mmx Posted August 27, 2019 Posted August 27, 2019 I met this guy off a dating app. Over a week ago we met up for coffee. We chatted until place closed at like 2pm and then kept hanging out. He said he was nervous and that I could text him when I got home if I wanted. I did and we planned to hangout the following Saturday. Friday came along and his dog got sick. I told him to let me know if he needed to cancel. He said it should be fine. Saturday morning that dog was still sick, so I told him that he should take him to the vet, and he said he was there. I then asked if we were still hanging out or not. He never responded. I texted on Sunday wishing him and the dog well and he responded saying that his dad had been in the ER and that he was sorry for not getting back. He also is super stressed at work. We have still been texting throughout the day. I can also tell that he has been on the dating app. I assume he is talking to other people. Anyways, he has not rescheduled with me. I don’t want to just me talking if it’s not leading anywhere. What do I do?
The Outlaw Posted August 27, 2019 Posted August 27, 2019 If he hasn't rescheduled with you and he's still active on the dating app, just move on. He maybe legit with what he's told you, but it doesn't sound like he's ready to commit to anything. Just don't give up and don't let it stop you from trying again. Good luck out there.
smackie9 Posted August 27, 2019 Posted August 27, 2019 OMG really? I'm surprised he didn't use the excuse that his dog ate his homework. Sorry but this guy is putting you on the back burner...he's been out on other dates. What do you do? Date other guys. 3
kendahke Posted August 27, 2019 Posted August 27, 2019 What do I do? Stop taking his interest's temperature... it's as cold as the grave. That was a litany of excuses he fed you to get out of seeing you... otherwise, he'd have rescheduled without you prompting him. 1
preraph Posted August 27, 2019 Posted August 27, 2019 Don't know what he's doing. If his dog or dad is sick, he needs to be with them so don't bother him about whether he's ready or not. If he has interest, he will contact you once he can. Just kick back and leave him alone for now.
boymommy Posted August 27, 2019 Posted August 27, 2019 I made this mistake when I started dating again too. Stop chasing guys down when they start feeding you lame excuses! Who cares if his dog is sick? Stop being his mother or therapist. Stop trying to help. Back off. I made this mistake too because I am a therapist so I thought its in my nature to be helpful and supportive. Well when guys are blowing you off it does NOT help to try and find out why they are blowing you off. Leave them alone. Move on. Date other guys. Don't check up on him on the app. Just a warning though, that most likely the guys interest will peak back up once you back off. That happened to me. 1
Author mmx Posted August 27, 2019 Author Posted August 27, 2019 I don’t think of was an excuse because he had told me on our first date that his dad had just had a heat attack and that his mom texted him that he wasn’t feeling well. So with that in mind do I wait and see if he schedules something, so I ask, or still do nothing?
preraph Posted August 27, 2019 Posted August 27, 2019 Do nothing. He's already let you know he doesn't have time for you right now. Don't make him be more blunt about it. If half of what he says is going on, he needs time and space, not some new date on his case about scheduling. Leave him alone and let him contact you. 2
YourCupOfTea Posted August 27, 2019 Posted August 27, 2019 Time will tell if he is interested. Why all the energy in trying to analyze something that will show itself in a little time?? 1
boymommy Posted August 27, 2019 Posted August 27, 2019 I don’t think of was an excuse because he had told me on our first date that his dad had just had a heat attack and that his mom texted him that he wasn’t feeling well. So with that in mind do I wait and see if he schedules something, so I ask, or still do nothing? Do nothing. Wait for him to reschedule. Don’t reach out and check on him or even to say hi. I know this seems harsh or mean but blowing you off was mean too! So boundary control is where you are at right now. Don’t wait around, date other guys. If he pops back up great, if he doesn't, no loss. Read the book “Why Men Love Bitches.” Its for girls who are “too nice” and as a result get jerked around by guys. 1
boymommy Posted August 27, 2019 Posted August 27, 2019 Time will tell if he is interested. Why all the energy in trying to analyze something that will show itself in a little time?? Because its a challenge trying to figure out why a guy is pulling away or why he isnt into it when just a few weeks ago he was. I had to do a lot of work to stop thinking like that. Once I did my life changed for the better!
