ohso Posted August 26, 2019 Posted August 26, 2019 I've just found out that girls I thought were my friends are hanging out behind my back. We've known each other for many years and I thought that five of us are like a group of friends. During last year some of them moved to other cities but we kept seeing each other when they came to my town. But that was rarely. This year I haven't seen them. Thanks to Instagram, I've just found out the four of them are hanging out together and they haven't even let me know they are in my town. None of them invited me with them. I've seen they met a few times this year. They posted happy pictures on Instagram saying "Powerful four" and so on. Now I feel horribly left out and betrayed. I honestly don't know why this happened. We never had an argument. They just decided to cut me off and ignore me. I will not talk to them about this, even though I would like to know the reasons. I guess they just don't like me as a friend anymore? Should I just forget them completely even if any of them contacts me in the future? Is that a good plan or is it childish of me?
preraph Posted August 26, 2019 Posted August 26, 2019 (edited) Well, that's hurtful. What happened is probably one of them had some issue with you. Doesn't have to be anything more than "doesn't like to do the same things" or "talks too much" or "talks too little," just something, and then the allegiances between them were stronger than the allegiance to you. So they have moved on without you. Maybe you're just changing in different ways. Maybe some of you are more into guys than others or something like that. Girls can totally be fickle and some of them are always looking to climb socially too. My oldest friend, a neighbor from when I was born, became a climber socially and I got to where I couldn't relate to her anymore and didn't like her snobby new best friend. It happens. My life was the normal teen stuff, plus I considered myself lucky to have a horse and motorcycle, and what I think is the last time I saw her, for some reason she came over (our mothers were sort of friends though rarely) and her big comment was something like, So this is all you like to do? Well, no, it wasn't all I liked to do. I did everything else AND felt lucky to have the country life as well. But that was when I wrote her off. She'd already written me off. All she cared about was finding ever more popular snobby friends. One of my two best friends in high school just up and abandoned me for a new girl in school and then told her all my secrets and then she used those to make herself useful and embarrass me. I quit talking to the friend and then made the mistake of reuniting with her in college after that betrayal because didn't know anyone else. A few years after that, she slept with the guy I was in love with. People do stupid things when they're young, but if they don't learn from them, don't keep them around. In college, that same bad friend had her old friend with her from her neighborhood, a girl who was harmless, but sooo boring and just didn't fit in. We didn't kick her out. But I always wondered why she wouldn't just to make new friends because she didn't even like to do the things we did (we were wild and she was really straightlaced). But it didn't merit abandoning her by any means. Point being, people grow apart and sometimes don't treat each other well in the process. Lay low and don't confront anyone and just see if any of these four comes calling after their little clique breaks up for one reason or another. Meanwhile, try to make new friends and new hobbies while you're young and can. Join clubs of any type, take classes, join meetups and do active hobbies. Good luck. Edited August 26, 2019 by preraph 3
The Outlaw Posted August 26, 2019 Posted August 26, 2019 Forget them for now and as preraph said, make new friends. These girls obviously aren't worth it anymore. 1
Blind-Sided Posted August 28, 2019 Posted August 28, 2019 As above... people are fickle and sometime you just don't know why. I remember... I had a buddy going all the way back to grade school. We did everything together. But one day, we annoyed each other, (over his GFs) and kind of went our way for awhile. Eventually, we got back together in HS, and even after that for a while. But then, he hooked up with an older woman, and eventually got married. Back then... he point blank told me "He didn't have time for kids stuff anymore." It was hurtful, but fine. I was 19 at the time, and I moved on. (had other friends) Now... a few year ago... he reached out on FB, and tried to talk to me. I ignored the friend request because I simply don't have time in my life for someone else's BS. So.... keep that in mind. They are friends, and it's hurtful. But people change, and you will move on. 1
smackie9 Posted August 29, 2019 Posted August 29, 2019 Hold up.....you said some of them moved to other towns. Well what about the ones that are still there? Have you made any effort to invite them over for dinner or anything? What about the ones that are living else where? Have you kept in contact? Asking them how they are doing, ask questions about their new situation? 2
I'veseenbetterlol Posted September 3, 2019 Posted September 3, 2019 I've just found out that girls I thought were my friends are hanging out behind my back. We've known each other for many years and I thought that five of us are like a group of friends. During last year some of them moved to other cities but we kept seeing each other when they came to my town. But that was rarely. This year I haven't seen them. Thanks to Instagram, I've just found out the four of them are hanging out together and they haven't even let me know they are in my town. None of them invited me with them. I've seen they met a few times this year. They posted happy pictures on Instagram saying "Powerful four" and so on. Now I feel horribly left out and betrayed. I honestly don't know why this happened. We never had an argument. They just decided to cut me off and ignore me. I will not talk to them about this, even though I would like to know the reasons. I guess they just don't like me as a friend anymore? Should I just forget them completely even if any of them contacts me in the future? Is that a good plan or is it childish of me? I feel your pain! There was similar situation w/me and a group awhile back. These people are NOT your friends, just fake people who enjoy an ego boost. Their was one chick in this group who was always to busy for me. I never really asked for anything, a lot of broken promises. I called her after not passing a test to get into a class (I was like 1 point away), crying my eyes out. Not only was she too busy to hang out, she rushed me off the phone. Later when browsing social media, I saw tons of photos of her hanging out w/mutual friends on more then one time. I started figuring out what was going on. It would take a week or more to return a text/phone call. Any plans she would make never be fulfilled. I was a total dumb dumb waiting for her before our class for hours. This happened multiple days, I'd be sitting by myself just waiting. Screw these people.
