DaddyDom Posted August 28, 2019 Posted August 28, 2019 I know a lot of people probably make first meet up plans via text. But I personally love to use the phone as a screening tool to see if I want to meet up with a woman. I mean how many times has initial text chemistry seemed good and then in person the personality is WAY different? With a short 10 min phone call, you can hear the person's voice, laugh, if they can actually have a real time conversation that flows, etc.. Chances are if you hate the phone call, the date won't be great. So you don't waste your time meeting.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 28, 2019 Posted August 28, 2019 I would never meet someone without talking on the phone first. You verify they're a real person, they can carry on a decent conversation, and you have a basic intellectual connection. 1
Mystyry Posted August 28, 2019 Posted August 28, 2019 Yeah, I get that and have heard many arguments on both sides too from friends. Personally I dislike having phone conversations prior to dates, because I find those are awkward too. I rarely am able to weed out based on the phone convo, so you end up meeting anyway and now I spend time during the meeting and on the phone, if it’s a no-go. I will say I have no problem cutting the meeting short and politely saying that I enjoyed meeting them, but do not see it going further. Also I usually meet for coffee or tea, so it’s easy to exit if needed or lengthen into dinner, etc. If things are going well. 1
Author DaddyDom Posted August 28, 2019 Author Posted August 28, 2019 A good trick is to set up a first meet an hour before a place closes. That way they take care of ending it for you. If it is great, you're left wanting more. It it sucks it takes care of itself.
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 28, 2019 Posted August 28, 2019 I'm one who enjoys moving towards a phone call conversation before meeting but even that doesn't guarantee squat sadly. I've gone on dates with men who ONLY texted and some of those dates ended up being awesome. I've also had dates with men where we spent several days and sometimes weeks having daily phone conversations where the banter was on point only to meet and it all died on the spot. Although I do think having a conversation before meeting is lovely and can help with gauging some basic level of compatibility, it definitely is NOT the end-all-be-all. 1
Gretchen12 Posted August 28, 2019 Posted August 28, 2019 I would think most people have a phone call before meeting? Until you have a phone call you don't even know if the person is real. There are fake profiles using fake photos, some scammer or prankster kid can type anything. But hard to fake a voice. At least you'll know there's a woman involved.
alphamale Posted August 28, 2019 Posted August 28, 2019 text chemistry there is no such thing as text chemistry DD 1
chillii Posted August 28, 2019 Posted August 28, 2019 I would never meet someone without talking on the phone first. You verify they're a real person, they can carry on a decent conversation, and you have a basic intellectual connection. Yeah , back in the day l never even bothered unless we phoned a bit first. lf your gonna get along or if there's gonna be anything much there you soon find out with a call.
shydad Posted August 28, 2019 Posted August 28, 2019 A good trick is to set up a first meet an hour before a place closes. That way they take care of ending it for you. If it is great, you're left wanting more. It it sucks it takes care of itself. Also, parking in a 60 minute, 90 minute, or 2 hour parking spot can be an easy way to establish a time to stop.
smackie9 Posted August 29, 2019 Posted August 29, 2019 It has a lot to do with age. The 40+ group most likely like a phone call, and know that hearing their voice and how the conversation flows is key...that's how mature, experienced people think. Millennials are less on the social interaction, and feel texting is more comfortable. Hey it's what you grew up with. 1
alphamale Posted August 29, 2019 Posted August 29, 2019 It has a lot to do with age. The 40+ group most likely like a phone call, and know that hearing their voice and how the conversation flows is key...that's how mature, experienced people think. 22 yrs ago I answered a personal ad from a woman. I put in the code for her mailbox and left a minute-long message introducing myself. she called me back and said she really liked my voice and it was the #1 reason she chose me. we dated for a year. she wanted marriage with babies and I did not. end of relationship
Lotsgoingon Posted August 29, 2019 Posted August 29, 2019 I also like to call ahead of time, but ... I have to admit: I cannot tell anything over the phone ... I've fallen in love with images I've created of people based on voice ... and then run into a different reality in person. Once I had a phone call with a woman and I couldn't stand her voice ... Took about two weeks into dating ... came to love her voice. Yes, I believe in phone calls ... but no, I don't find them helpful for screening--either way.
Author DaddyDom Posted August 29, 2019 Author Posted August 29, 2019 I've also had dates with men where we spent several days and sometimes weeks having daily phone conversations where the banter was on point only to meet and it all died on the spot. Although I do think having a conversation before meeting is lovely and can help with gauging some basic level of compatibility, it definitely is NOT the end-all-be-all. Several days or even weeks of daily phone conversations? I'd say it had more to do with getting WAY too comfortable WAY too fast. It absolutely killed the attraction IMO. Also I agree 100% it isn't fool proof. But I do think that if you can't have one good phone call with someone then chances are the date won't be any better.
