SBM1111 Posted August 28, 2019 Posted August 28, 2019 There’s a guy I really fancy and like at work. We are generally very smiley and chatty with each other. The other day we met in the corridor (we work in different departments) and he heard my dad was in hospital and asked me to go for coffee so we did and he bought it for me. We chatted for about 40 mins and he was asking me things like what I do at weekends etc. Then before he left he asked for my Snapchat name so I took the opportunity of giving him my number and took his also. I sent him a message on snap chat that evening to thank him for the coffee and it would be my shout next time. He said hopefully soon and I told him to let me know when he was free he said he would. I seen him at work yesterday and today and he was completely normal like nothing happened just asked about dad. I thought he made a move when he asked for my Snapchat name but now don’t know whether I should leave the things on him or persue. Now I think maybe he just felt sorry for me hearing about dad. What should I do?
The Outlaw Posted August 28, 2019 Posted August 28, 2019 I'm sorry about your father, but pursue him and ask him if he'd like to have another cup of coffee with you. You'll never know unless you try. Go for it. 1
Flame Aura Posted August 28, 2019 Posted August 28, 2019 If you like him then ask him out. You will soon get your answer whether he is interested or not. Off course as the man he should be the one leading, but some men just aren't that experienced and need a little push.
smackie9 Posted August 29, 2019 Posted August 29, 2019 You told him it would be your turn next time...that sounds like friend zone stuff. He might have been thinking you are not interested in him in a romantic way so he isn't going to bother. This is your opportunity to smile, flirt, and ask when and where he wants to go out next. The make a suggestion. Dress real cute and sexy. Ya got to bait'em 1
alphamale Posted August 29, 2019 Posted August 29, 2019 if he is an "alpha" male then wait for him to ask you if he is an "beta" male then you should ask him 2
Gretchen12 Posted August 29, 2019 Posted August 29, 2019 IF you already said your shout next time then you kind of have to ask him. It's awkward for him to ask you to pay. If you hadn't said that, I would have advised you let hom ask you out. There are ways for a woman to pursue a man without ever asking him for a date. 1
stillafool Posted August 29, 2019 Posted August 29, 2019 She's already put the ball in his court by asking to buy him coffee next time and he didn't jump to a date to do it. I think he should do the pursuing now if he has a romantic interest. She's already shown him she's interested.
boymommy Posted August 29, 2019 Posted August 29, 2019 Since you sense he “backed off” most likely he is the typical alpha. Even beta males usually do the majority of the work (like the actual asking out) the main difference I have seen is confidence level and the nudging and gestures YOU have to take. In this case it seems like you are trying to treat an alpha male like a beta and he is probably going to lose interest that you want to take the lead. Decide going forward if you want to be the “persuer” or be “pursued” because that determines the type of guy you date. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted August 29, 2019 Posted August 29, 2019 Sounds like this is a good guy who took you for coffee as a way to give you some support during a tough time about your dad. I'm not reading any flirting into this. There are small group of folks (I am one) who actually are quite comfortable talking with people about pain and trouble. Were there sparks during the coffee? ... Excitement? ... That would be the clue to me that you guys might have more going on. Definitely feel OK with asking him for coffee ... But ... I'm not seeing romance as his interest here. 1
Author SBM1111 Posted August 30, 2019 Author Posted August 30, 2019 So yesterday I was messaging him and I told him earlier that day I was going to be off for two weeks and he asked me what my plans were and said he’d miss me. Later on that evening I asked what he was doing this weekend he said maybe shopping. I asked him if he wanted company and he said why not so I asked him Sunday but he said maybe Saturday, I told him to let me know if he’s going Saturday but I have yet to hear from him today. I don’t if I should leave him or send him a casual message to see is he still going tomorrow I don’t want to come on too strong or pushy but I’m finding it hard to read Please advise
Gretchen12 Posted August 30, 2019 Posted August 30, 2019 You're being pushy. If he'd wanted you to go shopping with him, he would have asked.
Maggiemay1 Posted August 31, 2019 Posted August 31, 2019 So yesterday I was messaging him and I told him earlier that day I was going to be off for two weeks and he asked me what my plans were and said he’d miss me. How is your father?
smackie9 Posted September 1, 2019 Posted September 1, 2019 I would just leave it alone....it's very possible he did it as to give you some support...just being a nice guy. If he used that as an opportunity to date you, wouldn't that make him look like a player/opportunist? IMO a man would not get involved with someone that is going through a family crisis. It wouldn't be appropriate. So it would be best to just put this away for now. Hope your dad is doing better.
preraph Posted September 1, 2019 Posted September 1, 2019 I do think the ball is in your court because of the comment. So I would ask him to just another coffee or ice cream and offer to pay.
CollinW Posted September 2, 2019 Posted September 2, 2019 It's a work situation and you put the ball in your own court so if you want something to happen, you need to go 100 because any man with a lick of emotional intelligence realizes work dating is risky nowadays.
rightondude Posted September 2, 2019 Posted September 2, 2019 I think he'd probably hit it but I don't get the sense he's very into you
Author SBM1111 Posted September 8, 2019 Author Posted September 8, 2019 Guy at work, known each other a while and have a strong liking for each other. He asked me out for coffee two weeks ago and asked for my number and we met up again last week and had a lovely date, really intimate with hugging and kissing. He said he likes me but has a few issues in his life right now and told me he was confused about a few things and needed space and didnt know where we were headed due to said issues. Havent spoke in three days, was thinking of sending him a simple "thinking of you" message to let him know the obvious and keep some romantic element between us. Would this be too much? Look too creepy?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 8, 2019 Posted September 8, 2019 Are the "said issues" that he is married? 2
preraph Posted September 8, 2019 Posted September 8, 2019 He's backing out of whatever you two got started, so just leave him alone and be polite and professional at work but don't talk to him about anything personal. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted September 8, 2019 Posted September 8, 2019 I wouldn't send such a message, no. When someone tells you they aren't sure about things and need some time to think, it's on them to keep the romantic element alive. If he drops the ball on that, then you know it really wasn't the right time for him to connect. What are these "issues" that have him so confused?
LivingWaterPlease Posted September 8, 2019 Posted September 8, 2019 Agree with other posters. Don't contact him with the thinking of you message. His explanation to you could have been a way of needing distance for whatever reason. Your message will distract him which will push him away from you.
geckojohn Posted September 8, 2019 Posted September 8, 2019 Yes, he needs space for whatever reason. Don't contact him.
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