambiguity ... lack of total clarity = lack of interest. Smart move on their part! I've dated guys like this and that was torture. Hot/cold, no consistency. I found out later they were leading me on instead of telling me things weren't working out. When a guy (or girl) acts like this, run far far far away. 1
Maggiemay1 Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 Stop texting him!!! You met him 6 weeks ago and went on one date 4 weeks ago. There should be no texting unless it’s to set up a date. How did you respond when he said he was free tonight? His first free night in 4 weeks? He sounds like a married man to me?? His “parents” is actually his wife and his “grandparents” are actually his kids , maybe??? Either way he is too busy to date you. So stop the nonsense communication with him. 1
jspice Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 Just stop he stood you up and then seemingly you went out with him after that? Does it matter why he’s not asking you out? The fact is, he isn’t. That’s all you need to know. 1
Author An0nymiss666 Posted August 31, 2019 Author Posted August 31, 2019 Just stop he stood you up and then seemingly you went out with him after that? Does it matter why he’s not asking you out? The fact is, he isn’t. That’s all you need to know. That’s the thing. Regardless of what I do, he keeps initiating conversation saying we need to go out again. So to me that says I’m just an option, which I’m obviously not into. Problem is I don’t feel as if it’s appropriate to just ignore him since I see him at work. I know it sounds weird, we work in the same large office building but work for different companies in different offices, but see each other almost days on the walk in/out. At this point I just want to be forward next time he says “we need to go out again” and tell him to stop keeping me on the hook wasting my time.
Author An0nymiss666 Posted August 31, 2019 Author Posted August 31, 2019 Do you guys work for the same company? This is off..meeting IRK and had a date but not any more dates. As you said you are early. If he had plans on a weekends traveling to family or friends weekend out he isn’t going to talk to you. Guys aren’t talkers. It easy for thrm to go a few days without talking. We work in the same large office building but work in different offices for different companies. But we see each other just about every day on the ways in/out. I get when it’s not serious you can go without communication but at this point it’s just games. I don’t think it’s necessarily the right move to totally ignore him since I see him all of the time, I just don’t know what to say next time he says we need to hang out, because he keeps saying it, it just never happens and I’m over it.
Watercolors Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 He's playing games with you, yes. The way you address it, is to delete his phone # and go on with your life. So what if you see him in your bldg's lobby every morning. That doesn't mean anything. That just means he works in the same bldg. I agree with all the advice given to you. He's not interested in dating you. He's bored at work, so he keeps you on the hook sending you cutesy text videos, and flirty text messages to entertain himself. If you think that's the best you deserve from a guy, then I feel bad for you honestly. He's not that into you. The hot and cold game is clear evidence that he's just keeping you around as an option to entertain himself with. Some men are like that when they need female attention but don't want the commitment that comes with having a real relationship. You don't have a relationship with him. What you have, is a text-message connection that is totally unhealthy because it doesn't lead to any dates offline other than that one you had over a 6 week period. You know he's playing games, keeping you on the hook. Confronting him in the lobby or elevator or via text about it, won't change anything. It won't make him suddenly man up and commit to a real offline relationship with you. He's a complete stranger you've entangled yourself with, maybe because you're lonely hoping he'd turn into your prince charming but what he really is, is just a guy who's hooked you for attention when it's convenient for him. Delete his phone number. Forget about the guy. He's not interested or you'd see him on dates regularly. Just because you see him every day in your bldg means NOTHING other than you both work in the same bldg. 2
spiderowl Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 Maybe he's married or otherwise attached. If he was interested, he would have set a date with you. As you have dated already (I presume it was a date and not just a friend thing?), he seems to have decided not to take things further. Please ignore all excuses. If a guy wants to date you, he will find a way.