Author DaddyDom Posted August 29, 2019 Author Posted August 29, 2019 there is no such thing as text chemistry DD Disagree. Two people can flow in text and just vibe through text. But a lot of time people don't have the same confidence they do whejn they type. LOL
I'veseenbetterlol Posted August 29, 2019 Posted August 29, 2019 I know a lot of people probably make first meet up plans via text. But I personally love to use the phone as a screening tool to see if I want to meet up with a woman. I mean how many times has initial text chemistry seemed good and then in person the personality is WAY different? With a short 10 min phone call, you can hear the person's voice, laugh, if they can actually have a real time conversation that flows, etc.. Chances are if you hate the phone call, the date won't be great. So you don't waste your time meeting. Oh definitely! There was a guy who I talked to for months before meeting, even dated someone for a little while. He never wanted to vid chat or do a phone call. When I met him, I understood why. There was something very off about him and I found out later he was very creepy. Had I talked to him on the phone, I wouldn't have gone on a date w/him.
Mrs._December Posted August 29, 2019 Posted August 29, 2019 (edited) I know a lot of people probably make first meet up plans via text. But I personally love to use the phone as a screening tool to see if I want to meet up with a woman. I mean how many times has initial text chemistry seemed good and then in person the personality is WAY different? With a short 10 min phone call, you can hear the person's voice, laugh, if they can actually have a real time conversation that flows, etc.. Chances are if you hate the phone call, the date won't be great. So you don't waste your time meeting. I couldn't agree more. However, I find texting to be childish and doesn't accomplish anything. It's just lazy. It's one thing when you already know someone and you're reaching out to say good morning or you're touching base during work with a text or two, but as a method of communication and introducing yourself to someone else? That is LAME. Like you, when I was online dating, I also insisted on an initial phone call to see how we got along if I was considering meeting them. Let me tell you, if they were monotone and couldn't hold up their end of the conversation or if they came off cold or rude, that call didn't last long and I took them off the short list of 'men I'm willing to meet.' It was an excellent tool to weed out those I knew I wouldn't click with. You can't DO that with text, so you're wasting your time. Besides, if a grown man was so socially stunted that he had to use lame texting instead of making a phone call like a freakin' adult, then I wasn't going to waste my time on them - and didn't. Example - one guy was SO persistent and was always reaching out to me. I thought he was attractive and we scheduled a phone call. As I talked to him, he just wouldn't shut up and the call went on much longer than I wanted. He became more and more drunk as the call progressed (it was a weeknight) and at one point, I could actually tell he'd walked into the bathroom while still gabbing (I could hear the echo of his voice from the tiles) and then I was treated to having to hear him take a leak which he did while he continued gabbing, never realizing (or probably caring) that I'd just heard the whole thing. I would have never known what a LOSER he was if we'd left it to lame texting and we didn't do the phone call. I'll take 'phone calls' for the win, Alex. Edited August 29, 2019 by Mrs._December
chillii Posted August 29, 2019 Posted August 29, 2019 I couldn't agree more. However, I find texting to be childish and doesn't accomplish anything. It's just lazy. It's one thing when you already know someone and you're reaching out to say good morning or you're touching base during work with a text or two, but as a method of communication and introducing yourself to someone else? That is LAME. Like you, when I was online dating, I also insisted on an initial phone call to see how we got along if I was considering meeting them. Let me tell you, if they were monotone and couldn't hold up their end of the conversation or if they came off cold or rude, that call didn't last long and I took them off the short list of 'men I'm willing to meet.' It was an excellent tool to weed out those I knew I wouldn't click with. You can't DO that with text, so you're wasting your time. Besides, if a grown man was so socially stunted that he had to use lame texting instead of making a phone call like a freakin' adult, then I wasn't going to waste my time on them - and didn't. Example - one guy was SO persistent and was always reaching out to me. I thought he was attractive and we scheduled a phone call. As I talked to him, he just wouldn't shut up and the call went on much longer than I wanted. He became more and more drunk as the call progressed (it was a weeknight) and at one point, I could actually tell he'd walked into the bathroom while still gabbing (I could hear the echo of his voice from the tiles) and then I was treated to having to hear him take a leak which he did while he continued gabbing, never realizing (or probably caring) that I'd just heard the whole thing. I would have never known what a LOSER he was if we'd left it to lame texting and we didn't do the phone call. I'll take 'phone calls' for the win, Alex. Yep , me too, no way known l would've wasted my time going to meet someone that wouldn't talk on the phone.
