SweetCharity Posted August 30, 2019 Posted August 30, 2019 Lately I've been in my ivory tower. I see the red flags, I run the other way. I turn guys down who seem like they're only looking for a hook up. I'm focusing on my hobbies and meetings. And although I did hook up with some guys, I kept my feelings in check. Recently one of my hobbies had me bump into a guy in what only be described as a literal meet cute. We saw each other the next day at a pool party where we had chemistry but because of my newfound self respect I did not make a move. It just didn't feel right to do that at my friend's house. But I thought he was funny and interesting and seemed to have the same morals as me. He was also pretty cute. So I did slide into his DM and he was very receptive. The problem? He lives in LA. I can't really expect anything to come of it. We have exchanged flirty messages but when I suggested a video call he shut it down. Said it felt strange and that he wanted to keep things light and flirty. That it keeps his life simpler to just text. I said I understood and we went on to text more into the night. Red flag? Or just a healthy boundary? He said he found me cute and interesting but I was a little taken aback by this. My borderline brain can't tell the difference. It's just supposed to be a flirtation right? I don't know. I kind of like him more than I care to admit. I haven't met anyone like him in a while. But realistically nothing can come from it. He's in LA. I'm in Fort Lauderdale. He's a talented filmmaker and I'm just a girl trying to make it through the day. My mom said I was reaching past my league. I haven't messaged him since then. And vice versa. It's not my first rodeo. I promised myself that when a guy seemingly pulls back, I will too. But I feel a little sad about it. I want to believe he actually did like me but my borderline brain is telling me I scared him away. Thoughts?
Blind-Sided Posted August 30, 2019 Posted August 30, 2019 Reaching past your league?? I wouldn't say that. But, long distance never works. I know some say it can... but it really can't. Better to leave it as is... flirt, or go out while he's in town... and move on when he goes back. 1
Author SweetCharity Posted August 30, 2019 Author Posted August 30, 2019 Reaching past your league?? I wouldn't say that. But, long distance never works. I know some say it can... but it really can't. Better to leave it as is... flirt, or go out while he's in town... and move on when he goes back. Yeah, I don't know when he'll come back. I have family out there but I'm always too broke to travel.
elaine567 Posted August 30, 2019 Posted August 30, 2019 My guess married or attached. He can text anywhere, even with his wife in bed next to him or at dinner... Video calls a bit more difficult for him to get away with... 3
Author SweetCharity Posted August 30, 2019 Author Posted August 30, 2019 My guess married or attached. He can text anywhere, even with his wife in bed next to him or at dinner... Video calls a bit more difficult for him to get away with... That's possible. He struck me as more of a bachelor type because he said there was no point in dating men because they are a "drain." But you never know.
smackie9 Posted August 30, 2019 Posted August 30, 2019 Just because one flirts, doesn't mean they are interested in anything beyond that. He was just enjoying the interaction. Like he said, he likes to keep his life simple....meaning he's not interested in a relationship or getting involved with anyone. I think that's pretty fair. And he is the bachelor type....free to do whatever he wants, and likes it that way. 2
Author SweetCharity Posted August 30, 2019 Author Posted August 30, 2019 (edited) My guess married or attached. He can text anywhere, even with his wife in bed next to him or at dinner... Video calls a bit more difficult for him to get away with... Just because one flirts, doesn't mean they are interested in anything beyond that. He was just enjoying the interaction. Like he said, he likes to keep his life simple....meaning he's not interested in a relationship or getting involved with anyone. I think that's pretty fair. And he is the bachelor type....free to do whatever he wants, and likes it that way. So once again I'm the moron who couldn't enjoy it for what it was. Edited August 30, 2019 by SweetCharity
PRW Posted August 30, 2019 Posted August 30, 2019 I promised myself that when a guy seemingly pulls back, I will too.Think that one through. Bad idea. He pulls back, you pull back, so he pulls back more, so you pull back even more. It is just stupid Mexican Stand Off that goes nowhere. Somebody needs to just be honest. But I feel a little sad about it. I want to believe he actually did like me but my borderline brain is telling me I scared him away.I think he was hoping to get laid and he didn't. Now he is home and time for him to chase the local women. But I thought he was funny and interesting and seemed to have the same morals as me. He was also pretty cute.Any guy who has an once of skill in manipulation can make you think that. There is an official name for it that Narcissists are famous for using,...I think it is called Mirroring. So I did slide into his DM and he was very receptive.I have no idea what DM is.