spiderowl Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 That’s the thing. Regardless of what I do, he keeps initiating conversation saying we need to go out again. So to me that says I’m just an option, which I’m obviously not into. Problem is I don’t feel as if it’s appropriate to just ignore him since I see him at work. I know it sounds weird, we work in the same large office building but work for different companies in different offices, but see each other almost days on the walk in/out. At this point I just want to be forward next time he says “we need to go out again” and tell him to stop keeping me on the hook wasting my time. It sounds time for you to be hard to contact and 'busy' seeing family and friends. He really is just messing you around. You don't have to be blunt, just be unavailable and minimalistic in responses.
jspice Posted September 1, 2019 Posted September 1, 2019 At this point I just want to be forward next time he says “we need to go out again” and tell him to stop keeping me on the hook wasting my time. You don’t need to tell him to stop keeping you on the hook. You’re not a trapped fish. Next time he says you should go out, say no thanks. And mean it. You have a child you should be a better example to.
stillafool Posted September 1, 2019 Posted September 1, 2019 (edited) You are feeling bad about ignoring him at work when he is completely ignoring you. It's been a month since your date? I'm sorry but if he hasn't jumped at a chance to be out and alone with you since then he isn't interested, He keeps using the "we should go out again" line to relieve his guilt because he knows he isn't going to follow up. I agree that the next time he says that say "I'm no longer interested" and keep it moving. If you see him in the lobby and HE speaks, say hello and keep it moving. I just read your last thread and this guy ghosted you on the first date. This guy is not interested and never really was. Edited September 1, 2019 by stillafool 2
Watercolors Posted September 1, 2019 Posted September 1, 2019 You have a child you should be a better example to. I just read your last thread and this guy ghosted you on the first date. This guy is not interested and never really was. As a single mother, your first priority is to your child. Your second priority is your dating life. In this case, you're conveniently making excuses for work-guy's ghosting behavior, because you've reversed your priorities due to loneliness. It's hard to be a single mother. I know several. But that doesn't mean that when a man showers you with online attention that you should drop everything for him; especially a man who doesn't even show you respect, ghosting you on the first date, then keeping you strung alone with video texting and text messages that mean nothing since he hasn't actually asked you out again. Time to reset your priorities: child first, work second, your dating life third. Sorry, but if you sacrifice your work life to be distracted by this guy who works in your building, you could lose your job. Is it worth it? To waste your time at work day dreaming about a guy who is intentionally leading down a path that has no real outcome, other than you distracting him via text messages and text videos from his miserable life? Please stop communicating with this guy. He is leading you nowhere except trouble.
d0nnivain Posted September 1, 2019 Posted September 1, 2019 What you are is electronic pen pals of a sort, nothing more. He likes sending you texts, messages, videos whatever but he has zero interest in actually dating you. If you are content to be his "pen pal" until he finds a GF or hobby carry on. You don't have to say anything. Just sort of fade. Don't reply right away but be cheerful & professional when you see him in the building
Watercolors Posted September 1, 2019 Posted September 1, 2019 What you are is electronic pen pals of a sort, nothing more. He likes sending you texts, messages, videos whatever but he has zero interest in actually dating you. If you are content to be his "pen pal" until he finds a GF or hobby carry on. You don't have to say anything. Just sort of fade. Don't reply right away but be cheerful & professional when you see him in the building That's exactly what this guy is. We've all been at the receiving end of guys like this, haven't you ladies? They may throw you a bone by meeting you once or twice in person, but that's just to keep you on the emotional hook so that they can continue to drain your life essence from you through online means. Yuckola. These types of guys.
smackie9 Posted September 2, 2019 Posted September 2, 2019 egad stop entertainer this guy. Date those who treat you the way you expect to be treated. He's kept you on the hook for over a month...enough is enough. Dump this chump.
Author An0nymiss666 Posted September 2, 2019 Author Posted September 2, 2019 I’m just not going to say anything, we haven’t spoken all weekend, which is fine, and I’m so annoyed with the situation I just want to be rid of it. If he tries to rope me into a conversation in the hall at work, I’ll just smile and keep it moving. 3
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