SumGuy Posted August 29, 2019 Posted August 29, 2019 I know a lot of people probably make first meet up plans via text. But I personally love to use the phone as a screening tool to see if I want to meet up with a woman. I mean how many times has initial text chemistry seemed good and then in person the personality is WAY different? With a short 10 min phone call, you can hear the person's voice, laugh, if they can actually have a real time conversation that flows, etc.. Chances are if you hate the phone call, the date won't be great. So you don't waste your time meeting. I am the opposite. I hate the pre-meeting phone call. It's worse than texting to get to know someone or as a screening tool. Talking to someone for the first time in a social context without the benefit of body language. Interruptions, pauses, all sorts of awkward. Can guarantee you what you are screening for are people who are good on the phone with strangers. In my experience women that want a pre-meet phone call are looking for a reason to weed you out and in every case it has been like a job interview. Yuck. For me though, I don't message women I don't find highly interesting and attractive. So for me it is never a waste of time to meet them, even though 2 out of 3 meetings go nowhere. There really is no substitute for meeting someone in person.
SumGuy Posted August 29, 2019 Posted August 29, 2019 I would think most people have a phone call before meeting? Until you have a phone call you don't even know if the person is real. There are fake profiles using fake photos, some scammer or prankster kid can type anything. But hard to fake a voice. At least you'll know there's a woman involved. I'm not sure how a phone call changes any of that. It's just a voice, who knows what the voice looks like or who they really are. I'm not sure I ever encountered some automated script replying to my messages, if so then AI is upon us. The only way to know what a person looks like is to meet them in person. Now it makes perfect senses to protect oneself from scammers and dangerous people by meeting them in a safe way, at a safe location, let people know where you are etc. Yes be safe and have a plan if it turns ugly. I will say if you are worried about scammers or worse, do not call them or give them your number. Once someone has your phone number and a general idea of where you live (within a couple of cities or even state) it can be very easy to find out where they live, where they have lived, where they work, often get their full name, etc. All for free on the open web. Had to do this for work a couple of times as a first pass in tracking down bad actors (i.e. what we gave to the private investigators) and I'm not even trained or experienced in this. 1
SumGuy Posted August 29, 2019 Posted August 29, 2019 there is no such thing as text chemistry DD Sure there is. You'll know it when you experience it. It is not the same as physical chemistry, it's more an intellectual/sense of humor thing.
SumGuy Posted August 29, 2019 Posted August 29, 2019 ... Besides, if a grown man was so socially stunted that he had to use lame texting instead of making a phone call like a freakin' adult, then I wasn't going to waste my time on them - and didn't. ... I include messaging in texting, but agree to the point that texting is just preliminary, maybe two or three exchanges but after that just meet. Now I have had great messaging chemistry, a lot of messages back and forth, we did end up meeting though within a week and it worked out great. I guess the phone call does work for me as a predictive tool as all the women who asked for a phone call before meeting have never able to contribute to a real conversation over the phone or in person. Not that I expect that. Rather it has been more like a job interview or asking me to entertain them. Only recently did I finally call off a meeting based on a phone call, she was full bore job interview/impress me bordering on interrogation. Not that I get the request to talk on the phone first often, maybe 1 in 10 of those messaging at most. It seems to be the exception not the rule for where I live and being 50+. We (OLD dates) often joke about how we were able to have active social lives and meet up with friends in high school all without a cell phone or even much use of phones.
alphamale Posted August 29, 2019 Posted August 29, 2019 Sure there is. You'll know it when you experience it. It is not the same as physical chemistry, it's more an intellectual/sense of humor thing. I don't agree with that baloney SG
SumGuy Posted August 29, 2019 Posted August 29, 2019 I don't agree with that baloney SG Which is odd as I'm telling you my definition of text chemistry and letting you know I have personally experienced it. So it's not baloney just maybe not your thing or you may not have experienced it. I will say that engaging conversation is a big attractor for me. Much easier in person but have experienced it in writing, and even via old snail mail.
chillii Posted August 29, 2019 Posted August 29, 2019 Well whatever floats ya boat but you don't even need to worry about that stuff in phone calls, well unless your only 16. lt all works out , your two people that know how these things can be and hopefully both looking for the same things , never ever had a problem with that stuff. lf it was like that you both know the drill , bit of a chuckle , so what , oh well, it's gonna happen.
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