confused_gf Posted August 30, 2019 Posted August 30, 2019 Hey all, As some of you know I met somebody about a month ago. I'm 29 female and he is 25. We live on opposite coasts. We texted for about three weeks everyday, I'm introverted and not a big texter so that was pretty significant for me. Alot of sex talk sprinkled in here and there which some people on here expressed concern about. I addressed this with him and he said he likes talking about sex but that if we met in person he would like to hold off on actually doing it during our first meet up as he wants things to be different. I'm cool with that. Ok so I was planning to visit him in October but some things came up financially that are going to prevent it. I know he is busy with work and travel so I'm questioning how we will ever see each other. He says he can't come up with any solutions and I start doubting the situation. I failed to mention that in the beginning we both talked and shared a fantasy of living together. I'm living at home with family and I hate it. So I suggested us living together as a last ditch effort to solving our distance issue. He thought it was too soon. Which I respect. But I told him I was getting confused because one minute he is talking about wanting to be serious the next minute he's backing out of it. This conversation didn't end on a good note so we stopped talking for about two weeks. I've been thinking about him but I told myself to just hang back and see what he does. Ok so a few days ago I get a text that from him that he had a dream about me and he reiterates that he does like me and want me and that he knows he's a bit of a horn dog over the phone. I didnt know how to respond to this. I'm thinking yeah I know all this already. He told me I didnt have to respond so I was taking my sweet time trying to figure out what or if I should say anything. A day later I still haven't responded and I'm still deliberating what to say when I get a pic from him of him laying in his bed with his underwear on? I feel bad leaving him hanging but what is he getting at? Seems like he just wants to just pick up where we left off sexy chatting? I like this guy on more than just a sexual level and I think he feels the same as we did share a lot our deeper feelings, but what the heck do I do with this?
Lotsgoingon Posted August 30, 2019 Posted August 30, 2019 First of all, you guys haven't met.' Therefore ... you guys haven't met ... you don't know each other ... There is nothing going on ... I don't care how often you texted. So, relax ... if you can't go see him, then nothing is happening ... by the way, you guys should split the cost of one of you going to see each other in my view. Say whatever you want ... We haven't met ... you're acting like a horn dog even though we haven't even met ... It doesn't look like we'll see each other soon. I don't know what to say. By all means, drop the guilt and agony. You don't know this guy ... there is nothing happening if you guys live on opposite coasts and you can't afford to go see him. In fact, even if you had the money to go see him, an opposite-coast relationship ... is nearly impossible. BTW: he really wants to get in your pants and that's why he's so excited about this opposite-coast thing. He doesn't need you around, as he doesn't really want a relationship. Chill and focus on finding people near you. 3
olivetree Posted August 30, 2019 Posted August 30, 2019 So these are the facts, as stated by you: -started talking about a month ago -stopped talking two weeks ago, so really only chatted a couple of weeks -haven't met in person -live on opposite sides of the country -he talks about sex a lot -already talking about living together This doesn't make a lot of sense to me. This is a fantasy "relationship", nothing more. As pp said, focus on meeting guys near you, and take things slow. No moving in and or talks of it till you're in an in-person exclusive bf-gf relationship that has been smoothly sailing for many months.
Mrin Posted August 30, 2019 Posted August 30, 2019 Don't bother. Your're not dating. This isn't a relationship. This is going nowhere. 1
hippychick3 Posted August 30, 2019 Posted August 30, 2019 This is nothing more than a fantasy. There is no relationship here. All the talking and texting and sexting in the world means absolutely nothing when you haven’t met. All guys want sex and some love sexting. He’s using you for that, nothing more. Please don’t be fooled. Date people in real life, in person. Don’t ever get attached before having several dates IN PERSON with someone who has shown consistency, trustworthiness, and loyalty. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 30, 2019 Posted August 30, 2019 Stay away from this person, OP. He’s going to try to use your naivety to his advantage and it won’t end well for you. He’s just trying to get his rocks off and you’re talking about living together. You two are not in contact for the same reasons at all. For your own benefit, step away from the online dudes - or at the least the ones who aren’t local. You’re not employing good judgment if you’re suggesting living with a total stranger, and this will attract the type of men you don’t want in your life. They can smell a lack of boundaries a mile away and you will be the one to pay the price for it. 2
basil67 Posted August 30, 2019 Posted August 30, 2019 This is a mess. And it's being contributed to by both of you. The living together is, at this point, a fantasy. Yes, he may be interested in having a serious relationship with you....but it's insane to talk of living together when you haven't been spending lots of 1:1 time together. Also, if he can't get it together to visit you, and you can't comfortably drop loads of money on flights, this won't get off the ground to start with. Best to let it go. 2
spiderowl Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 (edited) He sounds like a sleaze who wants sex talk. Acknowledging he enjoys it (in a single message to you) is pretty much telling you what has been on his mind since you have been out of touch. He lives far from you, yet you were thinking of visiting him? What if he is dodgy in person? You would be miles away from familiar people and on a stranger's territory. It's very risky. Yes, I think he just wants sex chat or for you to admire his body. Ignoring him sounds like a great option! Edited August 31, 2019 by spiderowl
The Outlaw Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 He's just interested in sex. Not a relationship. A picture like that isn't welcomed by most.