NomiMalone Posted September 7, 2019 Posted September 7, 2019 I agree with others’ advice to never reach out to these people again. The fact that they posted their photos onto Instagram knowing full well you’d see shows they have no regard for your feelings. However, no one is perfect, and I’d use this opportunity to do a bit of self-reflection eg: Did I reach out enough to these friends to show I’m interested in spending time with them? Did I come across as disinterested in conversations with them even if I didn’t mean to? Etc. Could be a case of diverging common interests/views, or not. You’ll never know, so the best thing to do for yourself would be to put this behind you and cultivate friendships with others instead!
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted September 7, 2019 Posted September 7, 2019 The fact that they posted their photos onto Instagram knowing full well you’d see shows they have no regard for your feelings. This isn't necessarily true. Last month I was invited, very last minute, on a mini beach vacation with my friend K, and we are both part of a larger group of 10 women who travel every year together. I've been friends with K since our freshman college orientation 25 years ago. Anyway, one of the women in the group (who I'm also friends with from college) got all offended that she was not invited when she saw pics on social media--even though she was actually away herself that weekend lol. Oodles of people were not invited....it was a very last minute thing, and our posting of the pics had NOTHING to do with having no regard for her feelings. She has a habit of assuming that she's always being left out of the fun when it simply is not true. She is just insecure sometimes, but we all really love her! It's hard for me to understand sometimes because I live for canceled plans , but it's who she is. (I heard that a long conversation ended up happening with her, with other friends, about her need for therapy, etc......not just because of this....so all's well that ends well. She just needs to know she's cared about.) 1
Watercolors Posted September 9, 2019 Posted September 9, 2019 I've just found out that girls I thought were my friends are hanging out behind my back. We've known each other for many years and I thought that five of us are like a group of friends. During last year some of them moved to other cities but we kept seeing each other when they came to my town. But that was rarely. This year I haven't seen them. Thanks to Instagram, I've just found out the four of them are hanging out together and they haven't even let me know they are in my town. None of them invited me with them. I've seen they met a few times this year. They posted happy pictures on Instagram saying "Powerful four" and so on. Now I feel horribly left out and betrayed. I honestly don't know why this happened. We never had an argument. They just decided to cut me off and ignore me. I will not talk to them about this, even though I would like to know the reasons. I guess they just don't like me as a friend anymore? Should I just forget them completely even if any of them contacts me in the future? Is that a good plan or is it childish of me? I am so sorry that this happened to you, ohso. What your friends did to you was really hurtful and I understand why you feel left out and betrayed. If you never had any conflict with them, then I'd want to know their reasons why they left you out. Because that was really hurtful and they should have included you -- at the very least, ask you if you were available to hang out with them. I agree with NomiMalone that these friends have no regard for your feelings, for posting their "Powerful Four" photos on Instagram for you and everyone else to see. I've been left out of small friendship groups before and it does hurt! In my late 30s, in fact, I was part of a tight knit group of 3 friends -- we did everything together. Then one night, one of them called me to see if I could print out their concert tickets for them. I was like, "Wait a minute. You are going to a concert but didn't invite ME too?" I was really angry and told her no, she'd have to go to a copy center and print out her concert tickets, or get them at the concert venue instead. Needless to say, I stopped hanging out with them after they did that to me a few more times. Women can be mean to each other at every age. I'm not sure why your close knit group decided to shun you socially the way that they did, and broadcast their get together on social media like that, as if to add insult to injury. They are very mean. I know you said you won't confront the girls about this. But I would. In a direct way on the phone or in person. Forget texting or emailing about it. I would talk to the girls who live in town to find out why they left you out. At the very least, they owe you an explanation. Then you can decide if they are worth your time or not.
NomiMalone Posted September 9, 2019 Posted September 9, 2019 @Watercolors, if it were me, I’d like to know too. But I suspect in these situations, those friends aren’t likely going to be 100% honest. They’ll probably say something along the lines of, “we didn’t think you’d enjoy the event”. You’ll always be left wondering. Better to just close that chapter and move on from it.
Watercolors Posted September 9, 2019 Posted September 9, 2019 @NomiMalone: True. The girls may lie to ohso if she asks them. They may undermine her feeling hurt and betrayed by accusing her of being sensitive. But, if it helps ohso with closure to ask them, I still encourage her to because if the girls DO lie, they're just proving to ohso by doing that, that they really are mean girls and that ohso is better off without them. But, if they are genuinely sorry (which I doubt based on what ohso posted they did on insta), then it opens the doors up for ohso to stand up for herself with these girls.
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted September 13, 2019 Posted September 13, 2019 Unfortunately, I have found this is kind of what a lot of women will do to their "Friends", they will attempt to put their "Friends" at a lower social status than themselves by making their "Friends" feel a certain way. It is more than likely intentional, but that intent is probably fueled by some jealousy they all possess over you and rest assured, the second the "Powerful Four" becomes the "Powerful Three" they will be talking all sorts of smack on the odd one out then as well... I would just move on with my social life if I were you.
Recommended Posts