kendahke Posted August 27, 2019 Posted August 27, 2019 I don’t think of was an excuse because he had told me on our first date that his dad had just had a heat attack and that his mom texted him that he wasn’t feeling well. So with that in mind do I wait and see if he schedules something, so I ask, or still do nothing? we planned to hangout the following Saturday. Friday came along and his dog got sick. I then asked if we were still hanging out or not. He never responded. He also is super stressed at work. he has been on the dating app. I assume he is talking to other people. You need to do nothing except get back on the dating app yourself and find someone else who will make the time for you. This guy ain't that guy. 1
Maggiemay1 Posted August 28, 2019 Posted August 28, 2019 he had told me on our first date that his dad had just had a heat attack and that his mom texted him that he wasn’t feeling well. So with that in mind do I wait and see if he schedules something, so I ask, or still do nothing? Wow!! You had one coffee date with this guy. And all you care about is a confirmation of a second date !? It IS possible that he is an ass and flaking. BUT he does deserve the benefit of doubt at this stage. Assuming he is telling the truth, why do you think you should tell him to take his dog to a vet??? That’s just bizarre!! He is a dog owner and knows when and when not a vet is required! His dad is in hospital. Clearly you are automatically on his low list of priorities. And that’s normal. And yet despite all this , you want him to lock in a date! ? The above is assuming he is telling the truth. And if he is , you have come across as uncaring. Ok, so now, let’s assume he is telling a lie. His dog and dad are fine. You would simply never hear from him again since he is an elaborate liar right? Either way , your best option after a mere coffee date would be to simply say “I’m sorry you are going through a rough time, feel free to contact me in the future, would like to hear from you” Who cares if he was “active” on an online dating site!? He might log on for distraction. Doesn’t mean he is actively pursuing others.
boymommy Posted August 28, 2019 Posted August 28, 2019 Who cares if he was “active” on an online dating site!? He might log on for distraction. Doesn’t mean he is actively pursuing others. I meant to chime in about the dating app thing. Often those dating apps can show you are active when you are not. Its best not to check up on people you are dating (even though its tempting!) because its not a great indicator of their activity. I dated a guy once who was literally ALWAYS logged in. He asked me on a date if I was seeing others and I told him no and he said the same but he had had girls call him out on the fact that he was always on the app. Then he showed me his phone and it did in fact show he was active! Obviously he was on a date with me and not checking out chicks on the dating app. So looks can be deceiving
Author mmx Posted September 5, 2019 Author Posted September 5, 2019 (edited) I met a guy on a dating app. I thought we had a great first date. He said he was nervous and we spent like 5 hours just talking. He told me to me that I made it home safe If I wanted and I did. He said he felt like we had great conversations. I said that we should hangout again soon and he agreed. We had planned to hangout the next weekend. We had been texting everyday throughout the day. Just about random stuff. The weekend rolls around and he had said that is dog was sick. He ended up taking the dog to the vet, and then he stopped replying. I asked if we were still hanging out or a rain check. No response. I texted again on Sunday, asking how they were doing and wishing them well. He responded and said his dad had been the er and he was now at home with him. He apologized for not reaching out. We kept texting everyday again. He never brought up rescheduling. I texted on Friday, asking if he still wanted to hangout again sometime. He said yes, and said Sunday worked best. I told him I would have to check and get back to him. I responded the next morning that Sunday at a certain time worked. He never responded. I texted on Sunday saying.."I haven't heard from you, is it safe to assume we aren't hanging out? I have other things I'd like to do if not." Still no response. I am just mad that he didn't even have the decency to respond. From our conversations, He seemed like a really good person. I think maybe in my texting I was too much or maybe he took things the wrong way? I would just like to know what I did wrong for the future. Could I text him and if so, what would I say? Edited September 5, 2019 by mmx
schlumpy Posted September 5, 2019 Posted September 5, 2019 As hard as it must be for you, I would urge you to wait until he contacts you and has firm plans in place to see you again. It's possible that there is some crisis going on his life right now if his dad is sick and he may not feel like sharing that with you. You probably would feel the same way if the roles were reversed. Give him the benefit of the doubt but allow him express to you how much he wants to see you. You certainly have already expressed your eagerness to him. So, break out the Yahtzee game and test your luck just to kill the time.
Author mmx Posted September 5, 2019 Author Posted September 5, 2019 I can tell he has been back on the app. I asked him how his dad was doing last week and he said fine just tired.
stillafool Posted September 5, 2019 Posted September 5, 2019 Your last thread about this guy was 8/27 and if he hasn't contacted you by now it is time to forget him and move on. He's not interested.
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