alphamale Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 this "relationship" or whatever you call it will not end well for either of you
LivingWaterPlease Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 (edited) Guy sending a photo of himself in his underwear would be a turn off for me. Edited August 31, 2019 by LivingWaterPlease
Ami1uwant Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 From my experience with this...you need to meet face to face and see what this is. You don’t know until you meet. It doesn’t matter how good texts or conversations are.
Maggiemay1 Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 OP, Why have you named yourself confused_gf when it seems you have never been anyone’s gf from your previous posts? I’m not trying to be rude here but it sounds like you have some developmental issues/delay ??? You are apparently 29, yet your posts resemble those of a teen? I’m sorry this guy has taken advantage of that. Can you talk to your parents about this??
Watercolors Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 Text messaging isn't the same as meeting each other in person. Neither is phone conversations. This is not a real relationship. It's an online-relationship which is not the same as a real relationship. You two haven't actually "met" in person so you are two complete strangers with each other. You don't know each other really at all. Just what you write. Stop chatting with guys on Snapchat and join groups/clubs in real life to meet guys instead. Meetup is a great place to start. Any guys you meet in the Meetup groups you join, will already share that common interest with you. As other posters pointed out, I don't see this ending well for you with this "schlub."
kendahke Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 (edited) Exactly what are the pluses with this guy? So far, I'm seeing none, only detractors, so that leads me to wonder why you're trying so hard to fashion something out of nothing? Of course he's going to send you pictures of him in his underwear because you've already indicated to him early on that you're fine with this sexual approach that he started out his communications with you. Why would he change tack? I'm living at home with family and I hate it. So I suggested us living together as a last ditch effort to solving our distance issue. He thought it was too soon. This conversation didn't end on a good note so we stopped talkingwith a stranger... on the other side of the country... who you've never met in person. That conversation you had about co-habitating wasn't a contract to fulfill anything. It was just talk, and talk is cheap. He's already let you know that living with him is a non starter--it's not going to happen. Get your own living situation where you want it and never be at the mercy of anyone for where you lay your head at night a lot of sex talk sprinkled in here. I addressed this with him and he said he likes talking about sex. I get a text that from him that he had a dream about me and he reiterates that he does like me and want me and that he knows he's a bit of a horn dog over the phone. I get a pic from him of him laying in his bed with his underwear on And understand: he wants to masturbate to the sound of your voice; he doesn't necessarily want a relationship with you. Wanting you (for sex) and wanting a relationship are two different things. Funny how the words "I want a relationship with you/I want you life my life here" have yet to come out of his mouth. Just sex banter... This is what I think is going on with him: he's already got a girlfriend where he is (and how would you know anything to the contrary when you're on the other side of the country and can't lay eyes on anything to judge for yourself?), he's emotionally cheating on her behind her back with you and right now, he's managing your expectations and keeping you at bay so his relationship with his girlfriend doesn't blow up on him. Edited August 31, 2019 by kendahke
d0nnivain Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 You need to be more realistic & establish better boundaries. Sexy talk before meeting = booty call. It's rarely the basis for a quality long term relationship. Never discuss living together or love with somebody you have never met. All the texting, skyping, emails & phone calls are no substitute for face to face communication & getting to know somebody in person over TIME, preferably years. Going from an LDR to living together is almost always a mistake. You have no idea how to co-exist in the real world. When you were together in the past it was like a vacation. You put everything aside for the precious time you had, no work, no laundry, it was just a happy bubble. Real life doesn't work like that. If you do plan to go there, book a hotel room for yourself. Do not stay with him even if he agrees that you will have your own room. Your rent will be sex. 1
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