elaine567 Posted August 30, 2019 Posted August 30, 2019 I have no idea what DM is. "To slide into the DMs is online slang for sending someone a direct message on social media slickly and coolly, often for romantic purposes."
stillafool Posted August 30, 2019 Posted August 30, 2019 I am having problems seeing where you were "rejected" in your post and also where this guy was interested in sex. I didn't see that. He just didn't seem interested. 1
Author SweetCharity Posted August 30, 2019 Author Posted August 30, 2019 Think that one through. Bad idea. He pulls back, you pull back, so he pulls back more, so you pull back even more. It is just stupid Mexican Stand Off that goes nowhere. Somebody needs to just be honest. I think he was hoping to get laid and he didn't. Now he is home and time for him to chase the local women. Any guy who has an once of skill in manipulation can make you think that. There is an official name for it that Narcissists are famous for using,...I think it is called Mirroring. I have no idea what DM is. DM stands for Direct message. Maybe you're right. He wanted to get laid but is now in LA. The thing is he told me he almost made a move while he was here. He waited to tell me he found me attractive AFTER going back to LA. Could a, would a, should a, didn't. I'm afraid to be honest. He used to like all my stuff on Instagram but after that night it's been radio silence. I keep hoping if I just carry on with my life and post my best photos he'll notice. But he hasn't. I see he's active but nothing. I feel pretty stupid. My pride is getting in the way of actually reaching out and saying, "Hey. I think I like you." Because that would be seen as crazy. I didn't even sleep with him. He should have made the move.
Author SweetCharity Posted August 30, 2019 Author Posted August 30, 2019 (edited) I am having problems seeing where you were "rejected" in your post and also where this guy was interested in sex. I didn't see that. He just didn't seem interested. He was definitely interested in sex. He sent me a sexy video but I didn't want to get into all that in my post. Hence why I had suggested a video chat. He said he had almost made a move at the party but he told me this after he was already in LA. I felt rejected because it was clearly a wall he put up. I haven't heard from him since. Edited August 30, 2019 by SweetCharity
ExpatInItaly Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 He was just looking for some sexting. A video chat suggests you were looking for something more than sexting. He's not on that page with you, so he opted out. That's all there is to it, really. 1
Author SweetCharity Posted August 31, 2019 Author Posted August 31, 2019 (edited) He was just looking for some sexting. A video chat suggests you were looking for something more than sexting. He's not on that page with you, so he opted out. That's all there is to it, really. So was I wrong to suggest a video chat? Edited August 31, 2019 by SweetCharity
ExpatInItaly Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 So was I wrong to suggest a video chat? It's not that it was wrong, per se. It simply revealed that your intentions were different than his. If he only wanted to sext and have a little casual fun, that would have become obvious at some point in the near future anyway. Asking for a video chat just expedited that revelation. Not asking for a video chat might have bought you some more naughty online fun, sure. Would it have developed into something more? Probably not. He wasn't in this for the same reasons you were. 1
Maggiemay1 Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 He used to like all my stuff on Instagram but after that night it's been radio silence. I keep hoping if I just carry on with my life and post my best photos he'll notice. But he hasn't. I see he's active but nothing. I feel pretty stupid. My pride is getting in the way of actually reaching out and saying, "Hey. I think I like you." Because that would be seen as crazy. I didn't even sleep with him. He should have made the move. He used to like all of your stuff on Instagram BEFORE you messaged him!!!! Surely you realise he is only superficially flirting online with you and others but not wanting anything more that that? Why are you posting photos of yourself online seeking superficial recognition (one second it takes for someone to hit the like button and keep scrolling only to click like on several more? ) You do not respect yourself and expect others to. Why is that??? 1
Author SweetCharity Posted August 31, 2019 Author Posted August 31, 2019 He used to like all of your stuff on Instagram BEFORE you messaged him!!!! Surely you realise he is only superficially flirting online with you and others but not wanting anything more that that? Why are you posting photos of yourself online seeking superficial recognition (one second it takes for someone to hit the like button and keep scrolling only to click like on several more? ) You do not respect yourself and expect others to. Why is that??? That's a bit of a stretch. Everyone is on Instagram to seek attention. It's all superficial. Don't single me out. 1
gaius Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 Ignore the words and pay attention to the actions. His actions were that he passed on making a move when he had the opportunity and you were receptive. So at the end of the day anything you did or didn't do would have led to the same outcome. Nothing happening. Because he wasn't truly interested. 1
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